The Money Mustache Community
Other => Off Topic => Topic started by: MonkeyJenga on October 04, 2017, 11:09:27 AM
-
Share your cringey memories that you obsess over at 2 AM, even though the other people involved don't remember that stupid thing you said in middle school, and maybe never cared.
The rest of us will tell you how silly you're being and absolve you of your sins.
-
Lol, this has been read 63 times and posted in 0. The blessing for me about these cringy things is that I have the memory of a gold fish, so although I rehash these things over and over....it doesn't last very long unless something comes back up to remind me.
The latest was that I was walking through the open lobby of my work and a very attractive guy was walking in the opposite direction and said, "Morning rockstache how are you?" To which I responded, "Hi, good morning, I'm fine thanks, how are you?" But I actually said all of those things at the same time and it came out sounding like, "HEMIFLKEIHDYU?" And a lot of people heard and laughed. SAD!
-
That time in an a very crowded advanced math class in graduate school when I had to sneeze... and didn't cover my mouth or sneeze on myself. Somehow I just turned to the side and sneezed on the person next to me. I was so shocked at myself and mortified that I didn't even apologize. I just gaped at the desk for a moment and then looked back at the front of the class. I still wonder WTF was wrong with me at that moment.
-
Once in college I was leaving a voicemail for a professor and dropped my phone halfway through the message. This was on an old-fashioned answering machine, before you could delete a voicemail and start again. I might have had just a wee bit of a crush on him, so it was extra embarrassing to have to say, "SORRY PROFESSOR MCHOTTIE! I DROPPED MY PHONE!"
Twenty years later? Still embarrassing.
-
Remember when I loudly farted in freshman year English class? I do. The seat rumbled and everything.
-
I have so many mortifying moments that I am in a perpetual state of anxiety. At the risk of sounding like a total idiot, here's one that still makes my palms sweat to think about:
I talk fast and I have dyslexia BIG TIME so the worst for me is reading aloud because I tend to get ahead of myself. One day I was reading about the school's curriculum and I actually pronounced it "sir-queue-lum".
Ugh.
-
Oh Lord when I was 13 we were at some restaurant and I told my Mom 'Our waiter is really cute! He has a nice butt too' And sweet Jesus he comes up right behind me and is all 'thanks, I do lots of squats'. I was beet red you guys. My Mom thought I was gonna have a stroke.
-
Committed to mustachianism. Saving about a third of my 60k gross salary for almost 5 years. Bought a new Mustang. Kept it for 9 months. Sold it to a dealer. Spent about 12k all in. Got laid off literally the next day after I sold it(Sold on a wed, laid off Thur). So a blessing in reality. Coulda kept the cash and been more comfortably unemployed right now.
Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk
-
I've done/said my fair share of stupid things, but this is the only unimportant but awful social fuckup that I find myself thinking about years later.
I helped a (female) coworker change the oil in her car for the first time. She wanted to thank me in some way (not like that you perverts), and asked if I had a favorite baked good. My enthusiastic dumb-guy just-answer-the-question answer was "Anything [my girlfriend's name] makes." Her face looked like I had kicked a puppy. I'm an idiot.
-
Oh boy, here goes:
My only memory of Kindergarten was when I peed my pants, but got away with it by saying i fell in a puddle at recess. Luckily nobody ever found out/remembered that, and it never stuck.
Another one I absolutely cringe about is during an awards ceremony in high school for a sport I played: we gave a "hottest dude" award like Michael Scott would in the Dundees, and nobody laughed. So cringey and awkward. It doesn't help that this was before The Office aired...
Once, while drunk at a dorm party, I dropped an "n-bomb," luckily without the hard R at the end. The party literally record scratched and I walked away in shame. My roommate at the time (a black guy), just shook his head the next day and chuckled. I think we were still cool, although we only talked once after I transferred schools.
A handful of times I've misread a client/customer's body language/tone of voice/words and responded in inappropriate ways. Laughing after hearing about a death, divorce, or other negative life event...yeah you can imagine the air going out of the room after I did something like that.
Ugh, feels good to get this stuff out there but sometimes I wonder what the heck runs through my head.
-
I do not have a good track record with group exercise classes.
After DD was born, I tried a step class to get back in shape. I was definitely the one who was always a step behind and had to think too hard about what came next. About halfway through the class, I got myself twisted up, tripped over my step, sprained my ankle, and ended up in a pile on the floor wrapped around the step. Last attempt at that class.*
But, I have to say, the better one was a few years later, after DS was born. This one had no music or dance moves (hallelujah), but was basically a roomful of women doing different versions of calisthenics and stretches and isometric exercises and such. Well, I don't know what I had eaten the night before, but we started doing a series of squats, and every single time I squatted, I farted. Like 10 in a row -- could not stop it. I'm amazed I ever went back to that gym. [And now I will have to change my username here, too. . . .]
Crossfit works for me: they play music, but they don't actually make me do anything in time with it -- and they blare it loud enough that it hides any, umm, unfortunate sounds. ;-)
*Which actually reminds me of my attempt to two-step in law school after having multiple beers. One too-enthusiastic twirl and I ended up knocking over an amp on the stage and sitting on it. Maybe it's just me and music.
-
I feel like I'm reading a Buzzfeed article. These are all hilarious.
And all your sins have been absolved.
I really need to think on this. I'm sure there is something that has been buried in my memories...
-
This is fun!!
When I was a new consultant, there was about 6 of us on a team working a lot of crazy hours together - we were all friendly. It was about 8 pm and I got up to go to the bathroom, on my way back I walked through an area where the elevators are. There was a guy in front of me walking and I thought he was one of my teammates, so I let out a cat-call whistle, just joking around. The guy turns around and it's my client!! Gaah! I was so embarrassed, I didn't even apologize, I turned around and looked behind me, as if to say, "who did that??" thankfully he never mentioned it and I was only on that project for another couple of weeks. Could have been a total career limiting move.
-
Oh boy....these are so innocent....I'm embarrassed to say this.
I once yell "BOMB!" on a crowded Vegas elevator while on acid. Heard a loud bang from inside the shaft. Everyone just looked at me and shrugged it off. That's Vegas for you. Ugh :)
-
Thought of another one!
When I was in first grade we were learning how to spell using different fruits and vegetables. The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word "pea" and I jumped up and shouted "P E E!" The whole class laughed of course but to make matters worse, the kid sitting next to me pulled my chair out so when I tried to sit back down I fell right on my butt.
I'm pretty sure I cried. lol
-
Oh boy.... here goes nothing....
One time in high school, I entered a conversation with a joking statement that included the phrase "dirty Mexican". I have no idea what I was thinking; it was meant to be ironic but my tone was all off.
One of the hottest and smartest guys in my high school, who was from Mexico, turned around and said with utterly deserved disdain "You are completely unbelievable." I made some super lame excuse about having family from Mexico, which is true but definitely didn't sound it.
One of the many reasons I will never, ever go to a high school reunion.
-
1) During a spelling test in the 1st or 2nd grade, for some reason I felt the need to spell the first word out loud. Like it was out of my mouth before I even registered what I was doing (maybe I had "spelling test" confused with "spelling bee"?). The teacher was quite disgusted and promptly removed me from the room while the other students finished the test. I do not recall if I was allowed to retake it.
2) I tend to internalize bad news and freeze up--which means sometimes I fail to respond appropriately when somebody tells me bad news. Once in college, my RA came to tell me a student had died over the weekend. I didn't know the student personally, but he was fairly popular and the RA did know him. My response was basically, "Oh no, that's too bad." It would have been an appropriate response if somebody's carnival prize goldfish had died. Not that a student and friend of theirs had.
3) During one of my first weeks at this job, I was proofreading something for one of my SMEs. I had a chuckle because instead of Google, they wrote Goggle. Well, in my previous jobs, I worked with other editors or writers who would also have had a chuckle. So we were in a meeting with representatives from other teams, and they started talking about the document and, completely without prompting I decided to share his typo in front of everyone, without realizing that he would probably be embarrassed and nobody else would find it amusing. "Oh by the way you wrote GOGGLE! HAHAHA...ha...ha...ha......?" They all just looked at me with pity and went back to their discussion. Nobody said anything, but I definitely got a vibe of, "Please be quiet, the grownups are talking now."
-
OK...a year later, I am still super embarrassed about this.
I was with most of my coworkers at a conference and one of our board members was with us. We were sitting around having lunch and just making casual chit chat. The talk turned to discussing one of my coworkers (who wasn't there) and I laughingly commented that we drive him nuts because we're not very politically correct in our casual conversations (we are very careful when it relates to work though!). Unfortunately, I didn't describe it in such delicate terms and I think I threw in the word discrimination or something like that (I'm too embarrassed to remember details). As you can imagine, there was dead silence after that and we all quickly left the lunch table. A few minutes later as we were walking out, I hastily apologized to my boss and board member saying that the words didn't come out right and that I absolutely did not mean anything.
A few days later, I get called into my boss' office for a serious discussion :( For more context, I'm Asian and he was really concerned about whether I felt any discrimination in the office. After I assured him that I have NEVER felt anything of the sort and that I'm the one always making the Asian jokes in my office, we agreed to chalk it up to my stupidity.
I couldn't stop thinking of it for days and I still blush when I think of it.
-
I want to say thank you for this thread and everyone confessing. Because I was just thinking to myself lately about all the foot in mouth moments I do and how I was ready to hide from society. Now I will just keep barreling along with it for now.
In fifth grade the teacher was presenting our work and I was sitting on a table off the side by the window. Not facing the class like everyone else. So I became fixated on a spider along the window and started talking out loud about it. Not a care in the world. Realized everyone was quiet and starring at me. Doh!
-
So, I apparently had some 'bad' Indian food on a Thursday evening. Before realizing just how bad things could be, I did my level best to sweat it out through the workday on Friday. Made it through a very light lunch, restricted my movements in the afternoon, just a little bit longer, all that... Well, my gastrointenstinal battle was a war that was my sphincter ultimately lost and what I thought was going to help relieve a little pressure ended up being my first experience with a shart. I ran to the restroom and did my best to clean up, but the damage had certainly been done to that fabric office chair and my pants. I could manage the pant situation by cleaning, wadding up toilet paper, untucking my shirt and heading home, but I really needed to figure out a way to do something about the chair! This steaming baby was a total loss, I mean, the thing needed to be set on fire. I contemplated throwing it out the window.
Fortunately an esteemed colleague in the cube next door was out on extended vacation, so I stealthily switched chairs. After a little time had passed and the offending item had 'cooled off' (if it was warm, it would be suspicious), I wandered over to the project secretary and pointed out that there was a bit of a smell in 'Bob's cube'. In fact, it seemed to be coming from 'Bob's' chair!
"It can't be Sir, that smell is much too strong"
"Well, I checked the trash and it's not coming from the drawers. Just have a sniff near it, I swear it's the chair".
I had never seen a Filipino turn green before. For a second I thought the guy was going to pass out, he had put his nose way too close to that thing. Needless to say, the chair was gone quickly, never to be seen again.
Not long after the movers took care of business, I left work early and spent the entirety of the weekend in the bathroom wondering if I was going to die (or go to the hospital). Close call, but I eventually recovered. I'll spare you the rest of the details.
Fortunately this all happened toward the end of a short project I was on overseas and word never got back to 'Bob' that his chair had almost killed someone...
Ah, what a relief it was to leave that whole sordid mess buried in the past ... until now. Can I ever be forgiven?? :)
-
I remember one!!
This had to be my sophomore or junior year of high school. In Anatomy class. I was a very good student. Honor Roll. Clean cut. Never in any trouble...etc etc, so what i did next came as a complete shock to the teacher. To this day I'm not sure what the hell i was thinking...like seriously...i swear i'm not a dumbass (mostly true).
So, sitting in class. It's a science class so the desks have outlets built into them to plug like science shit into and stuff. I'm bored, playing with a paper clip. (you may be able to see where this is going). Without thinking, i just stuck the paperclip into the outlet. Sparks flew. I jumped. Lights went out. Tripped the breaker for god knows how many classrooms. I mean, i was over it after a day and honestly just now remembered it...but holy hell am i turning red right now just thinking about it. WTF was i thinking!?!?! What intelligent person sticks a metal object into an electrical outlet?? (I guess a 16 year does) I don't even remember making the decision to do it. It's like my brain was off and boredom decided it was a good idea. Sighhh.
-
Classmate in High School did that once. It didn't help that he had very, very blond hair and was essentially an albino in all but name only.
For the next 6 years he was known as "Lightbulb"
Often wonder what happened to him...
-
These stories are truly hilarious. And rather comforting to know I'm not the only idiotic person in this world.
-
So, I apparently had some 'bad' Indian food on a Thursday evening. Before realizing just how bad things could be, I did my level best to sweat it out through the workday on Friday. Made it through a very light lunch, restricted my movements in the afternoon, just a little bit longer, all that... Well, my gastrointenstinal battle was a war that was my sphincter ultimately lost and what I thought was going to help relieve a little pressure ended up being my first experience with a shart. I ran to the restroom and did my best to clean up, but the damage had certainly been done to that fabric office chair and my pants. I could manage the pant situation by cleaning, wadding up toilet paper, untucking my shirt and heading home, but I really needed to figure out a way to do something about the chair! This steaming baby was a total loss, I mean, the thing needed to be set on fire. I contemplated throwing it out the window.
Fortunately an esteemed colleague in the cube next door was out on extended vacation, so I stealthily switched chairs. After a little time had passed and the offending item had 'cooled off' (if it was warm, it would be suspicious), I wandered over to the project secretary and pointed out that there was a bit of a smell in 'Bob's cube'. In fact, it seemed to be coming from 'Bob's' chair!
"It can't be Sir, that smell is much too strong"
"Well, I checked the trash and it's not coming from the drawers. Just have a sniff near it, I swear it's the chair".
I had never seen a Filipino turn green before. For a second I thought the guy was going to pass out, he had put his nose way too close to that thing. Needless to say, the chair was gone quickly, never to be seen again.
Not long after the movers took care of business, I left work early and spent the entirety of the weekend in the bathroom wondering if I was going to die (or go to the hospital). Close call, but I eventually recovered. I'll spare you the rest of the details.
Fortunately this all happened toward the end of a short project I was on overseas and word never got back to 'Bob' that his chair had almost killed someone...
Ah, what a relief it was to leave that whole sordid mess buried in the past ... until now. Can I ever be forgiven?? :)
This is my favorite! Not that were keeping score...
-
That time . . .at the gym . . . when I failed to read the sign that said "Please put your feet to the sides of the treadmill before starting." Apparently, the person on before me had been SPRINTING. I jumped in the middle of the treadmill . . hit "on" and my feet flew out from underneath me. I was holding onto the rails for dear life begging my friend to turn it off. My knees were skinned something fierce!
-
Once told a riddle so badly the guy I was talking to thought I was directly asking him a question about his penis. In a large group of people. He just kinda stared unsure if he should laugh. (It was a completely clean riddle!) At least I wasn't trying to flirt. I wasn't even drunk.
Not realizing that something sounds dirty before I say it is a weakness of mine.
-
I was out on a really fancy date in the big city (rural raised girl here) and the guy took me to a place where I hardly even recognized the food.
I saw steak tartar on the menu and thought, "oh good, I'll get steak!" and then...I ordered it medium rare. He laughed but thought it was really cute, the waiter looked confused like I was playing a joke, and I was mortified but also had no idea what was happening or why my normal steak order had gotten such a reaction.
Haha! he was really nice about it and explained it to me, and we dated for a few months (nice guy just didn't work out) but MAN, when I think of that moment I just CRINGE.
-
I was 7-8 years old playing with my cousins in Poland and we were 10-15 minutes away from their apartment. I remember having to use the bathroom really badly, right before I made it through the door I pissed myself. We still laugh about it 22-23 years later.
-
I was working at a camp one summer in high school. The call of nature sounded and I wasn't that far from one of the few flush toilets with a locking door. The majority of latrines were open air pit affairs with a great deal of biological diversity and a disturbing lack of privacy. The lack of privacy extended to both fellow humans and the wide array of fauna looking to capitalize on the hot mess in the pit. So I took the opportunity to duck into the restroom and firmly close the door behind me. And knew immediately that I had made a terrible mistake. The door would not budge. The room was not ventilated and the light was burned out. So I did my business and had a nice dark and hot wait while I considered my options. The opened inward and I couldn't get any purchase on the knob from inside. The sweat that was rolling off me in buckets didn't help with the grip either. After about an hour I went up through the dropped ceiling and climbed down the attic ladder. Unfortunately I was spotted while coming down the ladder and didn't think quickly enough to come up with a better cover story than I was locked in the bathroom.
We had a staff reunion this last summer. Over a decade later the event is still providing jovial cannon fodder.
-
We had to present "current events" in 7th grade and I had massive stage fright, so I was the last one left. My teacher told me that I was up, so I said "can I just not go and get a 0 instead?" and she said "no, you have to go", so not only did I completely humiliate myself, but I still had to present.
-
Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself. We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's. I'm old enough to be their mother.
Shit.
Oh, and I'm happily married.
As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!
-
Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself. We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's. I'm old enough to be their mother.
Shit.
Oh, and I'm happily married.
As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!
Confession in the confessions thread. At the risk of embarrassing myself, what are 2LTs?
Sent from my STH100-1 using Tapatalk
-
Sure. I'll play. These are things I never tell anyone. I'm quite obsessive with my thoughts and regrets, though luckily the medication has helped that a lot.
When I was 3 we had a kitten and I dropped it out our second story window, repeatedly. Eventually it broke its leg and was put down. I still feel terrible about this.
Other one that is completely different and bugged me a very long time - I went to funeral for the father of an acquaintance. I knew him from a hobby group and it was one of those things where I think I knew of him and his family a lot better than he knew me. Anyhow at the end I went up to him to offer my condolences and I hugged him. I felt terrible for hugging someone who wasn't really a friend. He may have even wondered why I was at the funeral at all. He may have thought I was just a white gawker. It was a Hindu funeral service and I'm white. However I was raised Hindu and my grandmother had recently died. She had a Christian funeral, which felt really strange to me. So I also just wanted to go to a Hindu funeral for my own grieving process. But he wouldn't know any of this.
He probably barely thought anything of it and it bothered me greatly for years afterwards.
-
Stuff
This is my favorite! Not that were keeping score...
+1. Never trust a fart.
I played Soccer most of my life. I'm a good player, but I was always great at one thing, shooting. I was sort of known for it, and was usually the best on every team at that one thing. I was a really quite/humble guy though, and still am, but certainly didn't always come off that way.
One year during high school our team added a new player. New guy saw me take a few shots at practice one day and he walks up and says "man you have one hell of a shot!" to which I replied "yeah, you didn't know?". He immediately gave me a dirty look, turned around and walked away. I don't think he ever talked to me again.
Another successful interaction with a human! I felt like a total jackass, not how I expected that to sound. Oh well.
-
Cheddar!!
-
Oh, my god, I have one -- and it's a fart story, too.
My freshman year of college, I got placed with a roommate that I could not have had less in common with. It's not that we fought, exactly. I just found her incredibly irritating, so I struggled to be friendly and kind to her whenever we were both there.
One evening, it was probably about eleven-thirty. I was listening to music in the room, lying on a small couch with my face to the wall. She came in, and since I didn't want to talk to her, I pretended I was asleep.
Out of the blue, without me having any idea it was going to happen, I ripped the longest, loudest fart of my life. It just escaped. Which was kind of amazing, because who the hell doesn't know a fart is coming and can't at least try to control it? But there it is. It was loud, and long, and the only sound in the room other than the music.
And because I was pretending to be asleep, I had to do nothing -- couldn't laugh, couldn't apologize, couldn't do anything. I had to just lay there, trying really hard not to burst into embarrassed laughter, as she got undressed and went to sleep.
So embarrassing, but also in a way it kind of "couldn't" be embarrassing, because as far as she knew, I didn't know about it. So, Katie, if you're out there, thirty-two years later: sorry about that fart.
-
I have so many mortifying moments that I am in a perpetual state of anxiety. At the risk of sounding like a total idiot, here's one that still makes my palms sweat to think about:
I talk fast and I have dyslexia BIG TIME so the worst for me is reading aloud because I tend to get ahead of myself. One day I was reading about the school's curriculum and I actually pronounced it "sir-queue-lum".
Ugh.
I'm not dyslexic, but in elementary school I gave a whole presentation on how to be a safe pedestrian. But I guess I never bothered to actually read the word carefully? So I ended up talking about "Ped-e-strain-ians". Like some new nationality. I just... why... I knew what pedestrians were, too...
-
So I ended up talking about "Ped-e-strain-ians". Like some new nationality.
I kind of love that neologism. I've often wanted a word to say that I'm not just a pedestrian right this second because I'm walking, but a pedestrian for life and by choice: never owned a car in 40 years, hopefully never will. The pedestrian lifestyle, as it were. I'm a Pedestrainian!
So many of these stories have reminded me of ones of my own that I don't even know where to start. Oy. The funny thing is that the ones that would make good stories are not the ones that actually bother me. The ones that I cringe about endlessly are stupid little things where I said something mildly not-smooth in a totally meaningless conversation with someone I think is pretty cool. But I couldn't recount them all years later, they just happen frequently enough that there's a near-constant supply of them to cringe about.
-
Can we just have a thread of fart stories? Because I have the sense of humor of a 10 year old boy and am laughing so hard I am crying...
-
Cheddar!!
Hey Chip. Yeah, still here, mostly just read though.
-
Customer, whom we had interviewed for a position in our company a year or so prior, walks into our office with a woman. He introduces me. This is so-and-so.
Me: oh, yes, we met you you came in for the interview (his wife had inexplicably come in and waited while he interviewed, even came in for part of it. Cringe. Did not hire!)
Her: blank stare
Him: no, this is my boss.
Sweet Jesus. Kill me now. Luckily, she didn’t really acknowledge it and it just got glossed over, but I wanted to drop through the floor. I was sure he was going to be in big shit, as it’s the place he was working when he interviewed with us. Nothing came of it, so all good. But WTF Step37!? Apparently I don’t remember faces... or names.
-
Thanks Kroaler, good advice Cheds, and thanks Joon. And thanks to the rest for sharing! Hope I set the bar low enough, took me a while to check back in on the forum....
-
I was out on a really fancy date in the big city (rural raised girl here) and the guy took me to a place where I hardly even recognized the food.
I saw steak tartar on the menu and thought, "oh good, I'll get steak!" and then...I ordered it medium rare. He laughed but thought it was really cute, the waiter looked confused like I was playing a joke, and I was mortified but also had no idea what was happening or why my normal steak order had gotten such a reaction.
Haha! he was really nice about it and explained it to me, and we dated for a few months (nice guy just didn't work out) but MAN, when I think of that moment I just CRINGE.
Oh god, so this reminded me of a funny story. Funny now. At the time I was mortified.
I went to France after high school graduation with a group of other grads that I wasn't super close with, and one native French adult. On the second day in Paris, we went to a cute bistro for coffee. I didn't drink coffee. Or speak French. That didn't stop me. I wanted to be FANCY and ADULT and FRENCH, so I asked if they had a specialty coffee drink, using the fancy French name.
Why yes, the waiter disdained, as everyone in my party tittered. We have coffee with milk.
I had asked a waiter in a French coffee shop if they had cafe au lait.
I want to say thank you for this thread and everyone confessing. Because I was just thinking to myself lately about all the foot in mouth moments I do and how I was ready to hide from society. Now I will just keep barreling along with it for now.
In fifth grade the teacher was presenting our work and I was sitting on a table off the side by the window. Not facing the class like everyone else. So I became fixated on a spider along the window and started talking out loud about it. Not a care in the world. Realized everyone was quiet and starring at me. Doh!
This is adorable.
Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself. We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's. I'm old enough to be their mother.
Shit.
Oh, and I'm happily married.
As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!
Confession in the confessions thread. At the risk of embarrassing myself, what are 2LTs?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_lieutenant
-
Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself. We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's. I'm old enough to be their mother.
Shit.
Oh, and I'm happily married.
As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!
Confession in the confessions thread. At the risk of embarrassing myself, what are 2LTs?
Almost like ensigns, but not quite as cool.
-
This is the best thread ever. Might share a story later. As a kid felt like life was one big cringe fest. As soon as one episode is forgotten, out springs another!
-
This thread frightens me.
-
This thread frightens me.
Oh yes, be afraid ye of flawless past, be very afraid :)
-
This is the best thread ever. Might share a story later. As a kid felt like life was one big cringe fest. As soon as one episode is forgotten, out springs another!
Yes to all of this.
-
I was out on a really fancy date in the big city (rural raised girl here) and the guy took me to a place where I hardly even recognized the food.
I saw steak tartar on the menu and thought, "oh good, I'll get steak!" and then...I ordered it medium rare. He laughed but thought it was really cute, the waiter looked confused like I was playing a joke, and I was mortified but also had no idea what was happening or why my normal steak order had gotten such a reaction.
Haha! he was really nice about it and explained it to me, and we dated for a few months (nice guy just didn't work out) but MAN, when I think of that moment I just CRINGE.
Oh god, so this reminded me of a funny story. Funny now. At the time I was mortified.
I went to France after high school graduation with a group of other grads that I wasn't super close with, and one native French adult. On the second day in Paris, we went to a cute bistro for coffee. I didn't drink coffee. Or speak French. That didn't stop me. I wanted to be FANCY and ADULT and FRENCH, so I asked if they had a specialty coffee drink, using the fancy French name.
Why yes, the waiter disdained, as everyone in my party tittered. We have coffee with milk.
I had asked a waiter in a French coffee shop if they had cafe au lait.
Hahaha, nice! I was trying sooooo hard to seem sophisticated, then I blew my own cover...while wearing some forever 21 travesty which I'm sure did not look as classy as I thought at the time, lol.
-
Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself. We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's. I'm old enough to be their mother.
Shit.
Oh, and I'm happily married.
As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!
Confession in the confessions thread. At the risk of embarrassing myself, what are 2LTs?
Sent from my STH100-1 using Tapatalk
Oh, I should have been clear...2nd Lieutenants...very young and entry level Army Officers, most likely right out of college.
-
I could write a book (or maybe a brochure at least) just with examples of using "Thanks, you too" inappropriately--and embarrassingly.
"Happy birthday!"
"Thanks, you too!"
"Get well soon!"
"Thanks, you too!"
(Leaving a restaurant.) "We hope you'll come back soon!"
"Thanks, you too!"
(From a bald male coworker.) "Wow, your hair is really long!"
"Thanks, you too!"
(Leaving a relative's house.) "Get home safely!"
"Thanks, you too!"
-
"Happy birthday!"
"Thanks, you too!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdqVelQh60E
-
Where to start...
I have a habit of wearing no top to bed and in a cold morning simply pulling on my fleece zip-up hoodie. The plan is that I'll get dressed properly later, sometime between now and when I go out. Often I forget Step 2. Inside a new neighbour's house, I found myself getting rather toasty, so casually unzipped...
Oh god, this has me in tears...thank you for sharing this
-
I could write a book (or maybe a brochure at least) just with examples of using "Thanks, you too" inappropriately--and embarrassingly.
"Happy birthday!"
"Thanks, you too!"
"Get well soon!"
"Thanks, you too!"
(Leaving a restaurant.) "We hope you'll come back soon!"
"Thanks, you too!"
(From a bald male coworker.) "Wow, your hair is really long!"
"Thanks, you too!"
(Leaving a relative's house.) "Get home safely!"
"Thanks, you too!"
Yep. I could've posted this, too, but decided to go with the farts instead.
And ITA with the above: this is totally my favorite thread.
-
Now, I had thought MJ was originally looking for stuff more serious than farts. Like mean things. But now I don't know whether to post my mortifying mean things that I 100% terribly regret because the thread has become funny instead!
I bet there is not a single thing that you have done that one of us hasn't done themselves, thought of doing, or did worse.
Confess thy sins, here there be absolution.
-
I was trying to make friends with a girl (online because we were both part of a local group), and I was explaining how one of my hobbies is volunteering with parrots and that I really like birds. She says she doesn't like birds because she had a traumatic incident with a bird when she was 14.
I, typing faster than my brain can think, jokingly say ":O We can't be friends!"
Yeah...maybe not the appropriate time for this joke.
-
Oh, I'm already absolved :)
I went the route of Step 5 of 12 Steps, confessing every last horrible thing to a trusty person. It was AMAZING.
I just think humans confessing and absolving each other is so healing, I wanted to encourage this thread!
I'm a 12 stepper too...step 5 changed my life :)
-
[Context: The person below had just told us about their very expensive furnishings the day before. I wouldn't have spent a 1/10 the price on furniture.]
Someone who was very brand conscious asked me if I got my coat from such and such website. I scoffed and said heck no, I got it from another website. I am not brand conscious so I THOUGHT I was saying I was too cheap to buy it there. Instead, I must have come across as a snob because the website I got it from was actually more expensive, not less...(In my defense, my coat came with a lifetime warranty but what I should have said instead is no I got it from this website and I had never heard of the other brand).
I make decisions very wells based on available data using my criteria. My ability to not to come across as a judgmental B**** is however very lacking. Sigh.
-
Freshly out of university I was doing some grocery shopping (a relatively novel experience for me at the time). I was originally going to buy a some grape juice, but noticed that there was a crazy sale on prune juice . . . where I could get three containers for less than the price of one of grape juice! I'd never had prune juice, but figured how bad can it be? So I got my three containers and headed home.
Made supper (discount chicken nuggets), kicked back on the couch and drank a one liter container of prune juice. It tasted pretty good. Finished watching my show, did the dishes. GURGLE GURGLE! Hmm, that felt a little weird. Went upstairs to play guitar. GURGLE GURGLE! Flat out ran to the washroom and barely made it before unloading a physically impossible amount of stuff. Hmm, that was weird. Must have been bad chicken nuggets. I need some juice before bed to settle my stomach. Drank half of another container of prune juice. Let's just say it was a distressful evening.
Prune juice should come with large, clearly printed warnings.
-
Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...
-
Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...
Yeah, that's the kind of laugh that's got "thank God that wasn't me" baked into it...
-
Cringey memory? Chasing after a boy in high school, that was only half-way interested in me.
Years later, saw him at high school reunion, and decided to have some self respect and not go anywhere near him.
-
Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...
Some of these things I'm glad I can read about here, google, and then understand why they are funny (rather than learning experientially...).
-
Prune juice should come with large, clearly printed warnings.
Fun fact: in addition to being high in fiber, prunes are high in sorbitol, which is also used as a sweetener in sugar-free candy. Some people are very sensitive to it. I have a similar story involving a very small amount of sugar-free candy and a BOS>SFO flight with a layover in Phoenix...
-
Prune juice should come with large, clearly printed warnings.
Fun fact: in addition to being high in fiber, prunes are high in sorbitol, which is also used as a sweetener in sugar-free candy. Some people are very sensitive to it. I have a similar story involving a very small amount of sugar-free candy and a BOS>SFO flight with a layover in Phoenix...
Reminds me of this epic collection of Amazon reviews:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000EVQWKC/
-
Prune juice should come with large, clearly printed warnings.
Fun fact: in addition to being high in fiber, prunes are high in sorbitol, which is also used as a sweetener in sugar-free candy. Some people are very sensitive to it. I have a similar story involving a very small amount of sugar-free candy and a BOS>SFO flight with a layover in Phoenix...
There was a variety of chips that had similar consequences: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lay%27s_WOW_chips (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lay%27s_WOW_chips)
(Fun fact, I couldn't remember what brand it was so I googled diarrhea chips, and that was totally the first result.)
-
I was born in Europe so it took me a long time to be able to say certain sounds in English. Specifically the "th" sound. I'm ashamed to say it took me 8 years until I realized.
The worst memory was when the teacher in 7th grade asked me to explain what two-thirds raised to the third power meant.
"Two turds times two turds times two turds"
:(
-
Marielle, I'm sorry, that must have been really embarrassing at that age but you made me laugh for a good 5 minutes.
-
Two years ago, I accidentally texted my boss that she could go fuck herself. It autocorrected to "duck", but it didn't save me from having a meeting with my boss, HR, and a witness the next week. It was brutal. I credit my 12 step program with getting me through that intact and without lingering shame. Just cringing memory.
-
The thing I most vividly wish I had never done is send an email to a potential employer (for an internship and corrected the grammar in their email signature as a P.S. "Affect" instead of "effect". They sent back a polite message with terse undertones and then (OMG) I did it again. *smacks head against wall repeatedly* Why why why?!
-
Oooh waow, don't mind if I do~~
*a metaphorical rollodex somewhere spins uncontrollably*
-
Yes,
I have cringe moments where I say things and as they come out of my mouth, I want to go, oops did not mean that.
Like I ordered a cappuccino with milk... The server looked at me like I was stupid and was like "It comes with milk." I wanted to be like, I meant to ask for added sugar...
Here's another cultural cringe involving coffee. I was getting in to lattes but then I went to Italy and ordered a latte and the waiter asked me if I would like it cold or hot. Very confused, I was like "surely hot..." How else does one have a latte? Then he brought me a very steaming glass of milk. It was then I learned that a latte in Italy is just milk...
My favorite one from Middle School.
My friend had a super crush on the head boy. We used to call him Harold in our circles but turns out this was actually a nickname and his name wasn't Harold. So she asked my other friend if she could give him a bar of chocolate from her because she was too shy and being my weird confident self, I was like, can I tag along? So we were walking behind him and I yell "Harold!" and I did that like six times before my friend goes "Real name." Meanwhile his friends are cracking up, my friend is cringing and I am like what's up with these people?
-
So, I apparently had some 'bad' Indian food on a Thursday evening. Before realizing just how bad things could be, I did my level best to sweat it out through the workday on Friday. Made it through a very light lunch, restricted my movements in the afternoon, just a little bit longer, all that... Well, my gastrointenstinal battle was a war that was my sphincter ultimately lost and what I thought was going to help relieve a little pressure ended up being my first experience with a shart. I ran to the restroom and did my best to clean up, but the damage had certainly been done to that fabric office chair and my pants. I could manage the pant situation by cleaning, wadding up toilet paper, untucking my shirt and heading home, but I really needed to figure out a way to do something about the chair! This steaming baby was a total loss, I mean, the thing needed to be set on fire. I contemplated throwing it out the window.
Fortunately an esteemed colleague in the cube next door was out on extended vacation, so I stealthily switched chairs. After a little time had passed and the offending item had 'cooled off' (if it was warm, it would be suspicious), I wandered over to the project secretary and pointed out that there was a bit of a smell in 'Bob's cube'. In fact, it seemed to be coming from 'Bob's' chair!
"It can't be Sir, that smell is much too strong"
"Well, I checked the trash and it's not coming from the drawers. Just have a sniff near it, I swear it's the chair".
I had never seen a Filipino turn green before. For a second I thought the guy was going to pass out, he had put his nose way too close to that thing. Needless to say, the chair was gone quickly, never to be seen again.
Not long after the movers took care of business, I left work early and spent the entirety of the weekend in the bathroom wondering if I was going to die (or go to the hospital). Close call, but I eventually recovered. I'll spare you the rest of the details.
Fortunately this all happened toward the end of a short project I was on overseas and word never got back to 'Bob' that his chair had almost killed someone...
Ah, what a relief it was to leave that whole sordid mess buried in the past ... until now. Can I ever be forgiven?? :)
Since someone has opened the topic on this one. This happened when I was 12. I think I ate some very cheap chocolates and while my friends and I were in town, the stomach started rumbling. I tend to be a champ at holding it in but this one was determined. Well, out it came and I don't know why I turned to my friends and just admitted it.
Cleaned myself in a public bathroom which annoyingly ran out of toilet paper... I used the public towel and threw it in the bin.
Writing this is hilarious, but I could not live that one down for years. Well, now the internet knows.
-
Cringey memory? Chasing after a boy in high school, that was only half-way interested in me.
Years later, saw him at high school reunion, and decided to have some self respect and not go anywhere near him.
Oh I will never go to any school reunions. Ever. So far, so good. Its been decades.
I have a lousy memory - I'm not sure if that is fortunate thing or the cause of my troubles.
Keep the stories coming folks! I'm feeling better about myself all the time!
(Thinking: I might be normal after all!)
-
I had a summer job that involved wearing a cheap polyester version of a tuxedo (I'm female) and serving food to very wealthy people. It was impossible to look anywhere near good while wearing that getup. There was a particularly attractive guy at one of these events, and while carrying a huge tray of about 20 glasses filled with water, I tripped while looking back at him. The ensuing crash and splash, in an otherwise empty but brightly lit hallway, certainly got his attention.
Ugh, another boy-crazy occasion. I was fortunate enough to go to France with my grandmother when I was about 15, and she offered to take me on a hot air balloon ride over the Loire Valley. I declined, because there was a hot waiter at our hotel, and I was hoping to bump into him if I hung around there all day... Not really embarrassing, because neither he nor my grandmother ever found out about this, but I'm still kicking myself for it.
-
Great thread, following!
I was dying at that prune juice story.
Here's one from my wife:
In college, she was a cashier at Albertsons. The customer was a girl with a group of friends. They were all chatting together, ignoring her, so she didn't do her usual "find everything okay/how's your day going" type small talk with the customer. Instead she was just sort of checked out, mindlessly scanning things. She was about to go on break in a few minutes, so she started mentally composing a text message to me in her head.
The customer finished and paid, and, instead of saying the customary "have a nice day" to them, she said the final line of the text message she was composing: "I love you!" The group of girls stopped, and stared at her for a second, then turned and walked off without saying anything. She was beet red.
Whoops! Awkward. Imagine a stranger you have had no prior contact with telling you they love you, out of the blue. :)
I generally don't remember bad things, but I will try to think of one for myself as well.
-
inadvertent 'I love you's' have definitely been exchanged between me and my guy friends. we usually just laugh and say it back.
-
My grandmother left me a voicemail recently that at the end said, "ok sweetie? Ok. Love you, good-bye, amen."
-
^ ha! A work colleague, 25 years my senior, called me at home one day. At the end of the conversation, she said, "I love you!" Pause. I did the only thing I could think to: "...love you too!" LOL. I swear, though, that one bizarre moment cemented our friendship. We've been close for the 18 years since. I think she just got me mixed up with one of her adult kids in the moment. But then we were both like, you know what? It's true. hahaha
Hahahaha! That's great, thanks for sharing.
I love you.
(couldn't resist)
-
At my first "real" job I was fed up and ready to leave after 5 years slogging away at a place with lots of turnover. I had already been through a promising interview at another local company and was hoping to get an offer. I was just so tired of the BS and crappy work that I had to do something to lash out privately. I customized one of those rotating word screensavers to say "I hate this fucking job." A couple of days later the CFO stops by my cube to chat about a few things. We have a very professional interaction and she gets all the information she needed. This took enough time that at the very end of our conversation my screensaver kicks in. She looks at the screen saver, looks back at me, and says, "Please change that" and walks away.
At the time I was all "OH SHIT!" and lots of cringing, but also thought it was funny. I got the offer and put my notice in a few days later. Almost blew my cover, though.
-
A few years ago, I was out with a group of people at a restaurant and the last girl to give her order to the waiter said "I love you" as she handed him the menu. She didn't seem to notice, but the rest of the table did. She fervently denied saying it, and then asked the waiter about it when he came back. He confirmed it and the whole group gave her shit about it for the rest of the night.
-
I am absolutely terrible about getting peoples' names mixed up. Not because I don't know who they are - certain people are just strongly associated with one another in my mind, and I simply have a hard time calling them by the right name at a moment's notice. I have two sons whom I'm constantly calling by the others' name. I have two male co-workers about my age, and I'm constantly swapping their names. Same with my two best friends while I was growing up. Everybody who spends a lot of time with me just gets used to it and eventually just stops correcting me, because as hard as I try, I just can't stop doing it.
When I was dating my future wife (I'll call her FW), she crinkled her eyebrows the first few times I called her by my sister's name, but she finally figured me out and knew I didn't mean anything by it. I remember the first time I went to meet her college friends. We had a picnic in the park, and I was being chatty and sociable and everyone seemed to approve of "the new guy". Suddenly I called my FW by my sister's name and asked her to pass me something...A hush fell over the crowd, as they all awkwardly glared at me, then at FW to await an angry reaction. Everyone was certain that I had just called FW by the name of an ex-girlfriend. FW suddenly realized why everyone stopped talking, then burst out laughing and told them it was just my sister. All was well from there on out, but I still cringe when I think about it...
-
I was presenting my new software in front of a group, and I needed to enter some fake data, so went to enter T-E-S-T, and being a programmer, have extremely fast typing skills. However, because I was on a laptop keyboard instead of my regular keyboard, my fingers weren't EXACTLY in the right spot on the home row, so the T's came out fine, but the E and S came out one letter to the left...
*whistles to stall while everyone looks at their keyboard* (T....W....A....T)
Needless to say, I couldn't delete fast enough, turned beat red, and I have NEVER used "TEST" as fake data since!
======================================================
I have been a runner all my life and am used to spitting excess saliva as needed. I gave a triathlon a try, and swim being a little more difficult than I expected, and now on the bike, I had all kinds of stuff I needed to spit out. With a crosswind, and knowing my past experiences as a runner, I'd be spitting to the left. So I looked over my left shoulder to make sure no one was passing me. Nope. No one in sight! Quickly looked forward and worked out everything I needed to spit, and turned to my left and let it out RIGHT ON A PERSON FLYING PAST ME!! UGH!!! I said, "I'm sorry" but really he's going must faster than I ever would have expected....and would never be able to keep up with him to explain what happened!!
=====================================================
The wife of a buddy of mine sent out the annual end of year holiday/Christmas cards, and signed them all "Merry Christmas! LOL!" The buddy never saw them before they went out. She thought LOL meant "Lots of Love!".
-
I was presenting my new software in front of a group, and I needed to enter some fake data, so went to enter T-E-S-T, and being a programmer, have extremely fast typing skills. However, because I was on a laptop keyboard instead of my regular keyboard, my fingers weren't EXACTLY in the right spot on the home row, so the T's came out fine, but the E and W came out one letter to the left...
*whistles to stall while everyone looks at their keyboard*
Needless to say, I couldn't delete fast enough, turned beat red, and I have NEVER used "TEST" as fake data since!
TWQT?
-
TWQT?
T....W....A....T
(I added it to my post, and also realized I had a typo)
-
Ahahaha, I tested this by typing t-w-a-t into my phone keyboard, and it auto-corrected to t-e-s-t. Looks like you're not alone.
-
PTF. And I promise t I contribute when I get a minute
-
My husband worked on the loading dock of the college bookstore during grad school. So when we moved he brought home some boxes for us use for packing. I didn't notice that someone had used a sharpie to change the labels on the boxes of "New Titles" until my parents showed up to help us move. There I was standing in the middle of a stack of boxes...some marked kitchen, some marked clothes...and many marked "New Titties".
-
+1 to the terrible with names awkwardness.
Last year, after moving back and getting settled in to the city where I went to high school, I decided to order a pizza one night. When I opened the door for the pizza guy it was someone I went to school with. Someone I hung out with a lot. Someone who I was such good friends with that we were used an an example of how a guy and a girl could be great friends without having to be in a relationship. And I blanked on his name.
His face lit up and he happily said my name. I had to react so I went with the first name that popped out. It wasn't his name, and of course I only realized that after his face fell. I quickly corrected (because of course then I remembered his name! Stupid brain.) and asked him about his family to show I really did remember him but I could tell it still hurt him. I felt like such a jerk and still think about it sometimes. But, I will never forget his name again.
-
+1 to the terrible with names awkwardness.
Last year, after moving back and getting settled in to the city where I went to high school, I decided to order a pizza one night. When I opened the door for the pizza guy it was someone I went to school with. Someone I hung out with a lot. Someone who I was such good friends with that we were used an an example of how a guy and a girl could be great friends without having to be in a relationship. And I blanked on his name.
His face lit up and he happily said my name. I had to react so I went with the first name that popped out. It wasn't his name, and of course I only realized that after his face fell. I quickly corrected (because of course then I remembered his name! Stupid brain.) and asked him about his family to show I really did remember him but I could tell it still hurt him. I felt like such a jerk and still think about it sometimes. But, I will never forget his name again.
Hahaha! My friend got married a couple of months ago, at city hall. I was one of the witnesses.
While we were there waiting for the judge to arrive, she ran into someone she knew.
And blanked on her fiance’s name when she was introducing him. To the point where someone had to remind her what it was.
-
+1 to the terrible with names awkwardness.
Last year, after moving back and getting settled in to the city where I went to high school, I decided to order a pizza one night. When I opened the door for the pizza guy it was someone I went to school with. Someone I hung out with a lot. Someone who I was such good friends with that we were used an an example of how a guy and a girl could be great friends without having to be in a relationship. And I blanked on his name.
His face lit up and he happily said my name. I had to react so I went with the first name that popped out. It wasn't his name, and of course I only realized that after his face fell. I quickly corrected (because of course then I remembered his name! Stupid brain.) and asked him about his family to show I really did remember him but I could tell it still hurt him. I felt like such a jerk and still think about it sometimes. But, I will never forget his name again.
This sort of thing has been a problem for me as well. Forgot my MiL's name at a holiday meal once early in my marriage with DW for many minutes. Fortunately I was able to hide it until her name was recalled. Am related to a few people who would use whatever name popped into their head so I've been called every relative's name including the opposite gender and the pet names.
-
Haven't had a problem remembering the name of a person recently, but my husband and I just got back from a trip to Canada, and we both blanked and then stuttered a bit when the US Customs officer asked where we live. It's a simple question! We just moved a few months ago, and it still doesn't stick in our minds! Also, it's a very small town, so unless we're very close to home, we often just say the name of the state because otherwise no one knows what we're talking about. So our brains were swirling with our old city, old state, new town, new state... which one to say? Fortunately, the officer believed us when we said we had recently moved.
-
1) I was at a bike race, where heckling is encouraged. A cyclist tried to ride his bike up an incredibly steep hill, wasn't able to clear it, and toppled over at the top. He exclaimed "F&@!" and then quickly self-corrected to "Fudge!", which I thought was funny - I typically curse up a storm in the misery of racing. So I cheered him on, "you got this, come on, fudge man!"
And then it registered that he was African-American and everyone was staring at me....I literally want to die reliving this moment right now.
I was waiting for a place to tell this story, so I'll just tag on here, in case it helps you.
My first job in college, my boss was named Janie Suey. She's married now, so I'm using her real maiden name. She was a great boss and I really liked her. We were working on something together one day and giggling and being silly. I almost blurted out a pet name my brother called me (Geek) but my brain screamed "No, that might be insulting. Better change it, quick." So my brain obligingly changed the e's to o's and my mouth blurted out the corrected word. Yes, I did call my Asian boss a "Gook". Shit, it still pains me to write this, some forty years later. Janie, wherever you are, I loved you and I'm still really sorry for what my brain did.
-
Oh the name blanks gave me one I actually remember.
Back when DH and I had gotten engaged, we had to meet a lot of people but I have a bit of change blindness and a lot of facial blindness. I went to one of his large family gatherings and realized I actually recognized someone there. I greeted him enthusiastically and asked him why he was there (I had a long habit of not being able to place people until after I have spoke with them for a bit, I think I suspected he was a professor or something). He was my future father-in-law...
Fortunately, everyone laughed in the moment so it wasn't horribly embarrassing. I explained the above and no one ever held it against me. I can just imagine that going down with a more uptight family *shudders*.
-
I was thinking of this thread today and out of nowhere, BAM, I was hit with the memory of this gem. It's truly awful, so I'll share.
I was a particularly rebellious teenager, trying on the whole IDGAF attitude thing and constantly slinging sarcasm with zero thought. I was trying to impress a new friend in art class when...
Teacher: Wait until the glaze gets hard to
Me: Your mom gets hard!
(room goes silent, zero laughter)
Teacher: (very quietly) I was out last week because my mom died.
I had missed the previous week of school and had no idea. Plus, even if that hadn't happened, I was being SUCH a dick. Ughhhhhh, so groan-worthy. I still hate myself when I think about it. Blech!
-
Kelso - is that you??? (That 70's Show)
-
Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...
On the train here. And failing not to laugh.
-
I am absolutely terrible about getting peoples' names mixed up. Not because I don't know who they are - certain people are just strongly associated with one another in my mind, and I simply have a hard time calling them by the right name at a moment's notice. I have two sons whom I'm constantly calling by the others' name. I have two male co-workers about my age, and I'm constantly swapping their names. Same with my two best friends while I was growing up. Everybody who spends a lot of time with me just gets used to it and eventually just stops correcting me, because as hard as I try, I just can't stop doing it.
When I was dating my future wife (I'll call her FW), she crinkled her eyebrows the first few times I called her by my sister's name, but she finally figured me out and knew I didn't mean anything by it. I remember the first time I went to meet her college friends. We had a picnic in the park, and I was being chatty and sociable and everyone seemed to approve of "the new guy". Suddenly I called my FW by my sister's name and asked her to pass me something...A hush fell over the crowd, as they all awkwardly glared at me, then at FW to await an angry reaction. Everyone was certain that I had just called FW by the name of an ex-girlfriend. FW suddenly realized why everyone stopped talking, then burst out laughing and told them it was just my sister. All was well from there on out, but I still cringe when I think about it...
I'm wondering though, did this explanation make it better or worse?
-
I called Pizza Hut last weekend to order a pizza. I was tired, had a bad connection, and my face put my phone on speak... wasn't able to turn the speakerphone off. So I try to order anyway, ask for half peanut butter pizza (was going for half pepperoni). I hung up and ordered online instead. When I go in they somehow knew it was me and joked about me asking for the half peanut butter pizza. I was a bit embarrassed, but at this point in my life I'm happy that I've given someone a laugh.
-
Oh my goodness. So much funnies.. esp the shart one- I lol'd and the
Thank you, you too. I do that hahahahahaha
Ok I could take this thread over with the amount of ridiculous stuff. Here is one from maybe age 20
Taking some black and white photography classes with my best pal.
A free thing that the Photographic society does sometimes, this time it was taught by a sweet old man.
ANNNNNYway
We are in the dark room now - pitch black before our eyes adjust to the red light, and i grab my friends leg, to go Woaahhhhh creeeeepy. But, it wasn't her legs.
It was the sweet old man.
How to explain that one? I didn't even try
-
Not a huge gaffe, but embarrassing nonetheless.
A Facebook acquaintance of mine recently adopted a baby boy. I am adopted, so I'm pretty interested in the topic. I asked her (via Facebook) if she's planning to tell him right away or wait until he's older.
"I mean, if I don't tell him right away, he'll probably figure it out on his own."
That's when I belatedly recalled that she was white woman who had adopted a black child.
-
In high school band (I was 10th or 11th grade I think), I played the alto sax, but since I could also play piano, my director switched me over to Glockenspiel for one particular song. I may have initially oversold my skill at piano (I'm really not that good), but as a brown noser and suck up, I was determined to make this work, so I stayed after school and spent free periods in the band room practicing. So I was pretty proud of myself when I could make it through the song without *too* many mistakes. A few weeks before our concert (so we were all pretty good but not fantastic yet), our band director wanted to record us so that we could all hear what we sound like together (you can't really hear that when you're playing individual instruments) and so she could play it for the parents at an upcoming parent/teacher night. I can't for the life of me remember what song it was, but it was very fast tempo, and the ending was pretty awesome for me - I had a cool run that (if played correctly) sounded really awesome, and the last beat I was told to hit the last note as hard as I could. So we run through it, it's sounding pretty good, but somewhere towards the end I somehow get a beat behind (and don't realize it). Everyone is supposed to end on this short staccato note together. One beat, everyone finishes together, then a split second later I come in and hit that damn bell/key/whatever you wanna call it HARD. And then a split second later (realizing what I've done), I yell "SHIT!" to a completely silent classroom. And was recorded. Whoops. I'm not sure if she ended up playing it for the parents or managed to cut my mistake out, but I got the stunned "LIS!" from our director and roaring laughter from everyone else.
-
Reminds me of this epic collection of Amazon reviews:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000EVQWKC/
Almost peed myself laughing reading one of these. Which felt very fitting :)
-
I was out on a really fancy date in the big city (rural raised girl here) and the guy took me to a place where I hardly even recognized the food.
I saw steak tartar on the menu and thought, "oh good, I'll get steak!" and then...I ordered it medium rare. He laughed but thought it was really cute, the waiter looked confused like I was playing a joke, and I was mortified but also had no idea what was happening or why my normal steak order had gotten such a reaction.
Haha! he was really nice about it and explained it to me, and we dated for a few months (nice guy just didn't work out) but MAN, when I think of that moment I just CRINGE.
Oh god, so this reminded me of a funny story. Funny now. At the time I was mortified.
I went to France after high school graduation with a group of other grads that I wasn't super close with, and one native French adult. On the second day in Paris, we went to a cute bistro for coffee. I didn't drink coffee. Or speak French. That didn't stop me. I wanted to be FANCY and ADULT and FRENCH, so I asked if they had a specialty coffee drink, using the fancy French name.
Why yes, the waiter disdained, as everyone in my party tittered. We have coffee with milk.
I had asked a waiter in a French coffee shop if they had cafe au lait.
I want to say thank you for this thread and everyone confessing. Because I was just thinking to myself lately about all the foot in mouth moments I do and how I was ready to hide from society. Now I will just keep barreling along with it for now.
In fifth grade the teacher was presenting our work and I was sitting on a table off the side by the window. Not facing the class like everyone else. So I became fixated on a spider along the window and started talking out loud about it. Not a care in the world. Realized everyone was quiet and starring at me. Doh!
This is adorable.
Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself. We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's. I'm old enough to be their mother.
Shit.
Oh, and I'm happily married.
As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!
Confession in the confessions thread. At the risk of embarrassing myself, what are 2LTs?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_lieutenant
I have a café au lait story too. I'm not much of a coffee drinker. I was in France, with my boyfriend at the time and his cousins. I also do not know French. I also try to be sophisticated and order a "café au lait". I'm drinking it and his cousins giggle and say something. My boyfriend explains they said 'that's what the children order". I have many many faux pas, but I think I have done a pretty good job burying them by now. I was definitely known in college for saying something I think is perfectly innocent, and sticking my foot in my mouth.
-
Not a huge gaffe, but embarrassing nonetheless.
A Facebook acquaintance of mine recently adopted a baby boy. I am adopted, so I'm pretty interested in the topic. I asked her (via Facebook) if she's planning to tell him right away or wait until he's older.
"I mean, if I don't tell him right away, he'll probably figure it out on his own."
That's when I belatedly recalled that she was white woman who had adopted a black child.
That's totally the kind of thing I would do. Doh! I've also done the whole thing of "wow I think your son really takes after your husband". And the person quietly explains they adopted.
-
When I was 19, a kindly older lady invited me to stay at her country home for winter break, through a mentoring program. I was all ready and excited to go, when she called to tell me she had to cancel because her mother had died. I don't remember what I said, but I probably I sounded more disappointed at not getting to go, than sorry that her mother had passed. Even worse, I did not send a condolence letter. What a self-centered and unmannered jerk I was.
-
That's totally the kind of thing I would do. Doh! I've also done the whole thing of "wow I think your son really takes after your husband". And the person quietly explains they adopted.
I think this generally comes across as more cute than embarrassing. For example, at my high school graduate party, a church friend of my parents' told my grandma that I had her eyes. Reasonable small talk right? Problem is, my grandma isn't a blood relative, she's my grandpa's second wife. My "real" grandma died before I was born and my grandpa remarried when I was 1.
My grandma loves that story, because she thinks it's really sweet. She didn't tell the person at the time, and I bet if anyone said anything they'd be mortified. But that's a completely reasonable thing to say when someone introduced themselves as someone relative.
-
I have actually had a straight woman tell me all about the first time she was served donkey meat, but she thankfully didn't refer to it as "eating ass." I would have died laughing... :-)
-
I have a really strong ability to focus on one task at a time, especially when I'm just thinking to myself. For example, I recall reading a book on the bus to middle school. Normally we stopped at the high school first, and the middle schoolers just waited for the older kids to get off and then we went on our way. Well I was reading a book (I actually can't believe I remember exactly what I was reading that day, but it was Ender's Game) and I just 100% tuned out everything else. So when we stopped at the high school and people filed off the bus I just kept on reading. Well I feel a tap on my shoulder about 5 minutes after the stop, and it was someone telling me to evacuate the bus because it was a fire drill. Turns out there were flashing lights, with a loud siren for the past 5 min and everyone had gotten off except me because I had NO clue what was going on.
This superpower of intense concentration has led to many embarrassing social situations. I remember one guy in high school perpetually thought I was ignoring him because he would say hi to me, but I wouldn't register it until about 5 minutes later, and then it's kind of too late to track someone down and apologize. Pretty sure he thought I was a mega bitch who was ignoring him for years...considering that I lived on the same street and was just too in my own head to even realize that someone was talking to me. I actually really liked him! Just never noticed him trying to talk to me haha
Happened again with a different guy in college- one day I saw him while I was walking to class and I waved hello. He literally stopped me and said "No! You don't get to do that! I say hello to you every day and you never say anything. Then the one day I don't say hello, you wave to me??!!!" So I had to explain that on my walk between class I literally never noticed him. Which is a horrible thing to have to explain to someone!
Pretty sure I can never be a detective...
-
I can also join the fart club here. I used to work at a nursing home, around the same time that I was transitioning to a plant based diet. My digestion was going crazy. So I was holding in some rumbles while I was in a patient's room but as soon as I got into the hallway I let it out. SBD.
2 CNAs walk by at that exact moment. They stop, look at each other, and go "Ew...is that room 102?? I am not looking forward to that later, I'm going to throw up".
So yes...I just pretended to type on my computer, and did not say a word. totally blamed my wind on a bed-bound 98 year old woman. It was so bad. But good news- plant based for 3 years now and no more farts!
-
But good news- plant based for 3 years now and no more farts!
So this stops eventually? Thank God.
-
That's totally the kind of thing I would do. Doh! I've also done the whole thing of "wow I think your son really takes after your husband". And the person quietly explains they adopted.
I think this generally comes across as more cute than embarrassing. For example, at my high school graduate party, a church friend of my parents' told my grandma that I had her eyes. Reasonable small talk right? Problem is, my grandma isn't a blood relative, she's my grandpa's second wife. My "real" grandma died before I was born and my grandpa remarried when I was 1.
My grandma loves that story, because she thinks it's really sweet. She didn't tell the person at the time, and I bet if anyone said anything they'd be mortified. But that's a completely reasonable thing to say when someone introduced themselves as someone relative.
People always think I look like my (not biological) family. I actually look so much like my (not biological) mom that people think I'm outright lying when I say I'm adopted.
-
Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...
I tried to read it out loud to DD, and laughing so hard it could barely finish. Tears streaming down my face.
DS, at age 10 liked to snack by the computer while playing minecraft. One day I noted that there was a 1kg bag of prunes, open, next to the computer, with only 1/3 remaining. He loved them! But. was not feeling so great after an hour or two...
-
That's totally the kind of thing I would do. Doh! I've also done the whole thing of "wow I think your son really takes after your husband". And the person quietly explains they adopted.
I think this generally comes across as more cute than embarrassing. For example, at my high school graduate party, a church friend of my parents' told my grandma that I had her eyes. Reasonable small talk right? Problem is, my grandma isn't a blood relative, she's my grandpa's second wife. My "real" grandma died before I was born and my grandpa remarried when I was 1.
My grandma loves that story, because she thinks it's really sweet. She didn't tell the person at the time, and I bet if anyone said anything they'd be mortified. But that's a completely reasonable thing to say when someone introduced themselves as someone relative.
People always think I look like my (not biological) family. I actually look so much like my (not biological) mom that people think I'm outright lying when I say I'm adopted.
I have one of these stories too. My friend looked amazingly like her mother. We were at summer camp when I told her it was uncanny how much she looked like her mom and she said she was adopted. Needless to say, we didn't believe her. Thought it was just teenage angst. Turns out it was true. She and her sister were taken from an abusive home and eventually adopted. They were old enough to remember the not-so-nice details. Later, her adoptive mom, who was a friend of my mom's, confirmed that they were adopted. It was still hard to believe because the likeness was startling.
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
*giggle*
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
*giggle*
+1. That must have been both hilarious, and very cringey.
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
The masochist's exercise routine - "Punch us Pilates".
-
Fourth grade. Addressed Ms. Teacher as "Mom."
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
The masochist's exercise routine - "Punch us Pilates".
*snort* Side gig?
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?
Yeah dude. 'Silent Night' is a chilling tune about the gradual silence of the screams of the crucified over time. What did you think Christmas was about? :P
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?
Yep, to approximately 150 people who knew the story.... 16 years olds can get quite dramatically resistive if mom suggests that they rehearse before reading a lesson to 150 people, BTW.
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?
Yep, to approximately 150 people who knew the story.... 16 years olds can get quite dramatically resistive if mom suggests that they rehearse before reading a lesson to 150 people, BTW.
It's just that Pontius Pilate is part of the Easter story - not the Christmas story. I can see why it would be embarrassing!
-
DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas. It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.
But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.
You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?
Yep, to approximately 150 people who knew the story.... 16 years olds can get quite dramatically resistive if mom suggests that they rehearse before reading a lesson to 150 people, BTW.
It's just that Pontius Pilate is part of the Easter story - not the Christmas story. I can see why it would be embarrassing!
HAHA you are right! She was asked to read at both Christmas and Easter and I got the two seasons mixed up. Easter. Definitely Easter. Embarrassing indeed.
-
Not a huge gaffe, but embarrassing nonetheless.
A Facebook acquaintance of mine recently adopted a baby boy. I am adopted, so I'm pretty interested in the topic. I asked her (via Facebook) if she's planning to tell him right away or wait until he's older.
"I mean, if I don't tell him right away, he'll probably figure it out on his own."
That's when I belatedly recalled that she was white woman who had adopted a black child.
I have one worse than that! While living in a tiny midwestern town and pregnant with my first baby, I took a pre natal exercise class. After all our babies were born we continued with the class. We did the exercises while the babies slept in their car seats all lined up in a row. One day I noticed that my baby was so much lighter than one of the others. Then I went on and on about how white my baby was and how dark hers was. All of us were white. In fact the whole town was white. Almost. After I stopped talking she said, My husband is *insert name of only black person in town*. Oops. I felt like such a jerk.
-
You know the advice to not ask women if they're pregnant? People if they're getting married? Eating *that*? etc...
Guilty. Of all of it.
-
Once when I was interning at a public library in its YA section, this woman came in looking for dystopian books (think Hunger Games), but they didn't want any that were particularly gory or graphic. I had recently read a book about a volcanic eruption that throws the world into disarray and recommended it to her.
Or... not. What I actually recommended to her was Ashes by Ilsa Bick, which is a very graphic YA book with intense scenes of death and violence that are pretty horrific. What I had meant to recommend was the book I actually read, called Ashfall by Mike Mullin. That lady never returned to the library as far as I know. I still feel really bad about this.
-
On the topic of giving really bad advice to strangers, I was recently at a bar when a trivia game started. As I was leaving, I overheard a question asking who was the architect of the Guggenheim in New York.
I've never been to the Guggenheim in NY, but I have been to the one in Bilbao, which is designed by Frank Gehry. There is also a museum in Minneapolis designed by Gehry, where a few friends worked in college.
I was so sure the answer was Gehry that I told some folks who were struggling with the question on my way out. With absolute confidence. I even spelled it for them.
Only I was totally wrong. The Guggenheim in New York was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.
-
I played all sorts of brass instruments in my jr. high, high school and college years, starting with the trumpet, moving to baritone, then trombone (for a bit) and then finally to the tuba. I played the tuba (bass) my Junior and Senior year of high school, was offered a scholarship to CU Boulder based on my playing, and then played for 4 years in a very famous college marching band.
I still can't read bass clef sheet music.