Author Topic: Group Confessional  (Read 23671 times)

Inaya

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #50 on: October 05, 2017, 09:01:31 AM »
I could write a book (or maybe a brochure at least) just with examples of using "Thanks, you too" inappropriately--and embarrassingly.

"Happy birthday!"
"Thanks, you too!"

"Get well soon!"
"Thanks, you too!"

(Leaving a restaurant.) "We hope you'll come back soon!"
"Thanks, you too!"

(From a bald male coworker.) "Wow, your hair is really long!"
"Thanks, you too!"

(Leaving a relative's house.) "Get home safely!"
"Thanks, you too!"

ketchup

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #51 on: October 05, 2017, 09:10:19 AM »

CheapskateWife

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #52 on: October 05, 2017, 09:20:21 AM »
Where to start...

I have a habit of wearing no top to bed and in a cold morning simply pulling on my fleece zip-up hoodie. The plan is that I'll get dressed properly later, sometime between now and when I go out. Often I forget Step 2. Inside a new neighbour's house, I found myself getting rather toasty, so casually unzipped...
Oh god, this has me in tears...thank you for sharing this

Laura33

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #53 on: October 05, 2017, 12:15:57 PM »
I could write a book (or maybe a brochure at least) just with examples of using "Thanks, you too" inappropriately--and embarrassingly.

"Happy birthday!"
"Thanks, you too!"

"Get well soon!"
"Thanks, you too!"

(Leaving a restaurant.) "We hope you'll come back soon!"
"Thanks, you too!"

(From a bald male coworker.) "Wow, your hair is really long!"
"Thanks, you too!"

(Leaving a relative's house.) "Get home safely!"
"Thanks, you too!"

Yep.  I could've posted this, too, but decided to go with the farts instead.

And ITA with the above:  this is totally my favorite thread.

CheapskateWife

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #54 on: October 05, 2017, 12:22:55 PM »
Now, I had thought MJ was originally looking for stuff more serious than farts. Like mean things. But now I don't know whether to post my mortifying mean things that I 100% terribly regret because the thread has become funny instead!
I bet there is not a single thing that you have done that one of us hasn't done themselves, thought of doing, or did worse.

Confess thy sins, here there be absolution.

marielle

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #55 on: October 05, 2017, 01:19:01 PM »
I was trying to make friends with a girl (online because we were both part of a local group), and I was explaining how one of my hobbies is volunteering with parrots and that I really like birds. She says she doesn't like birds because she had a traumatic incident with a bird when she was 14.

I, typing faster than my brain can think, jokingly say ":O We can't be friends!"

Yeah...maybe not the appropriate time for this joke.

CheapskateWife

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #56 on: October 05, 2017, 02:37:40 PM »
Oh, I'm already absolved :)
I went the route of Step 5 of 12 Steps, confessing every last horrible thing to a trusty person. It was AMAZING.
I just think humans confessing and absolving each other is so healing, I wanted to encourage this thread!
I'm a 12 stepper too...step 5 changed my life :)

Caoineag

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #57 on: October 06, 2017, 09:07:07 AM »
[Context: The person below had just told us about their very expensive furnishings the day before. I wouldn't have spent a 1/10 the price on furniture.]

Someone who was very brand conscious asked me if I got my coat from such and such website. I scoffed and said heck no, I got it from another website. I am not brand conscious so I THOUGHT I was saying I was too cheap to buy it there. Instead, I must have come across as a snob because the website I got it from was actually more expensive, not less...(In my defense, my coat came with a lifetime warranty but what I should have said instead is no I got it from this website and I had never heard of the other brand).

I make decisions very wells based on available data using my criteria. My ability to not to come across as a judgmental B**** is however very lacking. Sigh.

GuitarStv

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #58 on: October 06, 2017, 11:43:37 AM »
Freshly out of university I was doing some grocery shopping (a relatively novel experience for me at the time).  I was originally going to buy a some grape juice, but noticed that there was a crazy sale on prune juice . . . where I could get three containers for less than the price of one of grape juice!  I'd never had prune juice, but figured how bad can it be?  So I got my three containers and headed home.

Made supper (discount chicken nuggets), kicked back on the couch and drank a one liter container of prune juice.  It tasted pretty good.  Finished watching my show, did the dishes.  GURGLE GURGLE!  Hmm, that felt a little weird.  Went upstairs to play guitar.  GURGLE GURGLE!  Flat out ran to the washroom and barely made it before unloading a physically impossible amount of stuff.  Hmm, that was weird.  Must have been bad chicken nuggets.  I need some juice before bed to settle my stomach.  Drank half of another container of prune juice.  Let's just say it was a distressful evening.

Prune juice should come with large, clearly printed warnings.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #59 on: October 06, 2017, 03:29:37 PM »
Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...

Kris

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #60 on: October 06, 2017, 04:00:06 PM »
Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...

Yeah, that's the kind of laugh that's got "thank God that wasn't me" baked into it...

Chesleygirl

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #61 on: October 06, 2017, 04:19:18 PM »
Cringey memory? Chasing after a boy in high school, that was only half-way interested in me.

Years later, saw him at high school reunion, and decided to have some self respect and not go anywhere near him.

ender

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #62 on: October 06, 2017, 04:24:56 PM »
Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...

Some of these things I'm glad I can read about here, google, and then understand why they are funny (rather than learning experientially...).

Dollar Slice

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #63 on: October 06, 2017, 04:38:33 PM »
Prune juice should come with large, clearly printed warnings.

Fun fact: in addition to being high in fiber, prunes are high in sorbitol, which is also used as a sweetener in sugar-free candy. Some people are very sensitive to it. I have a similar story involving a very small amount of sugar-free candy and a BOS>SFO flight with a layover in Phoenix...

tralfamadorian

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #64 on: October 06, 2017, 07:42:34 PM »
Prune juice should come with large, clearly printed warnings.

Fun fact: in addition to being high in fiber, prunes are high in sorbitol, which is also used as a sweetener in sugar-free candy. Some people are very sensitive to it. I have a similar story involving a very small amount of sugar-free candy and a BOS>SFO flight with a layover in Phoenix...

Reminds me of this epic collection of Amazon reviews:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000EVQWKC/

Inaya

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #65 on: October 06, 2017, 08:52:52 PM »
Prune juice should come with large, clearly printed warnings.

Fun fact: in addition to being high in fiber, prunes are high in sorbitol, which is also used as a sweetener in sugar-free candy. Some people are very sensitive to it. I have a similar story involving a very small amount of sugar-free candy and a BOS>SFO flight with a layover in Phoenix...

There was a variety of chips that had similar consequences: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lay%27s_WOW_chips

(Fun fact, I couldn't remember what brand it was so I googled diarrhea chips, and that was totally the first result.)

marielle

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #66 on: October 06, 2017, 10:51:21 PM »
I was born in Europe so it took me a long time to be able to say certain sounds in English. Specifically the "th" sound. I'm ashamed to say it took me 8 years until I realized.

The worst memory was when the teacher in 7th grade asked me to explain what two-thirds raised to the third power meant.

"Two turds times two turds times two turds"

:(

Free Spirit

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #67 on: October 06, 2017, 11:08:37 PM »
Marielle, I'm sorry, that must have been really embarrassing at that age but you made me laugh for a good 5 minutes.

Anydaynow

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #68 on: October 08, 2017, 12:23:29 PM »
Two years ago, I accidentally texted my boss that she could go fuck herself.   It autocorrected to "duck", but it didn't save me from having a meeting with my boss, HR, and a witness the next week. It was brutal. I credit my 12 step program with getting me through that intact and without lingering shame.  Just cringing memory.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #69 on: October 09, 2017, 02:29:42 PM »
The thing I most vividly wish I had never done is send an email to a potential employer (for an internship and corrected the grammar in their email signature as a P.S. "Affect" instead of "effect". They sent back a polite message with terse undertones and then (OMG) I did it again. *smacks head against wall repeatedly* Why why why?!

Meowkins

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #70 on: October 10, 2017, 07:16:19 AM »
Oooh waow, don't mind if I do~~

*a metaphorical rollodex somewhere spins uncontrollably*


Rimu05

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #71 on: October 10, 2017, 09:06:55 AM »
Yes,

I have cringe moments where I say things and as they come out of my mouth, I want to go, oops did not mean that.

Like I ordered a cappuccino with milk... The server looked at me like I was stupid and was like "It comes with milk." I wanted to be like, I meant to ask for added sugar...

Here's another cultural cringe involving coffee. I was getting in to lattes but then I went to Italy and ordered a latte and the waiter asked me if I would like it cold or hot. Very confused, I was like "surely hot..." How else does one have a latte? Then he brought me a very steaming glass of milk. It was then I learned that a latte in Italy is just milk...

My favorite one from Middle School.

My friend had a super crush on the head boy. We used to call him Harold in our circles but turns out this was actually a nickname and his name wasn't Harold. So she asked my other friend if she could give him a bar of chocolate from her because she was too shy and being my weird confident self, I was like, can I tag along? So we were walking behind him and I yell "Harold!" and I did that like six times before my friend goes "Real name." Meanwhile his friends are cracking up, my friend is cringing and I am like what's up with these people?

Rimu05

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #72 on: October 10, 2017, 09:20:36 AM »
So, I apparently had some 'bad' Indian food on a Thursday evening.  Before realizing just how bad things could be, I did my level best to sweat it out through the workday on Friday.  Made it through a very light lunch, restricted my movements in the afternoon, just a little bit longer, all that...  Well, my gastrointenstinal battle was a war that was my sphincter ultimately lost and what I thought was going to help relieve a little pressure ended up being my first experience with a shart.  I ran to the restroom and did my best to clean up, but the damage had certainly been done to that fabric office chair and my pants.  I could manage the pant situation by cleaning, wadding up toilet paper, untucking my shirt and heading home, but I really needed to figure out a way to do something about the chair!  This steaming baby was a total loss, I mean, the thing needed to be set on fire.  I contemplated throwing it out the window.

Fortunately an esteemed colleague in the cube next door was out on extended vacation, so I stealthily switched chairs.  After a little time had passed and the offending item had 'cooled off' (if it was warm, it would be suspicious), I wandered over to the project secretary and pointed out that there was a bit of a smell in 'Bob's cube'.  In fact, it seemed to be coming from 'Bob's' chair! 

"It can't be Sir, that smell is much too strong" 
"Well, I checked the trash and it's not coming from the drawers.  Just have a sniff near it, I swear it's the chair".

I had never seen a Filipino turn green before.  For a second I thought the guy was going to pass out, he had put his nose way too close to that thing.  Needless to say, the chair was gone quickly, never to be seen again.

Not long after the movers took care of business, I left work early and spent the entirety of the weekend in the bathroom wondering if I was going to die (or go to the hospital).  Close call, but I eventually recovered.  I'll spare you the rest of the details.

Fortunately this all happened toward the end of a short project I was on overseas and word never got back to 'Bob' that his chair had almost killed someone...

Ah, what a relief it was to leave that whole sordid mess buried in the past ... until now.  Can I ever be forgiven?? :)

Since someone has opened the topic on this one. This happened when I was 12. I think I ate some very cheap chocolates and while my friends and I were in town, the stomach started rumbling. I tend to be a champ at holding it in but this one was determined. Well, out it came and I don't know why I turned to my friends and just admitted it.

Cleaned myself in a public bathroom which annoyingly ran out of toilet paper... I used the public towel and threw it in the bin.

Writing this is hilarious, but I could not live that one down for years. Well, now the internet knows.

Just Joe

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #73 on: October 10, 2017, 10:22:06 AM »
Cringey memory? Chasing after a boy in high school, that was only half-way interested in me.

Years later, saw him at high school reunion, and decided to have some self respect and not go anywhere near him.

Oh I will never go to any school reunions. Ever. So far, so good. Its been decades.

I have a lousy memory - I'm not sure if that is fortunate thing or the cause of my troubles.

Keep the stories coming folks! I'm feeling better about myself all the time!

(Thinking: I might be normal after all!)

GreenSheep

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #74 on: October 10, 2017, 04:39:31 PM »
I had a summer job that involved wearing a cheap polyester version of a tuxedo (I'm female) and serving food to very wealthy people. It was impossible to look anywhere near good while wearing that getup. There was a particularly attractive guy at one of these events, and while carrying a huge tray of about 20 glasses filled with water, I tripped while looking back at him. The ensuing crash and splash, in an otherwise empty but brightly lit hallway, certainly got his attention.

Ugh, another boy-crazy occasion. I was fortunate enough to go to France with my grandmother when I was about 15, and she offered to take me on a hot air balloon ride over the Loire Valley. I declined, because there was a hot waiter at our hotel, and I was hoping to bump into him if I hung around there all day... Not really embarrassing, because neither he nor my grandmother ever found out about this, but I'm still kicking myself for it.

arebelspy

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #75 on: October 12, 2017, 10:40:19 PM »
Great thread, following!

I was dying at that prune juice story.

Here's one from my wife:
In college, she was a cashier at Albertsons. The customer was a girl with a group of friends. They were all chatting together, ignoring her, so she didn't do her usual "find everything okay/how's your day going" type small talk with the customer. Instead she was just sort of checked out, mindlessly scanning things. She was about to go on break in a few minutes, so she started mentally composing a text message to me in her head.

The customer finished and paid, and, instead of saying the customary "have a nice day" to them, she said the final line of the text message she was composing: "I love you!" The group of girls stopped, and stared at her for a second, then turned and walked off without saying anything. She was beet red.

Whoops! Awkward.  Imagine a stranger you have had no prior contact with telling you they love you, out of the blue. :)

I generally don't remember bad things, but I will try to think of one for myself as well.
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andy85

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #76 on: October 13, 2017, 06:18:17 AM »
inadvertent 'I love you's' have definitely been exchanged between me and my guy friends. we usually just laugh and say it back.

rockstache

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #77 on: October 13, 2017, 07:25:48 AM »
My grandmother left me a voicemail recently that at the end said, "ok sweetie? Ok. Love you, good-bye, amen."




rdaneel0

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #78 on: October 13, 2017, 07:44:41 AM »
^ ha! A work colleague, 25 years my senior, called me at home one day. At the end of the conversation, she said, "I love you!" Pause. I did the only thing I could think to: "...love you too!" LOL. I swear, though, that one bizarre moment cemented our friendship. We've been close for the 18 years since. I think she just got me mixed up with one of her adult kids in the moment. But then we were both like, you know what? It's true. hahaha

Hahahaha! That's great, thanks for sharing.

I love you.
(couldn't resist)

homestead neohio

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #79 on: October 13, 2017, 08:54:14 AM »
At my first "real" job I was fed up and ready to leave after 5 years slogging away at a place with lots of turnover.  I had already been through a promising interview at another local company and was hoping to get an offer.  I was just so tired of the BS and crappy work that I had to do something to lash out privately.  I customized one of those rotating word screensavers to say "I hate this fucking job."  A couple of days later the CFO stops by my cube to chat about a few things.  We have a very professional interaction and she gets all the information she needed.  This took enough time that at the very end of our conversation my screensaver kicks in.  She looks at the screen saver, looks back at me, and says, "Please change that" and walks away. 

At the time I was all "OH SHIT!" and lots of cringing, but also thought it was funny.  I got the offer and put my notice in a few days later.  Almost blew my cover, though.

ketchup

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #80 on: October 13, 2017, 09:16:02 AM »
A few years ago, I was out with a group of people at a restaurant and the last girl to give her order to the waiter said "I love you" as she handed him the menu.  She didn't seem to notice, but the rest of the table did.  She fervently denied saying it, and then asked the waiter about it when he came back.  He confirmed it and the whole group gave her shit about it for the rest of the night.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #81 on: October 13, 2017, 10:38:05 AM »
I am absolutely terrible about getting peoples' names mixed up. Not because I don't know who they are - certain people are just strongly associated with one another in my mind, and I simply have a hard time calling them by the right name at a moment's notice. I have two sons whom I'm constantly calling by the others' name. I have two male co-workers about my age, and I'm constantly swapping their names. Same with my two best friends while I was growing up. Everybody who spends a lot of time with me just gets used to it and eventually just stops correcting me, because as hard as I try, I just can't stop doing it.

When I was dating my future wife (I'll call her FW), she crinkled her eyebrows the first few times I called her by my sister's name, but she finally figured me out and knew I didn't mean anything by it. I remember the first time I went to meet her college friends. We had a picnic in the park, and I was being chatty and sociable and everyone seemed to approve of "the new guy". Suddenly I called my FW by my sister's name and asked her to pass me something...A hush fell over the crowd, as they all awkwardly glared at me, then at FW to await an angry reaction. Everyone was certain that I had just called FW by the name of an ex-girlfriend. FW suddenly realized why everyone stopped talking, then burst out laughing and told them it was just my sister. All was well from there on out, but I still cringe when I think about it...

MNBen

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #82 on: October 13, 2017, 11:19:38 AM »
I was presenting my new software in front of a group, and I needed to enter some fake data, so went to enter T-E-S-T, and being a programmer, have extremely fast typing skills.  However, because I was on a laptop keyboard instead of my regular keyboard, my fingers weren't EXACTLY in the right spot on the home row, so the T's came out fine, but the E and S came out one letter to the left... 

*whistles to stall while everyone looks at their keyboard*   (T....W....A....T)

Needless to say, I couldn't delete fast enough, turned beat red, and I have NEVER used "TEST" as fake data since!

======================================================

I have been a runner all my life and am used to spitting excess saliva as needed.  I gave a triathlon a try, and swim being a little more difficult than I expected, and now on the bike, I had all kinds of stuff I needed to spit out.  With a crosswind, and knowing my past experiences as a runner, I'd be spitting to the left.  So I looked over my left shoulder to make sure no one was passing me.  Nope.  No one in sight!  Quickly looked forward and worked out everything I needed to spit, and turned to my left and let it out RIGHT ON A PERSON FLYING PAST ME!!   UGH!!!   I said, "I'm sorry" but really he's going must faster than I ever would have expected....and would never be able to keep up with him to explain what happened!! 

=====================================================

The wife of a buddy of mine sent out the annual end of year holiday/Christmas cards, and signed them all "Merry Christmas!  LOL!"  The buddy never saw them before they went out.   She thought LOL meant "Lots of Love!".


« Last Edit: October 13, 2017, 11:29:40 AM by MNBen »

GuitarStv

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #83 on: October 13, 2017, 11:27:46 AM »
I was presenting my new software in front of a group, and I needed to enter some fake data, so went to enter T-E-S-T, and being a programmer, have extremely fast typing skills.  However, because I was on a laptop keyboard instead of my regular keyboard, my fingers weren't EXACTLY in the right spot on the home row, so the T's came out fine, but the E and W came out one letter to the left... 

*whistles to stall while everyone looks at their keyboard*

Needless to say, I couldn't delete fast enough, turned beat red, and I have NEVER used "TEST" as fake data since!


TWQT?

MNBen

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #84 on: October 13, 2017, 11:29:13 AM »
TWQT?

T....W....A....T 

(I added it to my post, and also realized I had a typo)

MonkeyJenga

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #85 on: October 13, 2017, 11:53:25 AM »
Ahahaha, I tested this by typing t-w-a-t into my phone keyboard, and it auto-corrected to t-e-s-t. Looks like you're not alone.

Kl285528

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #86 on: October 13, 2017, 12:27:18 PM »
PTF. And I promise t I contribute when I get a minute

Spiffy

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #87 on: October 13, 2017, 08:30:08 PM »
My husband worked on the loading dock of the college bookstore during grad school. So when we moved he brought home some boxes for us use for packing. I didn't notice that someone had used a sharpie to change the labels on the boxes of "New Titles" until my parents showed up to help us move. There I was standing in the middle of a stack of boxes...some marked kitchen, some marked clothes...and many marked "New Titties".

Say What?

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #88 on: October 14, 2017, 02:46:19 PM »
+1 to the terrible with names awkwardness.

Last year, after moving back and getting settled in to the city where I went to high school, I decided to order a pizza one night. When I opened the door for the pizza guy it was someone I went to school with. Someone I hung out with a lot. Someone who I was such good friends with that we were used an an example of how a guy and a girl could be great friends without having to be in a relationship. And I blanked on his name.

His face lit up and he happily said my name. I had to react so I went with the first name that popped out. It wasn't his name, and of course I only realized that after his face fell. I quickly corrected (because of course then I remembered his name! Stupid brain.) and asked him about his family to show I really did remember him but I could tell it still hurt him. I felt like such a jerk and still think about it sometimes. But, I will never forget his name again.

Kris

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #89 on: October 14, 2017, 03:04:28 PM »
+1 to the terrible with names awkwardness.

Last year, after moving back and getting settled in to the city where I went to high school, I decided to order a pizza one night. When I opened the door for the pizza guy it was someone I went to school with. Someone I hung out with a lot. Someone who I was such good friends with that we were used an an example of how a guy and a girl could be great friends without having to be in a relationship. And I blanked on his name.

His face lit up and he happily said my name. I had to react so I went with the first name that popped out. It wasn't his name, and of course I only realized that after his face fell. I quickly corrected (because of course then I remembered his name! Stupid brain.) and asked him about his family to show I really did remember him but I could tell it still hurt him. I felt like such a jerk and still think about it sometimes. But, I will never forget his name again.


Hahaha! My friend got married a couple of months ago, at city hall. I was one of the witnesses.

While we were there waiting for the judge to arrive, she ran into someone she knew.

And blanked on her fiance’s name when she was introducing him. To the point where someone had to remind  her what it was.


Just Joe

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #90 on: October 15, 2017, 04:05:41 PM »
+1 to the terrible with names awkwardness.

Last year, after moving back and getting settled in to the city where I went to high school, I decided to order a pizza one night. When I opened the door for the pizza guy it was someone I went to school with. Someone I hung out with a lot. Someone who I was such good friends with that we were used an an example of how a guy and a girl could be great friends without having to be in a relationship. And I blanked on his name.

His face lit up and he happily said my name. I had to react so I went with the first name that popped out. It wasn't his name, and of course I only realized that after his face fell. I quickly corrected (because of course then I remembered his name! Stupid brain.) and asked him about his family to show I really did remember him but I could tell it still hurt him. I felt like such a jerk and still think about it sometimes. But, I will never forget his name again.

This sort of thing has been a problem for me as well. Forgot my MiL's name at a holiday meal once  early in my marriage with DW for many minutes. Fortunately I was able to hide it until her name was recalled. Am related to a few people who would use whatever name popped into their head so I've been called every relative's name including the opposite gender and the pet names.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #91 on: October 15, 2017, 09:55:59 PM »
Haven't had a problem remembering the name of a person recently, but my husband and I just got back from a trip to Canada, and we both blanked and then stuttered a bit when the US Customs officer asked where we live. It's a simple question! We just moved a few months ago, and it still doesn't stick in our minds! Also, it's a very small town, so unless we're very close to home, we often just say the name of the state because otherwise no one knows what we're talking about. So our brains were swirling with our old city, old state, new town, new state... which one to say? Fortunately, the officer believed us when we said we had recently moved.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #92 on: October 16, 2017, 12:07:45 AM »
1) I was at a bike race, where heckling is encouraged.  A cyclist tried to ride his bike up an incredibly steep hill, wasn't able to clear it, and toppled over at the top.  He exclaimed "F&@!" and then quickly self-corrected to "Fudge!", which I thought was funny - I typically curse up a storm in the misery of racing.  So I cheered him on, "you got this, come on, fudge man!" 

And then it registered that he was African-American and everyone was staring at me....I literally want to die reliving this moment right now. 
I was waiting for a place to tell this story, so I'll just tag on here, in case it helps you.

My first job in college, my boss was named Janie Suey. She's married now, so I'm using her real maiden name. She was a great boss and I really liked her. We were working on something together one day and giggling and being silly. I almost blurted out a pet name my brother called me (Geek) but my brain screamed "No, that might be insulting. Better change it, quick." So my brain obligingly changed the e's to o's and my mouth blurted out the corrected word. Yes, I did call my Asian boss a "Gook". Shit, it still pains me to write this, some forty years later. Janie, wherever you are, I loved you and I'm still really sorry for what my brain did.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #93 on: October 16, 2017, 07:34:00 AM »
Oh the name blanks gave me one I actually remember.

Back when DH and I had gotten engaged, we had to meet a lot of people but I have a bit of change blindness and a lot of facial blindness. I went to one of his large family gatherings and realized I actually recognized someone there. I greeted him enthusiastically and asked him why he was there (I had a long habit of not being able to place people until after I have spoke with them for a bit, I think I suspected he was a professor or something). He was my future father-in-law...

Fortunately, everyone laughed in the moment so it wasn't horribly embarrassing. I explained the above and no one ever held it against me. I can just imagine that going down with a more uptight family *shudders*.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #94 on: October 20, 2017, 06:35:15 PM »
I was thinking of this thread today and out of nowhere, BAM, I was hit with the memory of this gem. It's truly awful, so I'll share.

I was a particularly rebellious teenager, trying on the whole IDGAF attitude thing and constantly slinging sarcasm with zero thought. I was trying to impress a new friend in art class when...

Teacher: Wait until the glaze gets hard to

Me: Your mom gets hard!

(room goes silent, zero laughter)

Teacher: (very quietly) I was out last week because my mom died.

I had missed the previous week of school and had no idea. Plus, even if that hadn't happened, I was being SUCH a dick. Ughhhhhh, so groan-worthy. I still hate myself when I think about it. Blech!

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #95 on: November 02, 2017, 01:11:08 PM »
Kelso - is that you??? (That 70's Show)

Primm

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #96 on: November 02, 2017, 03:41:33 PM »
Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...

On the train here. And failing not to laugh.

Primm

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #97 on: November 02, 2017, 03:49:12 PM »
I am absolutely terrible about getting peoples' names mixed up. Not because I don't know who they are - certain people are just strongly associated with one another in my mind, and I simply have a hard time calling them by the right name at a moment's notice. I have two sons whom I'm constantly calling by the others' name. I have two male co-workers about my age, and I'm constantly swapping their names. Same with my two best friends while I was growing up. Everybody who spends a lot of time with me just gets used to it and eventually just stops correcting me, because as hard as I try, I just can't stop doing it.

When I was dating my future wife (I'll call her FW), she crinkled her eyebrows the first few times I called her by my sister's name, but she finally figured me out and knew I didn't mean anything by it. I remember the first time I went to meet her college friends. We had a picnic in the park, and I was being chatty and sociable and everyone seemed to approve of "the new guy". Suddenly I called my FW by my sister's name and asked her to pass me something...A hush fell over the crowd, as they all awkwardly glared at me, then at FW to await an angry reaction. Everyone was certain that I had just called FW by the name of an ex-girlfriend. FW suddenly realized why everyone stopped talking, then burst out laughing and told them it was just my sister. All was well from there on out, but I still cringe when I think about it...

I'm wondering though, did this explanation make it better or worse?

driftwood

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #98 on: November 03, 2017, 03:26:22 AM »
I called Pizza Hut last weekend to order a pizza. I was tired, had a bad connection, and my face put my phone on speak... wasn't able to turn the speakerphone off.  So I try to order anyway, ask for half peanut butter pizza (was going for half pepperoni).  I hung up and ordered online instead.  When I go in they somehow knew it was me and joked about me asking for the half peanut butter pizza.  I was a bit embarrassed, but at this point in my life I'm happy that I've given someone a laugh.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #99 on: November 03, 2017, 05:54:09 AM »
Oh my goodness. So much funnies.. esp the shart one- I lol'd and the
Thank you, you too. I do that hahahahahaha

Ok I could take this thread over with the amount of ridiculous stuff. Here is one from maybe age 20

Taking some black and white photography classes with my best pal.
A free thing that the Photographic society does sometimes, this time it was taught by a sweet old man.
ANNNNNYway
We are in the dark room now - pitch black before our eyes adjust to the red light, and i grab my friends leg, to go Woaahhhhh creeeeepy. But, it wasn't her legs.
It was the sweet old man.

How to explain that one? I didn't even try