Author Topic: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It  (Read 33366 times)

shelivesthedream

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #150 on: April 18, 2017, 02:29:50 AM »
I have what I would say is a normal English name (like Mary rather than Shaneequa) that's just slightly unusual (like Cecily rather than Mary) but not way out there. So I've only ever met one other person with my name but it appears frequently enough in life and in literature that everyone's heard of it. It is somewhat alike another name and people do sometimes mishear and confuse it (like Marie rather than Mary).

If I say my name out loud and someone writes it down wrong, that's OK. If they read my name on some paper and pronounce it wrong, that's kind of OK. If I have sent an email to them with my correctly spelled name at the bottom and they repeatedly send back emails with multiple comically varying spellings of my name... MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE. Especially as my email address IS my name. I do think it is very disrespectful to spell people's names wrong when the correct spelling would take all of five seconds to check. It's one of those things like saying "Excuse me" when you burp - no one's going to die if you don't do it, but it's just something that shows respect towards those around you.

MichaelB

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #151 on: April 18, 2017, 09:56:35 AM »
P2F

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #152 on: April 18, 2017, 11:08:18 AM »

MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE.

My name has an 'a' at the end, which makes it 3 syllables, not 2.  So does my SIL's name (different than mine though.)   For 38 years, my MIL has called me by the wrong name.  Although not much different than my name, it IS different.  I do not like this 2 syllable name!   She knows that.   My parents took a lot of time and thought naming me, and I rather like my name.  For 35 years, MIL has also called my SIL a short form of her name that she absolutely hates.   MIL has a Czech name that is tricky to spell, and unusual to pronounce.  And yet, SIL and I both have mastered HER name.   She wonders why her relationships with her children's spouses are not good.  (it's not just about the names, but holy hell, our names are not difficult!)

Frankies Girl

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #153 on: April 18, 2017, 11:11:27 AM »
New submission that has been discovered in the wilds of this very forum:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convince-gf-to-be-more-mustachian-for-future-children/

Wow.
I frequently have no idea what I'm talking about. Like now.

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scantee

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #154 on: April 18, 2017, 11:31:46 AM »
New submission that has been discovered in the wilds of this very forum:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convince-gf-to-be-more-mustachian-for-future-children/

Wow.

Oh man, I had the same thought! That guy seems sadly unaware of how horribly he is coming across to everyone else.

Lis

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #155 on: April 18, 2017, 12:16:47 PM »
New submission that has been discovered in the wilds of this very forum:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convince-gf-to-be-more-mustachian-for-future-children/

Wow.

Oh man, I had the same thought! That guy seems sadly unaware of how horribly he is coming across to everyone else.

In the words of Alison - Holy Hanukkah Balls.

I was going to write a response, but... ugh. I used to be that kid in my late teens, early 20s... planning out everything in my future and then freaking the fuck out when things didn't go to plan. Thank god for therapy.

Freckles

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #156 on: April 18, 2017, 12:19:39 PM »
I feel sorry for his girlfriend. I'm thinking she should get out now.

aetherie

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #157 on: April 18, 2017, 12:32:38 PM »
I think that guy is a troll.

spedleysam

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #158 on: April 18, 2017, 12:34:37 PM »
I think that guy is a troll.

After the whole MJ basketball comment I am now thinking the same thing.

merula

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #159 on: April 18, 2017, 12:38:36 PM »
New submission that has been discovered in the wilds of this very forum:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convince-gf-to-be-more-mustachian-for-future-children/

Wow.

Oh man, I had the same thought! That guy seems sadly unaware of how horribly he is coming across to everyone else.

This has so much all wrapped up in one thread. There's the list of unacceptable majors (I'm left wondering where my business degree fits; it isn't STEM, you know), the non-parent stating an absolutely certain parenting philosophy, the disregard of all art, all topped with the icing of "how do I get the people in my life to do exactly what I tell them?".

aetherie

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MichaelB

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #161 on: April 18, 2017, 01:44:06 PM »
Here's another fun one from Dear Prudence:

www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/04/dear_prudence_i_told_my_wife_i_hope_she_miscarried.html

Holy shit. I...wow. I can't put together my thoughts into sentences, but they can be summed up with "divorce" and "evil".

Lis

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #162 on: April 19, 2017, 10:37:42 AM »
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html

Another AAM gem. I won't give away what the insult was (because your jaw will drop, like everyone else's), but suffice to say it was not a comment on her boss's parenting skills.

NoStacheOhio

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #163 on: April 19, 2017, 11:00:12 AM »
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html

Another AAM gem. I won't give away what the insult was (because your jaw will drop, like everyone else's), but suffice to say it was not a comment on her boss's parenting skills.

Plenty of shittyness to go around on that one
The first step is acknowledging you have a problem, right?

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BabyShark

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #164 on: April 19, 2017, 01:19:38 PM »
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html

Another AAM gem. I won't give away what the insult was (because your jaw will drop, like everyone else's), but suffice to say it was not a comment on her boss's parenting skills.

Plenty of shittyness to go around on that one

I gasped aloud at my desk when I read that one.

BlueHouse

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #165 on: April 19, 2017, 01:53:13 PM »
I also have a name that has multiple spelling variants. My name happens to be spelled the most common way, but I still get plenty of misspellings.

BUT, I have to say, unasked-for nicknames rate far higher for me on the annoyance scale than misspellings. If I tell you my name is Catherine and you spell it Kathryn, we can get over that. If you call me Cathy, Kate or Katie, you're deliberately ignoring what I told you I wanted to be called.

My name can be pronounced two different ways.  I've never cared which of those ways because one is a more Americanized way of pronouncing it.  Sometimes people will ask how I pronounce it, so they clearly want to get it right, and even then, sometimes people repeat it back and say the other (so maybe I say it wrong!)  Still, that never bothers me.  But spell my name wrong, and I'm annoyed. 

My good friend however used a different alphabet in his home country.  People routinely spell his name wrong and he doesn't care, but if they mispronounce it, there is hell to pay.   I asked him why he doesn't care if people spell it wrong and he looked at me like I was crazy and explained that his name is spelled with a bunch of squiggly lines and this English language is simply a translation/representation of that.  Who's to say whether ~~~ sounds like "e" or "a". 
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Dicey

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #166 on: April 20, 2017, 03:07:04 AM »
Ha! My Grandfather always spelled my name wrong.  Christmas checks, birthday checks, and kind of check. I never said a word. He's been gone at least 25 years. Whenever I see my name spelled that way, I smile and think of him.
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Raenia

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #167 on: April 20, 2017, 09:33:52 AM »
I also have a name that has multiple spelling variants. My name happens to be spelled the most common way, but I still get plenty of misspellings.

BUT, I have to say, unasked-for nicknames rate far higher for me on the annoyance scale than misspellings. If I tell you my name is Catherine and you spell it Kathryn, we can get over that. If you call me Cathy, Kate or Katie, you're deliberately ignoring what I told you I wanted to be called.

This exactly.  If you misspell my name once or twice, I'll ignore it.  If you misspell it consistently, I'll correct you but with no hard feelings.  If you call me an unsolicited nickname, I put my foot down.  I actually had to do this with a coworker recently - another coworker did it by accident and stopped as soon as I told her I didn't like it, but he decided that was hilarious and ran with it.  I had to actually get angry before he figured out that I meant it and stopped.

With This Herring

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #168 on: April 20, 2017, 06:51:28 PM »
Wow, thanks everyone for reviving this thread!  I have gasped so much reading all these new posts.
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nnls

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #169 on: April 20, 2017, 07:39:17 PM »
I have what I would say is a normal English name (like Mary rather than Shaneequa) that's just slightly unusual (like Cecily rather than Mary) but not way out there. So I've only ever met one other person with my name but it appears frequently enough in life and in literature that everyone's heard of it. It is somewhat alike another name and people do sometimes mishear and confuse it (like Marie rather than Mary).

If I say my name out loud and someone writes it down wrong, that's OK. If they read my name on some paper and pronounce it wrong, that's kind of OK. If I have sent an email to them with my correctly spelled name at the bottom and they repeatedly send back emails with multiple comically varying spellings of my name... MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE. Especially as my email address IS my name. I do think it is very disrespectful to spell people's names wrong when the correct spelling would take all of five seconds to check. It's one of those things like saying "Excuse me" when you burp - no one's going to die if you don't do it, but it's just something that shows respect towards those around you.

this actually annoys me, when i see my name wrong so if I am say ordering a pizza or coffee or whatever I always give my name as Sarah. Its probably unfair of me to get annoyed with people spelling my name wrong since my mum made a mistake on the birth certificate so I have an already unusual name that is then spelt weirdly. But for some reason it annoys me.

I have also mentioned to three people this week they have spelt my name wrong in emails, I dont usually mention it, but I share an office with these people and have worked with them for a few years, they usually get it right but this week all 3 got it wrong.

Footsore Rambler

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #170 on: April 20, 2017, 11:39:50 PM »
Posting to follow -- very entertaining thread!

Apples

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #171 on: April 21, 2017, 08:20:54 AM »
I have a very common name with 2 very popular spellings.  My senior year, my favorite college professor who I had seen at least 10 hrs/week for 3 years between classes and a club, used the incorrect spelling on a letter of recommendation.  Throughout the entire thing.  Ticked me off SO MUCH, but I didn't have the guts to tell her. I still haven't forgotten.

NoStacheOhio

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #172 on: April 21, 2017, 03:07:47 PM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).
The first step is acknowledging you have a problem, right?

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mustachepungoeshere

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #173 on: April 22, 2017, 03:07:37 AM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

Villanelle

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #174 on: April 22, 2017, 04:32:19 AM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My mom does this.  Mail to me is addressed to Mrs. HusbandFirst SharedLast.  It's her way.  I've never asked her not to and I suspect that if I did, she would change it.  But it's an older, more traditional way of doing things and does no damage to me and has no ill-intent, and life is too short to dwell on things like that.

Luckyvik

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #175 on: April 22, 2017, 06:14:21 AM »
I have what I would say is a normal English name (like Mary rather than Shaneequa) that's just slightly unusual (like Cecily rather than Mary) but not way out there. So I've only ever met one other person with my name but it appears frequently enough in life and in literature that everyone's heard of it. It is somewhat alike another name and people do sometimes mishear and confuse it (like Marie rather than Mary).

If I say my name out loud and someone writes it down wrong, that's OK. If they read my name on some paper and pronounce it wrong, that's kind of OK. If I have sent an email to them with my correctly spelled name at the bottom and they repeatedly send back emails with multiple comically varying spellings of my name... MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE. Especially as my email address IS my name. I do think it is very disrespectful to spell people's names wrong when the correct spelling would take all of five seconds to check. It's one of those things like saying "Excuse me" when you burp - no one's going to die if you don't do it, but it's just something that shows respect towards those around you.

this actually annoys me, when i see my name wrong so if I am say ordering a pizza or coffee or whatever I always give my name as Sarah. Its probably unfair of me to get annoyed with people spelling my name wrong since my mum made a mistake on the birth certificate so I have an already unusual name that is then spelt weirdly. But for some reason it annoys me.

I have also mentioned to three people this week they have spelt my name wrong in emails, I dont usually mention it, but I share an office with these people and have worked with them for a few years, they usually get it right but this week all 3 got it wrong.
My maiden mane was a Spanish name and people would address me as Dear LastName and thanks LastName doesn't happen anymore with my married name. It wasn't like my name sounded like my last name eg. Carol Rodriguez and people addressed me on name as 'Dear Rodriguez' or 'Thanks Rodriguez' weird.


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mustachepungoeshere

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #176 on: April 22, 2017, 06:48:01 AM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My mom does this.  Mail to me is addressed to Mrs. HusbandFirst SharedLast.  It's her way.  I've never asked her not to and I suspect that if I did, she would change it.  But it's an older, more traditional way of doing things and does no damage to me and has no ill-intent, and life is too short to dwell on things like that.

If it's coming from your mum, and you know there is no ill-will behind it, fair enough.

My mum didn't have the best relationship with her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law once told her, "Well, every relationship needs a strong person and a weak person, that's just how it works." She was, of course, hinting that my mother should accept the role of the weaker party. My parents are equals. My dad worked away a lot when I was younger, so Mum was busy raising us kids, managing a farm, and working. But sure, psycho grandma, weaker person, whatever...

shelivesthedream

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #177 on: April 22, 2017, 11:30:32 AM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.

BlueHouse

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #178 on: April 23, 2017, 05:39:12 AM »
My last name is also a masculine first name. I often use my last name when I sign up for things where I don't want follow up emails or phone calls, but where it's too weird to use an obviously fake email or name. So if my name were Mary Joseph, I let people think my name is Joseph (whatever). Obviously doesn't work in person, but when someone calls to ask for "Joseph" I know someone is trying to sell me something.
Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand

Tasty Pinecones

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #179 on: April 23, 2017, 10:27:14 AM »
http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html

Another AAM gem. I won't give away what the insult was (because your jaw will drop, like everyone else's), but suffice to say it was not a comment on her boss's parenting skills.

Plenty of shittyness to go around on that one

I gasped aloud at my desk when I read that one.

Yeah! I think a decade long vow of silence would be a good start! ;)

galliver

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #180 on: April 24, 2017, 10:56:56 AM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.

As someone whose mom kept her maiden name and who plans to do the same, I don't love it, but I do know it's an old-timey tradition. From back when your identity of a married woman was completely dependent on that of her husband. And as such, Mrs. Ronald Biddleton (or whatever) was a totally legit descriptor of who you were, I guess (I'm no linguist, I don't actually know the history of the custom). Like I said, don't love it, and it would put me off from a business, etc mailing that I would expect to be more contemporary, but I would understand it from grandma...I'll probably do similarly uncouth old-timey things when I'm grandma-aged, thinking the newfangled way is just society slipping slowly over the precipice into the next dark ages.

Kind of makes me think of when we went to India and no one would talk to me, just my bf. I was like a ghost. Then I mentioned to a friend and she explained it was the polite thing to do there; locals would take it amiss if a man were to speak directly to a woman in the company of a man. The feminist part of me was still a bit ragey but more at the cultural attitude toward women, rather than the individuals (who are just behaving as politely/appropriately as they know how). As a barbaric westerner, though, I refused to STFU even knowing this.

Rural

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #181 on: April 24, 2017, 05:39:16 PM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.


I get this sometimes from people young enough  to know better, like one set of friends. Their wedding invites were to us as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast. Pissed me off. I have my own first mane, TYVM, and also I've never been a Mrs. of any sort, with any name, as I had a PhD when we married and use Dr. socially as well as professionally.


But okay, maybe let that slide once because wedding invites are tradition-bound anyway. But this couple, still under 30? Every year a Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast. Now, I don't keep Christmas cards, but theirs? Trashed without opening, right in the post office.


mustachepungoeshere

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #182 on: April 25, 2017, 05:42:42 AM »

I get this sometimes from people young enough  to know better, like one set of friends. Their wedding invites were to us as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast. Pissed me off. I have my own first mane...

Is that a Rural thing? ;)

Vindicated

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #183 on: April 25, 2017, 06:10:14 AM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.


I get this sometimes from people young enough  to know better, like one set of friends. Their wedding invites were to us as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast. Pissed me off. I have my own first mane, TYVM, and also I've never been a Mrs. of any sort, with any name, as I had a PhD when we married and use Dr. socially as well as professionally.


But okay, maybe let that slide once because wedding invites are tradition-bound anyway. But this couple, still under 30? Every year a Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast. Now, I don't keep Christmas cards, but theirs? Trashed without opening, right in the post office.

There is a chance that they're really just trying to use proper etiquette, and don't know that it would upset anyone.

I know when we got married, we weren't sure of the proper way to do it.  So, we just googled it.  The most common etiquette found online is to use Mr & Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast.

I do believe you're supposed to put Dr. Her & Mr. His if the woman is a Doctor though.  Do they know you're a Doctor?

https://www.weddingpaperdivas.com/how-to-address-wedding-invitations.htm
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Playing with Fire UK

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #184 on: April 25, 2017, 06:28:19 AM »
No matter what the most common or "most proper" etiquette says, the polite thing to do is address people how they wish to be addressed. If someone goes by Dr then is is rude to call them Mrs.

It's a dangerous road to hark back to what was considered polite 200 years ago as if we haven't learned anything since then.

Vindicated

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #185 on: April 25, 2017, 06:44:13 AM »
No matter what the most common or "most proper" etiquette says, the polite thing to do is address people how they wish to be addressed. If someone goes by Dr then is is rude to call them Mrs.

It's a dangerous road to hark back to what was considered polite 200 years ago as if we haven't learned anything since then.

Yes, but do you know how everyone wants to be addressed?  Did this person know that Rural has a PhD?  Perhaps they do.  Perhaps they don't.  Perhaps they really are clueless that the naming would bother anyone, so it isn't something they have thought about. 

If you want to be addressed in a certain way, just politely ask the person to address you that way in the future.  If they continue to address you the "wrong" way, then you can be upset.
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Noodle

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #186 on: April 25, 2017, 11:44:45 AM »
As a historical etiquette geek, it would make my day to meet someone who goes by the Victorian convention of Mrs. MaidenName MarriedName for a divorced woman. Although I just came across an Emily Post mention from the 1920s that if a divorced woman were the "innocent party," she was allowed to keep going by Mrs. Husband'sFirstName MarriedName as during her marriage. No word on who gets to decide the "innocent party"...

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #187 on: April 25, 2017, 11:50:07 AM »
As a historical etiquette geek, it would make my day to meet someone who goes by the Victorian convention of Mrs. MaidenName MarriedName for a divorced woman. Although I just came across an Emily Post mention from the 1920s that if a divorced woman were the "innocent party," she was allowed to keep going by Mrs. Husband'sFirstName MarriedName as during her marriage. No word on who gets to decide the "innocent party"...

From my DW's obsessive digging through ancestry.com...  It appears as if divorcing women were assigned a "divorce master" to handle this things for the pretty little lady.
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #188 on: April 25, 2017, 05:28:20 PM »
No matter what the most common or "most proper" etiquette says, the polite thing to do is address people how they wish to be addressed. If someone goes by Dr then is is rude to call them Mrs.

It's a dangerous road to hark back to what was considered polite 200 years ago as if we haven't learned anything since then.

Yes, but do you know how everyone wants to be addressed?  Did this person know that Rural has a PhD?  Perhaps they do.  Perhaps they don't.  Perhaps they really are clueless that the naming would bother anyone, so it isn't something they have thought about. 

If you want to be addressed in a certain way, just politely ask the person to address you that way in the future.  If they continue to address you the "wrong" way, then you can be upset.


They do know about the Ph.D. but possibly not the preferred title since we've always been very much on first name terms. But that does mean they know my first name is not "John" (for example) but "Jane," (for example).


So, like I said, wedding invite, okay, maybe they're just being Bridezilla/ Groomzilla and I'll ignore. But Christmas cards? Every year? That's just weird and makes me wonder if our friends (or at least the wife, whose handwriting is on the envelopes) has been infected with one of the more rabid "man is the head of the house as God is the head of the church" religions that are far too common around here. They've moved a couple hundred miles away, so it could have happened without my knowing.


MPH, I have no reasonable explanation for the "first mane," so I'm going with your interpretation. :)

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #189 on: April 26, 2017, 04:30:39 PM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.

As someone whose mom kept her maiden name and who plans to do the same, I don't love it, but I do know it's an old-timey tradition. From back when your identity of a married woman was completely dependent on that of her husband. And as such, Mrs. Ronald Biddleton (or whatever) was a totally legit descriptor of who you were, I guess (I'm no linguist, I don't actually know the history of the custom). Like I said, don't love it, and it would put me off from a business, etc mailing that I would expect to be more contemporary, but I would understand it from grandma...I'll probably do similarly uncouth old-timey things when I'm grandma-aged, thinking the newfangled way is just society slipping slowly over the precipice into the next dark ages.

Kind of makes me think of when we went to India and no one would talk to me, just my bf. I was like a ghost. Then I mentioned to a friend and she explained it was the polite thing to do there; locals would take it amiss if a man were to speak directly to a woman in the company of a man. The feminist part of me was still a bit ragey but more at the cultural attitude toward women, rather than the individuals (who are just behaving as politely/appropriately as they know how). As a barbaric westerner, though, I refused to STFU even knowing this.

In the UK and similar places: yes. In the Nordic countries, it was just something that became fashionable in the 1950s, and then went out of fashion again in the 70s. The traditional way here was either that both took the name of the farm they were living on, or that they used patro- or matronyms (Peterson, Petersdaughter). Often they used the two in combination: my grandfather came from a village where everyone has the same last name. To separate the farms and families, they use "Peter Peterson Village", or "Martha Oledaughter Village". Those people would be from the Peter farm and the Ole farm, respectively. The next village over, they were a bit more inventive: Their last names literally translate to "Upper farm", "Lower farm", "Eastern farm", etc.

With that as background: my FIL is the only one who has adressed me with DH's name. I don't know if it was the stunned silence, or if DH has a quiet talk with him, but it only happened once and he has later tried to re-wrap it as a joke.
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shelivesthedream

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #190 on: April 26, 2017, 05:10:41 PM »
It's only a joke if everyone's laughing.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #191 on: May 02, 2017, 09:32:17 AM »
I have a name that could apply to either gender. Got some junk mail addressed to Ms. NoStacheOhio yesterday.

Nope, nobody in this house. Also, probably nobody anywhere, since my last name is unique to my family (in the world, for real).

This is a pet hate of my mum.

If she and my dad were Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, she would open mail addressed to Mrs Betty Rubble, Mr Barney and Mrs Betty Rubble, or Mr and Mrs Rubble. But her mother-in-law used to send her birthday cards, etc, addressed to Mrs Barney Rubble and she said it may as well have been addressed to my dad.

My grandmother does this from time to time. Addresses stuff to Mrs Husbandsname Oursurname. I don't know why it bothers be so much, but it drives me absolutely insane. I am not called Husbandsname Oursurname. I am called Myname Oursurname or Myname Maidenname (I'm easy about that). Sticking a "Mrs" in front doesn't make Husbandsname into my name. INEXPLICABLE RAGE.


I get this sometimes from people young enough  to know better, like one set of friends. Their wedding invites were to us as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast. Pissed me off. I have my own first mane, TYVM, and also I've never been a Mrs. of any sort, with any name, as I had a PhD when we married and use Dr. socially as well as professionally.


But okay, maybe let that slide once because wedding invites are tradition-bound anyway. But this couple, still under 30? Every year a Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast. Now, I don't keep Christmas cards, but theirs? Trashed without opening, right in the post office.

I have an excel file with all the addresses, etc, and I do a mail merge every year for Christmas cards. I have "David and Mary Doe", or sometimes "Mary and David Doe", not "Mr and Mrs David Doe". But if you don't like it or it's wrong, unless I change the excel file it's that way year after year. No one has complained about the names at least.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #192 on: May 11, 2017, 04:29:55 PM »
From Dear Prudence

Quote
I recently got a pretty good job and I live with my fiancée, who also makes a good amount of money. We’re living a pretty comfortable middle-class life. Many of my friends are still in school or not in career-type jobs. Several times it’s come up that I propose an outing or activity and they come up with something cheaper. Is it rude for me to insist for things like going out to a restaurant for brunch if they want to stay in and make food? It’s a nicer atmosphere and I think more fun not to have to do dishes afterward. Is it unfair for me to ask them to spend a little money?



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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #193 on: May 12, 2017, 08:47:45 AM »
From Dear Prudence

Quote
I recently got a pretty good job and I live with my fiancée, who also makes a good amount of money. We’re living a pretty comfortable middle-class life. Many of my friends are still in school or not in career-type jobs. Several times it’s come up that I propose an outing or activity and they come up with something cheaper. Is it rude for me to insist for things like going out to a restaurant for brunch if they want to stay in and make food? It’s a nicer atmosphere and I think more fun not to have to do dishes afterward. Is it unfair for me to ask them to spend a little money?

Oy vey. Sure, it's okay for you to ask. But it's okay for them to say no and probably stop inviting you to things, too.

Lis

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #194 on: July 05, 2017, 11:21:42 AM »
Another AAM Gem - CEO's wife ruined my job prospects.

Because when you're a rude jerk, it's everyone else's fault.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #195 on: July 05, 2017, 01:42:20 PM »
Another AAM Gem - CEO's wife ruined my job prospects.

Because when you're a rude jerk, it's everyone else's fault.

Wow.  Something tells me this guy didn't lose the job because he pissed off the CEO's wife, but instead because he behaved similarly to others in the office (i.e., those he considered "beneath him").  Like they say, beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #196 on: July 05, 2017, 02:08:46 PM »
Not sure it is a guy in the story.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #197 on: July 05, 2017, 03:08:57 PM »

MAY A WHIRLWIND OF FIRE TAKE THEM UP AND CARRY THEM OFF TO THE SPECIAL HELL FOR DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE.

My name has an 'a' at the end, which makes it 3 syllables, not 2.  So does my SIL's name (different than mine though.)   For 38 years, my MIL has called me by the wrong name.  Although not much different than my name, it IS different.  I do not like this 2 syllable name!   She knows that.   My parents took a lot of time and thought naming me, and I rather like my name.  For 35 years, MIL has also called my SIL a short form of her name that she absolutely hates.   MIL has a Czech name that is tricky to spell, and unusual to pronounce.  And yet, SIL and I both have mastered HER name.   She wonders why her relationships with her children's spouses are not good.  (it's not just about the names, but holy hell, our names are not difficult!)

Just spent the weekend with my MIL.  44 YEARS and she still hasn't bothered to learn how to say her grand-daughter's name yet.

She is making progress, though.   She commented on how nice her grand-daughter is and how her grand-daughter had never given her a hug before.    That particular conversation ended abruptly when my lovely bride pointed out that MIL had never actually spoken to her before this visit...

Thank God I'm home.

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #198 on: July 05, 2017, 03:50:30 PM »
I had forgotten about this thread! P2F!
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Lis

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Re: OP Is the Only One Who Doesn't See It
« Reply #199 on: July 13, 2017, 11:26:31 AM »
There's an update to the "CEO's Wife" AAM post, and... well, I'll be honest, it was just what I was expecting.