I've become a judgemental SOB... and I want to change.

[okits]

I am interested in this thread and the introspection that is being expressed.

In recent weeks, my last as I enter retirement, I have been struck by how acceptable it has become to dump on other people. There have been several times that I have been punched in the face.

At a recent workshop on working in a multicultural environment, we were asked to position different jobs assigned to us, on a continuum from success to failure. I was an HR Manager in real life, and one of the participants, who was assigned the position of HR Manager, placed himself at rock bottom failure. Got a really good laugh from fellow staff association members during de-briefing. A week ago, on my last day of my contract, the same individual came to my office to tell me how much I had helped him and his staff during my contracts, and how he wished I were not leaving. He asked me repeatedly to stay in touch. Many other people who had laughed at his joke came to my office to express appreciation for work I had done. Which is real? As a younger person, I would have said the one-on-one conversations were who they really were. But I think now that what you say in public, is who you really are.

Even the tone of lunch hours at the office became intolerable enough that I stayed away from the cafeteria for weeks. I am sixty years old, and re-living high school!!!

I see the same kind of thing on this forum. Questions asked in a genuine wish to understand and answers given in the spirit of helpfulness receive ripping criticism and cynical answers that are neither true nor amusing.

In the forum, I leave threads that head that way. I leave MMM posts that head that way. I stay in and engage in threads or posts that are helpful, genuinely amusing, and/or bring out the positive in me. (There is much that is like that.) I go to forums which have none of this tone. I try to do the same in the rest of my life. And I am trying not to be what makes me unhappy.

Both the public ridicule and private thanks can be genuine.  There are certainly roles where the specific actions you take are needed and appreciated, but society generally places very little value on your vocation.  It could be a case where those employees generally don't think well of HR managers but you are the exception. 

It could also be the case that none of it was authentic.  Unfortunately, sometimes honesty and disclosure can run contrary to one's best interests, so you play to your audience as needed.  The joker might have said whatever was needed to get a big laugh (maintain popularity around the office), but come to privately kiss your ass because you might prove useful to him in the future.

That's a bit of a depressing thought, so here's a hearty (and sincere) congratulations to you for your ER!

[choppingwood]

Duality, believing in two contradictory things, is certainly the likely possibility. I came to HR through organizational development work. In major organizational changes, people believe that management has absolutely no idea what they are doing and has no plan whatsoever, while at the same time believing that management has a detailed plan for screwing the people in the organization. In truth, management generally have a pretty good idea of what they are trying to accomplish, but it takes some time to work out the details and understand all the impact of the change.

What, then, is happening on the forum or in the MMM posts, when the tone is so judgmental? When the people posting lose sight of the genuine request for advice or the genuine attempt to help? Or the humanity of the people they are commenting on? Why are so many people so hostile and so willing to share that, regardless of other readers? And why do other people chime in?

Thanks for the congrats. My retirement is not early, and may not even be very long, but is surprisingly welcome to someone who had enjoyed her career so much.

[RetiredAt63]

@Choppingwood
Going a little OT here - welcome to retirement.  Not all on the forums are young and eager to retire.  Some of us retired at a more "normal" age, some of us liked our jobs well enough that we did not have that desperate feeling that we had to retire to retrieve our souls.  Come hang out with us on the retired group.  Retirement takes practice, we don't all adjust immediately.

Sort of back on topic, I asked way up thread, how do porcupines make love?  The traditional joking answer is carefully.  If she doesn't like him, he has problems.  Realistically, also rarely, she is in season for about half an hour a year.  They would probably think we primates (and especially our species) are crazy for the amount of sex we invest energy into, how wasteful we are when there is food to eat to get ready for winter, and babies to grow, and life to be lived.  Different viewpoints.

[nereo]

Over the weekend we took advantage of the beautiful weather to do some hiking and ended at a local brewery. 

You went to a brewery?!? I scoff at your insane use of money.

Yup, I'm an absolute spendthrift.  We didn't even share a share a pint, opting instead to each get our own!  $12 bucks down the drain, and all we had to show for it was a beautiful view, satisfied taste buds, and a sense of happiness.  :-P