How can medical doctors deal with stress? Please help!

[lifejoy]

I'm married to a wonderful man, and he's a doctor! He has just started his fellowship in a big city, and from what I gather, it is incredibly stressful:

1. Working any new job is hard, and requires adjusting to new people and hoping they like you.
2. Being evaluated all the time is tough.
3. He has an exam next summer at costs $6000 to take, and he and his peers are already stressed about it. Understandable!
4. Responsible for the care of so many patients.

Trying to be a supportive spouse over here, but I DO NOT have any idea what it's like to work at a hospital. For my friends, I get to say things like, "Hey, you had a rough day, but nobody died, right?!" But for people that work in a hospital, what the heck do you say? It sounds like an incredibly demanding and draining job. Things I'm trying to do to help:

- have dinner ready when DH gets home
- go on a walk with him
- plan (frugal) dates
- make sure we are eating fruits and veges
- clean the house, take chores odd his plate

Last night he was up ALL NIGHT from stress. And heat. It's 91 degrees here with no AC. I haven't seen him like this, and would love ideas on how I can be there for him. I start a new job next week, which will make things doubly interesting >.<

Thanks for your suggestions!

[Glenstache]

This is an important problem. My SO is an emergency vet, and naturally a person who is well acclimated to that type of work. However, it has allowed me to peek behind the curtain of the stresses that many in her profession are under. She participates in several closed support groups to support others in her profession in a safe environment. She has seen it be helpful for a lot of her colleagues. I would encourage actively seeking out a formal or semi-formal support system along these lines.

And good on you for being supportive of your SO, I'm sure all you listed helps.

[MissStache]

I'd encourage him to build relationships with other doctor friends, so there is someone he can hang out and chat with who totally gets it.  I think it is really important to be able to just sit and bitch with someone who understands all the emotions and difficulty without having to explain it. 

[lifejoy]

I think these are good suggestions, but my concern about discussing these things with his doctor friends is that it seems to go something like this:

SO: "I'm so stressed! We have a lot going on (life and death situations, upcoming $$$ exam)"
Friend: "I'm stressed too! This is just the way it is, better get used to it!"
SO: "...."

[HappierAtHome]

With the heat, could you use a pedestal fan and / or portable air conditioner? Because being overheated won't help.

Meditation and mindfulness, maybe?

[okits]

Is he getting enough rest, exercise, and sex?  (Sorry to be blunt but they all matter.)

Different people find different things stressful. Can he identify his strong and weaker areas and try to gear his career towards the stresses he finds more bearable?

[MsPeacock]

Is this in the US? If so then he has completed internship and residency already. What helped with stress during those times? Is this much worse? If so, why? Sleep is the most critical issue I think for many people in terms of resiliency. If he is staying up worrying and anxious then when he isn't on call something to help him sleep would be important (e.g. Benadryl). Otherwise eating right, exercise, etc as others have mentioned.  Also, did he start fellowship on a particularly brutal rotation? If so then it is a matter of hanging on through that rotation, a few months or whatever, and acclimating to the new demands as he acquires the new skills and knowledge to perform on that rotation.

[JustGettingStarted1980]

I'm married to a wonderful man, and he's a doctor! He has just started his fellowship in a big city, and from what I gather, it is incredibly stressful:

1. Working any new job is hard, and requires adjusting to new people and hoping they like you.
2. Being evaluated all the time is tough.
3. He has an exam next summer at costs $6000 to take, and he and his peers are already stressed about it. Understandable!
4. Responsible for the care of so many patients.

Trying to be a supportive spouse over here, but I DO NOT have any idea what it's like to work at a hospital. For my friends, I get to say things like, "Hey, you had a rough day, but nobody died, right?!" But for people that work in a hospital, what the heck do you say? It sounds like an incredibly demanding and draining job. Things I'm trying to do to help:

- have dinner ready when DH gets home
- go on a walk with him
- plan (frugal) dates
- make sure we are eating fruits and veges
- clean the house, take chores odd his plate

Last night he was up ALL NIGHT from stress. And heat. It's 91 degrees here with no AC. I haven't seen him like this, and would love ideas on how I can be there for him. I start a new job next week, which will make things doubly interesting >.<

Thanks for your suggestions!

As someone who has gone through this, I give you my 5 essentials:

1.Sleep
2.Exercise
3.Silence/Peace/Time to Breathe
4.Sex
5.Healthy Eating[/u][/u][/u]

-sure everyone is different, but the above basically makes everything else better. Really pay attention to #3, sometimes wanting to help someone else so much by talking to them about the day actually has the opposite effect of what was desired...some people just need to decompress, do you know what I mean? hope this helps, and remind him that all of this is temporary and gets better in the end :)

P.S. Install a window AC, or one of those Mitsubishi ones in the bedroom. You can afford it. Best of luck!

[lifejoy]

I'm married to a wonderful man, and he's a doctor! He has just started his fellowship in a big city, and from what I gather, it is incredibly stressful:

1. Working any new job is hard, and requires adjusting to new people and hoping they like you.
2. Being evaluated all the time is tough.
3. He has an exam next summer at costs $6000 to take, and he and his peers are already stressed about it. Understandable!
4. Responsible for the care of so many patients.

Trying to be a supportive spouse over here, but I DO NOT have any idea what it's like to work at a hospital. For my friends, I get to say things like, "Hey, you had a rough day, but nobody died, right?!" But for people that work in a hospital, what the heck do you say? It sounds like an incredibly demanding and draining job. Things I'm trying to do to help:

- have dinner ready when DH gets home
- go on a walk with him
- plan (frugal) dates
- make sure we are eating fruits and veges
- clean the house, take chores odd his plate

Last night he was up ALL NIGHT from stress. And heat. It's 91 degrees here with no AC. I haven't seen him like this, and would love ideas on how I can be there for him. I start a new job next week, which will make things doubly interesting >.<

Thanks for your suggestions!

As someone who has gone through this, I give you my 5 essentials:

1.Sleep
2.Exercise
3.Silence/Peace/Time to Breathe
4.Sex
5.Healthy Eating[/u][/u][/u]

-sure everyone is different, but the above basically makes everything else better. Really pay attention to #3, sometimes wanting to help someone else so much by talking to them about the day actually has the opposite effect of what was desired...some people just need to decompress, do you know what I mean? hope this helps, and remind him that all of this is temporary and gets better in the end :)

P.S. Install a window AC, or one of those Mitsubishi ones in the bedroom. You can afford it. Best of luck!

Great ideas, thank you!

Luckily the heat wave is over, because our building doesn't allow AC >.<

[Left]

wait, is the heat while at home? Or at the work place? I have a portable a/c (not window unit) that works well for a room (it's made for a lot bigger area) and all you do is dump the water when full. I don't know why the landlord wouldn't allow it, or how they would even know it is there?

At the office, those nifty cooling towels are pretty sweet. They don't get you all wet (well dripping wet, they still "dampen" clothes if left on) so if you are careful about it, you can put it over face/neck while in the breakroom/office and just relax with eyes close and cool off. Also having a massager is nice too for a quick 5-10 minute refresher. Never seen a doctor with a full massage chair in the office though, but something like a theracane (sorry for brand name, but I like it, they have competitors that are cheaper but I like how this one is simple). It might help relax some tension throughout the workday.

I'm not a doctor or anything but it seems like the cooling towel/cane would help anyone in a stressful workplace. I mean I would rather go without lunch and spend time "cooling" down and working out tension in back/neck before I get a headache... both items can be stored in a desk drawer or locker (they are small, cane can break apart if you buy that model). I use both at work so it works for me from experience. But my setting is different. And sometimes it's just useful to "work" on your back/neck just to take your mind off work too, not to work out stress, but to give something to focus on besides work.

but then again I've heard some doctors just don't even get time to have a break... so might not be all that helpful. I'd imagine those are the same kinds of doctors that would benefit from a relaxing 5-10 minutes though.

Edit: Stay hydrated too, that's important if he is under stress, if he rememebers to bring a large bottle of ice water for the day. I'd say other types of drink, but water seems best?

[Anatidae V]

These for heat, you can probably make them with water bead thingies and fabric scraps:
http://www.coolhats.com.au/pg_neck_tie_coolers.php

I need full body cuddles and massages from my SO when I'm stressed. Probably not a great solution if it's hot and you have hot hands, though. I also find if I'm very stressed, I sleep better in a different place eg on our couch or a foam mat in our loungeroom.