My grandmother's kids can't afford to pay for her funeral!!!

[JustGettingStarted1980]

Hi fellow Mustachians,

How embarrassing. My grandmother has 6 children, 5 of which live in close proximity to her, all of which are terrible consumer idiots (including my parent), and all of which have had varying degrees of success in their lifetimes.

She gets SS checks, as well as a pension, that is "managed" by one of the children, who happens to be the most well off of the bunch.  She has not lived in her own home for years, and is in home hospice right now paid for by medicare.

Grandma is dying, it's her time.

In any case, my parent calls me this week, one of 25+ grandchildren, and hits me up for a contribution to help pay for her upcoming funeral expenses. She will be cremated.

I'm ashamed for my parent, and all the children of that generation in the family, that I have to be called at all. So sad. Can't blame grandma, she's had dementia for years.

Sorry to rant, needed to get it out.

[LifeHappens]

I'm sorry for your loss and sorry your family has put you in this situation. Your rant is completely understandable.

[lizzzi]

Well, it speaks to that old saying, "One mother can take care of six kids, but six kids can't take care of one mother."

[jrhampt]

That is ridiculous.  But I would note that Medicaid pays for nursing home stays, NOT Medicare.  That's why I am against the Medicaid cuts in the AHCA.

[wenchsenior]

That is ridiculous.  But I would note that Medicaid pays for nursing home stays, NOT Medicare.  That's why I am against the Medicaid cuts in the AHCA.

Yeah. It kind of freaks me out that so many people seem to think Medicaid just pays for poor inner city peoples' health care, rather than most of the populace in nursing homes/LTC, which it also pays for.  And if it is cut, guess who is going to have to take care of their parents/grandparents at home or pay for their care?

[JustGettingStarted1980]

That is ridiculous.  But I would note that Medicaid pays for nursing home stays, NOT Medicare.  That's why I am against the Medicaid cuts in the AHCA.

Although I am also against Medicaid cuts, and they do pay for Hospice Care in some cases, in my grandmother's case, she is getting Home Hospice via Medicare.  She was never in a nursing home.

[Cassie]

Even people with alot of $ eventually run out and then Medicaid needs to pay for nursing home care. It is so expensive. It's great that she was able to stay home with hospice care.

[lizzzi]

My husband died at home with Hospice care billed 100% to his Medicare. It was a godsend financially, although the family did a lot of the care ourselves, and I paid privately for an extra few hours a week of aide time. (This was in the U.S.) The funeral had been pre-paid for years, so was traditional and kind of spendy, but that was what he had wanted. So hey.

[DoubleDown]

Sorry to hear about your grandma. Note that Social Security will pay a death benefit of $255. If I was in your shoes, I'd let your parent know about that as your contribution. I would guess that amount, while small, should cover a significant part, if not all, of cremation expenses.

[Morning Glory]

We just paid MIL's cremation expenses. It was just shy of $2k. Six kids should easily be able to split that.

[lizzzi]

I've been thinking about this issue...it certainly is encouraging me to set aside my own funeral fund in advance. But anyway, it just seems to me that, as others have said, the six adult children should be able to handle a modest funeral with cremation. It isn't that expensive if divided six ways. I don't see any reason why the grandchildren should be hit up for funeral expenses.

Just as I told my daughter that I don't intend to pay for my grandchildren's college costs...not my responsibility...I would not expect my grandchildren to pay for my funeral...not their responsibility.

[iris lily]

Here, a basic crematon is $600.

I wouldnt give a dime unless I had control over what happens.

On second thought, working with a bunch of spendthrifts to accomplish something is nothing but a pain in the ass, so I would probqbly give $30-$40 as a little more than my far share and my conscience would,be clear.

I would make it clear that I will never give any more money and there will be no funeral home bill I would contribute toward later.

One of my employees, someone who was a nice young woman but who had grown up in, and fully bought into the urban plan of Nanny G covering  all ills at all times, was frustrayed to find there was no public money to give her dead sister the big $6,000 funeral she felt sis deserved. People  are ridiculous abput these things.

[G-dog]

Sorry to hear about your grandma. Note that Social Security will pay a death benefit of $255. If I was in your shoes, I'd let your parent know about that as your contribution. I would guess that amount, while small, should cover a significant part, if not all, of cremation expenses.

Yes if she is collecting SS on her own account, but No if she is collecting as grandfather's spouse (I think). Meaning, you need to confirm there is a death benefit.

No life insurance?

I think cremation here is about $600 (as Iris Lily noted for her area. I'm sure it varies, but I have no idea how much. And places are always willing to add more pomp and cost.

[cchrissyy]

3 things sound fishy to me
- grandma isn't even dead yet and somebody is already calling around for money
- 6 kids pitching in should surely be able to afford a funeral. even if they're poor or in consumer debt, there are 6 of them and they can borrow for this good cause to make their little slice of it happen. it's wrong to disturb grandkids over this.
- if grandma has anything of value - her house, any life insurance or social security, any small assets,  well that would be enough to cover it.


So, long story short, you shouldn't pay AND you should be suspicious that whoever asked you might be scamming for money. something is sketchy here. I don't know if it's your parent, or the sibling who manages grandma's money, or if a 3rd party who called you... but somebody isn't on the up and up.

[Cassie]

Here it costs 2k for the funeral home to pick up the body and cremate. I know this because I am guardian for a friend that just died.  Medicaid allowed me to pre-pay the expenses out of the $ she had.

[iris lily]

Here it costs 2k for the funeral home to pick up the body and cremate. I know this because I am guardian for a friend that just died.  Medicaid allowed me to pre-pay the expenses out of the $ she had.

Dont involve a funeral,home, although they may be required to handle it. That varies by state..
Here, i can contract directly with the crematorium which picks up the body from the hospital. I called to verify this some years ago.

[Cassie]

This was a small town and the funeral home owned the crematory so I had no choice.