Author Topic: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?  (Read 3020 times)

Frankies Girl

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2932
  • Age: 81
  • Location: The laboratory
  • Typical Ghoul Next Door
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #50 on: May 02, 2019, 07:11:56 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss. I remember reading that we have to take on all the pain of making that decision/losing them so they don't suffer themselves. It's true. It doesn't make what you're feeling any less painful, but you saved your cat from pain and terror of not understanding death itself. Hugs, and hope soon you just have the happy memories of Sibley fill your heart when you think of them.


Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5470
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #51 on: May 02, 2019, 08:19:29 PM »
I have bathed cats. When our big dog died I gave away his things to people that needed them. We are small dog people. In the last 3 months I have cried a ton for the big guy. Best dog I have ever had.

dougules

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1542
  • Location: AL
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #52 on: May 03, 2019, 11:37:25 AM »
@dougules  I'm doing ok. Still miss Sibley, and while I managed to wash all the cat blankets, I haven't managed to throw out the blankets that were on her favorite bed. (they are very much past the point where they should be tossed). I ended up sitting on the floor in the filthy utility room crying when I thought about it. So, they're just sitting in the corner for now.

Our old lady was actually DH's cat, and he had her when he was new to town and didn't really have any friends other than her.  It took him a year before he could throw anything of hers out.  For some reason the one year anniversary of losing her was what put him back into normal life mode.  He was a mess for that year, though.  I hope you come to accept it quicker than him, but you have to take as much time as you need. 

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3033
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #53 on: May 03, 2019, 11:43:33 AM »
@dougules  I'm doing ok. Still miss Sibley, and while I managed to wash all the cat blankets, I haven't managed to throw out the blankets that were on her favorite bed. (they are very much past the point where they should be tossed). I ended up sitting on the floor in the filthy utility room crying when I thought about it. So, they're just sitting in the corner for now.

@pbkmaine  I had to bathe Sibley for the past couple years. Sink + Dawn dish soap will work, though cat shampoo is gentler. Bigger picture however, what you're describing is an animal that is ready to go.

I know what you mean. It would be like getting rid of the last reminder of her. Camilla has a towel at the foot of the bed she camps out on, that I then have to remove her from to wash every week. It will be weird when the time comes to do anything else with that towel.

G-dog

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 13498
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #54 on: May 03, 2019, 12:09:35 PM »
I still have our very first dogís collar and leash. 

RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 10652
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #55 on: May 03, 2019, 02:41:55 PM »
I still have our very first dogís collar and leash.

I still have paperwork - CKC registrations and achievement certificates.  I have donated all the dog equipment to a dog rescue group, they were very appreciative of it, especially the crates. 

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5470
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #56 on: May 03, 2019, 02:50:04 PM »
I have the dogs cremated and keep their remains displayed in my office. I usually have their harness and tags laying on top of it.  I would find it painful to look at a empty big dog bed so it went quickly. When my friends 19 yo daughter died she dismantled her room within a few months. It was too painful to see .

G-dog

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 13498
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #57 on: May 03, 2019, 03:31:49 PM »
Most things were hand-me-downs to the next dog, but the leash broke (leather stretched to the point of breaking), and the collar is too big for any of the subsequent dogs. Marie Kondo might be horrified....

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3406
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #58 on: May 04, 2019, 01:41:48 PM »
Well, the blankets got thrown out. Arwen peed on them. Her world is in turmoil, and she has always peed outside the litterbox to indicate unhappiness. My goal right now is to maintain as normal a routine for her as I can, while she does her rollercoaster. We will see where we end up. I also managed to call the vet, and then go there, to give them the left over medication. It's perfectly good, almost a full bottle, and they will hopefully be able to give it to someone else so it isn't wasted.

I went to the pet store last night to get litter for Arwen. Luckily, or not so luckily, I know most of the staff there, because I started crying. Go figure. They knew I had an old kitty, so pretty sure they guessed.

Rural

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4833
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #59 on: May 04, 2019, 06:34:54 PM »
So sorry about Sibley. You did the thing that was best for her (for 20 years as well as that last day).


My baby girl's collar is still in the backseat floorboard of my Jeep where I put it when I walked out of the vet's office after her last appointment in August. She's buried out in the woods she loved (cremated first because Great Dane). It helps to have a grave to go clean off. We're staring down the barrel of doing it again with her older brother, but today is not the day. Remember you did the right thing; they don't really understand pain, which just makes it worse.

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3033
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #60 on: May 12, 2019, 06:02:38 PM »
Just to update, brought my cat in this sat and said goodbye. I was sad before and while waiting, but rather than being traumatic the process felt healing.

G-dog

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 13498
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #61 on: May 12, 2019, 06:44:05 PM »
Just to update, brought my cat in this sat and said goodbye. I was sad before and while waiting, but rather than being traumatic the process felt healing.

Even when you know it is time, itís still a  gut-wrenching decision.  Sorry for your loss. I hope your kids understand that this was the kindest and right thing to do.

pbkmaine

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8275
  • Age: 62
  • Location: The Villages, Florida
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #62 on: May 12, 2019, 07:10:35 PM »
Just to update, brought my cat in this sat and said goodbye. I was sad before and while waiting, but rather than being traumatic the process felt healing.

Yes. You gave the best last gift you could - a peaceful death.

Stachetastic

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 731
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #63 on: May 13, 2019, 06:53:53 AM »
So very sorry for your loss, @Sibley and @partgypsy. We had to put our sweet dog, Katy, down in March. She was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in August, and quality of life was great with daily meds. When the meds stopped working, it was a quick slide to Decision Time. Still, it was so hard. I still worry that we waited longer than necessary.

The other dogs we've lost in the past have been very sudden, unexpected deaths. We typically waited at least a year before entertaining the idea of a new pet. However, now that our kids are old enough to understand and to miss our deceased pets, they are asking for a replacement soon. We still have another dog, a rescue pit bull who is 13 years old, but they miss their Katy (who is the Boston Terrier in my profile pic). Our 7yo still cries most days. The kids, paired with a much longer period of time to prepare to say goodbye, will have us checking the rescues and shelters much sooner.

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3406
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #64 on: May 13, 2019, 07:42:41 AM »
@partgypsy Hugs if you want them.

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3033
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #65 on: May 13, 2019, 08:47:09 AM »
@partgypsy Hugs if you want them.

Thank you. Honestly it was strange. She would be OK during the day, but in the evening and night the last couple weeks, she would not leave me be. It's like she knew something wasn't right and wanted me to fix it.
I would do the various things that normally would work, like give her food, or cream, and sometimes she would eat a little or drink a little, but 5, 10 minutes later she would be back. The whole time I had her she used to love drinking out of the bath faucet that I would set dripping for her. during this time when I would put her in the bathtub and set the water dripping she refused to drink the water.
Especially at night the only thing that comforted her was me holding her and moving her around.

When it was time to go, took her to the vets office. She wasn't scared or in fear, she seemed at home.
The vet's office is in a old house and the examining room has 3 big windows that look out onto front porch and street beyond. After the shot, she wanted to keep looking out the windows so I set up a couple chairs so she could keep looking out. When I could tell she was getting weaker, I took her in my arms, and I walked around for a little while talking to her, and then ended up standing so she could keep looking out the window, until her head slumped to one side. As I didn't want to cut off her breathing I lay her down on the towel on the examining table, made her comfortable and talked just a little just so she knew I was there. The vet came in and out I think a total of 3 times to check on her. The last time we talked about things until we knew she had passed. It was actually much more peaceful than our other two dogs who both died at home. I was glad that I could give her her dignity and final rest.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2019, 11:07:56 AM by partgypsy »

LifeHappens

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6377
  • Location: SnowBirdLand
  • Downshifting from 5th to 3rd Gear
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #66 on: May 13, 2019, 09:16:49 AM »
So sorry, partgypsy. You did a good thing for your kitty.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5470
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #67 on: May 13, 2019, 10:59:15 AM »
We had a old dog that was fine during the day but around 5pm start to act crazy and frantic. I think she had dementia and had sundowners like people with it. We let her go. You did the right thing.

Kris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4056
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #68 on: May 13, 2019, 11:03:51 AM »
When it was time to go, took her to the vets office. She wasn't scared or in fear, she seemed at home.

Your whole post made me cry, but this in particular resonated. We had a beloved cat we had to let go, and I was struck by this same behavior. He hated going to the vet, but the last time, he crawled right into the carrier and was calm and not scared. It felt to me like he knew we were taking him somewhere to make it better.

We had a very similar experience with his being put down as you did with your kitty. So, so sad, but the right thing to do for sure. I'm glad you could give her such a peaceful death.

G-dog

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 13498
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #69 on: May 13, 2019, 03:13:44 PM »
I thought we would be putting down our OncoDog this morning. She was in obvious pain (discomfort?) for about an hour this morning. She typically feels worse in the morning, but not like this. Already had a vet appt (for another reason). The discomfort seemed to abate, by the time we went to the appt she was pretty normal. So we are adding better pain meds to her regime (but I canít get anything in liquid form).


marble_faun

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 339
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #70 on: May 13, 2019, 03:43:00 PM »
My neighbors just had to put their elderly dog to sleep.  It was very sad.  The dog was well-loved and a very calming presence around our shared yard. Somehow I thought she would just live forever... but for months now she has been unable to walk and is experiencing other ailments.  She had a final day where her owners took her out on a wagon and bought her a steak dinner. We spent some time petting her and saying goodbye.

One of our other neighbors is a minister, and a few days afterward she arranged an informal memorial ritual. We all gathered in the yard and shared memories.   At the end the minister rang a small gong for each year of the dog's life, and a final ring for the afterlife.

It was really moving, and I hope it helped the owners find some closure.  They LOVED their dog so much and gave her all the care they could.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5470
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #71 on: May 13, 2019, 04:06:04 PM »
What a lovely ceremony for their beloved dog.

G-dog

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 13498
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #72 on: May 13, 2019, 04:19:20 PM »
What a lovely ceremony for their beloved dog.

Very lovely - but I'm not ugly crying in front of the neighbors (and there would be lots of UGLY crying).

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3033
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #73 on: May 13, 2019, 05:20:26 PM »
that's so funny. I was joking about how I did some ugly crying this weekend. It's OK sometimes.

G-dog

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 13498
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #74 on: May 13, 2019, 06:38:18 PM »
that's so funny. I was joking about how I did some ugly crying this weekend. It's OK sometimes.

Itís the only logical response.....  there will be snot bubbles and everything.

rocketpj

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 710
Re: Pet owners - how many bad days is ok for decent quality of life?
« Reply #75 on: May 19, 2019, 02:39:06 PM »
It was a very hard thing to let go of our cat a couple of years ago.  His urn is still on the windowsill, and probably will be until the house falls down.

At a certain point you can see that the creature is miserable and has nothing to look forward to.  I suspect we kept him alive a few months longer than we should have for our own selfish reasons.