Update: the new cover arrived and our resident computer mad scientist, aka "Bonus Kid" began carefully removing the 4,657 tiny little screws, and...the hinge cracked. He also noticed a small stripe running down the tight side of the screen, about 3/4" from the right edge of the screen. At that point, we logged on to Costco's website and ordered a new Lenovo somethingsomethingsomething laptop for me. Three days and $600 later, I love it. It's bigger, lighter and has a number keypad, which I am thrilled to have.
All is not lost, however. Despite the fact that BK is very adept at computer repair (are least compared to DH), DH thinks he can MacGyver it. Our plan is to patch it up and give it to my friend to use as a backup so I never, ever have to take my good one to her house again. I didn't mention this before, but it's actually the second time I've taken my laptop to her house with disastrous results (not her fault either time). Sure, It's a big chunk of change, but 97-year-old friends don't grow on trees.
Thanks for all the help!