The Money Mustache Community
Other => Off Topic => Topic started by: lifejoy on March 28, 2017, 03:16:49 PM
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I tend clean my house, and then do zero cleaning for a week (or two) and it all builds up as messy and then I do a huge clean again. WTF?
Why do I seem to find comfort in the clutter and mess? Is it because I grew up in a "lived in" home and it feels familiar? Or am I just crazy?
I want to become a tidy tidy person who lives in a perpetually clean home. I like having a super clean home when people come over. I'm not sure it's going to happen. Anyone else feel like this?
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I want to become a tidy tidy person who lives in a perpetually clean home. I like having a super clean home when people come over. I'm not sure it's going to happen. Anyone else feel like this?
Is that what you REALLY want, or is what you think you SHOULD want?
I like having a clean home when people come over, so I clean before people come over. I also genuinely like having a clean kitchen to make coffee in when I wake up in the morning, so most evenings I clean the kitchen before I go to bed. Other than that, you might call my house cleaning schedule flexible.
You have to find what works for you and honestly makes you happy.
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If you really do want to change, it's possible. You just have to work at it and keep working at it until it sticks. I also grew up in a very "lived in" home and married a guy that was much neater than I. It's about the only thing we ever argued about. Over the years I have managed to become the more tidy than my husband, which I think is quite an achievement. I did two things:
I practiced small changes of habit that slowly add up to less clutter and mess. For instance, put your jacket away when you get home. Pick up dirty glasses on the way to the kitchen. Wipe off the counter right away if you spill something. Etc Tiny little things that aren't that hard to stop being lazy about. Add them in one by one and the clutter and mess will slowly shrink.
Secondly, you can sometimes change things so that it is easier to be neat than messy. We used to take all the mail into the office and drop it on a desk to sort later. We moved the paper shredder next to the door and now we sort, shred, toss, and bring only the important stuff into the office. My husband liked to leave his favorite knife on the counter we do food prep on. He moved the knife holder into a drawer under that counter instead of across the kitchen. I used to pile things on my desk to "deal with later". Later rarely came and never often enough to get through everything. My solution? Get rid of the desk! Now I have no convenient place to put things so I have to deal with whatever it is right away or risk it getting lost forever.
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We feel like this a lot. Wanting it to be clean, but really hating the cleaning part lol. We get anxious when people want to come over and have to pick up the house and organize stuff. The truth is, we like it clean but the low grade anxiety of constantly seeing disorganization vs lack of motivation to clean rarely makes our place sparkle heheh. Our place is steadily getting more "nice." Some things that have helped so far- get rid of stuff. How we do it painlessly:
Someone mentioned paper shredder by mail, we do this too. Paper shredder next to wherever you put mail (by the door for us) keeps mail tamed. We toss ads right away.
Giveaway box. I keep a box and fill it a little at a time with old clothes and unused devices (just gave away 2 radios, a snuggie and a few clothing items today). A little at a time helps, just put something in as you run across it and realize you don't use it. Totally gets around the agonizing decision-making of "I really like it" or "I might use it one day" as it's spur of the moment and only happens when you REALIZE that thing you ran across isn't useful.
Fruits and veggies going bad-shake or soup it. Done.
The key to clean place is to get rid of stuff, less to look at, less to deal with, less to move, less crap that can break, less that you feel obligated to use/maintain.
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DW is like that. I like everything clean and organized.
We compromised. I have an office and a workshop where everything is clean and organized. The rest of the house not so much.
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I like a tidy home, but I'm way too lazy to put in much effort. My solution - move into a tiny apartment, and get rid of enough stuff that it's nearly impossible for it to get cluttered. We're at the point now that once a week we spend about five minutes cleaning up and putting things back where they belong, and we're done. Ruthless minimalism works.
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There's nothing wrong with a messy home, if you don't mind it. My brother and best friend both live in homes that tend to be in a bit of disarray (and they both have cleaning ladies!) and it's never stopped me from going over there!
If you really do want to change your habits, though, I think the first two steps are to do a really good declutter, and then see how you can arrange your space to help you. If you tend to leave clothes all over the place in the bedroom, get a divided hamper or some baskets (clothes to be laundered, clothes to be worn again, clean clothes from the dryer/clothesline). If you take off your shoes as soon as you come in, get a shoe rack and put it next to the door. Etc. Also, minimizing flat surfaces will help cut down on the mess, and all storage should have solid doors/bins etc. The fad for open shelves for storage is really not helpful. Then you can start practicing the habits of tidiness. The original Apartment Therapy book was good on tips for making a space "work" if I remember correctly, although it's now mostly a decorating brand.
I tend to clean and pick up as I go, but you could also do something like a daily 15-minute tidy-up time if you need to do something more mindful. That would at least keep things from piling up.
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They key to maintaining a neat home is having systems in place that encourage it. Have a place to put your shoes when you get home. Use hooks to hang jackets instead of hangers, things like that. Arrange your home to make it easy to put things away and it becomes nearly effortless. Also, just having less stuff in general makes it a lot easier. One of the biggest helps with my budget was me doing a big inventory/declutter a few years back, and realizing how much stuff we have actually accumulated over the years. When I add something to my house, I want to make sure I actually have a place for it in my home AND in my life.
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I love this thread!
I'm not great at keeping up with the cleaning in our house, but I love the way our house feels when we've done a big clean up before company comes over. I've gotten better over the years, but mostly at decluttering- not so much at cleaning.
Things that have helped us with keeping the clutter at bay are:
1) Getting rid of things we no longer need & use. We still have areas in our house that could use more of this, but we really focused on our main living areas. Ever since we removed the extraneous "stuff" from those areas, it's been so much easier to keep it tidy (a 5 minute cleanup works wonders in these rooms if we have visitors coming over on short notice).
2) When I notice items that are continually left laying around, I designate a new home for it in a convenient area in the space it will most likely be used. TV remotes and phone/laptop chargers now go in a drawer in our TV stand, new toys the kids have gotten will get a space in their room, library books now have their own spot on the bookshelf, coupons & grocery store flyers are kept in a folder in the kitchen, the kids' backpacks are now hung on hooks in the kitchen, etc.... Keeping up with "new mess" as it crops up helps so much.
3) Getting a filing cabinet for the many years' worth of boxes of paperwork & receipts I had laying around. I did a thorough sort/purge before putting any paperwork in the filing cabinet. This was a huge and tedious project, between the sorting and shredding, and it sucked working at it for hours at a time with no obvious visual difference. BUT finishing that project was a huge weight off my shoulders, and having a filing cabinet with designated places for all our paperwork makes it so much easier to keep up with putting the paperwork away (or even to catch up with filing when I fall behind). Plus, we don't have paper piles everywhere throughout the house anymore!
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These are really practical ideas. Thank you!
I think perhaps it is laziness and lack of habit that has made me this way. But making it easier for myself by decluttering and creating spaces for things (or removing spaces for things!) is givin gme lots of ideas. Keep 'em coming!
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These are really practical ideas. Thank you!
I think perhaps it is laziness and lack of habit that has made me this way. But making it easier for myself by decluttering and creating spaces for things (or removing spaces for things!) is givin gme lots of ideas. Keep 'em coming!
I too yearn for a clean home. Except, it's not "clean" that I want - what I want is both general tidiness and the sort of emptiness that comes with not being able to see lots of individual objects. Cupboards make me happier than open shelving. I want to be visually soothed, not to be immaculately, antibacterially sanitary. It's more of a decorating thing than a scrubbing thing... if you can understand what I mean. But I also think "If you really wanted this, you would make it happen."
I also grew up in a "lived in" home (read: crap everywhere) and I think that it means that laziness and lack of habit are not two separate things. Because I never learned the habits of a continually tidy home, nothing is on auto-pilot. All tidying is on manual, which is so much more effortful.
Honestly, the two things that are helping me right now are:
1. Throw things away. As many things as possible. It's hard. But I'm making progress. The worst things for me are the little bitty things, like the dozen unused pencils in my desk drawer or all the hangers that multiply when I'm not looking.
2. Make the tidy option the easy option. I moved my laundry basket four or five feet closer to where I get undressed - now more clothes make it straight into the laundry basket.
Books that have helped:
KonMari (mostly the idea of deciding what to keep rather than deciding what to throw away)
Make Your House Do The Housework
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I tend clean my house, and then do zero cleaning for a week (or two) and it all builds up as messy and then I do a huge clean again. WTF?
Why do I seem to find comfort in the clutter and mess? Is it because I grew up in a "lived in" home and it feels familiar? Or am I just crazy?
I want to become a tidy tidy person who lives in a perpetually clean home. I like having a super clean home when people come over. I'm not sure it's going to happen. Anyone else feel like this?
Lot of good suggestions....but keep in mind that most people at the end of the day are only worried about the bolded part and only give it a good cleaning (code for stuff things in closet and under beds) when people are expected....and whoever says otherwise is likely lying. The people that tend to keep their house perfectly tidy all the time either (a) have no things, (b) are never home, or (c) are way to uptight and anal.
Also there is a difference between dirty and messy......I have 3 kids and no matter what the house seems messy (lived in) even minutes after cleaning (again..stuffing things in closets and under beds) but it is clean....things get washed, wiped down, mopped, vacuumed, etc quite regularly.....but the house still looks messy.
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This reminds me of a work conversation that involved the question "Do you make your bed in the morning?"
I realized, you are either one of those people who do or one of those who don't.
I make my bed every morning, even if I'm running late (I discovered though my version of running late means, I will make it to work either 1 or 5 minutes early as opposed to the usual 15 mins). The weekends are an exception in that, I'm in that bed almost the whole day.
Nonetheless, as a bedmaker, I do it because I need my space to be tidy. I feel better walking to my room and seeing my white comforter spread neatly. In fact, if on the rare occasion I don't make my bed in the morning, I come home after work, make it, then lie on it.
However, I am a chronic clutter hater. I even dislike seeing flowers in vases around the house. Like my aunt has a flower arrangement on the tables and she has like three vases. I find it so annoying. I just feel like they take up space. On that note, I don't mind that much on floating shelves.
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I admit when I do straighten up (because of company, or because I finally feel like it), I feel so relaxed and love my space. That being said... meh. The one thing I'm super stringent about is my cats' litter, because obviously. Occasionally on a free weekend during the day I'll suddenly feel super motivated and clean everything in sight. But usually when I get home from work, I exercise, I shower, I make dinner, and by then I'm too tired to do much more than throw my dishes in dishwasher.
Things I do with some regularity:
- Scoop kitty litter (frequently)
- empty the dishwasher (otherwise dishes pile up in the sink and I can't be bothered)
- Clean the toilet/bathroom sink (it skeeves me otherwise)
- Change bedsheets (not always the best at washing them though... that's why I have four sets! Started out with two, got one as a gift, honestly don't remember where the fourth came from)
- Laundry - I just don't have that many clothes
Things I should do more frequently:
- Vacuum - I have a fluffy white monster cat who sheds like crazy, and dark carpet, furniture, clothes, etc. But the fur is gonna get everywhere anyway, right? I'll vacuum before company comes over or when it eventually drives me up the wall, whichever happens first.
- Straighten up the kitchen - I have a tendency to leave things on my kitchen counter and not put them away. Eventually, my already limited counterspace disappears, and I get fed up and straighten up.
- Dust - I just don't do it. I hate it. I really should. I have no excuse other than uughhh we hates it.
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Books that have helped:
KonMari (mostly the idea of deciding what to keep rather than deciding what to throw away)
Make Your House Do The Housework
I've read KonMari (loved it) and I just placed a library hold on Make Your House do the Housework. Thanks for the recommendation!
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I'm a very social being and it's more mustachian to have people over to your house for snacks/tea, rather than meeting at cafes and restaurants. So I NEED to make this work for my life so that I can have people over more often :)
Many of my friends pay for house cleaning services so their places are TIDY and CLEAN like crazy! But I'm not going to pay anyone so I have to start changing my mindset and habits.
But I think a part of me doesn't hate the mess - otherwise, wouldn't I take care of it ASAP? I do not understand myself haha!
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There's two things at play here, the practical and the psychological.
Most posters are giving you advice on the practical: how to make it easy to keep your house clean.
But I think part of what prompted your original post was the psychological... if I identify as a clean person, why aren't I cleaner?
I realised a while back that while I love having a clean and tidy house, I don't love cleaning and - this is the truly revolutionary bit for me - that's okay. I think many of us assign moral value to being a clean and tidy person, that we should all be clean and tidy all the time, that we're naturally superior if we don't ever make a mess.
Realising that I had all kinds of weird moral judgements tied up in whether or not I'm a neat freak really helped me to accept that I am someone who is sometimes neat and tidy, and sometimes very messy, and that either way I'm an okay human.
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2 things:
I "clean" or do something related to household chores for a half hour every weekday, and hour each weekend day. Mail, shoes/clothes/jackets/gloves/hats, dishes, and laundry are always first, followed by general tidying of anything else. Followed by dusting and vacuuming. Then cleaning bathrooms. So most Mon-Thu is for tidying, our budget, dishes, and some dusting. Usually I sweep/vacuum on Thursday or Friday, and do laundry and mow the lawn on the weekend. That keeps the house kept after. I bump those times up to 1 hour/2 hours on weekends before my inlaws visit or each winter when I go through each closet, the basement, and the attic to clean, sweep, and organize.
There's a tumbler called UnF*ck Your Habitat. I find it to have good sense about cleaning and a good ethos in general. I don't use the same cleaning products the writer does or follow all the routines, but it is where I got the concept of "clean for x minutes with a general order of events" idea. (the * is replaced by the actual u)
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I live by myself so my apartment turns into okay here's a nice place to lie my dress pants down, here's where I'll leave my gym shoes etc.
I ALWAYS clean up Friday night before going out/having people over. But that Sunday-Thursday...
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2 things:
I "clean" or do something related to household chores for a half hour every weekday, and hour each weekend day. Mail, shoes/clothes/jackets/gloves/hats, dishes, and laundry are always first, followed by general tidying of anything else. Followed by dusting and vacuuming. Then cleaning bathrooms. So most Mon-Thu is for tidying, our budget, dishes, and some dusting. Usually I sweep/vacuum on Thursday or Friday, and do laundry and mow the lawn on the weekend. That keeps the house kept after. I bump those times up to 1 hour/2 hours on weekends before my inlaws visit or each winter when I go through each closet, the basement, and the attic to clean, sweep, and organize.
There's a tumbler called UnF*ck Your Habitat. I find it to have good sense about cleaning and a good ethos in general. I don't use the same cleaning products the writer does or follow all the routines, but it is where I got the concept of "clean for x minutes with a general order of events" idea. (the * is replaced by the actual u)
How did you instill this 30 min. a day habit?
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I live by myself so my apartment turns into okay here's a nice place to lie my dress pants down, here's where I'll leave my gym shoes etc.
I ALWAYS clean up Friday night before going out/having people over. But that Sunday-Thursday...
I can relate!! Except for the cleaning up Friday night bit. It's now tending to be an all-day Saturday thing and it's killing my social life. Also I'm pregnant and tired all the time so it's very easy to just go MEHHhhhhh.
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Our living room and bedroom are reasonably tidy, except for a space under the staircase where tend to store bags temporarily, a part of the dining table (bills and letters) and a part of the kitchen sink (telephone charge cables).
But in general I really try to tidy up as I go along. Like undressing and putting dirty clothes in the clothes bin. The other clothes on the chair in the bedroom. When buying a new piece of clothing: try it on, remove labels and put it in the clothes cupboard. We clean out the dishwasher after dinner and then fill up with the used dishes. Wash up any other pans that aren't dishwasher proof. Clean the kitchen counter and stove plate. We do this right after leaving the kitchen table, before watching the news on TV. Also when we have been on a trip and have a lot of luggage, we might put it under the staircase for 1 day, if we arrive home late, but I clean it up the next day. Most bills come electronically and are paid automatically, and other bills are put in the online bank as soon as possible, marked as paid and thrown away. Any commercial mail is thrown away immediately. I also have a board in another room where I can pinch paper that need to be kept for later. I always empty the table in the living room when we go to bed, so that I don't find glasses the next day. I also empty the garbage bins early enough, so that things are not flowing over. Sweaters that were taken off during the day and laying over a chair are taken to the bedroom in the evening. Magazines and books in the living room are put on a single pile.
I try to wash the bathrooms once a week and wipe the floors with a microfiber cloth. My DH often helps with this.
When we get visitors we clean really well, including table tops and the whole bathroom. Normally I prioritize only the sink and the toilet in the bathroom and do the bathtub, shower floor and bathroom floors occasionally.
Often I do the cleaning on a weekday evening, because it is a pity to use the weekend for it.
Recently I had an unexpected meeting at my house and apart from the entrance full of shoes it looked pretty decent. I was pleased with myself. I was also happy that I had just cleaned the toilet the day before.
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Declutter beyond what you imagine. For example, in the kitchen, have only 1 utensil per person. Put extras for company in a separate place (under a cabinet or in the hall closet). You wouldn't believe how much this helps to not have dishes pile up. If you only have one plate, you'll have to just wash it rather than grabbing another.
This also helps with the psychological aspect. Clean begets clean and messy begets messy. If you have crap on the counter and you walk in with crap in your hands, you will automatically set it on the counter.
If the counter is pristine, you will have the impulse to put the crap away rather than just set it on the counter. You will then have to actively encourage this urge by following through, but at least you had the urge.
I know it's oversold these days, and maybe you're not a "minimalist", but I've found that being ruthlessly honest with myself about my possessions and purging what I don't need has made it easier to keep a clean home. If it does get messy, it's quicker to tidy. And once it's tidy, inertia kicks in and it's easier to keep it that way. http://alliecasazza.com/free-resources/ has a free email course that really helped me. She also has a private fb group where members share pictures of their decluttered spaces and it's been inspiring to keep up the momentum.
You know, I often wonder about how women used to keep up with all the work, especially when they didn't have modern conveniences. But I bet the fact that they had a fraction of the possessions we have helped a LOT.
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Declutter beyond what you imagine. For example, in the kitchen, have only 1 utensil per person. Put extras for company in a separate place (under a cabinet or in the hall closet). You wouldn't believe how much this helps to not have dishes pile up. If you only have one plate, you'll have to just wash it rather than grabbing another.
This also helps with the psychological aspect. Clean begets clean and messy begets messy. If you have crap on the counter and you walk in with crap in your hands, you will automatically set it on the counter.
If the counter is pristine, you will have the impulse to put the crap away rather than just set it on the counter. You will then have to actively encourage this urge by following through, but at least you had the urge.
I know it's oversold these days, and maybe you're not a "minimalist", but I've found that being ruthlessly honest with myself about my possessions and purging what I don't need has made it easier to keep a clean home. If it does get messy, it's quicker to tidy. And once it's tidy, inertia kicks in and it's easier to keep it that way. http://alliecasazza.com/free-resources/ has a free email course that really helped me. She also has a private fb group where members share pictures of their decluttered spaces and it's been inspiring to keep up the momentum.
You know, I often wonder about how women used to keep up with all the work, especially when they didn't have modern conveniences. But I bet the fact that they had a fraction of the possessions we have helped a LOT.
Thanks for the practical tips. I'm moving soon and I've actually packed away 75% of my dishware and it helps a LOT! :)
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I know exactly what happened in my case. My mom is a compulsive cleaner, so when I was a child I never had to clean anything myself; mom always kept the common areas spotless, and even my room would get cleaned up for me if I waited long enough. So even though I inherited some of her neat-freak tendencies, I have absolutely no ingrained habits or instincts related to cleaning.
As a result, I'm a total slob except for those occasions where I go nuts and binge-clean the whole house.
I do find that as long as the place is spotless, I am far more observant and conscientious about clearing up individual bits of mess & clutter as they occur; since everything else is perfect, the imperfections stand out like a sore thumb! But as soon as I slip and let any amount of clutter build up, it's like I become completely blind to all of it, and it just keeps building until the next big purge.
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2 things:
I "clean" or do something related to household chores for a half hour every weekday, and hour each weekend day. Mail, shoes/clothes/jackets/gloves/hats, dishes, and laundry are always first, followed by general tidying of anything else. Followed by dusting and vacuuming. Then cleaning bathrooms. So most Mon-Thu is for tidying, our budget, dishes, and some dusting. Usually I sweep/vacuum on Thursday or Friday, and do laundry and mow the lawn on the weekend. That keeps the house kept after. I bump those times up to 1 hour/2 hours on weekends before my inlaws visit or each winter when I go through each closet, the basement, and the attic to clean, sweep, and organize.
There's a tumbler called UnF*ck Your Habitat. I find it to have good sense about cleaning and a good ethos in general. I don't use the same cleaning products the writer does or follow all the routines, but it is where I got the concept of "clean for x minutes with a general order of events" idea. (the * is replaced by the actual u)
How did you instill this 30 min. a day habit?
Making it a rule that I can't knit or eat popcorn (both of which I do while watching tv with my husband at the end of the day, or sometimes knit in bed while he reads) unless I've done those 30 minutes. Usually I was already naturally doing about 5-10 mins every day just in general keeping after. So even if the day is hectic, I'm left with 20 minutes of cleaning before I've hit the mark and can sit and relax. And I can do almost any cleaning/household maintenance task for 20 minutes while listening to my podcasts. I can still sit and watch TV without finishing those 30 minutes (like after a very hectic day, getting home at 9 and just collapsing on the couch next to DH), but it's not as fun as when I do those added activities. Is there some fun thing you usually end the day with that you make a rule to not do until after this habit is finished for the day?
Focusing on a timed habit helps me too - I think it's easier to just get up and dust or vacuum for 15 minutes when I know I get to quit in those 15 minutes if I want to. Before this habit, I would feel guilty about taking a break or put off starting altogether because I felt the need to commit to a serious cleaning time. I get a lot more swept/cleaned/dusted/etc. in 15 minutes if I am really working at it. But I'm also much less likely to start if I don't really "feel like it" and will dread the whole thing. Much easier to just do some kind of cleaning for 15 minutes every time, every day.
And I work 50 hours a week, while my husband works 60+. That includes Saturday mornings for me, and all day Saturday for him. We do something social at least 1 night of the weekend. If I didn't clean a bit every day, then every. single. Sunday. would be a giant Clean the House and Yard day. Now it's still the day for most of the laundry, but we focus on working in the garden or other larger projects for an hour or two, and just enjoy the rest of our day off.
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oh and +1 to putting things away immediately. Clothes=hamper; dishes=dishwasher or sink - usually I wash what's in the sink right away unless dishes in the strainer are almost dry and I don't want to rewet them right this second; mail=walk in the door, look through, throw out everything possible, put important ones next to computer to record/file when I sit there; shoes=closet; things in my purse=go in their spots immediately. Those things alone take about 5-10 mins a day, and are automatic, and make a huge difference when I don't let things pile up all over the place.
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oh and +1 to putting things away immediately. Clothes=hamper; dishes=dishwasher or sink - usually I wash what's in the sink right away unless dishes in the strainer are almost dry and I don't want to rewet them right this second; mail=walk in the door, look through, throw out everything possible, put important ones next to computer to record/file when I sit there; shoes=closet; things in my purse=go in their spots immediately. Those things alone take about 5-10 mins a day, and are automatic, and make a huge difference when I don't let things pile up all over the place.
All great ideas. Telling myself that I can't read a book until I've done 30 min. of cleaning would be VERY motivating!!!!!! Great suggestion :)
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2 things:
I "clean" or do something related to household chores for a half hour every weekday, and hour each weekend day. Mail, shoes/clothes/jackets/gloves/hats, dishes, and laundry are always first, followed by general tidying of anything else. Followed by dusting and vacuuming. Then cleaning bathrooms. So most Mon-Thu is for tidying, our budget, dishes, and some dusting. Usually I sweep/vacuum on Thursday or Friday, and do laundry and mow the lawn on the weekend. That keeps the house kept after. I bump those times up to 1 hour/2 hours on weekends before my inlaws visit or each winter when I go through each closet, the basement, and the attic to clean, sweep, and organize.
There's a tumbler called UnF*ck Your Habitat. I find it to have good sense about cleaning and a good ethos in general. I don't use the same cleaning products the writer does or follow all the routines, but it is where I got the concept of "clean for x minutes with a general order of events" idea. (the * is replaced by the actual u)
How did you instill this 30 min. a day habit?
Making it a rule that I can't knit or eat popcorn (both of which I do while watching tv with my husband at the end of the day, or sometimes knit in bed while he reads) unless I've done those 30 minutes. Usually I was already naturally doing about 5-10 mins every day just in general keeping after. So even if the day is hectic, I'm left with 20 minutes of cleaning before I've hit the mark and can sit and relax. And I can do almost any cleaning/household maintenance task for 20 minutes while listening to my podcasts. I can still sit and watch TV without finishing those 30 minutes (like after a very hectic day, getting home at 9 and just collapsing on the couch next to DH), but it's not as fun as when I do those added activities. Is there some fun thing you usually end the day with that you make a rule to not do until after this habit is finished for the day?
Focusing on a timed habit helps me too - I think it's easier to just get up and dust or vacuum for 15 minutes when I know I get to quit in those 15 minutes if I want to. Before this habit, I would feel guilty about taking a break or put off starting altogether because I felt the need to commit to a serious cleaning time. I get a lot more swept/cleaned/dusted/etc. in 15 minutes if I am really working at it. But I'm also much less likely to start if I don't really "feel like it" and will dread the whole thing. Much easier to just do some kind of cleaning for 15 minutes every time, every day.
And I work 50 hours a week, while my husband works 60+. That includes Saturday mornings for me, and all day Saturday for him. We do something social at least 1 night of the weekend. If I didn't clean a bit every day, then every. single. Sunday. would be a giant Clean the House and Yard day. Now it's still the day for most of the laundry, but we focus on working in the garden or other larger projects for an hour or two, and just enjoy the rest of our day off.
Love this! So for me, it would be no internet or reading until my 30 minutes are done.
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I come from a big family. About 2/3 are hyperneat, and 1/3 prefer messiness. Each finds one way more comfortable. I used to wish the messy ones would want to be like us, but now I'm really glad they didn't let us brainwash them. Their messiness is a nonissue, and I'm glad they know that so they can go ahead and enjoy!
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I have an idea that might help, and I think I'm going to do it myself on a trunk we use as a coffee table/repository for whatever we happen to be carrying at the time.
Pick a small area in your home that's very visible and gets used a lot. Hall table, a particular kitchen worksurface, coffee table... Completely tidy and clean it: find everything on it a proper home, wipe it down, polish it, whatever. The rule is now that this surface is never anything other than immaculate. And no shunting stuff to other places! If it was going to go on there, it has to go away in its proper home. When you feel that keeping this surface tidy is an ingrained habit (a month?), add another surface (preferably within sight of the first one).
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I have an idea that might help, and I think I'm going to do it myself on a trunk we use as a coffee table/repository for whatever we happen to be carrying at the time.
Pick a small area in your home that's very visible and gets used a lot. Hall table, a particular kitchen worksurface, coffee table... Completely tidy and clean it: find everything on it a proper home, wipe it down, polish it, whatever. The rule is now that this surface is never anything other than immaculate. And no shunting stuff to other places! If it was going to go on there, it has to go away in its proper home. When you feel that keeping this surface tidy is an ingrained habit (a month?), add another surface (preferably within sight of the first one).
That is a really cool idea. Keep us posted on if it's working!
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I have an idea that might help, and I think I'm going to do it myself on a trunk we use as a coffee table/repository for whatever we happen to be carrying at the time.
Pick a small area in your home that's very visible and gets used a lot. Hall table, a particular kitchen worksurface, coffee table... Completely tidy and clean it: find everything on it a proper home, wipe it down, polish it, whatever. The rule is now that this surface is never anything other than immaculate. And no shunting stuff to other places! If it was going to go on there, it has to go away in its proper home. When you feel that keeping this surface tidy is an ingrained habit (a month?), add another surface (preferably within sight of the first one).
That is a really cool idea. Keep us posted on if it's working!
Forgot to say in my post above that a friend came round the other day that we haven't seen for a while. "Hey," she said spontaneously, "your trunk is clear." I was both overjoyed and offended at the same time :) But it's staying clean so far and we picked it because it's the piece of furniture that makes the most visual difference to the room and ended up with the most random-crap-for-no-reason on it. It really does make the whole place seem tidier to have it clear.
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Actually, thinking further about this topic, I give off this vibe (totally unintentionally) of being a really clean person. People have literally said to my face, "Oh, I can just imagine your home, it must be immaculate all the time." And there's me thinking, "Mate, at a bad time it's borderline unhygienic." So I do feel actual, specific, personal pressure not to disappoint people by being messy.
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^ I had a weird thing for a long time of something like: My house needs to be clean and tidy and "just so" when people see it, so that they know that I know what a nice home looks like." WTF?!?!??!?!?!?! Lol. It was just this idea, and it controlled me into cleaning if I thought someone might see it. "So that they know that I know..." !?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? Once I realized this thought, it wasn't long before I was able to release it.
Probably from growing up in a house that was beautiful, but generally very cluttered and messy and me feeling embarrassed when people came over. Apparently Little Me wanted them to know that this was not me, that I knew what the Ultimate was, that I was eager and able to do it, just not in that environment. Ack.
My house is still ridiculously clean and tidy much of the time, because I like cleaning and I like a clean, spartan space. But that piece is gone, whew.
Shelivesthedream, someone told me they would feel embarrassed if I saw their bookshelf, because it was near-empty, and I obviously had my walls lined with deep reading material. ?? I don't own a single book, and would have adored her spartan shelves! Funny, the impressions people can have of one another.
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I'm also a very messy person. Before company comes over, we do a massive, all-day grand sweep of our house and throw all the clutter into a bedroom with the door shut. But at most other times, it's an utter wreck: dusty, cluttered, laundry lying around, etc. We avoid having people over spontaneously.
I need to change things, and I think I will try taking these steps:
(a) Massive declutter and reorganization of space. Every object needs a home. No clothes beyond what will fill the dresser and closet. Better storage capacities, including more shelves on the walls.
(b) Avoid having new junk fill the void of the old junk, with a "quality over quantity" rule. I'd rather have a few sturdy, great things (even if they are more expensive) than lots of little cheap, poor-quality or little-used things.
(c) Create a cycle of small tasks that we can do, just a few per day, to keep things decent around here. There may be daily tasks (basic straightening, dealing with dirty dishes and kitchen counters); weekly or alternating-week tasks (laundry, sort mail-heap); and monthly or quarterly tasks (wipe down the mirrors, wash couch cover). My idea is to parcel these out into 24 chunks, then set a monthly cycle of email alerts for each weekday with the small handful of tasks we're supposed to do that day. (Giving us weekends off.) If we remember to do those things on those days, we should be okay.
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I am pretty clean and tidy for the most part. Most people who enter comment about how clean everything is (disclaimer...I have a cleaning crew 2x per month.) I keep it clean in between, and clean most things before the cleaning crew arrives (just make sure everything is in its proper place).
One time, I had a fire in a utility closet off my kitchen. There were a lot of electronics, etc back there, so I didn't want to throw water on it and I feared an electrical fire/spark/etc. So I took the phone, went outside, and called the fire department, thinking I was resigned to burning down my house and my neighbors'. Then I remembered I had dirty dishes AND the remains of a take-out order of buffalo wings on my kitchen counter. As in messy messy. Not just a nice neat box, but a plate with half-eaten food, etc. I put the food down and realized I was willing to die by electrocution in trying to put out the fire if it meant not being embarrassed by leftover food.
Anyway, one wok-ful of water thrown behind the dryer did the job. And I was able to put my dishes away and throw out the garbage before the firemen showed up.
I'm not sorry
ETA: I've also gone to bed without doing the dishes, then gone back down thinking "what if I fall down the stairs and die and someone sees that I haven't cleaned up after dinner?"
Yeah, I know it's kind of strange, but it makes me feel better.
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I am pretty clean and tidy for the most part. Most people who enter comment about how clean everything is (disclaimer...I have a cleaning crew 2x per month.) I keep it clean in between, and clean most things before the cleaning crew arrives (just make sure everything is in its proper place).
One time, I had a fire in a utility closet off my kitchen. There were a lot of electronics, etc back there, so I didn't want to throw water on it and I feared an electrical fire/spark/etc. So I took the phone, went outside, and called the fire department, thinking I was resigned to burning down my house and my neighbors'. Then I remembered I had dirty dishes AND the remains of a take-out order of buffalo wings on my kitchen counter. As in messy messy. Not just a nice neat box, but a plate with half-eaten food, etc. I put the food down and realized I was willing to die by electrocution in trying to put out the fire if it meant not being embarrassed by leftover food.
Anyway, one wok-ful of water thrown behind the dryer did the job. And I was able to put my dishes away and throw out the garbage before the firemen showed up.
I'm not sorry
ETA: I've also gone to bed without doing the dishes, then gone back down thinking "what if I fall down the stairs and die and someone sees that I haven't cleaned up after dinner?"
Yeah, I know it's kind of strange, but it makes me feel better.
I aspire to be motivated to levels of tidiness like this! As it is, these thoughts would NEVER cross my mind, they'd be more in the line of "well I guess they'll see that I'm messy just like everybody else probably secretly is!"
However, I'd love tips: does the cleaning service help you stay on top of things? Have you always been a neatnik? (That's what we affectionally called my neat freak grandmother whose home always looked PRISTINE so I say it with love).
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BlueHouse: Those are JUST the quirky kinds of things that endear me most to a person, lol. You are delightful!
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BlueHouse: Those are JUST the quirky kinds of things that endear me most to a person, lol. You are delightful!
Oh thank you! I thought I was going to catch hell for my craziness!
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In contrast, I'm motivated by not liking to live with a lot of dirty dishes, laundry, and random clutter. Now, that doesn't mean that we don't have dirty dishes, unfolded laundry, etc., or that our house would be commented on by others as being particularly clean. So we do a bit extra cleaning for guests (mostly really wiping down surfaces and temporarily putting away some of the clutter that we live with - 2 magazines to read, my knitting, few important papers, 1 coat laying out, that kind of thing) but I wouldn't be more than mildly embarrassed at the state of my house on most days if I were to host something impromptu. About 1 day/week there's a disaster of dishes to do in the kitchen from my husband cooking a complicated meal later in the evening, that don't get totally done until the next night or two. I'm calmer and less anxious when our house is more put together. So I put effort into keeping it somewhat put together.
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I am pretty clean and tidy for the most part. Most people who enter comment about how clean everything is (disclaimer...I have a cleaning crew 2x per month.) I keep it clean in between, and clean most things before the cleaning crew arrives (just make sure everything is in its proper place).
One time, I had a fire in a utility closet off my kitchen. There were a lot of electronics, etc back there, so I didn't want to throw water on it and I feared an electrical fire/spark/etc. So I took the phone, went outside, and called the fire department, thinking I was resigned to burning down my house and my neighbors'. Then I remembered I had dirty dishes AND the remains of a take-out order of buffalo wings on my kitchen counter. As in messy messy. Not just a nice neat box, but a plate with half-eaten food, etc. I put the food down and realized I was willing to die by electrocution in trying to put out the fire if it meant not being embarrassed by leftover food.
Anyway, one wok-ful of water thrown behind the dryer did the job. And I was able to put my dishes away and throw out the garbage before the firemen showed up.
I'm not sorry
ETA: I've also gone to bed without doing the dishes, then gone back down thinking "what if I fall down the stairs and die and someone sees that I haven't cleaned up after dinner?"
Yeah, I know it's kind of strange, but it makes me feel better.
I aspire to be motivated to levels of tidiness like this! As it is, these thoughts would NEVER cross my mind, they'd be more in the line of "well I guess they'll see that I'm messy just like everybody else probably secretly is!"
However, I'd love tips: does the cleaning service help you stay on top of things? Have you always been a neatnik? (That's what we affectionally called my neat freak grandmother whose home always looked PRISTINE so I say it with love).
Hmmm. I never really thought about whether it was a lifelong thing or not. And I never really thought it was out of the ordinary. Growing up, our house was always straightened up and we all had minor chores to do, but my mom did the bulk of everything! My mom married a guy with 3 daughters when I was in 6th grade and the first time my family (brothers and sisters) went to his house, we were absolutely appalled. Had never seen anyone living in such filth before. (makes me laugh now to remember what I thought was filth!). Stacks of magazines in the hallways. Items left on the stairs. Kitchen floors were very dirty. Clothes in piles around the house -- dirty and clean. My brother nicknamed the girls "the smellies" and it stuck! The marriage didn't last long, but to this day, we are convinced my mom only married this man because she felt sorry for his children.
In high school, yes, I mopped my bedroom floor weekly, did all my own laundry weekly, washed walls on occasion.
In college, I kept a tidy place, mainly out of respect for my roomate, I think. I was a smoker back then, so nothing would have looked clean anyway, but at least I put my things away.
First apartments -- yeah, come to think of it, I just kept the habits that I was raised with...keep things organized and then once a week do a deep clean.
When I got my cleaning service (at age 45) , that was honestly the first time in my life that it ever even occurred to me that I didn't have to change my sheets every week. Now I go the full two weeks because I don't ever want to change sheets again. (Honestly, I don't mind changing the sheets, but i hate folding.) When I do my own, I just take from the dryer and put them right back on the bed.
The cleaning people do things like dust all shutters, fans, baseboards and doors; vacuum rugs; mop floors (hands and knees in bathrooms); clean toilets and baths; windex all mirrors; etc.
They'll take out the trash and clean the fridge, but I usually take my own trash out the night before they come anyway. I want the cleaning crew to spend their time doing things I don't want to do, not figuring out where to put my things, so I make sure everything is put away before they come. My fridge usually has a lot of empty space in it, so whenever there's an empty area, it's easy to just wipe it down.
One time I made bacon in the oven and didn't clean it out and the next week it was all clean! That was awesome!
Sometimes I come home and my bed is moved away from the wall so I know they cleaned back there. Sometimes they clean the hinges on my doors where the ball-bearing dust accumulates (I didn't even know that was a thing).
I love coming home after work and finding a crisp set of sheets on my bed!
I also like to schedule any big parties/gatherings for right BEFORE the cleaning crew comes. I know this is unlike most people. So I've realized it's not even so much what other people think...I like living in a clean and neat place.
And sometimes the crew misses things -- like the spiders that LOVE my transom above the door. There are always webs there. Whenever I see them, I get up there and wipe it down. Because the first year I hired the crew, I wondered how long it would take before the cleaning crew finally wiped those webs. Well, when it started to look like cotton candy up there, I gave in and realized I would never have a completely maintenance-free life.
So yes, for me, the maintenance of the everyday tedious things makes it so whenever I spot something out of place, it doesn't feel like a burden to fix it. Then you just get in the habit of stopping and wiping it rather than thinking "oh, I need to wipe that next time I go by".
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BlueHouse, thank you for sharing. Your details make me realize I did not grow up with cleaning as a habit. Put away toys, clothes, etc: yes. But cleaning on the regular? Never. We cleaned in a frantic stressful fury when company was coming over ;)
I am seeking to make some changes. Your story helps me picture a new way of life so I really appreciate the detail.
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(c) Create a cycle of small tasks that we can do, just a few per day, to keep things decent around here. There may be daily tasks (basic straightening, dealing with dirty dishes and kitchen counters); weekly or alternating-week tasks (laundry, sort mail-heap); and monthly or quarterly tasks (wipe down the mirrors, wash couch cover). My idea is to parcel these out into 24 chunks, then set a monthly cycle of email alerts for each weekday with the small handful of tasks we're supposed to do that day. (Giving us weekends off.) If we remember to do those things on those days, we should be okay.
Intriguing...
I'm decluttering before a move (a move into a bigger place, but it seems like a natural time to go through stuff!) and I'm surprised by the emotions that are churning up. I'm sure some of it is to do with the move (new house, new city, new job for my husband) but some of it is definitely just the wrench of finally letting something go.
I think weirdly, the emotion I'm feeling most is failure - that all that time ago I failed to buy the right thing that would be perfect and do the job forever and never be superfluous (or to recognise that it was not the right thing and so therefore not buy it), so I'm having to throw it away. I just didn't think I invested that much of my self-worth in my ability to shop efficiently. It's not even stuff I've spent money on - I feel failure because I said "Yes, I'll take that free thing" and it turns out I didn't estimate my future needs correctly.
It's making it really hard to get started on decluttering each time because I know I'm just going to be adrift in this sea of emotion. And I'm also buying furniture now (our current place is part-furnished, new place is unfurnished) and looking at it through the lens of my current decluttering and worrying about my future feelings of failure from having not bought the exact right thing now. It's especially acute because I'm buying almost everything secondhand off eBay, so I can't even really compare apples to apples - I just have to buy the orange that's there or not. But what if, in three years time, I realise the orange isn't the forever orange and we have to replace it with a banana?!
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shelivesthedream, I too am going through the releasing (moving to no place) and emotions. My emotions are for different reasons, and overall I'm excited and relieved to be doing it, but yeah, ugh, the emotional response to almost every single item! Memories, past commitments, life moving forward, the sweetest gifts... I can only do so much of it every day, for sure. It's why I'm starting way in advance of moving day!
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shelivesthedream, I too am going through the releasing (moving to no place) and emotions. My emotions are for different reasons, and overall I'm excited and relieved to be doing it, but yeah, ugh, the emotional response to almost every single item! Memories, past commitments, life moving forward, the sweetest gifts... I can only do so much of it every day, for sure. It's why I'm starting way in advance of moving day!
This is fascinating to me. I have difficulty getting rid of some things because I think of the original cost of it, or the cost of replacing it should I need it again some day. Once I toss something, I NEVER think of it again, so really very few emotional attachments to things.
I saw on Hoarders one time that sometimes hoarding behavior starts or intensifies after a loved one dies. I've already started asking my mom for a few things, and I'm a bit worried that I might start to get emotionally attached to silly things after she's gone. So I can completely understand that part of it.
Oh, I just remembered that I do have some areas of my house where I keep completely useless items! These are areas that I would never put anything that I ever needed to use -- like the highest shelves of cabinets that I can't really reach anyhow. I have a hideously ugly flower pot in the shape of a donkey and its cart, but my grandmother used to keep it on her kitchen table. No idea why I'm saving that, but it kind of makes me smile every time I see or think about it. I also have a bunch of religious art prints (I am not religious), carvings of the Virgin Mary, things signed by past Popes or Cardinals, etc that I keep hanging in my master closet on the wall up above the door. My family used to be fairly religious (a few nuns and priests in the family) and when they died, these things were passed around and landed at my place. Now my mom calls it my "Shrine" and has started contributing more things to it. (like a papal blessing for my parents marriage, etc). I just don't feel right about throwing these things away, so I usually just climb on a ladder, put a nail in the wall, hang 'em up, and no one is the wiser until they really start snooping around in my house...and then they are fascinated...just absolutely fascinated by the shrine!
I also hang art that I no longer favor in my closets behind clothes. It's fun to have art back there, and it's not hurting anyone!
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^ Once I've released something, I feel happy and light, and it's a very rare item that I ever think about again (usually one of my own stuffies!). It's just the time from looking at something to assess its releasability to the split second after drop off that the feelings are present. Before and after that, no.
Because I know that (a) I can develop emotional/sentimental attachment to things, AND (b) I prefer that my possessions take up very little space, I generally select the smallest, lightest version of everything. After my dad died, I selected very portable keepsakes and made sure to limit the number of those (vs all of his small collection, for example). I was lucky in that the portable keepsakes just happened to be the keepsakes that had the most meaning to me, too. I knew going in that I may wish to keep them forever, so chose accordingly.
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I like this thread!
You made me think... I assumed I was not a clean person, really, because my home is rarely "clean" all at the same time. Most very clean people would take one look and suggest that we go out for coffee instead if I invite them over... And I was going to answer that way... but upon reflecting, I think I am maybe a "clean" person with a high tolerance for dirt, and a low tolerance for being made into a hell hound and nag.
I live with three non-tidy people, one (spouse) who is legally blind without glasses, and had his mom clean for him growing up, and two teenagers (one is an artist who likes "visual adventure" as I describe it).
I pick up my things twice a day, I do a 3-5 minute round twice a day (to keep it sorted on-going as I am ok with leaving things out for 4 hours at a time, and incidental cleaning of something noteworthy but fast), I make our bed every day, clean up after kids' breakfasts, and clean the kitchen as needed to make dinner. I am even pretty good about folding and putting away my own laundry within a day.
I now think that what really happens, is that I object to cleaning up other peoples' mess or doing their chores. I mean, the house is littered with things that have sat there for three, four days, while dust bunnies build up around them, dirty dishes near computer, preventing an easy wash / dust of the area. These items rarely get picked up when I nag (I have to yell, which I choose to do less of in my life), so when I eventually do some of it (for my sanity), my life energy to do the routine cleaning / washing falls off (vacuum, clean tub, etc)..e.g. My inner diaologue is " I have already done more than my job", and I stop. My tolerance for washing the floor is near zero, too. Not because I didn't do it before, but because it is the thing that is my DH's job... per our agreement 15 years ago (LOL, I am sure I am the only one that remembers that!)
The result is a usually shabby home and a massive yelling stress laden affair 1 day before company comes over. During this "family cleaning time" I get a clean house, a crying fit, and maybe people not talking to each other for a day.
If that is what it takes to live in a clean home, I choose peace instead instead of tidy/clean.
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^ I have some of that :)
I am willing to be firm on a few things:
*after enough disasters, kid is no longer allowed food in his room
*personal stuff lives in one's personal space, not on the common area table, floor, etc
*everyone who lives here participates in household chores
But, there are things that make it easier for kid to abide by these few rules:
*he figured out that he can lie over his bedroom door threshold to eat a snack and watch his computer at the same time, lol. Fine by me :)
*house is tiny, so getting stuff from door to personal space is a matter of eight paces, max
*once stuff is inside one's personal space, it can go wherever: floor, bed, shelf, messy, tidy
*we release excess constantly...shred paper, remove recycling, take stuff to thrift, etc, at least weekly
*we split chores by preference. He feels overwhelmed at the thought of washing dishes; I feel overwhelmed at setting them up. So he sets up the sink daily, and I wash. Both happy and at ease!
*we set a reward for each nonpreferred task (playtime with friend, Netflix, candy, whatever)
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^ Once I've released something, I feel happy and light, and it's a very rare item that I ever think about again (usually one of my own stuffies!). It's just the time from looking at something to assess its releasability to the split second after drop off that the feelings are present. Before and after that, no.
Me too. I've been trying to think of something I regretted getting rid of. I really can't summon anything immediately to mind. The most it's ever been has been, "Hey, didn't I have one of those widgets once? *rummage rummage* Oh yeah, I got rid of it. Oh well." It really is just the block of not wanting to look at these items while I carry them from wherever they are to the bin bag/charity shop and spend those three seconds thinking what a total shopping failure I am.
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I like this thread!
You made me think... I assumed I was not a clean person, really, because my home is rarely "clean" all at the same time. Most very clean people would take one look and suggest that we go out for coffee instead if I invite them over... And I was going to answer that way... but upon reflecting, I think I am maybe a "clean" person with a high tolerance for dirt, and a low tolerance for being made into a hell hound and nag.
I live with three non-tidy people, one (spouse) who is legally blind without glasses, and had his mom clean for him growing up, and two teenagers (one is an artist who likes "visual adventure" as I describe it).
I pick up my things twice a day, I do a 3-5 minute round twice a day (to keep it sorted on-going as I am ok with leaving things out for 4 hours at a time, and incidental cleaning of something noteworthy but fast), I make our bed every day, clean up after kids' breakfasts, and clean the kitchen as needed to make dinner. I am even pretty good about folding and putting away my own laundry within a day.
I now think that what really happens, is that I object to cleaning up other peoples' mess or doing their chores. I mean, the house is littered with things that have sat there for three, four days, while dust bunnies build up around them, dirty dishes near computer, preventing an easy wash / dust of the area. These items rarely get picked up when I nag (I have to yell, which I choose to do less of in my life), so when I eventually do some of it (for my sanity), my life energy to do the routine cleaning / washing falls off (vacuum, clean tub, etc)..e.g. My inner diaologue is " I have already done more than my job", and I stop. My tolerance for washing the floor is near zero, too. Not because I didn't do it before, but because it is the thing that is my DH's job... per our agreement 15 years ago (LOL, I am sure I am the only one that remembers that!)
The result is a usually shabby home and a massive yelling stress laden affair 1 day before company comes over. During this "family cleaning time" I get a clean house, a crying fit, and maybe people not talking to each other for a day.
If that is what it takes to live in a clean home, I choose peace instead instead of tidy/clean.
Are you my mom? ;)
Just kidding. But that all sounded quite familiar!!
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I love this thread! In trying to categorize myself on this, I guess I would have to say that the outward appearance of tidiness is important to me. If you came to my house you'd think "not too bad", though you would definitely know a family actually lived here. Twice I month, a cleaning crew comes over and it makes us have to tidy in advance. The two women who clean are part of a large extended family and are happy recipients of passed-along kids' clothing and toys, which is great because I'm always trying to prune back the stuff that accumulates in drawers and closets. Most of the storage in my house is not anywhere near optimal organization. Someday?
I absolutely can't leave the house in the morning with dirty dishes in the sink and unmade beds. A few years ago, we evacuated our home due to encroaching wildfires and after the car was packed with pets, some irreplaceable items and changes of clothes, I made everyone go back inside and make their beds. Disclaimer: it was a voluntary evacuation, no flames licking at our heels or anything. I'm not quite THAT crazy. :)
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My inner diaologue is " I have already done more than my job", and I stop. My tolerance for washing the floor is near zero, too. Not because I didn't do it before, but because it is the thing that is my DH's job... per our agreement 15 years ago (LOL, I am sure I am the only one that remembers that!)
The result is a usually shabby home and a massive yelling stress laden affair 1 day before company comes over. During this "family cleaning time" I get a clean house, a crying fit, and maybe people not talking to each other for a day.
If that is what it takes to live in a clean home, I choose peace instead instead of tidy/clean.
Honey, is that you? Same family specs, my vision is fine but similar outcome. We aren't always dealing with high emotion to get the cleaning done but every once in a while the younger child (tween) goes from I love to clean to I hate to clean at the worst possible moment. "I hate to clean" and refuses to help. Engage parenting skills.
Or the older teen will announce that his girlfriend is coming over to "help" and all I can think of is NO! why would you want your GF to see the house at its worst? And while she has graciously helped, she also functions as a distraction.
Last weekend and DW took time off and spent it on the house. We've been sorting and giving away stuff (slow but progress!). DW got it all done except for a little debris left from our room. We are SO close... This weekend for certain.
Stuff: I was once stationed overseas and due to linguistic difficulties I couldn't always find what I wanted or needed when I wanted or needed it. It sparked some minor stuff crisis (no more than a car load) b/c I would buy stuff when I found it (street markets) or buy two of something so I would have a backup after the first thing was used up or I collected a few used things I might need in the future.
Fast forward a couple decades and the behavior stuck and left us with a cluttered small home. Kid clutter, spouse clutter, my clutter, inherited clutter, etc. No more. Feels better to give it to Goodwill than keep some of that stuff another day/week/year. None of it is worth anything $ and its all a mouse click away if I actually needed it again which is often unlikely.
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Whew, I see I'm not the first to mention cleaning people. I was a perpetually single, FIRE-focused person living in a townhouse with no pets. At 54, I got married for the first time. DH was a widower with a collage student son still at home, two dogs and a cat. Soon after, his dad died and we realized his mom had Alzheimer's. We decided to move her in with us. I pulled the trigger and FIRE. Among us there were four houses, none large enough or suitable for our newly blended family of four adults, two dogs and a cat. In eight months, we emptied out and sold three houses, rented out the fourth, and house hunted in earnest.
We found a fabulous, custom-built clown house three blocks from DH's work, on a short sale. It's a palacial 2600 sf. There are 4 bedrooms and 3.5 baths. It is full of stone surfaces and has an insane (IMO) kitchen. Oy. The first year, I did the housekeeping, but it was a mighty struggle. Finally, DH suggested hiring cleaners. I was not cool with the idea, because frugal habits die hard.
We compromised and now have a husband-and-wife team come in every other week. They have been a godsend. At first, I scrambled to get things "done" before they arrived. They don't change linens or do laundry, so I had to have that done first. I had to disappear all the clutter before they arrived as well.
Over time, I made it a game to see how tidy I could keep the house between their visits so I didn't have to scramble on cleaning day. All the linens and laundry are now completed in a timely manner. An unexpected bonus is the effect they have on my MIL. Before, it was a battle to even get the sheets off her bed. The 2 furry alarms (i.e. dogs) sleep in her room. She keeps the window and blinds firmly clised, so it always reeked. Now, the imminent arrival of the cleaning people gives me an excuse to air out her room. Funny how the brain works. She can still vacuum if it's set up for her and she strips and makes her own bed. She won't do it for me, but she doesn't want strangers to see her room in a mess.
It costs $2400 a year, which is still a staggering, non-essential sum in my mind. But the structure and order it has created in our lives is priceless.
To their credit, everyone pitches in. DH does all the outside and maintenance work and the trash. DSS does his own laundry and we have an agreement never to open his bedroom door (even the cleaning people do not enter). I cook most meals at home. I clean up the dishes generated during the day and DSS does the dinner dishes and loads and runs the dishwasher as needed. MIL dries the dishes for him and unloads the DW in the mornings with me. She likes to vacuum, so I usually set it up for her on the alternating weeks and it keeps her busy for half an hour.
The bonus is that we get to live our chaotic lives in a not-chaotic home. Recently, I hosted a birthday potluck for eight on a day's notice. All I had to do was figure out to make from what I had on hand and set the table. It was really nice.
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One thing that was a revelation for me was that you can use a cleaning service on an occasional basis. When I moved out of my last place, I realized exactly how grimy it had gotten. (I don't mind tidying up and doing light cleaning like wiping down counters and sweeping, but I hate scrubbing.) Now I get a cleaning service 2-3x per year, which I usually schedule just before a houseguest or other event. Forces me to pick up the items I "stop seeing" after awhile, and keeps the grunge level down to a tolerable level (I am single with no pets, FYI). It's amazing how motivational a really clean house is in terms of keeping it that way for awhile.
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This thread is enlightening, humorous, good-spirited and helpful. Thank you to everyone who has contributed thus far.
This thread and a couple others have been very helpful. I have learned a lot over the past year at letting go of clutter and emotional attachments to "stuff." But I do not know much about a cleaning routine .
Now that someone comes over to watch our son a couple days a week that's helped us be much better about sweeping EVERY night and checking the bathroom/towels/etc. But I still feel like I and my husband have to develop a good cleaning routine and pass it on to our kids so they don't end up having to remember things like cleaning windows in the spring or how often to mop.
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The house we're moving into in June has a damp problem which has allegedly been sorted out but it's left a lot of small drifts of residual mould, especially on the window frames. Having read this thread, I'm thinking about getting a one-off professional clean to get the house spotless before we move in - not just for the mould, but all those annoying things like cleaning radiators and door handles. Maybe if we start off spotless and decluttering I can start a daily tasks routine an stick to it because it won't be an uphill slog against months of accumulated grime.
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The house we're moving into in June has a damp problem which has allegedly been sorted out but it's left a lot of small drifts of residual mould, especially on the window frames. Having read this thread, I'm thinking about getting a one-off professional clean to get the house spotless before we move in - not just for the mould, but all those annoying things like cleaning radiators and door handles. Maybe if we start off spotless and decluttering I can start a daily tasks routine an stick to it because it won't be an uphill slog against months of accumulated grime.
OK...... around here that levl of clen costs quite a bit.. if the place is empty you may get a deal.
Be certain that you specify what you want cleaned, as the standard package won't include all of that.
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One thing that was a revelation for me was that you can use a cleaning service on an occasional basis. When I moved out of my last place, I realized exactly how grimy it had gotten. (I don't mind tidying up and doing light cleaning like wiping down counters and sweeping, but I hate scrubbing.) Now I get a cleaning service 2-3x per year, which I usually schedule just before a houseguest or other event. Forces me to pick up the items I "stop seeing" after awhile, and keeps the grunge level down to a tolerable level (I am single with no pets, FYI). It's amazing how motivational a really clean house is in terms of keeping it that way for awhile.
Noodle, what do you have this occasional cleaning service do?
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Hey, guess how clean my house gets when I tell myself I'm not allowed to read any of my books until my house is clean?
REALLY CLEAN.
I've pretty much spent the whole day off and on cleaning because damn, I want to read my books! Kudos to the poster that recommended this strategy :)
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^ I live my entire life this way :) Every nonpreferred activity is completed per a reward I set in advance! My rewards are Netflix, forum, tea, candy, nap, etc.
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^ I live my entire life this way :) Every nonpreferred activity is completed per a reward I set in advance! My rewards are Netflix, forum, tea, candy, nap, etc.
You must get a lot done in life! I've never operated that way - until now!
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You must get a lot done in life!
I really really do, lol. And I absolutely credit this approach!
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Yay for cleaning motivation!
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One thing that was a revelation for me was that you can use a cleaning service on an occasional basis. When I moved out of my last place, I realized exactly how grimy it had gotten. (I don't mind tidying up and doing light cleaning like wiping down counters and sweeping, but I hate scrubbing.) Now I get a cleaning service 2-3x per year, which I usually schedule just before a houseguest or other event. Forces me to pick up the items I "stop seeing" after awhile, and keeps the grunge level down to a tolerable level (I am single with no pets, FYI). It's amazing how motivational a really clean house is in terms of keeping it that way for awhile.
Noodle, what do you have this occasional cleaning service do?
They do their "deep cleaning" service, which means scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom, mopping floors, wiping down all the appliances, dusting blinds, etc. Plus the usual cleaning things like emptying the trash and vacuuming. They will also add on cleaning the oven and a few other tasks for a small extra fee. Basically, they remove the built-up grime that I really do not enjoy dealing with!
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Aahhhh, my cleaning team just left and everything is neat and clean all at the same time. I am making a simple dinner so that the kitchen clean-up will be a breeze. Oh, a clean house feels so good! Such a guilty pleasure.
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Crazy things my one-time cleaning lady did:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170420/8cb5776bc53d5326dac15e5a8d2f606d.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170420/334aef3aafba45855e3af2876b23196a.jpg)
She did so many more weird "staging" things (which I specifically asked her not to do) and it was so maddening! I'm not paying for someone to put my books from tallest to shortest :/
Haha but it cured me of my desire for a cleaning service!
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WOW, lifejoy!!! I wouldn't pay someone to make my apples garlicky either. Nor to do funny things in my house. But I sure do love her funniness and her mad skillz with the TP! I would love if I found the TP trick in my house after a friend had been by, for example.
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WOW, lifejoy!!! I wouldn't pay someone to make my apples garlicky either. Nor to do funny things in my house. But I sure do love her funniness and her mad skillz with the TP! I would love if I found the TP trick in my house after a friend had been by, for example.
Haha yeah a friend doing it would be fun! But I was pretty upset that she thought I was rich enough (wasteful enough!) to pay someone to fold my toilet paper :P
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WOW, lifejoy!!! I wouldn't pay someone to make my apples garlicky either. Nor to do funny things in my house. But I sure do love her funniness and her mad skillz with the TP! I would love if I found the TP trick in my house after a friend had been by, for example.
Haha yeah a friend doing it would be fun! But I was pretty upset that she thought I was rich enough (wasteful enough!) to pay someone to fold my toilet paper :P
That's just an indication to the homeowner that she's the first person to use it since its been cleaned. My cleaning crew didn't do it because they focused on the real shit and the indicators they left were things like the dining chairs moved to the wrong side of the table, the couch moved away from the wall and all the shutter slats closed. So I had to go around and move all my furniture and adjust all shutters. I got used to it. Recently they've become a bit more competitive. Got a new contract at a VERY upscale place. So eh all now wear company t-shirts, and the flowers in the TP and pleated dish towels have started to appear! I like the little surprises I find around the house and it's better than having to move all my furniture!
It's also much better than having to go around the house and pour shampoo in the tubs to make sure someone is cleaning them. Because in my guest room, I wouldn't otherwise know!
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You guys have a bad influence on my person ;-). I have always done cleaning myself, but was yesterday looking into the cost of hiring an official white-paid cleaning service for doing a springtime big clean. The company looked goid, but unfortunately they don't show prices online. And Luckily I didn't request a price yet.
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Hmmm. I'm on the fence. I found that in preparing for my cleaning service, I did a ton of tidying and cleaning and realized that - guess what? I could really do it all myself!
Maybe if I paid myself $50 to do all the deep-cleaning... maybe that would help? Haha!!!
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I have found that the older I get the cleaner/neater I am. Also when I was raising my 3 kids things would not get dirty because I stayed on top of it but they did get messy. My DH is messy so I limit his areas to his office, garage, shed and half of the bedroom. The rest is mine and is neat. When I worked f.t. I had cleaners once per month. I picked up everything and put things away before they came so they could clean quickly. Once I semi-retired I quit paying for the service. I do not clean my DH's office because it is such a disaster.
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Declutter beyond what you imagine. For example, in the kitchen, have only 1 utensil per person. Put extras for company in a separate place (under a cabinet or in the hall closet). You wouldn't believe how much this helps to not have dishes pile up. If you only have one plate, you'll have to just wash it rather than grabbing another.
This also helps with the psychological aspect. Clean begets clean and messy begets messy. If you have crap on the counter and you walk in with crap in your hands, you will automatically set it on the counter.
If the counter is pristine, you will have the impulse to put the crap away rather than just set it on the counter. You will then have to actively encourage this urge by following through, but at least you had the urge.
I know it's oversold these days, and maybe you're not a "minimalist", but I've found that being ruthlessly honest with myself about my possessions and purging what I don't need has made it easier to keep a clean home. If it does get messy, it's quicker to tidy. And once it's tidy, inertia kicks in and it's easier to keep it that way. http://alliecasazza.com/free-resources/ has a free email course that really helped me. She also has a private fb group where members share pictures of their decluttered spaces and it's been inspiring to keep up the momentum.
You know, I often wonder about how women used to keep up with all the work, especially when they didn't have modern conveniences. But I bet the fact that they had a fraction of the possessions we have helped a LOT.
I did this out of frustration a couple of years ago. For a household of 4, I kept 5 of everything. Went through the cutlery, plates and dishes and the tupperware cupboard. Caused a total meltdown shit fight with the better half but after a while she saw the benefits.
It might be an age thing but I definitely prefer a bit of order and tidiness.
I try to pick up after my self to minimise the crap trail.
I try to think of it as respecting the the person to use the space/ area after you have been there. Whether it be yourself a family member, a friend or a total stranger.
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Declutter beyond what you imagine. For example, in the kitchen, have only 1 utensil per person. Put extras for company in a separate place (under a cabinet or in the hall closet). You wouldn't believe how much this helps to not have dishes pile up. If you only have one plate, you'll have to just wash it rather than grabbing another.
This also helps with the psychological aspect. Clean begets clean and messy begets messy. If you have crap on the counter and you walk in with crap in your hands, you will automatically set it on the counter.
If the counter is pristine, you will have the impulse to put the crap away rather than just set it on the counter. You will then have to actively encourage this urge by following through, but at least you had the urge.
I know it's oversold these days, and maybe you're not a "minimalist", but I've found that being ruthlessly honest with myself about my possessions and purging what I don't need has made it easier to keep a clean home. If it does get messy, it's quicker to tidy. And once it's tidy, inertia kicks in and it's easier to keep it that way. http://alliecasazza.com/free-resources/ has a free email course that really helped me. She also has a private fb group where members share pictures of their decluttered spaces and it's been inspiring to keep up the momentum.
You know, I often wonder about how women used to keep up with all the work, especially when they didn't have modern conveniences. But I bet the fact that they had a fraction of the possessions we have helped a LOT.
I did this out of frustration a couple of years ago. For a household of 4, I kept 5 of everything. Went through the cutlery, plates and dishes and the tupperware cupboard. Caused a total meltdown shit fight with the better half but after a while she saw the benefits.
It might be an age thing but I definitely prefer a bit of order and tidiness.
I try to pick up after my self to minimise the crap trail.
I try to think of it as respecting the the person to use the space/ area after you have been there. Whether it be yourself a family member, a friend or a total stranger.
In life I tend to be a very respectful and considerate person. Why does this not extend to my stuff and the people that share my space? Or myself and honouring myself by living in an orderly space???
I've been doing the less-dishes thing (packed up all but the most necessary) and it is helping significantly. Such a great strategy.
Now I'm going to massively declutter my house and see if that works :)
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In some people, messiness is due to literally not seeing stuff. While some brains hypernotice (low latent inhibition), others hyperfilter.
In others, it's due to fatigue or overwhelm. Long days at work + commute, or baby care, etc.
In others, it's due to more stuff than is actually manageable.
In others, it's due to a preference to be surrounded, a sensory comfort in that.
In others, it's due to not having an easy, close place for each item (should take literally three seconds to put away).
In others, it's due to anger at a roommate/spouse.
Several of these are easily resolvable, if people agree they want them to be.
The first one can be taught, for example, in one of these ways:
1. Like Axe's wife, take a photo of the ideal space. Post it right above that space.
2. Write down the steps, give a learning kid (or oneself) only ONE step per round.
"Any garbage, throw in garbage can."
"Any personal items, put in personal bedroom (or office)."
"Put all socks together."
"Put all dirty dishes together at sink."
"Put every remaining item in its home."
3. Especially with kids: "I will give you $3 to clean the room." When they say it's all done, say, "Ya? Cool. Thanks :) Now, just in case anything got missed, I'm going to pay myself $1 out of the $3 for anything I find. [Excited:] Do you think I'll find anything?" My kid is always very motivated to newly find all the things that were "already done."
My kid can "see" way more now. It didn't change his personality or his brain -he is still unbothered by stuff being about, but now I need only write "clear room" and everything gets done. He has learned how to see even though he isn't a person who naturally sees. Just like I seem to have learned some math, despite my natural state.
For sensory need, often one large item can take the place of 40 smaller ones. So instead of a towel, five plates, a TV, six small stuffies, two beer cans, and seven books, one body pillow or one dimmable light switch or one weighted blanket can achieve the same sensory effect, with 0-1 thing to put away!
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Jooniflorisploo, you've given me a lot to think about and really touched on many things I struggle with. I do not have places/"homes" for all my items. I also often do not "see" the untidiness. And you've also described something I've had difficulty articulating: The sensory comfort of being surrounded. In fact, my attempt to describe that element came out as: "maybe I like a messy house" because I couldn't understand why there was something comforting about having stuff all around me, but at the same time the messiness was bad for my social life and clear-mindedness.
I love this thread and all the unique perspectives. It is helping me to understand myself :)
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I couldn't stand the dirt in the car anymore. I have been vaccuming both cars today and wiped the garage.
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And you've also described something I've had difficulty articulating: The sensory comfort of being surrounded. In fact, my attempt to describe that element came out as: "maybe I like a messy house" because I couldn't understand why there was something comforting about having stuff all around me, but at the same time the messiness was bad for my social life and clear-mindedness.
I love this thread and all the unique perspectives. It is helping me to understand myself :)
Yes! I am the same way. I know I will never be a minimalist. I love being surrounded by objects, especially things that have personal meaning or stories attached, like family heirlooms and souvenirs of various life-adventures.
I've also started collecting (relatively inexpensive) art and antiques -- things that are unique and just plain cool-looking. Just today we installed a beautiful, old wooden curio cabinet which came from the estate sale of a wealthy/prominent local person. (They used it as a medicine cabinet, in the bathroom!) It looks amazing, and in future years, when I no longer live in this area, I will think about the city and its history and the life this object has had. And now the old cabinet holds many of our other relics... mementos of family and friends, little odd things we've picked up here and there. The display brings me happiness.
The challenge is to clear out the vast heap of stuff that has little resonant meaning and/or is of low quality. (As mentioned above, my apartment is way too crammed!) And I'm now trying to block clutter before it starts. For instance, when I'm traveling, I'll identify one really amazing, super-special souvenir that I know I will love forever rather than buying an array of cheap junk-objects that will clutter my house for the next ten years.
I know acquiring objects is not Mustachian! But the *right* objects are just so worth it to me. They fill my world with history and memories.
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In the past fortnight, I have hit on the ultimate solution to feeling like your house is too messy for guests: have people over all the freaking time. The brief panic clean before each set of guests encompasses more and more of the flat (as the bits you cleaned last time are still clean enough, or easy enough to clean again) until the whole flat is clean. Magic!
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...And I'm now trying to block clutter before it starts. For instance, when I'm traveling, I'll identify one really amazing, super-special souvenir that I know I will love forever rather than buying an array of cheap junk-objects that will clutter my house for the next ten years.
I know acquiring objects is not Mustachian! But the *right* objects are just so worth it to me. They fill my world with history and memories.
I'm sure Joon would say this more tactfully than I am able to verbalize, but I'd like to examine this a little further. For reference, I struggle to maintain a tidy home/car/brain, so this topic is fascinating to me. I don't know the answer, but hope that working through this might lead to some new insight.
The problem with this suggestion lies in the nature of travel. You cannot possibly know in advance what the amazing...souvenir is going to be until you have seen all.the.things. By then your trip will be over and you will have spent too much time seeking one amazing...souvenir. Therefore, this solution is somewhat impractical, which leads to a feeling of failure, rather than satisfaction. Maybe the answer lies in foresight and planning. When I get to [X place], I want to buy [that thing]. Maybe one answer lies in having a [thing] you collect on every trip.
I have a cousin who travels extensively. She loves the souvenir smashed pennies and buys those wherever the opportunity presents itself. She also has a neat trick of paying slightly over the required fare on public transit so she gets the ticket back. The idea of collecting something small, inexpensive and evocative of a place you've visited is appealing. Alas, she is also a hoarder, so take that with a huge block of salt.
Another option is to utilize critical thinking skills at the point of purchase. Recognize when something truly speaks to you vs. wanting something just because you're in [the place] at the moment (aka Wooden Shoe Syndrome). This is an awesome aspect of digital photography. Perhaps just taking a picture of the desired item will suffice. Later, when you see the photo, it will trigger memories, but you won't be dealing with piles of expensive doodads post-travel.
I still can't quite put my finger on it, but maybe this will help further the conversation. Is advance planning, i.e. having a system, really the golden key to managing all of the stuff we are constantly barraged with? When, in the history of mankind, have humans ever had such easy and endless access to...everything? Food, clothing, furnishings, accessories, books (including digital ), travel, entertainment, experiences, electronics. The list is endless, when just a few generations ago, our ancestors faced struggle and lack much more frequently than plenty.
Maybe a huge aspect to this problem is complete inexperience in managing the sheer volume of choices available in our modern day lives. Dunno, still ruminating.
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Other thoughts on souvenirs (I am not much of a souvenir person). Buy something you would anyway but on the vacation? I have a set of knitting needles I bought in BC, every time I use hem (which is often) I remember buying them. Some people do Christmas tree ornaments. Or something the area is famous for?
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I practiced small changes of habit that slowly add up to less clutter and mess. For instance, put your jacket away when you get home. Pick up dirty glasses on the way to the kitchen. Wipe off the counter right away if you spill something. Etc Tiny little things that aren't that hard to stop being lazy about. Add them in one by one and the clutter and mess will slowly shrink.
This is really excellent advice - I used a very similar approach to learning to be neat. Doing it slowly and over time allowed me to make progress without feeling overwhelmed. And feeling overwhelmed was the #1 thing that had kept me from even trying to keep things neat in the past.
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In the past fortnight, I have hit on the ultimate solution to feeling like your house is too messy for guests: have people over all the freaking time. The brief panic clean before each set of guests encompasses more and more of the flat (as the bits you cleaned last time are still clean enough, or easy enough to clean again) until the whole flat is clean. Magic!
Oh I like that! That suits my extroversion + clean home dreams!
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Keeping a clean/tidy house is a lot like flossing. People who do it regularly can't understand why everyone else finds it so difficult. Nothing about it is really that hard, and it's usually an extra few minutes a day for the most part.
For me (at least with cleaning) it was just a matter of forcing myself to do it for a few months. Now it's no big deal. Often it's actually easier to stay clean. Immediately rinsing dishes and put them in the dishwasher vs leaving them in the sink or on the table where food will stick. It's obviously easier in the long run, but I still know so many people who can't be bothered to stand up and walk to the sink immediately after eating and interrupt their TV show or whatever they're doing.
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While I was cleaning the bathroom today before another guest came over for lunch, I was thinking about WHY I clean just fine for guests but can't seem to keep the place clean when I know it'll be just us seeing it. It's the same physical actions - why can I find time for one but not the other? It reminded me of a Captain Awkward post I read once, about a woman whose husband kept blowing her off to hang out with his super-needy friend. Captain Awkward said, "You need to ask him why he can say no to you but cannot say no to her."
The phrase stayed with me. Why can I clean for them but I cannot clean for me? I guess it's because I don't think I'm important enough to have a clean house - I don't deserve a clean house for some reason.
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While I was cleaning the bathroom today before another guest came over for lunch, I was thinking about WHY I clean just fine for guests but can't seem to keep the place clean when I know it'll be just us seeing it. It's the same physical actions - why can I find time for one but not the other? It reminded me of a Captain Awkward post I read once, about a woman whose husband kept blowing her off to hang out with his super-needy friend. Captain Awkward said, "You need to ask him why he can say no to you but cannot say no to her."
The phrase stayed with me. Why can I clean for them but I cannot clean for me? I guess it's because I don't think I'm important enough to have a clean house - I don't deserve a clean house for some reason.
You need a basically clean bathroom for hygenic reasons. We weekly clean toilet, sink and flat surfaces. And dry wipe the floor. If I am in the mood to do more, I clean the shower walks and floor and glass walls and the bathtub. Or wetwipe the floor. We have two bathrooms so I often only do basic cleaning and don't have the energy for the rest.
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If I'm cleaning my place before guests come, it's so that they will feel comfortable. That's all. Not they are important and I'm not, etc.
While I'm not extremely fussy on all counts, I do feel more comfortable with messes I know than messes I don't know. e.g., If I see a red stain on a bathroom floor, if it's on my floor I know it's just the beet juice I dumped down the toilet two days ago. If I see a red stain on someone else's bathroom floor, I'm squicked that it may be someone's blood. So, even though I know my house is hygienic with no transmissible illnesses on the toilet seat, my guests can't know that and I want them to feel fully able to relax. They're not going to step in salsa or see what looks like blood on my kitchen counter or smell my last poo, because that's being nice.