Author Topic: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?  (Read 420 times)

craiglepaige

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So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« on: February 01, 2018, 01:59:51 PM »
I've decided to start writing down all these ideas inside of my head. I have never taken a film class nor any other type of training. All I know, as far as the technical aspects of writing scripts, has come from learning online.

The script is only 7 pages and should be a quick read. It's a "magical realism" type of story and I hope to polish off the script to submit online for anyone to shoot.

I'm asking for anyone who reads it to please point out anything you see that could be done better. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. I've two other short scrips that I've outlined and will start working on those once this one is finalized.

Thanks for taking the time.
I've attached the . PDF file to the thread.
-The conqueror will always become a slave to his conquest.

- Eres Un Esclavo Financiero
https://youtu.be/GO1Fsp4cUTQ

limeandpepper

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2018, 02:38:27 PM »
Fascinating story! Also I'm impressed with anyone who has the patience to write scripts, because the formatting requirements of scriptwriting puts me off as I find it tedious and it disrupts the flow of writing for me.

Page 6 - I think 'contraction' should be 'contraption'? And page 7 - 'there you needed' should be 'that you needed'?

Anyway I think it is very imaginative and really piques the curiosity! And I can see the potential to expand to full-length if you ever want to, too. Keep up the good work!
« Last Edit: February 01, 2018, 02:40:50 PM by limeandpepper »

craiglepaige

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2018, 02:46:31 PM »
Fascinating story! Also I'm impressed with anyone who has the patience to write scripts, because the formatting requirements of scriptwriting puts me off as I find it tedious and it disrupts the flow of writing for me.

Page 6 - I think 'contraction' should be 'contraption'? And page 7 - 'there you needed' should be 'that you needed'?

Anyway I think it is very imaginative and really piques the curiosity! And I can see the potential to expand to full-length if you ever want to, too. Keep up the good work!


Hey, thanks!!!!
I'm really happy you liked the idea.
(I'm really excited that someone else likes it besides me.)

Thanks for the grammar corrections, I'll be sure to change them.

As far as the script format, I use CeltX which is free and easy to use. I'm not sure I'm doing it 100% correctly but I'll keep going ;)
-The conqueror will always become a slave to his conquest.

- Eres Un Esclavo Financiero
https://youtu.be/GO1Fsp4cUTQ

limeandpepper

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2018, 03:03:58 PM »
My pleasure and I hope someone picks it up! Do let us know if it gets made, I'd love to watch the short film! :)

bender

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2018, 03:54:13 PM »
Nice script it is a good read that makes me want more.  The concept is familiar in a twilight zone sort of way, also reminds me of Star Trek TNG's "Man of the People".

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_of_the_People_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

Do you have plans for expanding the story?

It would be interesting to see when people realize what the old lady did was real.

PKFFW

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2018, 04:29:51 PM »
Interesting story and well done for a first effort.  I'm interested to read more about why the old couple need the time.  I think that's where you could set the story apart from other similar stories in the genre.

My grammar notes for what they're worth:

Page 2 - "THE TWO FIGURES COME TO LIVE WITH THE MUSIC" should be "come to life"
Page 3 - "Iíll exchange you six month of life" should be "six months of life"
Page 4 - "How long is this gonna to take?" should be "gonna take"
Page 5 - "The lady carefully folds the blanks." from context I think should be "folds the blankets."
Page 6 - "SHE READS IN SILENT AS THE MALE VOICE SAYS" should be "reads in silence"
Page 6 - "You could had gotten more." should be "could have gotten"

craiglepaige

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2018, 05:33:56 PM »
Nice script it is a good read that makes me want more.  The concept is familiar in a twilight zone sort of way, also reminds me of Star Trek TNG's "Man of the People".

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_of_the_People_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

Do you have plans for expanding the story?

It would be interesting to see when people realize what the old lady did was real.


Thanks for the feedback.

I have never seen that episode of Star Trek (not really a fan), so I'm glad I wasn't subconsciously copying someone else's work.

As far as expanding the story, I probably won't unless asked by a person willing to shoot it. I would love for a director to run with this short first and then see about going farther.

The main reason why I liked writing this particular story was the normalization of the characters even with their incredible powers. I'm not sure if adding more to them would be beneficial in a short because it would then push it into the 10min+ mark and you start losing viewers (from what I have read).

Interesting story and well done for a first effort.  I'm interested to read more about why the old couple need the time.  I think that's where you could set the story apart from other similar stories in the genre.

My grammar notes for what they're worth:

Page 2 - "THE TWO FIGURES COME TO LIVE WITH THE MUSIC" should be "come to life"
Page 3 - "Iíll exchange you six month of life" should be "six months of life"
Page 4 - "How long is this gonna to take?" should be "gonna take"
Page 5 - "The lady carefully folds the blanks." from context I think should be "folds the blankets."
Page 6 - "SHE READS IN SILENT AS THE MALE VOICE SAYS" should be "reads in silence"
Page 6 - "You could had gotten more." should be "could have gotten"


Thanks you for the grammar corrections. Ill be sure to make the changes.

English is not my first language and sometimes it shows. Also, I'm doing all my writing on my cellphone (usually while at work) and it can be difficult to catch all the errors.

In regards to the couple wanting/needing more time, I think I will only be able to give that background story justice if I was to do a full movie. Maybe, as I responded to the previous quote, if I was lucky enough to find someone who was willing to do a full movie, I would gladly tackle those details.
-The conqueror will always become a slave to his conquest.

- Eres Un Esclavo Financiero
https://youtu.be/GO1Fsp4cUTQ

bender

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2018, 08:15:27 AM »
By the way, if you have Amazon prime video, they have a short films category with a bunch of shorts.  I've watched a few and some are pretty good. 

I'm sure there are many other outlets of distribution, but prime video is high volume mainstream that most can get right on their TV at home.  It's nice to see these short independent films right alongside full length blockbusters.

craiglepaige

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2018, 05:45:56 PM »
By the way, if you have Amazon prime video, they have a short films category with a bunch of shorts.  I've watched a few and some are pretty good. 

I'm sure there are many other outlets of distribution, but prime video is high volume mainstream that most can get right on their TV at home.  It's nice to see these short independent films right alongside full length blockbusters.

Thanks!

My plan is to post the script over at indietalk.com  Hoping someone there likes it and wants to shoot it.
-The conqueror will always become a slave to his conquest.

- Eres Un Esclavo Financiero
https://youtu.be/GO1Fsp4cUTQ

GuitarStv

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2018, 05:48:51 PM »
Damn, I was hoping for some Python.

bender

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2018, 07:40:13 PM »
if joke == funny:
  print "haha"

craiglepaige

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Re: So I wrote a short script. Anyone interested in reading it?
« Reply #11 on: February 03, 2018, 04:52:23 AM »
Damn, I was hoping for some Python.



Joke

--------


My head ;)
-The conqueror will always become a slave to his conquest.

- Eres Un Esclavo Financiero
https://youtu.be/GO1Fsp4cUTQ