Author Topic: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes  (Read 94683 times)

Mikila

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #300 on: March 03, 2017, 06:53:43 PM »
What do you get when your cow jumps the fence?

Udder destruction.

cheddarpie

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #301 on: March 03, 2017, 06:58:48 PM »
Why did the pear go out with the prune?

Because it couldn't get a date!

Stachey

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #302 on: March 04, 2017, 11:32:37 AM »
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?

Spoiler: show
I can clearly see your nuts!

Zaga

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #303 on: March 05, 2017, 07:44:02 AM »
So Thor, the god of thunder, likes the mortal ladies and often spends the night in bed with a pretty barmaid.  One morning, as he wakes up next to a young mortal, he thinks to himself that it would be polite to introduce himself.

He rolls over and says "Hi, I'm Thor!"

"You're thore?  I can hardly walk!" she lisps.

Zaga

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #304 on: March 05, 2017, 03:53:02 PM »
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs hanging near a window?

Curt and Rod.

Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #305 on: March 06, 2017, 09:30:59 PM »
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question...?

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #306 on: March 08, 2017, 11:34:35 AM »

Koogie

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #307 on: March 08, 2017, 05:41:59 PM »
What do you call homicidal cheerios ?

Spoiler: show
cereal killers


Lookilu

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #308 on: March 08, 2017, 07:12:10 PM »
Why don't cannibals like to eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

Vindicated

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #309 on: March 09, 2017, 10:09:07 AM »
What's my plan for the next three years?

I don't know.  I don't have 2020 vision!

birdman2003

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #310 on: March 10, 2017, 06:14:12 AM »
Did you hear about the President of South Korea? They say she lost her Seoul.

Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #311 on: March 14, 2017, 09:49:10 AM »
Yesterday was national Penis Day in Japan.

It was also national Penis Day in Israel but they had to cut it short.

Zaga

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #312 on: March 14, 2017, 04:07:07 PM »
List of words containing meow:

meow
meows
meowing
meowed
homeowner

sol

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #313 on: March 14, 2017, 04:20:03 PM »
What is E.T. short for?



Because he has such stubby little legs.

mrcheese

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #314 on: March 14, 2017, 11:50:23 PM »
what do you call a snake that is 3.14159 feet long?
Spoiler: show
a pi-thon

radram

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #315 on: March 15, 2017, 06:55:22 AM »
what do you call a snake that is 3.14159 feet long?
Spoiler: show
a pi-thon

I see you just barely got this in on pi day :)

Stachey

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #316 on: March 15, 2017, 09:11:11 PM »
A friend of mine baked pies on Pi day but didn't realize it was Pi day until eleven o'clock at night! 

radram

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #317 on: March 16, 2017, 08:28:27 AM »
Enjoy:

 '‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.' —Demetri Martin

 
• Q: What has four legs and one arm?

A: A happy pit bull.

 
• 'Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.' —Jimmy Carr

 
• Q: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

A: Because they taste funny.

 
• “I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.” —Mitch Hedberg

 
• Q: What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral?

A: Nothing.

 
• “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” —Steven Wright

Travis

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #318 on: March 16, 2017, 09:09:34 AM »

 
• “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” —Steven Wright

If it jams, force it. And if it breaks, it needed replacing anyways.

    -There is always a big enough hammer.

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #319 on: March 16, 2017, 10:13:28 AM »
A friend of mine baked pies on Pi day but didn't realize it was Pi day until eleven o'clock at night!
If they baked two pies, then they made it full circle!

Stachey

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #320 on: March 17, 2017, 05:44:53 PM »
A friend of mine baked pies on Pi day but didn't realize it was Pi day until eleven o'clock at night!
If they baked two pies, then they made it full circle!

LOL!

Very true.  :)

****

Nothing wrong with second place...
the second mouse gets the cheese after all.

solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #321 on: March 28, 2017, 09:18:41 AM »
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

Vindicated

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #322 on: March 28, 2017, 10:17:59 AM »
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

Nice!

That reminds me of this one.

Do trees poop?  Of course they do!  They're called #2 pencils for a reason.

Goldielocks

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #323 on: March 29, 2017, 02:31:58 PM »
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

GROAN!   

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #324 on: March 29, 2017, 02:38:56 PM »
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

GROAN!
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.

Koogie

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #325 on: March 30, 2017, 10:27:05 AM »
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

GROAN!
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.

I just hope there wasn't a remainder....

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #326 on: March 30, 2017, 03:04:20 PM »
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

GROAN!
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.

I just hope there wasn't a remainder....

No remainder, just a challenging logarithm.

Daley

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #327 on: March 30, 2017, 03:19:16 PM »
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

GROAN!
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.

I just hope there wasn't a remainder....

No remainder, just a challenging logarithm.

At least it wasn't worked out in longhand?

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #328 on: March 30, 2017, 03:46:24 PM »
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

GROAN!
In this particular case, I hope he didn't show his work.

I just hope there wasn't a remainder....

No remainder, just a challenging logarithm.

At least it wasn't worked out in longhand?

I hear the whole started with spending too long working out Pi.

Koogie

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #329 on: April 03, 2017, 12:23:05 PM »
Here is one you can tell Mustachians who take frugality to far.

What is the difference between you and a canoe ?

Spoiler: show
A canoe tips


DoubleDown

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #330 on: April 03, 2017, 12:49:25 PM »
Don't bother applying for any positions at Apple. There's no more Jobs.

solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #331 on: April 03, 2017, 12:57:19 PM »
I'd tell a joke about a broken pencil, but there's no point.

Inaya

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #332 on: April 04, 2017, 08:04:13 AM »
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel attached to his britches, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender eyeballs him, and says 'You've got a wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."
THANK YOU! I could not remember the joke for this punchline, and it's been bugging me for years.


Here's a groaner actually created by an AI
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alec
Alec who?
Alec- Knock Knock jokes.

MrDelane

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #333 on: April 04, 2017, 08:19:17 AM »
There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't.

Mississippi Mudstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #334 on: April 04, 2017, 08:49:58 AM »
There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand hexadecimal, and F the rest.

SweetLife

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #335 on: April 04, 2017, 11:51:00 AM »
Just read this thread from start to finish .... laughed out loud more than once ... scratched my head more than once at random black lines lol... I wish I had a funny for you :( keep them coming!!!

Glenstache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #336 on: April 04, 2017, 11:52:52 AM »
Just read this thread from start to finish .... laughed out loud more than once ... scratched my head more than once at random black lines lol... I wish I had a funny for you :( keep them coming!!!
If you scroll your cursor over the blackouts, you can see the
Spoiler: show
punchline
.

Goldielocks

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #337 on: April 05, 2017, 11:54:27 PM »
There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't.

Ack.  took me a second, but I got the joke.   Now I can't "un-get" it.   groan.

Stachey

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #338 on: April 07, 2017, 09:51:35 PM »
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?

Spoiler: show
He had no body to go with him!

solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #339 on: April 08, 2017, 03:28:25 PM »
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
He laid awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.

geekette

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #340 on: April 08, 2017, 11:49:45 PM »
My doctor gave me two months to live.

So I shot him.

The judge gave me 30 years.

birdman2003

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #341 on: April 10, 2017, 06:51:31 AM »
My doctor gave me two months to live.

So I shot him.

The judge gave me 30 years.

Okay that's pretty dark humor but I like it!

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #342 on: April 15, 2017, 07:34:43 AM »
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Stachey

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #343 on: April 15, 2017, 08:05:22 AM »
What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler: show
A stick.

solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #344 on: April 15, 2017, 02:38:06 PM »
I was trying to think of a good philosophy joke, but I Kant.

geekette

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #345 on: April 16, 2017, 10:12:42 AM »
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of it's paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

birdman2003

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #346 on: April 17, 2017, 01:03:33 PM »
Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped from jail? There is a small medium at large.

MichaelB

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #347 on: April 17, 2017, 02:25:33 PM »
From Monty Python:

How is American beer like having sex in a canoe?

Spoiler: show
It's fucking close to water

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #348 on: April 17, 2017, 11:15:58 PM »
From Monty Python:

How is American beer like having sex in a canoe?

Spoiler: show
It's fucking close to water


Love Monty Python.

nereo

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #349 on: April 19, 2017, 04:35:31 PM »
Why do economists give 10 year forecasts down to a tenth of one percent?

Spoiler: show
to show they have a sense of humor