OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It

[Villanelle]

I can't form an opinion on Dogman without knowing more details.  Does he mention immediately (upon receiving an invitation) that he has 5 dogs he'd bring along?  Does he accept a 'no, sorry but that won't work" gracefully.  (My sense is he does not, given the hyperbolic language about how not being okay with him bringing his dogs to their home is akin to them denying him the right to own dogs??? Or with trying to get him to ask permission to own them?) 

I likely wouldn't allow someone to bring 5 dogs to stay at my home.  First, it might be a violation of my lease.  Second, without knowing him and his dogs, I wouldn't be comfortable having them in my home (possible damage) or in my yard (barking to piss off my neighbors).  And third, my spouse has dog allergies.  They are mild-ish, but 5 dogs is a *lot* of dog flesh. 

I'm a dog person, and one dog that I know well enough to feel comfortable about its behavior, would be fine with me, though if it was more than a day or two, I'd run it by my property manager.  But 5 dogs, especially dogs I don't know?  Hard no.

But I fully support someone's right to own them and I don't think he needs to ask me permission to own them.   And I shouldn't need to ask his permission to not want 5 of someone else's dogs in my home. 

[Wolfpack Mustachian]

 read all his posts.

I did read all his posts, but I definitely don't care about it enough to debate it. It just didn't strike me the way it obviously struck you.

And that's fine. You certainly don't have to debate it.

I realize I came off as aggressive in my post. That was a result of my total inability to see the other side of the issue. I usually can see where someone else is coming from, but on this one, I can't even begin to fathom how someone could not see a person going about his potential travel like this as entitled. He may be completely different, but I'm just going by what he, himself said.

I'll admit that I don't have pets currently. I have had people visit who had an animal. One time they asked to bring it, and we were fine with it. The other time they didn't ask to bring it because....as this person apparently fails to realize....you don't have to take your pet everywhere you go. They boarded it.

I guess in trying to see this from his perspective, I'm looking at my kids. I would say that kids are at least as important as pets. I don't have 5 kids, but I do have more than one. If someone invited me over to their place, they would likely know I had kids if we were at that point, but assuming they didn't, I wouldn't let them know my kids were coming. I would ask them if my kids could come. Potentially I could have other people watch my kids, which is a possibility. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say he had tried to find something else and couldn't (which I'm pretty sure isn't true from how he stated things) and he is just letting them know, if he's traveling he has to bring his dogs.

His reaction beyond that is what flabbergasted me. He belittled not just once but twice people who would say no. First, by saying they must loathe dogs. Second by implying their denial of his dogs meant they didn't think he should be allowed to have dogs. Going back to my kids analogy - if I said, look, I can come but I have to bring my 5 kids, and they said, sorry, I just can't handle that. I wouldn't judge them or think anything less of them. I wouldn't think, man they must hate kids. Housing 5 kids is a huge ask. Housing 5 dogs is a huge ask. It would be an imminently reasonable answer to say no, just as telling him no on dogs would be. If I knew someone was judging me like he is apparently judging anyone who says no to him taking dogs if I told him no, I would just not want to be friends with him anymore.

Ultimately, the definition in my mind of entitlement is thinking the world or others just owe you something. I truly cannot see how anyone reading his comments doesn't see that he apparently thinks the world owes him to house him and 5 dogs when they offer just him a place to stay. I realize you aren't interested in talking about this, but if anyone else is, I'd love to try to see the other side of this.

[Dollar Slice]

I realize you aren't interested in talking about this, but if anyone else is, I'd love to try to see the other side of this.

This is just a guess, but maybe some people just have a hard time understanding that not everyone lives life in the same way as they do. I'm assuming The Dogman is in a rural area (has five dogs, seems to think camping outside in someone's yard is a reasonable thing to do). He may not be internalizing that what's normal for his area is not normal for the vast majority of people on that website (I would guess 90% of people on that website, or more, are in urban/suburban areas). Maybe it's fine to bring five dogs to stay with someone who has many acres of land and a sprawling farmhouse with a barn, and the neighbors are miles away. And maybe if you lived in that kind of environment your whole life, you can't conceive that most other people live in apartments with no yard or smaller suburban homes on a quarter acre, and their pets are indoors almost all of the time. And maybe if you never lived in an apartment or on a quarter acre lot, you don't realize how insane it would be to have a houseguest show up with five dogs.

(On a possibly related note, I read an article today that said the GOP candidate for mayor of NYC lives in a 320 square foot apartment with his partner and their 16 cats. So maybe The Dogman isn't living on a rural farm somewhere, maybe he lives in Manhattan and is just nuts like that guy.)

[OtherJen]

I realize you aren't interested in talking about this, but if anyone else is, I'd love to try to see the other side of this.

This is just a guess, but maybe some people just have a hard time understanding that not everyone lives life in the same way as they do. I'm assuming The Dogman is in a rural area (has five dogs, seems to think camping outside in someone's yard is a reasonable thing to do). He may not be internalizing that what's normal for his area is not normal for the vast majority of people on that website (I would guess 90% of people on that website, or more, are in urban/suburban areas). Maybe it's fine to bring five dogs to stay with someone who has many acres of land and a sprawling farmhouse with a barn, and the neighbors are miles away. And maybe if you lived in that kind of environment your whole life, you can't conceive that most other people live in apartments with no yard or smaller suburban homes on a quarter acre, and their pets are indoors almost all of the time. And maybe if you never lived in an apartment or on a quarter acre lot, you don't realize how insane it would be to have a houseguest show up with five dogs.

(On a possibly related note, I read an article today that said the GOP candidate for mayor of NYC lives in a 320 square foot apartment with his partner and their 16 cats. So maybe The Dogman isn't living on a rural farm somewhere, maybe he lives in Manhattan and is just nuts like that guy.)

This. We have a small inner-ring suburban yard (much less than a quarter-acre). A good chunk of it is taken up by a vegetable garden, part is taken up by a native plant bed, and the yard is fenced but not gated (and we're only a few blocks from a major road). Unexpected dogs would NOT be received kindly. Staying in our <1000 square foot house with two cats and a rabbit would not be an option. I don't feel guilty or unwelcoming about that at all.

[G-dog]

Oh. My. Lord.

This manager is such an entitled asshole

https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/my-employee-wasnt-respectful-enough-after-the-company-messed-up-her-paycheck.html

[dandarc]

Oh. My. Lord.

This manager is such an entitled asshole

https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/my-employee-wasnt-respectful-enough-after-the-company-messed-up-her-paycheck.html

Bad manager for sure. You can't fuck up the fundamental part of the employee-employer relationship and then whine about the aggrieved employee demanding it be fixed.

[MrMoogle]

How big of a hissy-fit would OP throw if he/she wasn't paid once do you think?  I'm guessing bigger than Jane's.

[MissNancyPryor]

If I were in HR I would be very worried about that manager and what kind of culture they are building.  Expecting workers to grovel for their pellets and keeping grudge lists for who to transfer off the team for daring to insult the nobility-  that manager needs a serious reality check.  I again marvel at how shit heads like that get to be in charge in the first place but they are so common. 

In October 2021 the options for workers are wide open and a mass exodus could and should happen as good employees level up and abandon their shit bosses.  Never forget, people don't leave their jobs, they leave their managers.   

And from the comments, I am also totally stealing the "getting high on their own farts" statement to describe people like that boss.   

[DadJokes]

From that same website:

https://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/my-best-employee-quit-on-the-spot-because-i-wouldnt-let-her-go-to-her-college-graduation.html

It's a combination of OP not getting it and potentially flexing some FU money with an inflexible employer.

Edit: On these "ask a manager" and similar sites, I always wonder if the OP ever reads the response. I've never seen OP in the comments on those sites.

[MissNancyPryor]

I was cheering for that employee as I read along even before I saw all the wonderful qualities the manager noted about them.  6 years.  Never missing work.  Always the go-to.  Hard life, but made it through college.  My thought was that the manager themselves should have been the one to step in for 2 hours one morning to cover for that employee when all other options were lost, but then I realized the dumb ass manager probably isn't capable of covering the job themselves in any case.     

Yeah, the worker needed to graduate college and also graduate from that job and go be excellent elsewhere.  The manager should apologize and offer the job back or at minimum still commit to providing a good reference if asked (unlikely the employee will even need that in today's hiring environment).

Some amazing stuff today.  Employers need to get a clue that the market is heavily in the employees' favor and they need to get their collective heads out of their butts if they want to retain anyone of quality.  Honestly I think they don't want to actually do that. 

Good for the employees who have the skills and attitude to seize the moment and go do great things with this once in a lifetime hiring environment.       

[CodingHare]

From that same website:

https://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/my-best-employee-quit-on-the-spot-because-i-wouldnt-let-her-go-to-her-college-graduation.html

It's a combination of OP not getting it and potentially flexing some FU money with an inflexible employer.

Edit: On these "ask a manager" and similar sites, I always wonder if the OP ever reads the response. I've never seen OP in the comments on those sites.

I have seen OP respond (Usually as LW or Letter Writer), but it is almost always an OP that had a fairly reasonable question, and not the juicy ones.  There have been a few OP/comment section epic arguments, although I can't link to a specific one off the top of my head.

[ixtap]

From that same website:

https://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/my-best-employee-quit-on-the-spot-because-i-wouldnt-let-her-go-to-her-college-graduation.html

It's a combination of OP not getting it and potentially flexing some FU money with an inflexible employer.

Edit: On these "ask a manager" and similar sites, I always wonder if the OP ever reads the response. I've never seen OP in the comments on those sites.

I have seen OP respond (Usually as LW or Letter Writer), but it is almost always an OP that had a fairly reasonable question, and not the juicy ones.  There have been a few OP/comment section epic arguments, although I can't link to a specific one off the top of my head.

I do remember a few of the juicy ones coming back to claim they were misunderstood by the AAM and all the commenters, in a very "here, I will prove you all right while protesting my innocence" way.

[jeninco]

From that same website:

https://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/my-best-employee-quit-on-the-spot-because-i-wouldnt-let-her-go-to-her-college-graduation.html

It's a combination of OP not getting it and potentially flexing some FU money with an inflexible employer.

Edit: On these "ask a manager" and similar sites, I always wonder if the OP ever reads the response. I've never seen OP in the comments on those sites.

They sometimes do, for sure. They don't always respond in the comments using an immediately findable name, but sometimes  you can search on "OP*" and find them...

[G-dog]

If I were in HR I would be very worried about that manager and what kind of culture they are building.  Expecting workers to grovel for their pellets and keeping grudge lists for who to transfer off the team for daring to insult the nobility-  that manager needs a serious reality check.  I again marvel at how shit heads like that get to be in charge in the first place but they are so common. 

In October 2021 the options for workers are wide open and a mass exodus could and should happen as good employees level up and abandon their shit bosses.  Never forget, people don't leave their jobs, they leave their managers.   

And from the comments, I am also totally stealing the "getting high on their own farts" statement to describe people like that boss.   

Yes. I always marvel at how many toxic managers there are. And that farts comment was a wonderful surprise.

[GreenToTheCore]

We got one of our own:

You sound like a fantastic person and a fine man.  I think it is safe to move forward with your plan with the following things in mind:
If I was asked to give only one line of advice to a young man, this would be it:  Always listen to your instincts.  As a man, you must protect yourself, your well-being, and your assets.  Like it or lump it, if you were to co-habitate or marry this woman, you would inherit her debt and her problems.  If you were to have a child with her, you would most-likely lose in court in most states in the US, have alimony and/or child-support, not to mention the emotional pain and loss of a "failed" relationship.
Being honorable, kind, generous etc. means nothing to the law when it comes to what a woman can take from him when a relationship ends.  That's not cynical, just true.
It has only been a month, so taking it slow and cautious is the right course.  Before you co-habitate, protect your assets through a trust perhaps, and also write up a contract with the help of a lawyer that puts everything on the table.  Something you both sign and understand.
ANY woman/partner worth your precious time on this earth will accept a thoughtful, well written document that spells it all out at the beginning. 
OK here is the cynical part:  Many women feel entitled to what you own, and will take it, given the chance.
Congrats on a potential new, rewarding relationship with a good woman.  Protect yourself anyway.  Eyes open sir!

-fixie

Wow. Sexist, much?

The OP might want to get their advice from someone living in the 21st century.

Actually, no, but thank you for asking.  OP might want to get HIS advice from another man, one with different experiences.  You just don't like what I said.  That doesn't make me sexist.  I'm an egalitarian, and treat others the way I would like to be treated.  I'm fair, honest, and honorable, not that it's your business.  Those are qualities that used to be appreciated and valued, but yes, as you say, in the 21st century I must be an outlier.
Many - thousands, probably millions, considering the portion of the population that is female.
Entitled - just watch some of the many tiktok videos of partners who think they are entitled to your money, house, whatever.
Take - women are just as human as men, and so are subject to the same weakness, vices, and evils.  They'll readily game any advantage, just as any other human.  Especially if there is no cost to them.
Fact is, men are at a disadvantage under the law when partners split.  I didn't make the rules.
Thankfully, there are also millions of fair, honest, honorable, and egalitarian women out there.  It's just hard to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Protecting yourself from potentially-bad partners is sound advice.

Have a good day,

-fixie

[Zamboni]

Okay, just read about The Dogman. Wow. Glad it had this gem of a response:

"Uninvited, worm-riddled, Christmas dinner fur guest, who dragged his itchy butt all over the carpet and destroyed one of the kid’s presents: your human is officially disinvited from everything, ever."

[Villanelle]

Okay, just read about The Dogman. Wow. Glad it had this gem of a response:

"Uninvited, worm-riddled, Christmas dinner fur guest, who dragged his itchy butt all over the carpet and destroyed one of the kid’s presents: your human is officially disinvited from everything, ever."

I'm intrigued.  Where can I find the full story on this?

[grantmeaname]

Go here https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/weekend-open-thread-august-21-22-2021.html  and search for The Dogman. Specifically, the parts about travelling with 5 dogs.

[dandarc]

Go here https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/weekend-open-thread-august-21-22-2021.html  and search for The Dogman. Specifically, the parts about travelling with 5 dogs.

Reasonable at first, but then it quickly escalates.

[Warlord1986]

We got one of our own:

You sound like a fantastic person and a fine man.  I think it is safe to move forward with your plan with the following things in mind:
If I was asked to give only one line of advice to a young man, this would be it:  Always listen to your instincts.  As a man, you must protect yourself, your well-being, and your assets.  Like it or lump it, if you were to co-habitate or marry this woman, you would inherit her debt and her problems.  If you were to have a child with her, you would most-likely lose in court in most states in the US, have alimony and/or child-support, not to mention the emotional pain and loss of a "failed" relationship.
Being honorable, kind, generous etc. means nothing to the law when it comes to what a woman can take from him when a relationship ends.  That's not cynical, just true.
It has only been a month, so taking it slow and cautious is the right course.  Before you co-habitate, protect your assets through a trust perhaps, and also write up a contract with the help of a lawyer that puts everything on the table.  Something you both sign and understand.
ANY woman/partner worth your precious time on this earth will accept a thoughtful, well written document that spells it all out at the beginning. 
OK here is the cynical part:  Many women feel entitled to what you own, and will take it, given the chance.
Congrats on a potential new, rewarding relationship with a good woman.  Protect yourself anyway.  Eyes open sir!

-fixie

Wow. Sexist, much?

The OP might want to get their advice from someone living in the 21st century.

Actually, no, but thank you for asking.  OP might want to get HIS advice from another man, one with different experiences.  You just don't like what I said.  That doesn't make me sexist.  I'm an egalitarian, and treat others the way I would like to be treated.  I'm fair, honest, and honorable, not that it's your business.  Those are qualities that used to be appreciated and valued, but yes, as you say, in the 21st century I must be an outlier.
Many - thousands, probably millions, considering the portion of the population that is female.
Entitled - just watch some of the many tiktok videos of partners who think they are entitled to your money, house, whatever.
Take - women are just as human as men, and so are subject to the same weakness, vices, and evils.  They'll readily game any advantage, just as any other human.  Especially if there is no cost to them.
Fact is, men are at a disadvantage under the law when partners split.  I didn't make the rules.
Thankfully, there are also millions of fair, honest, honorable, and egalitarian women out there.  It's just hard to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Protecting yourself from potentially-bad partners is sound advice.

Have a good day,

-fixie

Good Lord, I just read through that thread, and marveled at what a self-righteous jackass that man is.

[Morning Glory]

Yeah. He only seems to come out of the woodwork for those sorts of threads.

[merula]

I'm almost more put off by the egregious misuse of quote tags than the MRA energy.

Almost

[sonofsven]

"It's just hard to separate the wheat from the chaff"
Sometimes it isn't.

[turketron]

using stuff from Askamanager almost seems like cheating, but this post from yesterday was both fascinating and infuriating to read: https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/our-highly-paid-overworked-junior-staff-keep-leaving-just-as-we-get-them-fully-trained.html

It was partially a fun one to read because the OP participated a ton in the comments (look for posts from "Vaca"), which doesn't happen often. But it was mostly just frustrating because multiple times the OP came soooooooo close to realizing/admitting that the entire industry model is terrible and fucked up, but then keeps coming up with excuses for why things are the way they are, and why they can't bail themselves.

some gems from the OP:

When asked about if anyone takes vacations:

They generally get two weeks. But everyone works on vacation to some extent. I worked through mine (literally. Eight to ten hour days).

When someone asked why they couldn't just divide up the work and hire more people who work fewer hours/week:

OP here – believe me, I don’t *want* anybody to suffer. If it were up to me, I’d love to hire twice as many people and pay them less. I’d love to tell the clients that they aren’t getting their stuff back overnight. I’d love to go back in time and get back the many all-nighters I pulled, especially the ones where the work product I came up with didn’t even get used. I agree with Alison! I’d love for it to work! But I don’t control the industry around me. Frankly I don’t even control my own firm!

Let me give an example here – actually, what prompted the letter. Two weeks ago, we were getting close to closing a deal. Coming into crunch time, the analyst quit on me. I ended up pulling TWO all nighters that week to get the deal done. I’m in my mid-40s, I brought *in* the deal, and had spent the previous three months teaching the new hire the ropes. The kicker? He went to a competitor! One who promised “free weekends” once a month – the same competitor, by the way, who *fired* half their class back in 2008. They’re just going to do it again! It’s a fraud!

In response, now we’re offering “free weekends”, ok, great, I agree with that – who’s going to explain to the client when the work isn’t done? Oh, that’s right – it’s me! I don’t want to do that! So the next time my junior staff gets rotated through the free weekend, guess who’s adding their work to my already substantial pile of weekend work? Me again! Oh, maybe they’re going to hire more people to make up for the free weekends? No, actually, they’re going to *slow down* hiring because we’re all too busy to even look at it.

So what am I supposed to do in this situation? Go tell the brass that the industry is screwed up? And then explain to my family why *I’m* looking for a new job?

[Sibley]

It's tough when literally the entire industry is like that. You basically need to have everyone do the makeover. Investment banking is notorious, has been notorious, and will continue to be notorious for a while. The pain is what will force them to change. Even then though, it won't be easy for them not to backslide.

[dandarc]

This reads like a particularly bad firm within a toxic industry. They obviously aren't paying enough to put up with the way they do things or they'd be the ones poaching people their competitors have trained and not the other way around. So they want to be low-paying and at the same time the most demanding of their people, and they're whining about high turnover. And it is just whining by the OP and the firm at large - seem unwilling to do much of anything to address the issue.

[shelivesthedream]

If the OP is making that kind of money, I just have no idea why they are not looking for another job themselves. Maybe at that competitor who keeps poaching their staff? They sound like a prime candidate for Mustachianism and FU money!

And then explain to my family why *I’m* looking for a new job?
I haven't read any of the comments on the post, but I found this quote really weird. They wouldn't have to quit first, but why NOT look for a new job?

[talltexan]

I feel like the kind of hours being described are fine, if you're making $30,000/month, or have a title whose first initial is C.

[MissNancyPryor]

I am convinced some people love to be the unsolvable problem.  There are answers offered but every one is a dead end and just so, so impossible for < reasons >.  Some threads on the MMM forum ring a bell.   

Bottom line, people do what they want to do and something about this situation works for OP.  The thing that works for them could be as simple as they feel quite important and so burdened by it all which gives them a constant feedback loop of advice they can reject.  It becomes boring pretty quickly once you catch on that this is what is happening for the OP. 

Cue Dr. Phil.   

[OtherJen]

I am convinced some people love to be the unsolvable problem.  There are answers offered but every one is a dead end and just so, so impossible for < reasons >.  Some threads on the MMM forum ring a bell.   

Bottom line, people do what they want to do and something about this situation works for OP.  The thing that works for them could be as simple as they feel quite important and so burdened by it all which gives them a constant feedback loop of advice they can reject.  It becomes boring pretty quickly once you catch on that this is what is happening for the OP. 

Cue Dr. Phil.   

Some people just want to whine and have no intention of shitting or getting off the pot (to use a crude metaphor). I no longer try to offer advice to them. There's no point in wearing myself out.

[Weisass]

Oh. My. Lord.

This manager is such an entitled asshole

https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/my-employee-wasnt-respectful-enough-after-the-company-messed-up-her-paycheck.html

This ask a manager was featured in the nyt today in a apiece about workers pushing back against awful conditions. Because of this forum I knew what they were talking about!

[JetBlast]

Another askamanager gem! 

https://www.askamanager.org/2021/11/my-employee-refuses-to-lie-to-customers-but-thats-our-policy.html

TL:DR Employee refuses to lie to customers that ask for refunds, to cover up a shady ‘no refunds’ policy.  Boss thinks lying to customers is better optics than the truth that they don’t offer refunds, and wants to fire the employee.

[merula]

I think my wife is lazy for not having a career while raising our kids

The wife in question *did work*, but not at a "career". She "chose to take jobs that would allow her more time with the kids" and "has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc.".

Husband "I think she is lazy and used the kids and house as an excuse. Our kids are both in college now, and I am paying for all of it."

Boy, if he thinks he's paying for it all now, just wait and see what a divorce costs.

[ysette9]

I think my wife is lazy for not having a career while raising our kids

The wife in question *did work*, but not at a "career". She "chose to take jobs that would allow her more time with the kids" and "has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc.".

Husband "I think she is lazy and used the kids and house as an excuse. Our kids are both in college now, and I am paying for all of it."

Boy, if he thinks he's paying for it all now, just wait and see what a divorce costs.

Holy shit. The OP dénigrâtes his wife for raising their kids and taking more flexible jobs to allow said kids to be raised and then also won’t support her when she goes back to school to increase her skills to make herself more employable? What an asshat.

Clearly he missed the part where marriage and children raising is a team activity. Their marriage, their kids, their finances.

As someone who has both had the successful and lucrative career and been stuck at home taking care of the kids and the household, I’ll take the career any day of the week because it is so much easier. This guy is clueless.

[nessness]

I think my wife is lazy for not having a career while raising our kids

The wife in question *did work*, but not at a "career". She "chose to take jobs that would allow her more time with the kids" and "has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc.".

Husband "I think she is lazy and used the kids and house as an excuse. Our kids are both in college now, and I am paying for all of it."

Boy, if he thinks he's paying for it all now, just wait and see what a divorce costs.

Oh my goodness. The whole thing is infuriating, especially this line:

"She has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc., which I never asked her to do."

He may not have asked her to take the lead on these things, but if he didn't do it himself, who did he think was going to?!?!

[ysette9]

I think my wife is lazy for not having a career while raising our kids

The wife in question *did work*, but not at a "career". She "chose to take jobs that would allow her more time with the kids" and "has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc.".

Husband "I think she is lazy and used the kids and house as an excuse. Our kids are both in college now, and I am paying for all of it."

Boy, if he thinks he's paying for it all now, just wait and see what a divorce costs.

Oh my goodness. The whole thing is infuriating, especially this line:

"She has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc., which I never asked her to do."

He may not have asked her to take the lead on these things, but if he didn't do it himself, who did he think was going to?!?!

RIGHT. The same thing stuck out to me as well. It is a rare woman who hasn't been socialized to notice household chores that need to be done and do something about them. I think societal pressures train us to be aware of these things and feel responsible for them in a way that the average male doesn't experience.

[Sibley]

I think my wife is lazy for not having a career while raising our kids

The wife in question *did work*, but not at a "career". She "chose to take jobs that would allow her more time with the kids" and "has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc.".

Husband "I think she is lazy and used the kids and house as an excuse. Our kids are both in college now, and I am paying for all of it."

Boy, if he thinks he's paying for it all now, just wait and see what a divorce costs.

Oh my goodness. The whole thing is infuriating, especially this line:

"She has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc., which I never asked her to do."

He may not have asked her to take the lead on these things, but if he didn't do it himself, who did he think was going to?!?!

RIGHT. The same thing stuck out to me as well. It is a rare woman who hasn't been socialized to notice household chores that need to be done and do something about them. I think societal pressures train us to be aware of these things and feel responsible for them in a way that the average male doesn't experience.

I do wonder how long its going to take her to ditch him. She's clearly preparing to be self sufficient - going back to school, even taking out student loans. He's going to have a very rude shock when he's on his own and all those little chores and tasks have to be done, and no wife anymore to take care things behind the scene.

[ysette9]

I think my wife is lazy for not having a career while raising our kids

The wife in question *did work*, but not at a "career". She "chose to take jobs that would allow her more time with the kids" and "has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc.".

Husband "I think she is lazy and used the kids and house as an excuse. Our kids are both in college now, and I am paying for all of it."

Boy, if he thinks he's paying for it all now, just wait and see what a divorce costs.

Oh my goodness. The whole thing is infuriating, especially this line:

"She has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc., which I never asked her to do."

He may not have asked her to take the lead on these things, but if he didn't do it himself, who did he think was going to?!?!

RIGHT. The same thing stuck out to me as well. It is a rare woman who hasn't been socialized to notice household chores that need to be done and do something about them. I think societal pressures train us to be aware of these things and feel responsible for them in a way that the average male doesn't experience.

I do wonder how long its going to take her to ditch him. She's clearly preparing to be self sufficient - going back to school, even taking out student loans. He's going to have a very rude shock when he's on his own and all those little chores and tasks have to be done, and no wife anymore to take care things behind the scene.

Not to mention she is entitled to half the wealth they built together during the years he could advance his career, not worrying about the home front.

[Villanelle]

I think my wife is lazy for not having a career while raising our kids

The wife in question *did work*, but not at a "career". She "chose to take jobs that would allow her more time with the kids" and "has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc.".

Husband "I think she is lazy and used the kids and house as an excuse. Our kids are both in college now, and I am paying for all of it."

Boy, if he thinks he's paying for it all now, just wait and see what a divorce costs.

Oh my goodness. The whole thing is infuriating, especially this line:

"She has taken the lead with the kid's activities, housework, cooking, etc., which I never asked her to do."

He may not have asked her to take the lead on these things, but if he didn't do it himself, who did he think was going to?!?!

RIGHT. The same thing stuck out to me as well. It is a rare woman who hasn't been socialized to notice household chores that need to be done and do something about them. I think societal pressures train us to be aware of these things and feel responsible for them in a way that the average male doesn't experience.

I do wonder how long its going to take her to ditch him. She's clearly preparing to be self sufficient - going back to school, even taking out student loans. He's going to have a very rude shock when he's on his own and all those little chores and tasks have to be done, and no wife anymore to take care things behind the scene.

Not to mention she is entitled to half the wealth they built together during the years he could advance his career, not worrying about the home front.

After 20 years of marriage, she is also likely legally entitled to ongoing alimony to make up for the difference in the earning potential. 

[G-dog]

Hello old thread friend!

A real AITA doozy today:
https://www.someecards.com/lifestyle/parenting/aita-blowing-up-gender-reveal-husband/

This is so egregious I have to wonder if it is real or trolling.

[merula]

Hello old thread friend!

A real AITA doozy today:
https://www.someecards.com/lifestyle/parenting/aita-blowing-up-gender-reveal-husband/

This is so egregious I have to wonder if it is real or trolling.

As a long-time AITA lurker, this is absolutely real. And is actually one of the better gender reveal outcomes I've seen in the past 24 hours. Anyone else see the video of the dude who stabbed a bunch of stuff in his joy at having a boy?

[Sibley]

This one is sad, that she doesn't see how truly fucked up this whole thing is.

https://www.askamanager.org/2023/11/my-boss-hasnt-talked-to-me-since-his-drunken-striptease.html

[G-dog]

This one is sad, that she doesn't see how truly fucked up this whole thing is.

https://www.askamanager.org/2023/11/my-boss-hasnt-talked-to-me-since-his-drunken-striptease.html

I saw this one! Oh my!  Girl, go to HR!

[Adventine]

This one is sad, that she doesn't see how truly fucked up this whole thing is.

https://www.askamanager.org/2023/11/my-boss-hasnt-talked-to-me-since-his-drunken-striptease.html

I saw this one! Oh my!  Girl, go to HR!

I feel so sad for the OP. Socialized to tolerate that kind of behavior from men.

[simonsez]

This one is sad, that she doesn't see how truly fucked up this whole thing is.

https://www.askamanager.org/2023/11/my-boss-hasnt-talked-to-me-since-his-drunken-striptease.html

I saw this one! Oh my!  Girl, go to HR!

I feel so sad for the OP. Socialized to tolerate that kind of behavior from men.

Do you think the woman's behavior would've been different if the boss was a woman and had done that and then been that way afterward at work?

I didn't even read into the gender dynamics initially but more so the power dynamics, especially afterward in the workplace.

[Adventine]

This one is sad, that she doesn't see how truly fucked up this whole thing is.

https://www.askamanager.org/2023/11/my-boss-hasnt-talked-to-me-since-his-drunken-striptease.html

I saw this one! Oh my!  Girl, go to HR!

I feel so sad for the OP. Socialized to tolerate that kind of behavior from men.

Do you think the woman's behavior would've been different if the boss was a woman and had done that and then been that way afterward at work?

I didn't even read into the gender dynamics initially but more so the power dynamics, especially afterward in the workplace.

I don't know enough about the OP to know if she would have done anything differently if her boss was a woman.


In this situation, the gender and power dynamics can't be separated from each other.

[turketron]

Man, Ask a Manager has had some good ones the past few days: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/11/i-was-fired-for-offending-coworkers-interviewing-someone-with-a-visible-squishmallow-collection-and-more.html

(#1, specifically)

[DeepEllumStache]

Man, Ask a Manager has had some good ones the past few days: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/11/i-was-fired-for-offending-coworkers-interviewing-someone-with-a-visible-squishmallow-collection-and-more.html

That first one was painful.

[ATtiny85]

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/i-was-issued-a-receipt-but-gov't-claims-they-didn't-receive-payment/msg3202327/#new

Just pisses me off a bit because people like OP drive up costs for all of us. Local governments are where a real impact can (sometimes) be made and change can start.

[G-dog]

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/i-was-issued-a-receipt-but-gov't-claims-they-didn't-receive-payment/msg3202327/#new

Just pisses me off a bit because people like OP drive up costs for all of us. Local governments are where a real impact can (sometimes) be made and change can start.

So they knew the account number was illegible on their check and tried to use it to pay anyway?  Sounds like fraud if that’s the case.