Author Topic: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid  (Read 17133 times)

Sohcrates

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I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« on: January 21, 2014, 08:30:13 AM »
Don't worry though, he says he can stop anytime

ketchup

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2014, 08:37:43 AM »
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Sohcrates

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2014, 09:06:35 AM »
Haha! Yesss

My local nursery was so excited for spring, they wet their plants

Sohcrates

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2014, 11:09:55 PM »
You hear about the butcher that backed into his meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work

iamlindoro

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2014, 11:12:34 PM »
If only there was someplace for this kind of discussion.

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/

Sohcrates

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2014, 11:21:03 PM »
If only there was someplace for this kind of discussion.

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/

Haha! I'm drawing a blank on an uptight joke, bummer!


dragoncar

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arebelspy

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2014, 12:15:45 AM »
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Reminds me of Mitch Hedberg: I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
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rocksinmyhead

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2014, 09:32:19 AM »
I love Mitch Hedberg!!!

and good god I love these kinds of jokes in general. my boyfriend is going to hate you all for giving me more stupid jokes to repeat and laugh to myself about

Sohcrates

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #9 on: January 22, 2014, 02:15:46 PM »
Haha Mitch was great

englyn

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2014, 07:27:04 PM »
Two drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff. Boom boom, tish.

Sohcrates

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2014, 10:56:48 PM »
A short fortune teller just escaped from prison, be on the lookout for a small medium at large

Victorious Secret

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #12 on: January 23, 2014, 10:29:36 AM »
I'd like to give a big shoutout to Sidewalks, for keeping me off the Streets.

Elaine

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #13 on: January 23, 2014, 11:33:15 AM »
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

Sohcrates

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #14 on: January 23, 2014, 11:43:19 AM »
Now we're rolling



Don't marry a tennis player, love means nothing to them

Victorious Secret

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #15 on: January 23, 2014, 03:01:23 PM »
I'm not superstitious.  But I am a little stitious.

TreeTired

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #16 on: January 23, 2014, 03:42:44 PM »
Nurse:   Doctor!  There's a man out here who thinks he's invisible!!

Psychiatrist:  Tell him I can't see  him!

marty998

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #17 on: January 23, 2014, 04:37:51 PM »
Ten of us entered into a one liner comedy festival. How many made the finals?

No pun in ten did.


lentilman

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #18 on: January 23, 2014, 05:50:43 PM »
My bicycle can't stand up by itself.  It's two tired.

englyn

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #19 on: January 23, 2014, 06:06:33 PM »
That was a good one-liner, but the one about the kleptomaniac baker takes the cake.

lentilman

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #20 on: January 24, 2014, 06:24:45 AM »
It's hard to decide what the best part of Swiss society is - but you have to admit that their flag is a big plus.

Victorious Secret

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #21 on: January 24, 2014, 08:05:03 AM »
Blue collar...white collar.... I'm collar-blind.

somepissedoffman

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #22 on: January 24, 2014, 01:15:34 PM »

Reminds me of Mitch Hedberg: I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

The banana one cracks me up.  "My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I said no....but I do want a regular banana later, so....yeah."

lcg377

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #23 on: January 25, 2014, 01:28:25 PM »
Have you seen the new corduroy pillows? They're really making headlines!

LowER

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #24 on: January 25, 2014, 03:14:20 PM »
Difference between oral and rectal thermometers? The taste.

LowER

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #25 on: January 25, 2014, 03:15:12 PM »
Took out the nursery and put in a man cave: hysterectomy.

LowER

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #26 on: January 25, 2014, 03:15:59 PM »
Last thing through the bug's mind as he hit the windshield: his butt.

LowER

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #27 on: January 25, 2014, 03:17:30 PM »
Reason for Mr. and Mrs. Frankenstein's infertility: he had a Halloweenie.

Dr.Vibrissae

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #28 on: January 27, 2014, 11:08:23 AM »
Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked.

dragoncar

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #29 on: January 27, 2014, 11:32:11 AM »
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Money, baby!

Sohcrates

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #30 on: January 27, 2014, 12:32:18 PM »
Haha stellar work people!

englyn

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #31 on: January 31, 2014, 01:56:52 AM »
What did the fish say to his friend when he swam into the concrete wall?
Damn.

Dr.Vibrissae

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #32 on: January 31, 2014, 07:54:55 AM »
I'm so good looking, when I get naked in my bathroom the shower gets turned on.

sheepstache

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #33 on: January 31, 2014, 08:12:47 AM »
That was a good one-liner, but the one about the kleptomaniac baker takes the cake.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

sheepstache

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #34 on: January 31, 2014, 08:15:58 AM »
But seriously, folks, what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

lentilman

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #35 on: January 31, 2014, 02:41:02 PM »
It's a big world, but when you think about it there are really only 10 types of people: those that understand binary and those that don't.

Lans Holman

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #36 on: January 31, 2014, 02:49:23 PM »
What did the snail say when he climbed on the turtle's back?

Wheeeeee!!!

Fireman

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #37 on: February 01, 2014, 05:21:56 PM »
If a cop pulls you over, a good idea is to act really crazy and drunk, because nobody wants to deal with a drunk crazy person.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's to never ask a woman if she's pregnant. But if you do, by all means, never follow it up with, "Are you sure?"

AccidentalMiser

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #38 on: February 01, 2014, 05:30:58 PM »
Did you hear about the Dyslexic, Agnostic Insomniac?

He would lay awake at night and wonder if there really was a dog.

englyn

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #39 on: February 10, 2014, 05:07:21 PM »
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

marty998

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #40 on: February 11, 2014, 01:47:25 AM »
It's a big world, but when you think about it there are really only 10 types of people: those that understand binary and those that don't.

No silly, there's 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can't.

Tacosrocket

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #41 on: February 13, 2014, 03:05:16 AM »
Neat

Alfred J Quack

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #42 on: February 13, 2014, 11:52:08 AM »
It's a big world, but when you think about it there are really only 10 types of people: those that understand binary and those that don't.

No silly, there's 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can't.

There are 10 types of people, those that can count binary and those that can't.

arebelspy

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #43 on: February 13, 2014, 12:00:39 PM »
It's a big world, but when you think about it there are really only 10 types of people: those that understand binary and those that don't.

No silly, there's 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can't.

There are 10 types of people, those that can count binary and those that can't.

lol.  Read the post that was quoted in the one you responded to (in other words, your post quoted two posts.. read the first one, the embedded quote.)  :)
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
If you want to know more about me, this Business Insider profile tells the story pretty well.
I (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out the Now page to see what I'm up to currently.

sheepstache

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #44 on: February 13, 2014, 05:47:20 PM »
It's a big world, but when you think about it there are really only 10 types of people: those that understand binary and those that don't.

No silly, there's 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can't.

There are 10 types of people, those that can count binary and those that can't.

lol.  Read the post that was quoted in the one you responded to (in other words, your post quoted two posts.. read the first one, the embedded quote.)  :)

Well there are two types of people in this world: those that can extrapolate from incomplete data sets

sheepstache

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #45 on: February 24, 2014, 02:28:58 PM »
My cousin texted me during one of the hocky matches.  "I give Canada an 'eh' for effort."

marty998

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #46 on: February 25, 2014, 02:18:07 AM »
It's a big world, but when you think about it there are really only 10 types of people: those that understand binary and those that don't.

No silly, there's 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can't.

There are 10 types of people, those that can count binary and those that can't.

lol.  Read the post that was quoted in the one you responded to (in other words, your post quoted two posts.. read the first one, the embedded quote.)  :)

Well there are two types of people in this world: those that can extrapolate from incomplete data sets

If the people who can't extrapolate know they belong to the second group then they know there are 2 groups and hence belong to the 1st group and oh fuck my brain exploded____________________

Good one sheepstache

soccerluvof4

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #47 on: February 25, 2014, 04:14:56 AM »
Two women sitting in the bleachers drinking and the bottle is empty, at what point is the baseball game?





2 bags loaded bottom of the fifth.

honobob

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #48 on: March 02, 2014, 05:42:14 PM »
Did you hear about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.

Pussyriot

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Re: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid
« Reply #49 on: April 21, 2014, 02:07:51 PM »
This woman told me her son is autistic, but I thought she said "artistic."  So I said, "Oh really?  I'd like to see some of the things he's done."