Stories from the poor

[SomatoseVisions]

As many before me on this thread have noted, I benefited greatly from public assistance from PBS to foster care, free lunches, and Pell Grants. No man is an island.

[okits]

Whoa, SomatoseVisions. All I can think is, "I'm so glad you're alive, that you survived all that."

I also appreciate your compassionate understanding of your mother's original heartbreak, the thing she could not recover from :(

+1

Also, SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is, by definition, for babies under 12 months old.  Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (over 12 months old) is very rare.  I wonder if your brother died from another cause that your mother couldn't bring herself to admit or discuss. 

I'm sad and sorry you didn't have the parents and childhood everyone should have.  Thank you for sharing your story.

[ariapluscat]

Chippewa, my story is remarkably similar to yours, but for what it's worth, I'll add it just the same.

[snip]

i can't believe that we have 3 college educated foster care alumni. we should make a special club

[SingleMomDebt]

Chippewa, my story is remarkably similar to yours, but for what it's worth, I'll add it just the same.

[snip]

i can't believe that we have 3 college educated foster care alumni. we should make a special club

High five to all of us who have squeezed out of the average stats for those from foster care.

Sometimes I think some universal energy must have had my back, because multiple times I can recount how I almost didn't make it out. I picture an old black & white cartoon of a plane having a bouncy take off but eventually sores above.

[Letj]

Chippewa, my story is remarkably similar to yours, but for what it's worth, I'll add it just the same.

When my mother in her early twenties she lost her two-year-old son to SIDS, and it destroyed her life. She self-medicated with cocaine, which was popular at that time in that region. She divorced, married again, went on to have two more children (me and my brother) and divorced again. She lost her career in the USMC, and found part-time work as a cashier in a gas station. Her addiction made it impossible to keep her customer facing job and she found employment through less conventional means. We moved all the time, staying with family, friends, anyone who would rent to my mother. These years were shitty but that's another story for another time. For now, I'll stick to those which speak to our then financial situation.

When I was 7 I remember learning the word millionaire in school. I went home to ask my mother if we would ever be millionaires. She laughed and told me no. I asked her if we would ever be thousandaires having obviously no concept of money at this age. I don't remember exactly how she responded, but I do remember that her pause before answering told me not to press the issue. The next year I learned through PSAs on PBS of all places that my home was not a safe one. When I confronted my mother about it, she laughed again and asked if I wanted to call the cops. The confrontation must have hurt her though because the next day she emptied the savings accounts our grandmother made for us and took us to the grocery store and told us we could get whatever we wanted. We bought $80 worth of flavored freezer pops and pizza. We brought the food home, she walked away and never came back. CPS was called 3 months later when my brother told his classmate that our mom couldn't pick him up from their house because our mom wasn't home. The story of how we survived those three months is a long one and probably doesn't belong here. In short, we stole and squatted.

I was raised in foster homes from ages 9 to 18. Saving came naturally because I never developed a habit of spending money. When I was 18, I made the decision to move halfway across the country, leaving my foster siblings behind. I saw what staying in that circle did to my friends and I didn't want any of it, so I left. In many regards, I am very successful today. I have a BA, I have a good job, and a stable, supportive relationship, but I know I am the exception rather than the rule. I have watched my friends and family lose their own children to the system and end up homeless, and it is truly heartbreaking. ARS if you're reading this, the cycle perpetuates itself from a lot of systemic angles.

Thank you so much for your story. You must be so proud of yourself for having survived this and thrived. This is a testament to human will power. It would be great if you can post the story of your survival. I am just trying to picture an 8 year old girl surviving the streets of the United States and living to tell the tale. Please tell us more.

[Letj]

As many before me on this thread have noted, I benefited greatly from public assistance from PBS to foster care, free lunches, and Pell Grants. No man is an island.

How is your mother doing today? Have you been able to reconcile?

[SomatoseVisions]

@Letj,

I think part of what makes my story seem remarkable is that people picture themselves at that age (or an 8 year old close to them) in that situation. Based on my limited experiences, most 8 year olds who had caregivers who weren't able to provide for them for some reason also learned to be independent from a very young age. The step from their stories to mine is not as large as you might think. In many cases I was fortunate because I didn't have to assume responsibility for a toddler or a parent.

I don't want to redirect the attention of this thread to my story when there are so many others that deserve to be voiced. Feel free to PM me with questions and I'd be happy to answer them. To address your second question, I met my mother again 5 years ago. She is remarried and according to some sources sober now. She is in denial of how our years together passed and that may be for the best. I wouldn't consider us reconciled but we each know the other is okay.

[Letj]

@Letj,

I think part of what makes my story seem remarkable is that people picture themselves at that age (or an 8 year old close to them) in that situation. Based on my limited experiences, most 8 year olds who had caregivers who weren't able to provide for them for some reason also learned to be independent from a very young age. The step from their stories to mine is not as large as you might think. In many cases I was fortunate because I didn't have to assume responsibility for a toddler or a parent.

I don't want to redirect the attention of this thread to my story when there are so many others that deserve to be voiced. Feel free to PM me with questions and I'd be happy to answer them. To address your second question, I met my mother again 5 years ago. She is remarried and according to some sources sober now. She is in denial of how our years together passed and that may be for the best. I wouldn't consider us reconciled but we each know the other is okay.

Thanks for sharing and enlightening me.