Author Topic: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)  (Read 3616 times)

geekette

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Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« on: July 24, 2017, 07:24:01 PM »
My nephew is getting married this fall, and the wedding will be casual. The ceremony, which starts at 7:30pm, will be performed by his brother, followed by drinks and dancing (live band).

No cake, no food at all, just drinks and dancing.  Now of course it's their party, but it just seems odd. I'm not a drinker or a dancer, and neither are the grandparents. Is this the new thing? 

surfhb

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2017, 07:29:57 PM »
The food thing is odd...that's about it.   Its beyond me why anyone would throw a wedding with no alcohol. 

geekette

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2017, 07:37:11 PM »
Yeah, that's what I meant. No food at all, especially along with booze.

If your reception is at the church, especially here in the south, often there's no alcohol allowed. I'm not much of a drinker, so I don't care either way. This will be at a venue that's used to weddings and such. I think it's outdoors. Hope there are real toilets, or things could get ugly ;-).
« Last Edit: July 24, 2017, 07:44:14 PM by geekette »

letired

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2017, 07:39:24 PM »
Honestly, it sounds like they can't afford all the bells and whistles so are going with just what is important to them. Good on them for keeping it simple! Since it starts at 7:30, it seems reasonable to assume everyone would already have eaten. It's like going to a live show, only with a wedding ceremony beforehand!

Hotstreak

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2017, 07:43:06 PM »
It'd be really surprised if they don't have any kind of snacks, unless they expect everyone to leave early?  The rest sounds normal.  FWIW some churches have no issue with people drinking, why would they, didn't the jesus guy used to make alcohol out of water?

geekette

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #5 on: July 24, 2017, 07:46:20 PM »
Funny that. My grandmother, a Baptist, wouldn't even go INTO a restaurant that served "beverages".


Bracken_Joy

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #6 on: July 24, 2017, 08:12:52 PM »
Yeah, the no food is odd, but nothing else about it is weird. We had a tiny grocery store 8" round cake that we did a token 'cake cutting' with, my brother performed the ceremony, etc. Sounds like they took a hard look at what they could afford and what mattered to them in a wedding, and they're doing that. Good on them. Just bring some protein bars or something ;)
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Paul der Krake

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2017, 08:22:18 PM »
Unusual, sure, but not that weird.

Sounds like they want just a party, hence the late start time for people to get their own dinners beforehand.


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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2017, 04:53:40 AM »
Sounds way better than most of the overwrought wedding ceremonies I've attended. Yeah, it's a little weird, but it's their wedding.
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iowajes

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2017, 06:43:44 AM »
The food thing is odd...that's about it.   Its beyond me why anyone would throw a wedding with no alcohol.

Because it is expensive and the bride and groom don't drink it?
I've been to a few weddings with no alcohol. One was great fun, the other boring as hell. (Note: I don't drink. But my wedding featured huge amounts of alcohol.)



OP: I find it very very odd to serve alcohol without a light snack to go with it. Maybe "no food" just means no meal?

J Boogie

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #10 on: July 25, 2017, 07:29:24 AM »
Good for them.  All too often people are turned off by the idea of having a wedding because of the supposedly required ceremony + expensive extravagant party.

Commitment is a great thing and it'll keep society together in the long run. 

In response to "Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)", it's a little bit of both.  We're starting to see much more casual weddings and I think that's what the future holds as people start to realize you don't *have* to throw a 25k party for yourselves.

geekette

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2017, 07:37:45 AM »

OP: I find it very very odd to serve alcohol without a light snack to go with it. Maybe "no food" just means no meal?
My sister, the mother of the groom, said she was told no food, no cake. And yeah, that's the only weird part to me.


LeRainDrop

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #12 on: July 25, 2017, 07:50:51 AM »

OP: I find it very very odd to serve alcohol without a light snack to go with it. Maybe "no food" just means no meal?
My sister, the mother of the groom, said she was told no food, no cake. And yeah, that's the only weird part to me.

That's the weird part to me, too.  I completely understand if they are skipping serving a meal, but if there's going to be alcohol, I would expect some hors d'oeuvres to go with it.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2017, 07:57:16 AM by LeRainDrop »

wenchsenior

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #13 on: July 25, 2017, 08:35:12 AM »
No food at all is slightly odd. Nothing else seems odd.  We were dirt poor when we got married.  We had about 30 guests, but it was a small, daytime wedding at a lovely country venue. There was no band, just background music recorded on a tapes. No dancing. Everyone just hung out and chatted and caught up after the short ceremony.  Our cake was made by relative (it was stupendous), I had a flowered headpiece and bouquets that another friend made. We paid for 3 flower arrangements.  We served a simple cold buffet and cake.  I don't think we had alcohol either (maybe a pay bar?) because it was midday, but I assume we had soft drinks, juice, water with the buffet.  We did have free champagne for the toast. And we both love booze, so it wasn't in deference to venue or guests or our own tastes...it was because we were broke.

I imagine that some people arrived expecting a mid day party, or a big shindig (given that my parents had been well known in my childhood town), but they got something  A LOT more suited to our personalities.  So much so, that DH and I got distracted during our vows trying to identify a raptor that cruised overhead (it was an osprey) and the loud bird call nearby (it was a pileated woodpecker).

Good times! I've pretty much always enjoyed the small simple weddings I've attended a lot more than the big ones. Although, if we could have afforded a dj/music, that's what I would have wanted to splurge on.  Dancing is fun. 

pachnik

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2017, 08:41:42 AM »
Wenchsenior, your wedding sounds lovely!  So much better to do what you suits you and what you can afford than to follow the crowd!

I would not like being at a wedding that I knew people were going into debt for. 

Hotstreak

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #15 on: July 25, 2017, 10:44:27 AM »

OP: I find it very very odd to serve alcohol without a light snack to go with it. Maybe "no food" just means no meal?
My sister, the mother of the groom, said she was told no food, no cake. And yeah, that's the only weird part to me.

That's the weird part to me, too.  I completely understand if they are skipping serving a meal, but if there's going to be alcohol, I would expect some hors d'oeuvres to go with it.

Yeah, I mean how cheap is it to get a few of those mini sandwich/mixed vegetable plates from Costco?  Add in a spread of crackers with salami, chopped fruit with toothpicks, $1/guest total?  Maybe $2?  Compared to the cost of alcohol, venue, and band, that's nothing.

Poundwise

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #16 on: July 25, 2017, 10:58:25 AM »
Wonder if people could offer to bring some dishes in potluck? That's the way weddings used to be done and I wish ours could have been done simple and easy that way without the expensive gifts and catering. But my mother was determined to throw a big fat wedding so I just went with the flow.

Johnez

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #17 on: July 25, 2017, 06:43:03 PM »
Big fan of the casual thing, but no food?! I don't even have people at my apartment without at least offering a snack.

nowseehere

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #18 on: July 26, 2017, 06:51:23 AM »
Drinks with no food is a horrible idea.

Suggest a potluck.

Pigeon

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #19 on: July 26, 2017, 07:53:08 AM »
Yes, it sounds weird to me.  I wouldn't throw any kind of a party without drinks and food.  Doesn't have to be fancy food or a sit down dinner, but some snacks, beer/wine, soda could be done pretty cheaply and seem like you're showing some hospitality while still keeping it inexpensive.  Crackers, cheese, veggies and chips would be fine.

I'm also not big on the mid-week wedding, especially if there are going to be any hard feelings if people don't come.  I get that it's cheaper, but it's way less convenient for most guests.  My nephew got married in a very grim distant city two days after the 4th of July, on a Wednesday because it was cheaper for them.  None of the family lives in that city on either side.  Airfares were higher because of the 4th.  He thought everyone would be coming early, staying extra time because of the long weekend and hanging out.  As it turned out, almost no one went.  He was pissed, but oh well.

jezebel

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #20 on: July 26, 2017, 08:09:43 AM »
I am not saying this applies to your example, but I think there is a general misconception that weddings are cheaper because they are held at unusual times.  It may be the case, but it may not.  I found out that some people assumed that our winter wedding was less expensive because it was off-season.  Not at all - the venue's wedding prices were the same all year around, whether it was a Fri, Sat, or Sun (only days they did weddings). 

To the OP, I would be shocked if there wasn't some kind of munchies or appetizers offered.  If there isn't, that's nuts.

lizzzi

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #21 on: July 26, 2017, 09:14:25 AM »
I agree with those who think this kind of wedding sounds fine--just need to put a few munchies around to go with the drinks.

Dicey

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #22 on: July 26, 2017, 10:10:50 AM »
No real issue with people celebrating within their means.

If it bugs you, perhaps you can offer nibbles as your wedding gift to them. Pretzels, homemade popcorn and cookies/cupcakes/brownies are good complements to the booze and wouldn't cost much. If you want to spend a little more, vege platters plus cheese and crackers aren't too spendy, especially if you DIY them. You could go together with other relatives to share the work.

If you can enlist other relatives, something like lasagne & salad can go a long way for just a few bucks.

Seriously, please don't just stand there asking if this is weird. Do something!
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iowajes

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #23 on: July 26, 2017, 11:02:07 AM »
I've been to a few evening cocktail weddings that had no food. They were usually by older friend having second marriages and were very simple but elegant. Usually held a nice place like upscale bar or country club they hired for the occasion. While they didn't have food they all had either cake or some kind of wedding dessert. One had just a chocolate fountain and fruit. The couple with the chocolate fountain didn't even have cocktails - just different wines they had gotten from a local winery. They also had a band.

Cake, "wedding desssert", chocolate fountain and fruit are all examples of food.  So these weddings did have food.


OP is saying they have got word this wedding will have NO food. 


MsSindy

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #24 on: July 26, 2017, 12:06:47 PM »
No real issue with people celebrating within their means.

If it bugs you, perhaps you can offer nibbles as your wedding gift to them. Pretzels, homemade popcorn and cookies/cupcakes/brownies are good complements to the booze and wouldn't cost much. If you want to spend a little more, vege platters plus cheese and crackers aren't too spendy, especially if you DIY them. You could go together with other relatives to share the work.

If you can enlist other relatives, something like lasagne & salad can go a long way for just a few bucks.

Seriously, please don't just stand there asking if this is weird. Do something!

I think this is a great idea!  If you feel a little weird about it, ask the parents if it's cool.

GardenBaker

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #25 on: July 26, 2017, 12:29:35 PM »
I don't think it is weird; I'm thinking they chose at 7:30 start since that's after the dinner hour. Eat dinner before you go and enjoy the party.

Pigeon

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #26 on: July 26, 2017, 02:15:36 PM »
I hope they notify guests that there will be no food or drink ahead of time so they can plan accordingly.

geekette

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #27 on: July 26, 2017, 03:18:02 PM »
Oh, there will be drinks, both alcoholic and non, that's on the invite, just no food.

We'll deal, but like someone said upthread, we don't have people in the house without offering food, never mind a party. 

wenchsenior

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #28 on: July 26, 2017, 03:21:05 PM »
I don't think it is weird; I'm thinking they chose at 7:30 start since that's after the dinner hour. Eat dinner before you go and enjoy the party.

LOL....I don't even begin considering what I might eat for dinner until 8 pm.  I cannot fathom how people eat so early (except if you have little kids...I get that). But adults...I have never understood it, unless you are doing heavy physical labor.  I wouldn't be able to sleep through a night if I ate that early. Conversely, once I've eaten dinner, I am done for the day. Time for a book and sleep.

JanF

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #29 on: July 26, 2017, 03:37:36 PM »
No offense but they might not be great planners and it just didn't occur to them that if they offer booze they should offer something to go along with it. Or maybe they're not expecting people to have more than 1 or 2 drinks (and I don't know your family but if there's music and good times I'm drinking!).

My concern would be at the end of the party when everyone's trying to sober up, that's usually when they start looking for food to help soak up the alcohol. You should talk to them, there's nothing wrong with bring up a concern as long as you're not being forceful about it.
« Last Edit: July 26, 2017, 03:42:47 PM by JanF »

Pigeon

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #30 on: July 26, 2017, 04:22:31 PM »
I don't think it is weird; I'm thinking they chose at 7:30 start since that's after the dinner hour. Eat dinner before you go and enjoy the party.

LOL....I don't even begin considering what I might eat for dinner until 8 pm.  I cannot fathom how people eat so early (except if you have little kids...I get that). But adults...I have never understood it, unless you are doing heavy physical labor.  I wouldn't be able to sleep through a night if I ate that early. Conversely, once I've eaten dinner, I am done for the day. Time for a book and sleep.

We eat around 5:30-6 and go to bed around 10.  If we eat later, dh's acid reflux kicks up when he tries to sleep.

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #31 on: July 26, 2017, 05:46:21 PM »
I don't think it is weird; I'm thinking they chose at 7:30 start since that's after the dinner hour. Eat dinner before you go and enjoy the party.

What does one do at a party with no food? I mean, not even a bowl of mixed nuts on the bar?

Cassie

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #32 on: July 26, 2017, 05:55:51 PM »
No snacks seems very weird to me. When I got married the last time we rented a hall, had a DJ and made or bought most of the food. A few of my friends brought dishes too and we got married at 8 pm. People ate plenty of food at that time of night because they were drinking.  I bought pre-made sandwiches from a grocery deli, bought side salads, had things like chips, dip crackers/cheese, nuts etc plus a cake. We only spent 2500 total on the wedding and it was a fun time. This was 13 years ago.

wenchsenior

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #33 on: July 26, 2017, 06:14:03 PM »
I don't think it is weird; I'm thinking they chose at 7:30 start since that's after the dinner hour. Eat dinner before you go and enjoy the party.

LOL....I don't even begin considering what I might eat for dinner until 8 pm.  I cannot fathom how people eat so early (except if you have little kids...I get that). But adults...I have never understood it, unless you are doing heavy physical labor.  I wouldn't be able to sleep through a night if I ate that early. Conversely, once I've eaten dinner, I am done for the day. Time for a book and sleep.

We eat around 5:30-6 and go to bed around 10.  If we eat later, dh's acid reflux kicks up when he tries to sleep.

Ok, this makes sense. My husband deals with this sometimes.  I guess my 'fasting' body clock is set much later than most people. If I'm sleeping soundly on a (relatively) full stomach, I can make it comfortably from 10 pm until 11 or noon the next day without getting hungry.  But my real appetite usually only kicks in AFTER I start actually eating dinner. Often, I'll eat something at 11 a.m. whether I am hungry or not, and then I won't get hungry until almost 12 hours later.  Often, even the smell of the dinner I'm cooking around 9 pm won't spur much appetite.  I don't actually develop an active appetite unless I am engaged in actually eating food.  Once I start eating, then I want to continue eating and will do so as long as I'm not full. And weirdly, in the evening, that means if I don't eat and go to sleep soon afterward, I will often get very hungry again in 4 or 5 hours. Sometimes sooner. 

It is a bit odd now that I think of it. Why am only really hungry late evening AFTER I've already started eating? Must be a hormone thing. It's how both my parents were too, so I guess it seems normal to me.

LeRainDrop

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #34 on: July 26, 2017, 09:02:46 PM »
My concern would be at the end of the party when everyone's trying to sober up, that's usually when they start looking for food to help soak up the alcohol. You should talk to them, there's nothing wrong with bring up a concern as long as you're not being forceful about it.

I was thinking about that, too.  It seems really unsafe to serve everyone alcohol and then expect them to drive themselves home with no food in their stomachs.  Depending on where this wedding is located, the wedding hosts should be concerned about social host liability.

letired

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #35 on: July 27, 2017, 03:49:15 PM »
Honestly, it really just sounds like they're having a live concert for their wedding party. 99% of venues I've been to didn't have any kind of food available.

Offering to set up food sounds rly weird, unless you are particularly close with that branch of the family. Also, their venue might have rules/whatever on bringing in food.

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Re: Is this wedding weird? (or am I just old)
« Reply #36 on: July 27, 2017, 04:01:01 PM »
This is a new trend in weddings (at least in D.C.), and I think it's in response to the HUGE cost of the modern wedding. Check this company out;

https://popwed.co/

My fiancÚ and I considered this "Pop-Up" wedding as a choice for having a wedding that wouldn't put us in the poor house. 30 people or less show up to location (without permits mind you), you are married, and then you disperse. All within an hour. Anything else on top of that is up to you. Starting cost $3000.00, and includes photos (which can cost 3 grand on their own).

This is basically a great compromise for people who want a wedding that's not much more than going to the courthouse.
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