Backstory: I've arranged my work schedule this summer to 3 days. Instead of sending my just-turned-11 daughter to day camp this summer, she spends 2 days with my aunt, who treats my kids like extra grandchildren. She's lovely and child oriented, but it's not terribly fun and stimulating for my daughter. On the other day, it was arranged in May, she spends with a friend from her school. They have a great time together, doing art, putting on shows, young tweendom activities. This family also has an 8 year old boy, and I've offered to take both for the evening, or the DD for an overnight. These offers have been rebuffed, with responses such as "DH likes the kids at home at night", and "we don't really go out" OK, fine. I generally drop my daughter off with things like a fruit salad or homemade cookies. lMy own son has outgrown trains, and had some books and things I've passed along to the son in this household, along with some very gently used outgrown shirts. I am very appreciative of this extra help.
So, today..at about 4PM I went to pick up my daughter. The girls were playing in the small above ground pool. The mom offered me a glass of iced tea, which I gratefully accepted and we sat and chatted for a bit, like people do. She is always curious about my day and my work, and I offered up a few anecdotes, and we were having a pleasant visit. She's kind and timid.
The DH came home from work. The DD got out of the pool, dried off and put a t shirt on, instructing my own daughter to do the same. The DS kind of hopped to, saying "I cleansed the rabbit cages and made my bed". The DH went to inspect his work. Satisfied, he came into the kitchen where the mom and I were sitting at the table. He asked if she had called "blah blah insurance blah blah" and she responded that she had left a message. Then he asked in a very direct tone, if she had fed the dog yet. The dog, a dachshund puppy, apparently has health issues and must be fed numerous times per day. She said she hadn't but would get to it soon. The dog in question was quite happily scampering about with the children and showing no distress. The DH then asked, "is this what you do all day, just sit around?" This is a woman who's entertained 3 children, sitting in a clean house for a few minutes. She didn't respond; she was embarrassed I think and got up and started bustling around the kitchen. I did a "hey look at the time! We need to go pick up your brother!" - directed at my own daughter, and we left.
There are just a couple of weeks left of this arrangement, my daughter is going to a sleep away camp for a week, and I'm not concerned about her wellbeing, I'd be out of there in a heartbeat if I was. But I do worry about this mom and her kids. Today's episode was the most pronounced, but I witnessed something similar a couple of weeks ago. The mother does not show any signs of physical abuse (black eyes or anything of that nature), but she and the kids seem to cower when he's around. I get that people get stressed and you can't know what's inside the relationships of others, but is this woman and her children being emotionally abused? Based on the limited information I've given, what say you all? Besides being a kind mom-friend, there's really nothing more I can do, is there?