What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Neil is also an acceptable answer. I'd bust out some Helen Keller jokes but I'm afraid most people here would be too young to know who she is, so I'll go with this:
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping to make your favorite dinner tonight. Love you!"
Totally shocked by the note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table and he asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke the coffee table, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? Isn't your mother mad?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes and shoes off, you yelled 'LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!'"