Author Topic: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.  (Read 3463 times)

sparkytheop

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #50 on: November 03, 2017, 10:25:01 PM »
If a relationship has to be kept a secret, you probably shouldn't be in it.

It's better to be alone than with the wrong person.

Life is easier when you make the choice not to care what other people think.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #51 on: November 04, 2017, 05:34:30 AM »
Do not eat sriracha. Your body, for some reason, cannot digest it. I don't care if it's tasty - you will regret it.

Most of the other things I am still learning the hard way, through repeatedly banging my head against them.

ETA: One of the things I am going the hard route on but still haven't quite managed to learn is that changing something about the outside of you WILL NOT change the inside. Yes, having a house decorated the way you like it is pleasant, but it won't make you magically yearn to do chores every day if you never did before so the house will still be messy and dirty (even if you have painted the dining room in the most darling shade of blue). Yes, it's a nice feeling to wear a smart new outfit but it won't actually make you super-energetic and efficient. Yes, you can buy lots of "clever" books and magazines but if you don't actually want to read them you won't learn anything. Buying a whizz-bang new set of tools won't make you actually better at doing something that you don't know how to do and aren't really interested in. WHY CAN I NOT LEARN THIS LESSON? Every time I think that this time it will be different...
« Last Edit: November 04, 2017, 05:44:08 AM by shelivesthedream »

wenchsenior

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #52 on: November 04, 2017, 09:01:53 AM »


ETA: One of the things I am going the hard route on but still haven't quite managed to learn is that changing something about the outside of you WILL NOT change the inside. Yes, having a house decorated the way you like it is pleasant, but it won't make you magically yearn to do chores every day if you never did before so the house will still be messy and dirty (even if you have painted the dining room in the most darling shade of blue). Yes, it's a nice feeling to wear a smart new outfit but it won't actually make you super-energetic and efficient. Yes, you can buy lots of "clever" books and magazines but if you don't actually want to read them you won't learn anything. Buying a whizz-bang new set of tools won't make you actually better at doing something that you don't know how to do and aren't really interested in. WHY CAN I NOT LEARN THIS LESSON? Every time I think that this time it will be different...

Oh, it took me ~15 years of decent purchasing power to learn that one, train myself to only buy things I will use, and really make it stick.   I call it 'the delusion of purchasing things for the self I aspire to be, rather than the self I am.' 

Laura33

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #53 on: November 04, 2017, 09:34:20 AM »
Read the damn instructions before you plunge into doing a thing.  Practice makes for experience makes perfect.  I personally prefer to learn by doing, but have a bad habit of skimming the directions or getting halfway through and deciding to get creative-- never turns out well if I haven't already absorbed the fundamentals.

I would second this, and re-frame it as "perfect practice makes perfect."  If you repeat the same sloppy, half-assed practice over and over again, you will learn how to execute whatever-it-is sloppily and half-assed.  If you're going to put in the time anyway, put in the effort to make that time count.

On a related topic, don't play the violin just because that's the instrument your mom owns and wants you to play because it's free.  Hold out for the fucking cello, or give up and join the choir.
Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

lifejoy

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #54 on: November 04, 2017, 10:01:22 AM »
Keeping a job just because it's a good "resumé item" might not be a good idea.

I was hired as a director (great resumé item!) and it was awful. I was hired because the previous successful applicant quit due to the toxic environment. So as runner up, they brought me in.

I did ok, and it WAS a great resumé item. But I was very stressed and still have nightmares about the job, despite having left six months ago. It also made me question my sense of self and practice some habits that will not be useful at future jobs (like not speaking my mind, being inauthentic).

I definitely learned from this experience.

nowseehere

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #55 on: November 06, 2017, 11:17:13 AM »
Having a crappy, but paid off car that at least has decent bones is way better than having a shiny new car but being $30K in debt with a $500 car payment. Never again.

ptobeast

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #56 on: November 06, 2017, 12:03:32 PM »

ETA: One of the things I am going the hard route on but still haven't quite managed to learn is that changing something about the outside of you WILL NOT change the inside.

Not sure I 100% agree with this one - there is that body of scientific evidence that says forcing yourself to smile can cause you to feel happier. I've also found that, when I'm feeling awful/gross, forcing myself to do personal grooming and putting on a nice outfit will result in me feeling less-awful/less-gross. Though, from the "spending money to acquire/change my life exterior won't magically change my life interior" perspective I totally agree.

lifejoy

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #57 on: November 06, 2017, 06:10:42 PM »

ETA: One of the things I am going the hard route on but still haven't quite managed to learn is that changing something about the outside of you WILL NOT change the inside.

Not sure I 100% agree with this one - there is that body of scientific evidence that says forcing yourself to smile can cause you to feel happier. I've also found that, when I'm feeling awful/gross, forcing myself to do personal grooming and putting on a nice outfit will result in me feeling less-awful/less-gross. Though, from the "spending money to acquire/change my life exterior won't magically change my life interior" perspective I totally agree.

I agree with both of you: it's sometimes true, and sometimes not! Good to be aware of the difference.

George Carlin famously said that buying things to wear to make yourself happy is like strapping sandwiches to your body when you're hungry ;)

NeonPegasus

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #58 on: November 06, 2017, 07:17:15 PM »
Don't get the 6 mo same as cash loan when you can afford to pay cash.

I took advantage of that when I did about $30k worth of repairs/renos to my two duplexes. I figured it'd help ease cash flow and might as well earn a bit of interest in the meantime. It was a disaster. I set up automatic payments and received email confirmations but it didn't work. I didn't pay attention to that account, thinking I'd taken care of the payments. 10 days after the due date, I get a call from a collections agency. I explain the problem, make the payments over the phone, go back to the computer and set up the payments again. This kept happening, over and over. I bitched to the home reno company and told them they should drop their loan company. They passed my complaints on to the loan company. The loan company backdated payments to make it look like I was never late. In the process, my payment was briefly unapplied, which put me back in the collection call queue. I was getting calls hourly from people who just thought I was a deadbeat and got my call transferred to them before they'd read any account notes so I had to spend 30 minutes bringing them up to speed. I was so pissed I went back to the contractor and the loan company. Eventually, a VP called and intervened. By then I was so fed up I just took the money out of my emergency savings and paid off the damn thing.

On the plus side, the loan company sent me a $50 visa gift card for my stress so I blew it on a huge bottle of Aveda conditioner to wash that whole experience outta my hair.

Miss Piggy

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #59 on: November 07, 2017, 04:48:08 AM »
On the plus side, the loan company sent me a $50 visa gift card for my stress so I blew it on a huge bottle of Aveda conditioner to wash that whole experience outta my hair.

LOL NeonPegasus. i hope it worked!

dreaming

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #60 on: November 08, 2017, 03:34:18 PM »


ETA: One of the things I am going the hard route on but still haven't quite managed to learn is that changing something about the outside of you WILL NOT change the inside. Yes, having a house decorated the way you like it is pleasant, but it won't make you magically yearn to do chores every day if you never did before so the house will still be messy and dirty (even if you have painted the dining room in the most darling shade of blue). Yes, it's a nice feeling to wear a smart new outfit but it won't actually make you super-energetic and efficient. Yes, you can buy lots of "clever" books and magazines but if you don't actually want to read them you won't learn anything. Buying a whizz-bang new set of tools won't make you actually better at doing something that you don't know how to do and aren't really interested in. WHY CAN I NOT LEARN THIS LESSON? Every time I think that this time it will be different...

Oh, it took me ~15 years of decent purchasing power to learn that one, train myself to only buy things I will use, and really make it stick.   I call it 'the delusion of purchasing things for the self I aspire to be, rather than the self I am.'

THIS!!  I can't tell you how many things I have bought because it looked like something fun to do, or I would like to do, or some day I will... 

Free Spirit

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Re: Tell me about a lesson you learned the hard way.
« Reply #61 on: November 08, 2017, 06:15:09 PM »
^ Sort of along the same lines, I've learned to buy clothes for the climate in which I live rather than the one I love. Nothing like opening your closet on a 95 degree day and seeing 2 heavy coats, 10 sweaters, 3 pairs of winter boots, 1000 scarves (approx.), and one crumpled tank top on the floor that you decided to sleep in the previous night.
"Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind." - Bruce Lee