Author Topic: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes  (Read 78030 times)

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #500 on: April 18, 2018, 01:14:10 PM »
This beauty popped up in @snacky 's journal.

HOW TO WASH A CAT

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick cat up and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.  You may need to stand on the lid.
4. At this point the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds.  Never mind the noises that are coming from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times.  This provides a "Power wash" and "Rinse."
6. Have someone open the front door of your home.  Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside, where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog
I have to wonder if anyone has actually tried this, and how it turned out...

Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #501 on: May 02, 2018, 07:59:15 PM »
I bought a dog from a blacksmith.  I could tell it was a blacksmith's dog because as soon as I brought him home, he made a bolt for the door.
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solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #502 on: May 03, 2018, 04:22:44 AM »
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #503 on: May 04, 2018, 01:00:52 PM »


Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files?
Spoiler: show
Adobe Wan Kenobi


Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating?
Spoiler: show
Wookieleaks


Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
Spoiler: show
To get to the Dark Side.


Why is Yoda such a good gardener?
Spoiler: show
Because he has a green thumb.


Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.”




Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #504 on: May 05, 2018, 10:02:40 AM »
Who led the Israelite's through the semi-permeable membrane?

Osmoses
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Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #505 on: May 05, 2018, 10:21:07 AM »
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
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RetiredAt63

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #506 on: May 05, 2018, 11:24:11 AM »
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

Good one!
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solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #507 on: May 05, 2018, 01:16:54 PM »
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

You could cross post this to the grammar nazi thread!

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #508 on: May 05, 2018, 05:26:29 PM »
People who can't tell the difference between Etymology and Entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

Oooooh this is a really excellent one.
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Taran Wanderer

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #509 on: May 06, 2018, 10:25:13 AM »
You guys are moving on to bugs, and I’m still laughing about, “Use the forks, Luke.”

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Taran Wanderer

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #510 on: May 06, 2018, 10:27:39 AM »
Luke asks Yoda, “Why is 5 afraid of 6 seven?” [corrected - my bad...]

Yoda answers, “Because 6 7 8.”

(Hint:  You have to use your Yoda voice.)

« Last Edit: May 07, 2018, 02:43:02 AM by Taran Wanderer »
"Incidentally, ten years ago I thought I wanted a Mercedes. Now I just want a nap and a cup of coffee."
  - Kashmani in Defining 'Rich'

sol

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #511 on: May 06, 2018, 10:35:15 AM »
Luke asks Yoda, “Why is 5 afraid of 6?”

Yoda answers, “Because 6 7 8.”

(Hint:  You have to use your Yoda voice.)

Shouldn't this be "Why is 5 afraid of 7"?  Otherwise, 5 is afraid of 6 because 6 has been eaten. 


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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #512 on: May 06, 2018, 01:08:44 PM »
Luke asks Yoda, “Why is 5 afraid of 6?”

Yoda answers, “Because 6 7 8.”

(Hint:  You have to use your Yoda voice.)

Shouldn't this be "Why is 5 afraid of 7"?  Otherwise, 5 is afraid of 6 because 6 has been eaten.
Use your Yoda voice, you must.
No, really. I spend a lot of time thinking about rocks.

solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #513 on: May 06, 2018, 02:10:28 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "7 ate 6", and so 7 is the one you should fear.

nereo

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #514 on: May 06, 2018, 02:11:01 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."
"Do not confuse complexity with superiority"

solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #515 on: May 06, 2018, 02:14:58 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."

Right. Now take Yoda's sentence "because six seven eight, he did." and put it into normal English.

sol

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #516 on: May 06, 2018, 02:17:43 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."

not missing it.  Using Yoda's syntax, "6, 7 8" means "seven ate six."  Six got eaten.  But the joke loses its impact if you say "7, 6 8" because it's not numerically ordered.

Have we killed this one yet?

nereo

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #517 on: May 06, 2018, 02:18:17 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."

Right. Now take Yoda's sentence "because six seven eight, he did." and put it into normal English.
Exactly.  The yoda part is what changes up the joke.  Normally it's something like "why is 6 afraid of 7 -- because 7 - 8- 9".

"Do not confuse complexity with superiority"

nereo

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #518 on: May 06, 2018, 02:19:14 PM »

Have we killed this one yet?
Totally.  jokes lose their humor when they require a discussion -- stupid jokes even more-so.
"Do not confuse complexity with superiority"

MDM

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #519 on: May 06, 2018, 02:25:06 PM »
I'm with sol. If Yoda says "6 7 8", that means "seven ate six", and so seven is the one you should fear.
Guys, you're missing it.  Yoda screws up his syntax.

Think of it this way... "because six seven eight, he did."
Depends whether one assumes Yoda's speech pattern is object-subject-verb or subject-object-verb.  At least one "reference" describes the way Yoda famously speaks, ordering his sentences object-subject-verb, or OSV.

Dabnasty

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #520 on: May 06, 2018, 04:37:45 PM »
try it this way "Because Luke spaghetti ate"

I'm not seeing it.

"Because spaghetti Luke ate" seems much more Yoda like.

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #521 on: May 06, 2018, 04:53:36 PM »
Q: How many Mustachians does it take to overthink a joke?

A; Let me finish counting and I'll get back to you.
No, really. I spend a lot of time thinking about rocks.

Dabnasty

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #522 on: May 06, 2018, 08:54:38 PM »
Q: How many Mustachians does it take to overthink a joke?

A; Let me finish counting and I'll get back to you.

Just one. I wasted more time pondering Yoda speak tonight than I'd like to admit, all by myself. But the more the merrier.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #523 on: May 07, 2018, 02:41:14 AM »
I screwed it up.  Let's try this again...

(Let the face punches commence.)
« Last Edit: May 07, 2018, 02:43:44 AM by Taran Wanderer »
"Incidentally, ten years ago I thought I wanted a Mercedes. Now I just want a nap and a cup of coffee."
  - Kashmani in Defining 'Rich'

Dabnasty

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #524 on: May 07, 2018, 06:12:37 AM »
I screwed it up.  Let's try this again...

(Let the face punches commence.)

Much better, especially with Yoda's face in the last frame.

nereo

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #525 on: May 07, 2018, 06:28:26 AM »
Sometimes real life is funnier than any stupid joke:

Man steals car to get to court to face stolen car charge.
"Do not confuse complexity with superiority"

Dollar Slice

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #526 on: May 08, 2018, 10:40:20 AM »
What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror?

Halloumi!
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