OP, I sincerely wish you the best of luck, and nothing but happiness in the future, once you get rid of this guy.
But, this forum being this forum, please allow me to be way more blunt than you are probably used to, and maybe more than is acceptable. But as the father of a 10 month old, I feel like I must, and I'll take the consequences other members feel fit to burden me with:
This man is abusing you. He's abusing your husband. Which means that, even though he isn't doing it directly, he's also abusing, or at least creating an abusive environment for, your children. I know, from close experience, the warping and mental gymnastics that abuse creates in its victims. I understand. And it's fantastic that now you've "woken up". But only partway, you're still groggy. So again, allow me to throw some water in your face to help you wake up fully:
If you allow this man ONE MORE outburst. ONE MORE ill-considered remark. ONE MORE I can't-believe-I-have-to-write-this threat of physical violence. ONE MORE HOUR of you retiring to your room and making your children retire to theirs, creating a prison-like stifling environment that they will remember for the rest of their lives. If you do that, OP, you're no longer JUST a victim of abuse.
You're also an accomplice.
I do not care if this guy starves. I do not care if he catches ass cancer from sleeping on a park bench. I do not care if you have to call the police preemptively. I do not care if you recruit the bouncers from the local club. Get him OUT. NOW.