Author Topic: Always wanted a son but only had daughters (and vice versa). Feelings fade?  (Read 5138 times)

shelivesthedream

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Re: Always wanted a son but only had daughters (and vice versa). Feelings fade?
« Reply #100 on: December 25, 2018, 12:25:12 PM »
It's not a popular thing to say, but I think a lot of people do have secret gender longings. I was relieved when our baby was a boy. Why?
1. I struggled as a child in an all girls school. Seeing a daughter grow up (either the same or differently) would bring back memories. Having a boy makes it easier to forget that baggage.
2. Little boy clothes are super cute! I love to wear blue and stripes and grey myself so have been delighted with the clothes people have given us. We have worn matching outfits many times
3. I like lots of "man things". My bedtime reading at the moment is a book about plumbing. It IS the case that it is MORE LIKELY that a boy will want to learn about carpentry. There are lots of "boy" games I would prefer to play than "girl" games. On the other hand, I'm also going to try to share my love of cooking and sewing with him. :)
4. Teenage girls. Emotions. Social complexity. I have no skills there.
5. I think a boy would have an easier life.
5. I don't even know. Lots of people have said to me they really see me as the mother of boys. Me too. It's an emotion, not a logical thought.

Now that we have our boy (who thus far is calm and sweet and cuddly, far more than my friend's boisterous girl) I do have a preference for another boy if we were to have another one. Why?

1. The one we have is great. Let's carry on in the same vein!
2. It would make the logistics of life simpler in many small ways. Pass down clothes for longer, share a room for longer, my husband can take them into the gents as well as me taking them into the ladies when they're little, easy logistics for sex-segregated activities like scouts/guides...
3. We have another cool boy name. (But we do also have a cool girl name.)

But I well know you get what you're given and love them anyway. There are no guarantees. I think longing beforehand and regret afterwards are different beasts. I certainly have had the former. I would be gutted to have the latter and would work very hard to get rid of it and never let it be known.

Hula Hoop

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Re: Always wanted a son but only had daughters (and vice versa). Feelings fade?
« Reply #101 on: December 25, 2018, 01:23:14 PM »
I have 2 girls and it's certainly been nice for the reasons you mention, shelives.  Definitely mustachian being able to hand down clothes and the girls are really happy in their bunk bed at 7 and 10. 

elliha

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Re: Always wanted a son but only had daughters (and vice versa). Feelings fade?
« Reply #102 on: December 25, 2018, 03:39:34 PM »
I had some kind of weird idea before my first child was born that I wanted my first child to be a girl. I have no idea why but I did and I had a girl. Then I had another one and kind of assumed it would have the same bits but I ended up with one with the other kind. It was great too.

I have made the decision to somewhat fight gender roles and they have had all colors and types of clothes as babies, yes my boy had dresses too. I didn't cut my son's hair until he was about 2 so he had long hair and still has longish hair while my daughter had short hair until she was about 4 and asked to get to grow it long which she could. They have never been told by us that anything is just for girls or boys and my 2,5 year old still likes dresses but I expect it to change like it did with his sister around 3,5-4 when she stopped wanting to have spiderman stuff. They do hear things from other people but we have decided they will at least not hear it from us and that we will actively support things that go against gender stereotypes. Why? Because going against something is harder than just drifting along and we want them to be able to not conform if they wish to do so. My daughter likes pretty girly clothes but she is messy kid that gets dirty and her hair is always like a rat's nest. She will wear sparkly things in her rat's nest and don't give a fuck. She likes martial arts and wants to become a police officer when she grows up but she tends to play mostly with My Little Pony and dolls and such. My son loves cars and vehicles in general but also loves animals including My Little Pony. He loves being pretty and wears his sister's old dresses and if he doesn't get to wear one he wants a shirt and loves when you tell him he is pretty. He is much more neat than his sister and while both kids are affectionate he is much more cuddly. My daughter is very independent and confident about herself (please god let her continue to be like that when she is older) while my son is more the stubborn and has more grit. In short, they are individuals and they are both great and I will support them in anything they do that is legal and not incredibly unwise. I trust they will be able to find who they are and that they will know from the start that this is fine by me. I offer them stuff and I try to widen their horizons so they can know who they are but they will turn out the way they want themselves.

mm1970

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Re: Always wanted a son but only had daughters (and vice versa). Feelings fade?
« Reply #103 on: December 26, 2018, 01:00:29 PM »
I have 2 girls and it's certainly been nice for the reasons you mention, shelives.  Definitely mustachian being able to hand down clothes and the girls are really happy in their bunk bed at 7 and 10.
We have a 2BR house.  When we went in for the ultrasound for baby #2 I was whispering "please another boy please another boy".

Whew

Dixie_Amazon

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Re: Always wanted a son but only had daughters (and vice versa). Feelings fade?
« Reply #104 on: December 29, 2018, 07:15:55 AM »
This is how I ended up with three boys. When the third time wasn't the charm, after the hormone-charged disappointment, I decided I was done. Money-wise we didn't have to spend a lot on clothing. The youngest is now 21 and I consider myself a fortunate mom.

calimom

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Re: Always wanted a son but only had daughters (and vice versa). Feelings fade?
« Reply #105 on: December 31, 2018, 07:52:09 PM »
When I married my husband, he came equipped with an 8 year old daughter and what amounted to full custody. I was thrilled to have this sweet little girl in my life. Not long after our wedding, I became pregnant and did hope for a boy. I'm from a family of all girls, and my sisters had daughters so I thought it would be a welcome change. And it was, my beautiful baby boy. We felt the size of our family was complete, but an oops  pregnancy occurred a few years later. A baby girl. My husband died the following year and I bought a 3 bedroom house in my addled state, thinking it would be plenty big enough. And it well should have been, but I shared a bedroom with the baby who became a toddler and I wanted some alone space. There should have been a good sharing solution amongst the kids, but toddler daughter/teenaged daughter, no. Toddler daughter/8 year old son, no. So I annexed the master bedroom which worked well and in the tradition of Virginia Woolf I had a room of one's own, we all did. Never a lot of hand me down or shared clothes but lots of stuff gifted from others and passed along to others.

Likes others I do think overall we get what we get. There are simplicities with all single-sex. It's entertaining to have a mix.  The very tired mother of a friend of my youngest daughter had 4 girls and the husband kept wanting a boy to do "boy things" with: hunting, fishing, trucks, sports and other butch things. She did have a boy at age 40ish and guess what: their now 8 year old son has very little interest in "boy things", preferring nature, reading and singing in a band he's created with a group of kids. Trying to imprint your kids' interests with your own seems like a bad idea.

Cassie

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Re: Always wanted a son but only had daughters (and vice versa). Feelings fade?
« Reply #106 on: January 04, 2019, 03:54:28 PM »
My brother never wanted to do man things with my dad but I did.  You just never know.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Always wanted a son but only had daughters (and vice versa). Feelings fade?
« Reply #107 on: January 04, 2019, 04:15:56 PM »
For me, yes, the feeling of wanting a daughter has diminished.

I have 2 sons. Both times I wanted a girl, both times I think I knew it would be a boy even before I found out. There was a pang. When I got pregnant again after my second child and then quickly miscarried, it seemed like EVERYBODY in my FB feed had 2 boys and a baby girl and I was so jealous and sad. Specifically about the girl thing.

Now... I am divorced and remarried and that third baby is on the table again after all, and I don't care anymore. I would love a baby girl or a third boy or, hell, I would be happy to have TWIN boys.

So, sure, for some people the feelings can indeed evolve and change over time.