Author Topic: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It  (Read 21355 times)

thd7t

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #50 on: August 12, 2016, 02:21:55 PM »
"But, ya know, the other person paid money for concert tickets." (Paraphrased heavily.)

And college is free?  Even if she had scholarships covering the entire amount, she still put thousands of hours of work toward that degree WHILE being your best employee for SIX YEARS and covering for everyone else.  Wow.  She didn't even ask for the entire day!  Just two hours!  I didn't want to attend college graduation, but I can certainly see why someone else would!

Also, I want to know what tech support center has such employee longevity that six years had her at the bottom of the seniority list.  I thought those places tended to have a higher turnover.
This seems like the manager has a pattern of treating employees badly. The employee was ready with examples of hypocrisy.

NoStacheOhio

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #51 on: August 15, 2016, 09:49:23 AM »
Also, I want to know what tech support center has such employee longevity that six years had her at the bottom of the seniority list.  I thought those places tended to have a higher turnover.

She probably got passed over for promotions due to her lack of college degree.
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Zikoris

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #52 on: August 15, 2016, 03:55:23 PM »
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person

Great thread!

I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #55 on: August 16, 2016, 05:51:00 AM »
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.

Many many flowers.  She hoped he would be better but made sure she was OK if he wasn't.

I won't use words here to describe the OP, they would be very bad.  The commenters on that thread have already used the semi-polite ones.
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Primm

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #56 on: August 16, 2016, 06:01:52 AM »

thd7t

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #57 on: August 16, 2016, 06:29:48 AM »
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.
I want to send her a medal.
Real title for the Reddit: "My ex elaborately made herself safe."

MandyM

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #58 on: August 16, 2016, 06:35:34 AM »
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person

Great thread!

I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

But the response wasn't "Go invite your sister." It was more like: Fine you don't get along, but you don't have to be a jerk about it.
"Freedom lies in being bold." -Robert Frost

Zikoris

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #59 on: August 16, 2016, 08:45:09 AM »
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person

Great thread!

I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

But the response wasn't "Go invite your sister." It was more like: Fine you don't get along, but you don't have to be a jerk about it.

Well, the response and following comments were definitely "You're a horrible person", when I think that the reality is, this type of situation (lives have gone in different directions, and people now have different interests and lifestyles) is probably THE most common reason for friendships ending. It would have been nice to see some actual advice relating to the question, which was how to go about suggesting to the odd one out that the group isn't the best fit for them and they should try to find friends/groups with similar interests and lifestyles.
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MandyM

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #60 on: August 16, 2016, 09:22:58 AM »
This one is a classic http://amydickinson.com/post/85115023030/sisterly-exclusion-makes-one-sis-a-horrible-person

Great thread!

I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

But the response wasn't "Go invite your sister." It was more like: Fine you don't get along, but you don't have to be a jerk about it.

Well, the response and following comments were definitely "You're a horrible person", when I think that the reality is, this type of situation (lives have gone in different directions, and people now have different interests and lifestyles) is probably THE most common reason for friendships ending. It would have been nice to see some actual advice relating to the question, which was how to go about suggesting to the odd one out that the group isn't the best fit for them and they should try to find friends/groups with similar interests and lifestyles.

The woman that wrote in had already told her sister that she didn't fit in and the sister now hardly speaks to her...so mission accomplished. Other than asking for justification in how she handled the situation, I can't fathom why she thinks she needs more information on how best to exclude her sister. I mean, when her sister (sister, not friend) was understandably upset about the situation, the husband threatened to call the cops. If I were to show up at a family member's home in tears, I would hope that they would have the decency to not kick me out with such contempt.
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bridget

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #61 on: August 16, 2016, 09:56:58 AM »
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.
I want to send her a medal.
Real title for the Reddit: "My ex elaborately made herself safe."

I logged on this morning JUST to post this link to this thread. I can't even with this guy. It seems like no matter how she broke up with him, he would have felt like the victim. 45 days notice to get a new apartment is an EXTREMELY accommodating way to break up with somebody even if it's amicable. Does he think he was supposed to let him know she was leaving him and then just let him take his own sweet time moving out? Since he can't afford an apartment by himself, is she just obligated to stay with him/pay his rent forever so he doesn't have to get a damn roommate? She'd probably "provoke" him into hitting her again since she's being so unreasonably "jumpy" and "paranoid" around a dude that physically assaulted her and now scares her enough that she feels the need to call the police. /sarcasm

Wilson Hall

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #62 on: August 16, 2016, 11:23:07 AM »



My nephew never seemed to understand what saving was for other than for the next pair of sunglasses or a new car until I explained that I expected to have to pay someone to wipe my ass when I'm 90, and I'm saving money now while I'm working so at I will have it later when I need it. I told him the alternative was that he could wipe my ass for free because he is family. I think he understands a little better but I always had to put that mental image in his mind whenever he started to feel entitled again.

Well-put, BlueHouse.

I suspect that the majority of my peers have nowhere near the amount of retirement income I've saved up, and on a relatively modest salary to boot. Odds are it's just going to be me (no kids, no siblings, spouse is also an only child) to support myself/us in old age. I'm going to think of your post the next time one of my spendthrift friends hints that I should pick up the bar tab or spring for an extravagant gift.

With This Herring

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #63 on: August 16, 2016, 01:57:02 PM »
Wow, good job on the part of careful ex-girlfriend!  She gave him far better than he deserved.
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rosaz

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #64 on: August 16, 2016, 02:23:46 PM »
I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

If this about friends, I'd agree, but family's different. You don't invite most of the family and then pointedly exclude one person (at least if that person is just a little different as opposed to actually unkind or something). No, there's no obligation to maintain a relationship, but deliberately excluding her from the group is different.

Though why the sister would want to go on vacation with someone who says stuff like: "She also complains about her ex-husband who left her for another woman, but everyone knows it takes ďtwo to tangoĒ and she is not without fault" is beyond me. And then she talks about how they're all "churchgoers". You can't make this stuff up.

galliver

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #65 on: August 16, 2016, 03:41:56 PM »
I kind of disagree with this one. If you don't get along with someone and don't have anything in common with them, why on earth should you feel obligated to VACATION WITH THEM??? I sure as hell wouldn't. You have no obligation to maintain relationships with people you don't like.

If this about friends, I'd agree, but family's different. You don't invite most of the family and then pointedly exclude one person (at least if that person is just a little different as opposed to actually unkind or something). No, there's no obligation to maintain a relationship, but deliberately excluding her from the group is different.

Though why the sister would want to go on vacation with someone who says stuff like: "She also complains about her ex-husband who left her for another woman, but everyone knows it takes ďtwo to tangoĒ and she is not without fault" is beyond me. And then she talks about how they're all "churchgoers". You can't make this stuff up.

I came to say this but rosaz already said it for me!

Certainly, there is also a threshold for pushing family out of your life, but I would argue it's very different than for friends. And while it's possible Wendy is a b*tch and that's why no one wants to hang out with her, it just didn't read that way to me. The OP sounded really snooty and judgemental in how she was approaching her sister.

Making Cookies

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #66 on: August 17, 2016, 10:53:22 AM »
The whole thing sounded like they weren't communicating at ALL. Why not get together, break out some wine and TALK about all the rough edges in their relationship so they could reset the clock and build a friendship.

The whole thing just sounded like silent judgement and contempt which I was always taught was not very Christian - though in reality it was very common in Christians I've met over the years.

I've witnessed the silent treatment before and it SUCKS. There is clearly a problem and you have no idea what it is or how to deal with it. The situation I witnessed was by Christians (x3) on someone else. Terrible way to treat "friends".

Got an unhappy family member that you can't spend much time with? Talk it out. Make it clear that the whole cheating husband sucks but it's history and time to move on if a healthy relationship is desired. 

And I say this as a person with plenty of imperfections in his own life.

G-dog

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #67 on: August 18, 2016, 06:41:27 AM »
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Nederstash

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #68 on: August 18, 2016, 07:03:17 AM »
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

With This Herring

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #69 on: August 18, 2016, 07:34:59 AM »
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.
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Driftwood

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #70 on: August 18, 2016, 07:58:50 AM »
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.

I read the thread and it seems like this girl made a super smart exit and even gave her ex generous time to clear out.  What I don't understand is the lawyer telling the guy he could be liable for damage.  If he's not on the lease, and there's no sub-lease paperwork, then how could he be held liable in any way?  The landlord didn't even know he existed, so wouldn't all damages be on the girlfriend?  As a 'guest' of the renter (gf), is there really any requirement for him to go through a walkthrough before he leaves?

It seems like his smart move would be to vacate ASAP, leave the keys in the apt, and call the lawyer to let him know that he's gone and where the keys are.  He doesn't need to leave a forwarding address with the lawyer, and he could even block the lawyer's number.  Legally he's just a dude that was staying for free in someone's house with their permission.
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Beaker

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #71 on: August 18, 2016, 08:33:15 AM »
What I don't understand is the lawyer telling the guy he could be liable for damage.  If he's not on the lease, and there's no sub-lease paperwork, then how could he be held liable in any way?

I would guess that since he was paying rent to her, that created an implicit sublease. State rental laws can be weird like that, especially when there isn't an explicit contract.

merula

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #72 on: August 18, 2016, 08:53:35 AM »
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.

I stopped reading Prudie when Margo Howard left, but from what was posted there's a very real possibility that this is above-board for both of them, either through a polygamous relationship or ethical non-monogamy through some sort of spousal agreement.

With This Herring

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #73 on: August 18, 2016, 09:01:02 AM »
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.

I stopped reading Prudie when Margo Howard left, but from what was posted there's a very real possibility that this is above-board for both of them, either through a polygamous relationship or ethical non-monogamy through some sort of spousal agreement.

I would agree...except that they are talking about getting divorced from their respective spouses to be together.  It has seemed in the past that those who are in open or poly relationships tend to specify that when writing these letters.
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merula

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #74 on: August 18, 2016, 09:15:58 AM »
I stopped reading Prudie when Margo Howard left, but from what was posted there's a very real possibility that this is above-board for both of them, either through a polygamous relationship or ethical non-monogamy through some sort of spousal agreement.

I would agree...except that they are talking about getting divorced from their respective spouses to be together.  It has seemed in the past that those who are in open or poly relationships tend to specify that when writing these letters.

He's talking about it, at least. Could be something as simple as starting with "Bruno, I want to date you under the terms of my monogamish marriage, but you need to understand that Atticus will always be my first priority." "That's fine, Celia, it's the same with me and Darlene." and evolving into "Celia, you're so much more mustachian than Darlene, I want to be with you, will you leave Atticus?"

PriestTheRunner

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #75 on: August 18, 2016, 09:36:19 AM »
Posting to follow!!!
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NoStacheOhio

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #76 on: August 18, 2016, 10:14:03 AM »
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.

I read the thread and it seems like this girl made a super smart exit and even gave her ex generous time to clear out.  What I don't understand is the lawyer telling the guy he could be liable for damage.  If he's not on the lease, and there's no sub-lease paperwork, then how could he be held liable in any way?  The landlord didn't even know he existed, so wouldn't all damages be on the girlfriend?  As a 'guest' of the renter (gf), is there really any requirement for him to go through a walkthrough before he leaves?

It seems like his smart move would be to vacate ASAP, leave the keys in the apt, and call the lawyer to let him know that he's gone and where the keys are.  He doesn't need to leave a forwarding address with the lawyer, and he could even block the lawyer's number.  Legally he's just a dude that was staying for free in someone's house with their permission.

I would tend to think that anything a lawyer says in that situation is probably legal/correct. If he misrepresents the boyfriend's liability, then the lawyer is risking legal trouble himself.
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bridget

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #77 on: August 18, 2016, 11:19:31 AM »
https://m.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xu0yy/my_girlfriend_elaborately_made_me_homeless

I want to send that woman flowers.

I read the thread and it seems like this girl made a super smart exit and even gave her ex generous time to clear out.  What I don't understand is the lawyer telling the guy he could be liable for damage.  If he's not on the lease, and there's no sub-lease paperwork, then how could he be held liable in any way?  The landlord didn't even know he existed, so wouldn't all damages be on the girlfriend?  As a 'guest' of the renter (gf), is there really any requirement for him to go through a walkthrough before he leaves?

It seems like his smart move would be to vacate ASAP, leave the keys in the apt, and call the lawyer to let him know that he's gone and where the keys are.  He doesn't need to leave a forwarding address with the lawyer, and he could even block the lawyer's number.  Legally he's just a dude that was staying for free in someone's house with their permission.

I would tend to think that anything a lawyer says in that situation is probably legal/correct. If he misrepresents the boyfriend's liability, then the lawyer is risking legal trouble himself.

You don't need to be a formal leaseholder to be liable for damaging somebody else's property (although I agree that an implied sublease can be created without signing anything in most states). If a guest or airbnb tenant or whoever trashed your apartment, you could take that person to small claims court for what it costs to fix it. The benefit with a lease is that you have an agreement in writing about what that means, and a deposit you can keep instead of bothering to go to court. It's pretty simple advice to say "if you trash an apartment, you might have to pay for it."

And, lawyers commenting on the internet can pretty easily disclaim liability, and r/legaladvice has a permanent disclaimer in the sidebar. Speaking of which, IamalawyerbutnotYOURlawyerthisdoesnotconstitutelegaladvicegetrepresentationbeforeyoutakeaction.

NoStacheOhio

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #78 on: August 18, 2016, 12:06:00 PM »
And, lawyers commenting on the internet can pretty easily disclaim liability, and r/legaladvice has a permanent disclaimer in the sidebar. Speaking of which, IamalawyerbutnotYOURlawyerthisdoesnotconstitutelegaladvicegetrepresentationbeforeyoutakeaction.

I meant the lawyer representing the girlfriend in the matter. Pretty sure he can't disclaim liability in his communications with the boyfriend.
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #79 on: August 18, 2016, 10:33:53 PM »
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.

This actually happen to two acquaintances of mine. Small town high-school sweetheart couples x 2. Husband 1 was screwing wife 2, wife 1 and husband 2 found out, left their respective then-spouses, got together for tea and sympathy and the rest is history. 22 years later they're still the cutest couple in the world.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #80 on: August 18, 2016, 11:16:43 PM »
posting to follow.

Making Cookies

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #81 on: August 19, 2016, 10:53:59 AM »
Legally he's just a dude that was staying for free in someone's house with their permission.

He was a house guest legally and better get gone while the getting is good.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #82 on: August 19, 2016, 02:13:35 PM »
From Dear Prudence this week (excerpt):
Why should I?: My on again/off again boyfriend of 15 years wants me to leave my husband and be with him. But he refuses to divorce his wife even though they are $50,000 in debt because of her. He refuses to help her until she helps herself. Now heís allowing his children to make the same spending mistakes by letting his oldest go into debt for college out of state instead of making a better financial decision with an in-state college. I told him why should I leave my husband who provides for me and isnít in debt for a person who complains about his wife all the time but never does anything about it?

A: This letter provides an exciting challenge, because I donít believe I have an ounce of sympathy for either of you, and Iím finding it particularly difficult to wish for good things for your future. Such opportunities come rarely! It sounds like you do not wish to leave your husband for a financially insecure married man, and I suppose you have your answer there. I canít imagine what sort of life you three would have together, if you left your partner but he stayed with his. As a longtime mistress, you have very little say in where your boyfriendís children go to school, no matter how sound your reasoning. Something tells me they would not appreciate your financial advice. Stick with the bed youíve made for yourself.

Wow. This has got to be a joke, right? I don't even know what to type...

In situations like this, I often fantasize that the two cuckolded partners figured out what was happening, found common ground together, and became a couple.

This actually happen to two acquaintances of mine. Small town high-school sweetheart couples x 2. Husband 1 was screwing wife 2, wife 1 and husband 2 found out, left their respective then-spouses, got together for tea and sympathy and the rest is history. 22 years later they're still the cutest couple in the world.

Love! I immediately thought of Shania Twain as well.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #83 on: August 19, 2016, 04:57:35 PM »
Another EHell story!

That Horrid Moment When You Realize A Tree Is Vastly More Interesting


A few commenters are on OP's side, but they are outweighed by those who disagree with OP.
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #84 on: August 19, 2016, 05:20:51 PM »
Another EHell story!

That Horrid Moment When You Realize A Tree Is Vastly More Interesting


A few commenters are on OP's side, but they are outweighed by those who disagree with OP.

Meh, I could agree with the OP's point if we were talking 30 minutes+.  If they only went over there and chatted for five minutes after checking everything, then ya OP needs to be patient.
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #85 on: August 20, 2016, 06:24:14 PM »
This is fun, because the tree story is mine.   :D  And when I re-read it, I thought "Mannnn, I sound like such a whiney bitch!"   

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #86 on: August 20, 2016, 07:41:06 PM »
Here's one:

I had been staying with my aunt for one year while I was trying to figure out what to do with my life.  It wasn't the easiest start, but I eventually found a job that I liked and after that, things got a lot better.  The problem is that after 6 months of living there, my aunt decided to start charging me rent!  I took some time off from my job to visit friends for a few weeks, and she told me when I came back, I'd have to start paying $300/month.  It's not like I get a whole house to myself either -- I have one room with a queen size bed and a bathroom.  I also use the top floor of the house, which includes a big TV, couches, and an outdoor roof deck.  My aunt does go up there occasionally, so it's not like it's "my" space, even though she knocks first before coming up the stairs. 

I sort of feel like she's taking advantage of me because when I first got here, she made dinner for me every night and even put individual servings in microwavable dishes that we would both eat (she would take them to lunch if I hadn't already eaten them) and she doesn't do that very much anymore.  I've been paying for all of my own food for the past few months and packing my own lunches and making my own sandwiches for dinner.  About once a week she'll buy some bulk foods for me, but I don't really like to cook anything that takes more effort than opening a can or a bag, so while I eat the Clam Chowder soups, I don't have much interest in cooking rice and beans.   I also pay my own way for Metro to get to and from work.  It's not cheap!  and sometimes I go out drinking after work and I because Metro has already closed, I have to pay to take Uber to get home.  She just doesn't realize how much it costs to work!

So ever since she imposed this $300/month rent, I had to find a way to increase my hours, because the store originally only gave me about 20 hours of work each week.  So now I have to work 35-37 hours every week.  I don't mind though, because I get lots of great perks at work. 

She constantly (at least one time per week) tells me to wipe the counter down after I make toast.  And when I spilled my Starbucks all over her front door, I had to clean it two different times because she didn't think I wiped up all the coffee -- I honestly didn't notice that it got all over the walls and the door - (my bad!).  You can't really blame those ants on me. They probably would have come in whether I spilled the coffee or not. 

Anyway, I asked my aunt if she would let me out of paying the final month's rent because I was going back home, seeing some buddies, and I wanted to take them around and treat them to some cool things.  I can't believe it, but she said no!  What a cheapass - it's not like she needs the money, she's rich and has an awesome house all to herself.  She makes so much more money than I do, why wouldn't she just forgive the last month rent?  I asked why not, and she tried to deflect it by asking why I didn't just ask my dad for the cash once I move back home?  Clearly, that's not the same at all, but she didn't see it that way.  I mean seriously, I'm giving her my hard-earned cash and just asking for relief for just one month.  It's not like I want to waste the money either.  I want to treat my friends and pay for the things that we do together while they are visiting me in my parents' house. 

Signed, Bluehouse's nephew

I had a legitimately awesome belly laugh after reading that. Wow. I bet your glad to be be rid of nephew.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #87 on: August 20, 2016, 07:49:29 PM »
This is fun, because the tree story is mine.   :D  And when I re-read it, I thought "Mannnn, I sound like such a whiney bitch!"

No way! Does that mean you changed your mind on thinking this behaviour was rude?

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #88 on: August 20, 2016, 08:23:09 PM »
I had a legitimately awesome belly laugh after reading that. Wow. I bet your glad to be be rid of nephew.
LOL!  I am glad to have my space back to myself, but it was a really good experience for me too.  I don't have kids, so it was eye-opening to me the way I changed my tune when it was "my kid" doing something that I don't like.  (Basically, I'll never tell kids to get off my lawn again!) 
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #89 on: August 21, 2016, 12:09:47 AM »
This is fun, because the tree story is mine.   :D  And when I re-read it, I thought "Mannnn, I sound like such a whiney bitch!"

Now you are practically internet-famous!  ^-^
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #90 on: August 21, 2016, 12:35:20 AM »
Re the tree.

This is pretty much the example that I was given when I did MBTI about the difference between Thinking- and Feeling-preference people.

Thinking people look to see what can I practically do to fix the problem, Feeling people want to spend time with the 'victims' to make sure that they have someone to talk to.

So for Tammy and Dan, this was an emergency for the neighbours because their tree had fallen over and could have hit their car and they felt like they should be offering tea and sympathy. For the OP, the focus is more 'is there anything practical I can do to fix this?'.

I'm guessing that the OP would have had no problem if one of the neighbours had a heart attack and T+D ran out to do CPR, even if the evening went to shit afterwards. To T+D this probably felt like the same thing.

Both Tammy and the OP are acting in alignment with their values but it looks wrong to each other.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #91 on: August 21, 2016, 09:49:41 AM »
That's interesting, Playing With Fire, and I think you're right.

Quote
No way! Does that mean you changed your mind on thinking this behaviour was rude?

Yeah!   When I submitted that story a few months ago, I was in a bad mood and felt like reliving old grudges.    Now, when I re-read it, I'm all "Jesus, lighten the fuck up.   Tammy and Dan were just being good neighbours."

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #92 on: August 24, 2016, 10:16:30 AM »
I can't figure out how to link to just the story instead of the home page of the website, but here's one I read in the paper today:

Quote
Dear Annie: I am a 31-year-young man with a question about a woman who is 28. This story started in August of last year with my asking this woman on a date. We work together but were in different departments at the time. She said she doesn't date the people she works with. I didn't buy it, so I kept flirting with her. And she'd flirt back.

This went on until December of that year, when we saw each other in a neighborhood bar. She came up to my friend and me and pulled on the hood of my sweatshirt. Then she started to walk away, but my friend stopped her by standing in front of her. I talked to her like normal. Then I kissed her on the cheek. Then my friend left, and we hugged. I rubbed her back, and she rubbed mine. I kissed her hand. Then she turned away, and I playfully smacked her on the butt. We left at the same time but went our separate ways. The next day, we saw each other at work, and she came over to me and gave me a peck on the cheek.

After that, it all went downhill. I saw her sitting on another guy's lap at work. (He works in a different department than we do.) I took it personal. Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap. I felt as if she'd lied to me. I think that maybe she'd forgotten I asked her out, but I have told her I want her to be my girlfriend on several occasions. So I think she knows how I feel about her. After all this, I'm not sure what to think. Any help would be appreciated. ó Pining

Dear Pining: Dating co-workers is great ó if your goal is to save time by simultaneously ruining your personal life and your career. I would like to know why you didn't buy it when this woman told you she doesn't date co-workers, because you should have bought it, thrown away the receipt and gotten the message in your head, even if she later sent mixed signals.

Save yourself a lot of strife and look for love outside the workplace. Yes, we all know happily married couples who met across the watercooler. In the right circumstances with mature individuals (and maybe a consultation with HR), it can be done. But this sounds like an astonishingly immature group. Case in point: Unless it's Bring Your Child to Work Day, no one should be sitting on anyone's lap at the office.

My favorite is "Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap".  I mean really, how. dare. she.  Especially since they're not dating at all even though he's told her he wants her to be his girlfriend several times.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #93 on: August 24, 2016, 10:32:31 AM »
I can't figure out how to link to just the story instead of the home page of the website, but here's one I read in the paper today:

Quote
Dear Annie: I am a 31-year-young man with a question about a woman who is 28. This story started in August of last year with my asking this woman on a date. We work together but were in different departments at the time. She said she doesn't date the people she works with. I didn't buy it, so I kept flirting with her. And she'd flirt back.

This went on until December of that year, when we saw each other in a neighborhood bar. She came up to my friend and me and pulled on the hood of my sweatshirt. Then she started to walk away, but my friend stopped her by standing in front of her. I talked to her like normal. Then I kissed her on the cheek. Then my friend left, and we hugged. I rubbed her back, and she rubbed mine. I kissed her hand. Then she turned away, and I playfully smacked her on the butt. We left at the same time but went our separate ways. The next day, we saw each other at work, and she came over to me and gave me a peck on the cheek.

After that, it all went downhill. I saw her sitting on another guy's lap at work. (He works in a different department than we do.) I took it personal. Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap. I felt as if she'd lied to me. I think that maybe she'd forgotten I asked her out, but I have told her I want her to be my girlfriend on several occasions. So I think she knows how I feel about her. After all this, I'm not sure what to think. Any help would be appreciated. ó Pining

Dear Pining: Dating co-workers is great ó if your goal is to save time by simultaneously ruining your personal life and your career. I would like to know why you didn't buy it when this woman told you she doesn't date co-workers, because you should have bought it, thrown away the receipt and gotten the message in your head, even if she later sent mixed signals.

Save yourself a lot of strife and look for love outside the workplace. Yes, we all know happily married couples who met across the watercooler. In the right circumstances with mature individuals (and maybe a consultation with HR), it can be done. But this sounds like an astonishingly immature group. Case in point: Unless it's Bring Your Child to Work Day, no one should be sitting on anyone's lap at the office.

My favorite is "Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap".  I mean really, how. dare. she.  Especially since they're not dating at all even though he's told her he wants her to be his girlfriend several times.

This has to be fake. Obviously if you pat someone on the behind, they are your property and become your bf/gf. Totally agree with Pining here.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #94 on: August 24, 2016, 01:10:04 PM »
I can't figure out how to link to just the story instead of the home page of the website, but here's one I read in the paper today:

Quote
Dear Annie: I am a 31-year-young man with a question about a woman who is 28. This story started in August of last year with my asking this woman on a date. We work together but were in different departments at the time. She said she doesn't date the people she works with. I didn't buy it, so I kept flirting with her. And she'd flirt back.

This went on until December of that year, when we saw each other in a neighborhood bar. She came up to my friend and me and pulled on the hood of my sweatshirt. Then she started to walk away, but my friend stopped her by standing in front of her. I talked to her like normal. Then I kissed her on the cheek. Then my friend left, and we hugged. I rubbed her back, and she rubbed mine. I kissed her hand. Then she turned away, and I playfully smacked her on the butt. We left at the same time but went our separate ways. The next day, we saw each other at work, and she came over to me and gave me a peck on the cheek.

After that, it all went downhill. I saw her sitting on another guy's lap at work. (He works in a different department than we do.) I took it personal. Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap. I felt as if she'd lied to me. I think that maybe she'd forgotten I asked her out, but I have told her I want her to be my girlfriend on several occasions. So I think she knows how I feel about her. After all this, I'm not sure what to think. Any help would be appreciated. ó Pining

Dear Pining: Dating co-workers is great ó if your goal is to save time by simultaneously ruining your personal life and your career. I would like to know why you didn't buy it when this woman told you she doesn't date co-workers, because you should have bought it, thrown away the receipt and gotten the message in your head, even if she later sent mixed signals.

Save yourself a lot of strife and look for love outside the workplace. Yes, we all know happily married couples who met across the watercooler. In the right circumstances with mature individuals (and maybe a consultation with HR), it can be done. But this sounds like an astonishingly immature group. Case in point: Unless it's Bring Your Child to Work Day, no one should be sitting on anyone's lap at the office.

My favorite is "Here she was, the girl I was attracted to, sitting on this guy's lap".  I mean really, how. dare. she.  Especially since they're not dating at all even though he's told her he wants her to be his girlfriend several times.

This has to be fake. Obviously if you pat someone on the behind, they are your property and become your bf/gf. Totally agree with Pining here.
And obviously someone who doesn't date co-workers is going to be sitting on someone's lap at work.  Come on, really, what a troll.
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #95 on: August 24, 2016, 01:59:22 PM »

This has to be fake. Obviously if you pat someone on the behind, they are your property and become your bf/gf. Totally agree with Pining here.
And obviously someone who doesn't date co-workers is going to be sitting on someone's lap at work.  Come on, really, what a troll.
Agree, it must be a troll.  No spelling errors and decently written.  Not the mark of someone whose immaturity shines through in the behavior.
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #96 on: August 24, 2016, 02:36:24 PM »
That was a weird little story.  Thank you for sharing!  Here's one source, if anyone wants it.

Their actions almost sound like high school, rather than a job at ages 28 and 31.  Does anyone else find the action of friend, "stopped her by standing in front of her," a little creepy as described?

Also, I've never seen "XX-year-young" used by anyone before they hit age 70.
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #97 on: August 24, 2016, 03:04:13 PM »
That was a weird little story.  Thank you for sharing!  Here's one source, if anyone wants it.

Their actions almost sound like high school, rather than a job at ages 28 and 31.  Does anyone else find the action of friend, "stopped her by standing in front of her," a little creepy as described?

Also, I've never seen "XX-year-young" used by anyone before they hit age 70.

Yeah this sounds a lot more like my often-drunk classmates and I in college than actual adults with jobs. Why in the hell are these coworkers kissing each other and sitting on laps at work?!?!? That is absolutely absurd to me. I would be horrified if I saw it at my work. So unless someone can give me an example of a workplace where this wouldn't be ridiculous, I'm voting troll.


This thread in general is very descriptive of a good friend of mine who always thinks everyone else is mad at her or excluding her or in some way creating some drama that doesn't exist. I try to tell her over and over "I reeeeally don't think that is what is happening", but she defends herself until at some point resorts to "you just don't understand" or "you didn't hear the way she said it". It actually makes me really sad because I know that my friend is not intentionally lying, but truly feels like she is being betrayed or disliked when that is absolutely not the case. She is ~26 and recently received her PhD in Engineering...

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #98 on: August 24, 2016, 06:30:54 PM »
Great thread. Posting to follow.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #99 on: August 24, 2016, 08:28:42 PM »
That was a weird little story.  Thank you for sharing!  Here's one source, if anyone wants it.

Their actions almost sound like high school, rather than a job at ages 28 and 31.  Does anyone else find the action of friend, "stopped her by standing in front of her," a little creepy as described?

Also, I've never seen "XX-year-young" used by anyone before they hit age 70.

Yeah this sounds a lot more like my often-drunk classmates and I in college than actual adults with jobs. Why in the hell are these coworkers kissing each other and sitting on laps at work?!?!? That is absolutely absurd to me. I would be horrified if I saw it at my work. So unless someone can give me an example of a workplace where this wouldn't be ridiculous, I'm voting troll.

I'm with you.  But just for humor's sake, how about this workplace?  http://www.askamanager.org/2015/04/i-walked-in-on-employees-having-sex-and-i-think-there-might-be-a-sex-club-in-my-office.html

And the letter writer's update:  http://www.askamanager.org/2015/06/update-i-walked-in-on-employees-having-sex-and-i-think-theres-a-sex-club-in-my-office.html
« Last Edit: August 24, 2016, 08:33:07 PM by LeRainDrop »