I'm vegetarian and my roommates are hosting a pig roast

[kitkat]

I live with 4 roommates. One is my SO, and we are all close friends. One of my roommate's sister lives in the house next door. The two houses (mainly the two siblings) have decided on hosting a big pig roast in a few weeks. I generally do NOT care what people do with their lives and what they eat (other than the whole environmental issue), but the thought of having an entire hog, on a spit, rotating in my own backyard is just really wigging me out.

Not only do I not want to attend the event, but I particularly don't want to be around the day before/after when all the talk about setting up and tearing down is taking place (the pig will likely be at our house a day or two early). Basically I get sick to my stomach thinking about the whole thing. Again, I don't care that people eat meat, but this is just such an in-your-face glorification of the whole thing and I find it disgusting, barbaric, and sad. All I can think about is the fact that pigs have the intelligence of a 3 year old child.

My solution was to make plans to visit a friend in Seattle. I was really excited about the weekend and knew it would get me out of the house and keep me distracted all weekend. But now, my friend (who was in Seattle for work) found out she won't actually be able to be there that weekend.

I'm not sure what to do. I've looked into some solo trip options (most of my local friends will likely be attending the roast), but I'm worried that if I'm alone I will just be thinking about this whole situation and having negative feelings throughout. Any other friends I could think of to go visit would be at least a $400 flight away, and I'm already traveling the weekend before.

Just looking for outside perspectives and advice on this whole situation...

ETA: I'd be lying if I said there wasn't some personal offense being taking by this. Like I said, my roommates are close friends of mine (my SO's best friends) and I was taken really off guard when I found out they had been planning this without even talking to everyone in the house first. They are all male, and meat eaters, and just really dense about how this is making me feel. I clearly stated that I was not about it happening and would not be contributing whatsoever, then added that I wouldn't be attending after thinking about it some more. I haven't fully expressed my discontent to anyone other than my SO, because I generally try to be really laid back/open minded about things and am not trying to rain on anyone's parade. At the same time, I can't help the fact that I feel physically nauseous every time I think about the whole thing so I am sort of regretting not speaking up sooner.

[Miss Piggy]

A win-win would have been picking a weekend for this event when you were already planning to be out of town. I'm a meat eater, but I can understand why you wouldn't want any part of this. I hope you find a cheap and easy getaway.

[hoodedfalcon]

I don't have any advice, but as a vegan I totally sympathize with what you are dealing with. Whenever I was renting out rooms in my house, I was always clear that I wanted to keep a vegetarian house (at least). Not because I give a rats ass about what other people do, but I don't want to live around it and I don't want to smell it. Or have to clean up after it. So you have all my sympathy. But I just don't know what you can really do about it at this point? Maybe they can keep the pig at the neighbors house? Is that an option?

[kitkat]

Thank you both so much. Honestly just knowing that I am not crazy/dramatic for feeling this way is really helpful. Part of my issue is feeling like I'm going to have to defend myself for not attending, and having to try to keep my cool and explain myself without being confrontational. Knowing others feel the same way (as did my veg friend who I was going to be visiting) is really helpful.

It also gives me the idea to reach out to a few of my vegetarian friends to see if they are equally disinterested in attending the event. Maybe one of them will be down for an adventure weekend instead :)

[Zikoris]

I hear ya. I had a friend who did that one year and posted pictures of the whole process on social media throughout the day - I had to unfollow her for quite awhile, because it just grossed me out so much. Apparently day-of they started asking for donations from guests because the pig and the thing to cook it were quite expensive. If I was rooming with them, I would have left for that time - road trip, camping, whatever. Not make a big deal over it, just kind of disappear for a bit.

[Northwestie]

Bacon: the gateway meat for vegetarians

[AlanStache]

There is definitely a difference between being 'cool' at someone else's event for an afternoon and having it all over you home for a few days.  Hopefully all the guys involved can appreciate it not being your thing, while you take a trip or crash some where else for a few days.

[kitkat]

I hear ya. I had a friend who did that one year and posted pictures of the whole process on social media throughout the day - I had to unfollow her for quite awhile, because it just grossed me out so much. Apparently day-of they started asking for donations from guests because the pig and the thing to cook it were quite expensive. If I was rooming with them, I would have left for that time - road trip, camping, whatever. Not make a big deal over it, just kind of disappear for a bit.

Yiikes, yeah, I've gotten into the rhythm of unfollowing or unfriending anyone who posts those "look guys i just killed an animal and here is a pic of me smiling with said animal" photos. Like, you don't post a picture with your dead dog why would i want to see a picture of you smiling over a bloody, wide-eyed deer???  But you're so right, low-key escape is all that's needed. I liked having the excuse of visiting my friend in Seattle, but hopefully whatever I do instead people won't question/bug me about.

Bacon: the gateway meat for vegetarians

Mmmm, I do love the smell of bacon. Just don't want it in my mouth/body.

There is definitely a difference between being 'cool' at someone else's event for an afternoon and having it all over you home for a few days.  Hopefully all the guys involved can appreciate it not being your thing, while you take a trip or crash some where else for a few days.

Yeah exactly, thanks. I think I am being dramatic in this aspect, if not in my distaste for the event in general. They are cool guys and understood when I first said I wouldn't be contributing/attending. I think if it starts to come up more than I'd like getting closer to the event I'll be able to just let them know I'd rather not hear about it. And like someone else said, make them store the damn thing next door until I can GTFO.

[Landlady]

I haven't fully expressed my discontent to anyone other than my SO, because I generally try to be really laid back/open minded about things and am not trying to rain on anyone's parade.

Your roommates are being generally uncool, but they also may not realize how much it bothers you. I encourage you to calmly let them know how it makes you feel. Don't worry about your persona of being laid back/open minded, stand up for yourself in your space otherwise your laid backness will get you run over. This will blow over in time and you'll both have a better understanding of one another because you will have spoken up.

I do think your idea of getting out for the weekend is smart though. Go camping- that's free or nearly free!
Orrrrr maybe they could go camping and roast the pig out there. :)

[galliver]

I think, in general, it's not appropriate for a roommate to impose their will on the other roommates with respect to something generally accepted in society, without stating their preference/rule up front at the time of lease (/roommate agreement) signing. If you don't want your housemates drinking alcohol, or having guests of an intimate nature, or you want everyone to keep kosher, or whatever... But, you say that you're fine with it in the general sense, it's just this one-time, unforseen event that is bothersome (but perhaps in the future seek roomies who'll agree to not throw big barbecue/grilling cookouts at the house?)

I think you are doing the right thing in just extricating yourself from the situation for the duration. I would advise also avoiding FB for a few days (if you frequent it) because if most of your friends are going, they will probably post photos (a pig roast is a novelty and big deal to meat-eating participants), and unfriending *everyone* is probably too much hassle. If your roomies are decent people, it should be perfectly fine (and effective) to tell them "Guys, you know I'm ok with you having the event here, but it really makes me physically uncomfortable to think about, and I can't help it, so I'd really appreciate if you just didn't discuss it around me if possible." Then, try to keep to yourself a fair bit leading up to it, to give them the space to do that (vs sitting in shared spaces all evening every evening; I don't know your habits). I also wonder if them referring to it as "the party" would help at all? Then at least if you overheard them talking about drinks, chips, and so forth it wouldn't automatically conjure up that mental image for you?

I hope you find a friend (or few) to hang out with, but if not, could you crash with someone even if they are going, just to have a home base away from the distastefulness, and do your own thing during the day(s)? This is obviously a big inconvenience for you, but IMO the key to good roommate relationships is being as accommodating as you can. I would routinely inconvenience my housemate by having various friends spend the night (no, actually friends, not *friends*) but I'd also watch her dog fairly often and do dishes. And she'd share her homebaked bread and pies. Mutual accommodation all around!

[Meowmalade]

Ugh, I would love to eat roast pig but I feel for you.  I would not be cool with the carcass hanging around in my home!  Is there a way this could all happen in the sister's house?  I think you really need to tell the roommies that hey, you've tried to be cool about this but it's making you really uncomfortable, so please respect you by taking the talk/pig out of your space when possible.

[nereo]

Sorry, but I can't side with you on this one OP.  Your roommates want to do something that is legal and in many cultures an important social activity. You have said that you don't normally care that they are meat eaters.  From a practical standpoint roasting a pig is only different from grilling pork chops in the total quantity of meat.
By all means tell them in a polite way that you do not care for the activity and will opt out, but you cannot make them stop.
If your roommates are accommodating people they will make some effort to arrange future events when it least inconveniences you.  It sound like you did not let them know exactly how badly it made you feel until well into the process.

[SeaEhm]

You should live in an HOA for vegetarians.

[Fudge102]

As much as I feel for you, I don't.  There is no difference between a pig roast and cooking a pork chop.  The only difference is that you have to see the whole pig, face and all, vs just a hunk of meat.  It's the same animal.  If you cannot stand looking at a pig roast but have no problem with a pork chop, then it is a mental issue with you.  They are both pork.  Its a sad state in this country that people who are meat eaters are separated too much all ready from the food chain via the super market.  I don't mean to sound hostile, but if it's that bad, then it's on you to leave temporarily.  This is meat, plane and simple.  It's just less cut up but meat all the same.

[LeRainDrop]

Ick!  I'm actually a meat-eater but would be kinda skeeved out about the whole-pig-on-a-spit thing.  That said, I realize lots of people do it on occasion and turn it into a BBQ party event.  If I were you, OP, I would make clear to the roommates that you're not asking them not to host the event, but if they would please be sensitive about how they talk about it in front of you -- agree to disagree about the principles/ethics of the roast itself -- and then definitely take a weekend trip away from home on the days surrounding the party.  If visiting your friend in Seattle those dates won't work out, I like your idea to ask some vegetarian friends about taking an adventure weekend, going camping, etc.

[Sailor Sam]

It's a tough situation. Folks should get to feel comfortable inside their own home. Unfortunately you particular folks are housemates, and your sources of comfort are in opposition to each other.

I think LeRainDrop has suggested a good compromise. You should also man up, and tell everyone that the situation makes you uncomfortable, instead of just bolting. The real compromise you choose needs to be agreed on between all of you. Otherwise you'll get resentful, and they'll be astounded when their laid back roommate freaks out in the middle of the living room. Communication is the key to good communication.

[Choices]

OP, I feel for you and even as a non-vegetarian I wouldn't love the idea of a whole carcass at my home for multiple days.

I agree with Sailor Sam that communication is key, yet keep in mind that your roommates/friends aren't doing anything wrong or illegal. You're the minority, and you don't have an agreement that they practice vegetarianism on the property. It might be worth outlining what you want to say to them and vetting it with a trusted friend first. It would be a shame to cause more discord and lose friendships over hurt feelings that would otherwise blow over in a few days.

It would have been nice if you had been part of the planning or given more notice, yes. But it is what it is.

You have a great plan to get away, whether camping or hanging out with friends, or even having a relaxing weekend at a friend's place with the friend gone. Get a good book or pull up your Netflix queue, turn off your phone and Facebook and enjoy.

Your roommates already know that the situation makes you uncomfortable, but for a one-time summer blowout, they've decided that the fun is worth the discomfort. You can choose to accept it with grace or not.

[vern]

https://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=z0O_VYcsIk8

[boarder42]

do you have a vegetable garden? b/c as a meat eater i cant stand seeing vegetables getting pulled and eaten by humans when my food should be eating that.  this opens up an entire can of worms on a hipster band wagon.  i'm xyz so i dont like to see that ... get over it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0O_VYcsIk8

this is litterally what you're doing and what you sound like. 

does your SO not like a certain veggie the way it smells even.  do you go out into the woods and cook this veggie far away from him so he doesnt smell it.  or only cook it when he's out of town.  insert any other vegan/vegetarian dish for veggie in that sentence.

would your SO or friends act like this if you were planning a big ole veggie cookout with NO MEAT.  i'm sure their pig roast includes sides that are meatless.  this whole thought, post and the fact that you should have been included is selfish as FUCK if you ask me.

if you had some disease that didnt allow you to eat meat ok maybe... but you're just choosing a lifestyle.  like being gluten free or whatever.

you do realize humans are omnivorous creatures meant to eat meat.

[Sailor Sam]

Well, this was a hopeful thread, with people talking about compromise and owning their shit. Why you gotta hate, boarder42?

[boarder42]

this just hits a major nerve with me.  Its just fucking meat.  your body was designed to eat it ... you made a choice not to.. great.  dont act like people should always think of you since you're a vegetarian by choice.

its entitled crap IMO

[nereo]

While I might not feel as combative as Boarder42, this does seem to have crossed the line into intolerance.

Everyone should be permitted to choose their own diet.  However, the OP is going beyond that, asking for others to modify their legal and culturally normal behaviors, because he/she has a different set of values. Perhaps better communication or a clear renters agreement could have avoided this but the bottom line is that the OP wants the roommates to change. It seems the same to me as someone asking their roommate to refrain from wearing any religious clothing or occasionally inviting members of his/her church over because I personally object to their faith.

[matchewed]

I think removing yourself from the situation is acceptable, forcing them to not hold the pig roast would not be an acceptable decision.

[dcheesi]

do you have a vegetable garden? b/c as a meat eater i cant stand seeing vegetables getting pulled and eaten by humans when my food should be eating that.  this opens up an entire can of worms on a hipster band wagon.  i'm xyz so i dont like to see that ... get over it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0O_VYcsIk8

this is litterally what you're doing and what you sound like. 

does your SO not like a certain veggie the way it smells even.  do you go out into the woods and cook this veggie far away from him so he doesnt smell it.  or only cook it when he's out of town.  insert any other vegan/vegetarian dish for veggie in that sentence.

would your SO or friends act like this if you were planning a big ole veggie cookout with NO MEAT.  i'm sure their pig roast includes sides that are meatless.  this whole thought, post and the fact that you should have been included is selfish as FUCK if you ask me.

if you had some disease that didnt allow you to eat meat ok maybe... but you're just choosing a lifestyle.  like being gluten free or whatever.

you do realize humans are omnivorous creatures meant to eat meat.

Keep in mind that some people really do have a deep aversion to certain stimulae, totally unrelated to their "politics". Perhaps it's even this gut instinct that led the OP towards vegetarianism, rather than the other way around as you seem to assume. Even if you think it's silly, that doesn't alleviate the actual discomfort being felt by that person.

My ex-gf loves meat, but she can't stand to even look at someone eating meat off the bone. It goes back to some childhood trauma she experienced. Really sucked since I love buffalo wings! But I lived with it, because the alternative was to force her to look at something that turned her stomach, and I wouldn't do that to someone I cared about.

[GuitarStv]

I'm not sure that I entirely understand the problem.  They usually eat meat, (and, I assume store it in the house during the week) and you're fine with that.  They're going to kill the pig and eat it regardless of what you do, so it's not like you going somewhere else does anything for the welfare of the pig.  They're not forcing you to eat any of the pig.  Most of these people are your friends and aren't doing this specifically to bother you.

Why are you feeling personal offense?

[2buttons]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0O_VYcsIk8

This is the first thing I thought of and started laughing because I think the video is hilarious.

+1 to the idea that people need to get over it and stop being way too easily offended these days.

[SuperSecretName]

tl;dr

[picture deleted]

[MOD NOTE: No.  We're not doing that.  We've had a lot of problems lately with animosity building up between different groups on our forums and we need to start acting a bit more reasonably with each other]

[Sailor Sam]

I'm not sure that I entirely understand the problem.  They usually eat meat, (and, I assume store it in the house during the week) and you're fine with that.  They're going to kill the pig and eat it regardless of what you do, so it's not like you going somewhere else does anything for the welfare of the pig.  They're not forcing you to eat any of the pig.  Most of these people are your friends and aren't doing this specifically to bother you.

Why are you feeling personal offense?

There's really 2 issues afoot. The first is the OP appears to be skeezed out over the pig roast, basically because the pig still has a face. I read this as a legit emotional response. Some people are tender hearted, and it's not right to stomp all over their preference just because human teeth can tear meat.

The second issue is that the OP is offended because her feelings about dead pigs in residence weren't taken into account. She said she's 'laid back', which I take to mean she avoids confrontation, and wishes her roommates would simply intuit her limits by reading her mind. Bad males! Now she has a problem, because her original plan to avoid the situation fell through, and she's feeling more traumatized by the face issue than she originally suspected she would.  Less legitimate, in my assessment. Talking probably would have circumvented this issue. Now it's too late.

[Jack]

All I can think about is the fact that pigs have the intelligence of a 3 year old child.

You should make a modest proposal that they have a three-year-old child roast instead.







(Not trying to be insensitive; just trying to lighten the mood.)

(Edit: Yes, I am aware of the irony of trying to lighten the mood with a cannibalism joke.)

[KCM5]

Sorry, but I can't side with you on this one OP.  Your roommates want to do something that is legal and in many cultures an important social activity. You have said that you don't normally care that they are meat eaters.  From a practical standpoint roasting a pig is only different from grilling pork chops in the total quantity of meat.
By all means tell them in a polite way that you do not care for the activity and will opt out, but you cannot make them stop.
If your roommates are accommodating people they will make some effort to arrange future events when it least inconveniences you.  It sound like you did not let them know exactly how badly it made you feel until well into the process.

This. While there is a difference in quantity and preparation, there is no difference in the fact that your meat-eating roomies are eating meat at your house. We're so used to meat being in prepackaged containers that we can separate that from the source. The animal is the source.

I'm not blaming the OP for feeling that there's some sort of difference between ground beef and a whole hog. After all, the OP has owned her visceral dislike of eating animals by not eating animals. But the roommates can hardly be blamed for their own assumption that the OP is okay with meat eating in the house, therefor would be okay with a pig roast. Tell them. Then go camping.

If they host another pig roast without consulting you on your plans for the event, then they're insensitive clods, but until then, you've all acted reasonably.

[Meowmalade]

My husband is vegetarian and I have many friends who are vegetarian for ethical reasons, who are cool with others eating meat around them, but I'm pretty sure would feel very uncomfortable with having a pig roast in their home.  My husband can politely ignore that I enjoy a burger which happens to be beef which comes from a cow, but no one could ignore a huge dead pig in the kitchen.  Honestly, I feel that the people flaming the OP have no business doing so if they have no idea where she's coming from.  It's like some atheists who blast people because they have religion, because "logically it doesn't make sense".  And it's not like the OP asked them to cancel the event.  I think she has to tell them it makes her uncomfortable though, and to make other plans for that weekend.  Hopefully they'll at least tone things down around her and try not to shove it in her face.

[MandalayVA]

All I can think about is the fact that pigs have the intelligence of a 3 year old child.

And there's your problem--you're giving pigs anthropomorphic characteristics.  The majority of three-year-old humans can speak.  If you can find a pig that has the vocabulary of a three-year-old, claim rights to it as quickly as possible because you're about to make a WHOLE lot of money.

As others have noted, we've become very far removed from the sources of our food, and that includes vegetables.  If you get strawberries in January when you live in Minnesota, there's an excellent chance those strawberries were picked by a brown-skinned child who lives in a shanty camp and works fourteen-hour days. 

If you choose to eat a certain way, you accommodate, not make others accommodate you.

[2Birds1Stone]

That sounds like a fun event! The only way to make something like that more enjoyable is purchasing a live pig and doing the kill/dress up yourself.

[MVal]

I can sympathize with your sentiments, as my roommate is a vegetarian also. I try to be considerate as I know she doesn't like the smell of meat cooking and I limit how much meat I cook--in fact, I'm not a huge meat eater and enjoy a lot of vegetarian food most of the time. However, I want to be able to eat and cook as I like and it irritates me sometimes when I can't cook what I want because she's so sensitive about it. It's not too bad for me though, because she's fine with me making it most of the time and doesn't insist we use different dishes or anything militant like that.

I can understand how you feel, but roasting whole animals over fire is a common practice throughout the rest of the world and has been throughout human history. It's only here in sanitized America where we've lost our understanding of the roots of human sustenance and become squeamish over it. The real problem I would have with it is how was that animal raised? Hunting is a much more ethical method of meat acquisition than commercial livestock, to me, since it connects you to nature and just how difficult it is to obtain meat when the quarry is on a more level playing field with you, just like any other predator. Michael Pollan, the author of The Omnivore's Dilemma, wrote a great book called Cooked that explores this topic and is a great read!

[kitkat]

HAHA WOW, this took a turn since yesterday afternoon!

To be clear, I am in NO WAY trying to make them cancel the event, modify their behavior, blah blah blah. Also I'm not a fucking idiot and I realize that roasting a pig is not illegal. Thanks!


To boarder:
Is it really selfish to ask to be included in the decision to host a 50+ person event at your house? Seriously?
I'm not asking everyone I've ever met to think of me when going about their daily lives. I'm asking my roommates who are friends of mine to understand that an event happening in my home that glorifies a practice that I am against as one of my core values, that I have been against my entire adult life, perhaps is not considerate.

A little more context as to why this bothers me, for GuitarStv and others:
I get the point about it just being pork, and that I am usually okay with them eating meat. It bothers me because it is an entire event that is centered around the viewing and eating of the animal. The carcass becomes a focal point, conversation piece, and is a glorification of meat consumption, which I am obviously against. Being vegetarian is a dietary decision, yes, but for me it is also a moral one, and there is only so much of it I am willing to be exposed to. The "personal offense" ONLY, ONLY, ONLY, comes from the fact that this is happening IN MY HOME, and was already well into the planning stages before I was even made aware.

Others have made the very valid point that I kind of put myself into this situation by not speaking up sooner. As SailorSam accurately noted, I'm "feeling more traumatized by the face issue than she originally suspected she would". The first night I heard of the event, we were all sitting around the fire (7+ people including my house and the neighbors) and they had already made quite a few plans around the event. They said "so is everyone cool with X date?" and looked around, and I was really caught off guard and just said "uhhh I don't give a shit what yall do I don't really have any interest in this haha". And we all laughed it off and moved on. I has really only been since the Seattle trip was cancelled that I have been faced with really thinking about how much this bothers me, because I am having to decide how far I am willing to go to avoid it.



Huge thanks to all those who provided genuine feedback. I got into a bit of a downspiral yesterday thinking about all of this, and writing out this post and getting feedback was exactly what I needed.


And to Jack, I would love to make that suggestion :) but unfortunately most meat eaters I know do not like to be made aware of these things, so I try to be polite and allow their blissful ignorance!

[kitkat]

That sounds like a fun event! The only way to make something like that more enjoyable is purchasing a live pig and doing the kill/dress up yourself.

Honestly, if they hunted the pig down themselves (and it was legal/ethical hunting in an overpopulated area), and did this whole shebang, I would respect that a hell of a lot more. Still probably wouldn't be there for it, but it'd be way more legit.

[kitkat]

All I can think about is the fact that pigs have the intelligence of a 3 year old child.

And there's your problem--you're giving pigs anthropomorphic characteristics.  The majority of three-year-old humans can speak.  If you can find a pig that has the vocabulary of a three-year-old, claim rights to it as quickly as possible because you're about to make a WHOLE lot of money.

As others have noted, we've become very far removed from the sources of our food, and that includes vegetables.  If you get strawberries in January when you live in Minnesota, there's an excellent chance those strawberries were picked by a brown-skinned child who lives in a shanty camp and works fourteen-hour days. 

If you choose to eat a certain way, you accommodate, not make others accommodate you.

Who says pigs don't speak? Many animals have their own languages. We just can't understand them..

I'm being serious about that, but that being said I obviously know the difference between a human and a pig and value their lives appropriately.

I hate that this is apparently something I need to clarify.............................

[Northwestie]

Maybe they should have just given you a heads up - hey - we're planning a get together and pig roast - I agree just getting that many folks together would be polite to let you know. 

I dunno your dynamic with them, however.  You can easily say "hey, I'd appreciate a heads up for such a gather in advance next time"

............but you do know about it in advance -- so.......

[Fishindude]

This just hits a major nerve with me.  Its just fucking meat.  your body was designed to eat it ... you made a choice not to.. great.  Dont act like people should always think of you since you're a vegetarian by choice.     Its entitled crap IMO
/\/\  This X 100  /\/\


How do yo know if someone is a vegan?
Don't worry, they will tell you.

[Jack]

Is it really selfish to ask to be included in the decision to host a 50+ person event at your house? Seriously?

Well, that's a very different objection than you started the thread with.

[kitkat]

Is it really selfish to ask to be included in the decision to host a 50+ person event at your house? Seriously?

Well, that's a very different objection than you started the thread with.

Valid point.

I still don't see how anything I have done is selfish, though. I haven't asked them to cancel it, or move it, and I haven't in any way tried to make them feel bad about it or anything! I simply came to an internet forum to explain a situation I am in and figure out how I should deal with it moving forward.

This just hits a major nerve with me.  Its just fucking meat.  your body was designed to eat it ... you made a choice not to.. great.  Dont act like people should always think of you since you're a vegetarian by choice.     Its entitled crap IMO
/\/\  This X 100  /\/\


How do yo know if someone is a vegan?
Don't worry, they will tell you.

Oh jeez, I've disturbed the fragile ego of the meat eaters...

Meat going into human body: not something I have a problem with

Factory farming billions of animals each year, raising them in lives of torture, slaughtering them inhumanely, and polluting the surrounding environment with their concentrated waste, while causing permanent physical and psychological damage to the human workers involved, all so that we can have a $1 burger at McDonalds or in this case sit around and feel macho and masculine and ~awesome~ for roasting an entire hog at one time instead of in little bits, and having everyone we know come watch so they can feel masculine and awesome as well, only to eat the meat that LITERALLY THEY SAID ISN'T REALLY AS GOOD AS COOKING IT OTHER WAYS: not a fan!

[nereo]

kitkat - thank you for providing more context.  Reading over your posts, I think you have a far more legitimate reason to be annoyed that they were planning a 50+ person party than you do about that party involving meat.  It's common decency to inform your housemates that you are planning on throwing a large party early on.  However, the meat/pig issue?  I'm still going to (gently) push back on this.  Suppose they had decided to throw a party for 50 people and went to costco and bought a wide array of sausages, hamburgers and chicken-parts to grill... would this be ok with you?

Also (and again I'm saying this very respectfully), you have cited your own morals and personal beliefs about not being ok with eating meat. Others do not share these same values, and it sounds like you are suggesting that your values should hold more weight than others on this issue. No one is asking you to consume meat or pay for it.  Personally, I eat meat on occasion and seek out ethically raised sources from local farms. The social ties surrounding the cooking of meat are important to me; my grandfather (an immigrant) would spend the weekends making and cooking his own sausages in his backyard with all of his neighbors.  In the south pit-bbq is a deeply held tradition. When I lived in Hawai'i the pig roast (a lu'au) was an important part of the culture.  Even if you just perceive it as a bunch of dudes standing around drinking beer and talking, that may be their most important social interaction of the month; if they going through this much effort it's because the event is important to them.

My point is that while you might find it offensive to your personal morals, there's always the balance of tolerance and accommodation.  Tolerance is when you allow others to do things that you personally don't like. Accommodation is taking others feelings and beliefs into account... something your roommates admittedly didn't do very well.

[Sailor Sam]

This just hits a major nerve with me.  Its just fucking meat.  your body was designed to eat it ... you made a choice not to.. great.  Dont act like people should always think of you since you're a vegetarian by choice.     Its entitled crap IMO
/\/\  This X 100  /\/\


How do yo know if someone is a vegan?
Don't worry, they will tell you.

Oh jeez, I've disturbed the fragile ego of the meat eaters...

Meat going into human body: not something I have a problem with

Factory farming billions of animals each year, raising them in lives of torture, slaughtering them inhumanely, and polluting the surrounding environment with their concentrated waste, while causing permanent physical and psychological damage to the human workers involved, all so that we can have a $1 burger at McDonalds or in this case sit around and feel macho and masculine and ~awesome~ for roasting an entire hog at one time instead of in little bits, and having everyone we know come watch so they can feel masculine and awesome as well, only to eat the meat that LITERALLY THEY SAID ISN'T REALLY AS GOOD AS COOKING IT OTHER WAYS: not a fan!

Negotiating with people having an emotional moment on the internet is usually pretty unsatisfying. Your choice, but I don't think you're going to get the satisfaction you're looking for.

I'm interested in how you're conflating meat roasting, and masculinity. Can we talk more about that?

[Roland of Gilead]

Damn now I want to roast a pig.  I would make sure I got a dumb one.

[MandalayVA]

I'm interested in how you're conflating meat roasting, and masculinity. Can we talk more about that?

You know not the hornet's nest you poke, but if anyone wants popcorn for this I'm making some.

[GuitarStv]

only to eat the meat that LITERALLY THEY SAID ISN'T REALLY AS GOOD AS COOKING IT OTHER WAYS: not a fan!

This is the most disturbing part of this thread.  Who said this to you?

My wife is from the Philippines and she makes excellent roast suckling pig.  The crispy skin makes it much tastier than other ways of preparing pork that I've tried.

[Basenji]

I haven't fully expressed my discontent to anyone other than my SO, because I generally try to be really laid back/open minded about things and am not trying to rain on anyone's parade.

What did your SO say when you discussed it?

What are you expecting us to say? Are you asking for ammunition to convince your SO? I don't get the difference between people eating meat and eating a whole pig, but having people make comments about fish with heads on, I guess I'll never understand why people are so squeeved out by whole animal carcasses. If anything, it feels more honest.

But that's not the point: what seems strange to me is your relationship with your SO. He had no idea this would bother you and you live together? Did he not care? Or not know?

I'll throw something out for a thought exercise. What if you cooked lots of awesome vegetarian food, attended the event, and maybe suggest some kind of Native American-style prayer or blessing over the pig? Then you could serve your yummy food, see your friends, and try to rest in the reality of suffering in this world. We can't avoid it, but we can face it and show our strength in facing it, literally.

[boarder42]

have you seen how vegetables are raised ... how tightly packed they are next to each other in rows and slain down by the farmer in a tractor which uses oil to fuel its tyrade.  you had better stop eating everything b/c who's to say those ears of corn dont have feelings.  its an organic life form just as the pig is.  do you have a vegetable garden where you murder the vegetables infront of your housemates.  i mean they at least had the decency to let a farmer murder the vegetables then feed them to a pig then let a kill plant kill the hog and a butcher process it out before the brought it over.  when you eat that apple you're preventing that plant from producing more of its kind.  you're litterally eating the unborn!

but yes a 50 person party should be discussed. 

and this has nothing to do with meat eating ego ... its the annoyance of vegans and vegetarians acting like they are some supreme type of lifeform and everyone should start to do that.  i've seen forks over knives i can buy into the fact that a plant based lifestyle may be more life effective ... but you dont have to act like its causing you emotional harm... and if it does cause you emotional harm then move on from it.

if this post was about 50+ people party you'd ahve received a much better response than complaining about the type of food and how its beeing cooked.

and pig roasts are awesome why else would a future baseball star include it in his video to all teams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kREZHmOR1bg

see minute 19:20

[Debts_of_Despair]

Find something else to do for the day. TBH, it would probably be best to find somewhere else to live in the long term. You are never going to win the fight against your current roommates.  This is coming from someone who eats little meat and definitely wouldn't eat a pig roast.

[Tay_CPA]

I'm not sure what to do. I've looked into some solo trip options (most of my local friends will likely be attending the roast), but I'm worried that if I'm alone I will just be thinking about this whole situation and having negative feelings throughout. Any other friends I could think of to go visit would be at least a $400 flight away, and I'm already traveling the weekend before.

Just looking for outside perspectives and advice on this whole situation...

Everyone else has already commented on the other issues, so I'll comment on the traveling part! I don't know where you live (somewhere close to Seattle possibly?) but one idea is to pick a city nearby or a few hours away, find a cheap AirBnB, and explore on your own for the weekend! It's usually cheaper to stay in a room in someone's house, and I find that most hosts, especially couples or families, are really friendly and happy to show you around or have you join in on meals (I'm sure you could let them know you're vegetarian). It would be a fun way to get away for the weekend and get your mind off your worries! Hopefully it will turn a potentially negative weekend for you into a positive one with good memories of exploring a new city solo! Good luck :)