As an aside I find it very sad how many people I hear of disparaging their significant others in every day conversation - whether it be "just joking" or not (my general opinion/experience with --words always have the power to hurt (even if that person is not around) and once said cannot be taken back easily).
+1
there are so many other things to make jokes about. sure, we make fun of each other when it's just us, but I think to disparage your partner in front of others, even jokingly, is kind of crass and just not necessary/good for the relationship.
but then I'm 25 so feel free to tell me I know nothing :)
Interesting. That's not at all how I feel (obviously). My friends and I vent to each other about our spouses and children--that kind of gossip and dissing is good for intragroup bonding. My DH and I tease each other all the time--in front of people, in front of our kids, when we're by ourselves--it's our schtick. We think it's funny and it's how we show affection.
If my husband were outwardly mushy and sappy, I wouldn't like that one bit...it's just not me. I'd much rather have a funny/sarcastic valentine's day card (or none) than a sappy, romantic one. Some may find it crass, but there are plenty of people who still invite us over, so it must not bother them.
We have a great deal of underlying respect for each other, so our comments are not contemptuous and are generally tongue-in-cheek, but still probably what you would consider "disparaging." Once in awhile we encounter someone who doesn't get it, and we had one good friend confide in another friend that she was really worried about the state of our marriage. This was nearly 20 years ago and we're still going strong, while the friend who was worried about us and would never treat a partner that way is on her third marriage.
It just works for us; to each their own.