Author Topic: Group Confessional  (Read 9578 times)

MonkeyJenga

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Group Confessional
« on: October 04, 2017, 11:09:27 AM »
Share your cringey memories that you obsess over at 2 AM, even though the other people involved don't remember that stupid thing you said in middle school, and maybe never cared.

The rest of us will tell you how silly you're being and absolve you of your sins.

rockstache

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2017, 11:53:49 AM »
Lol, this has been read 63 times and posted in 0. The blessing for me about these cringy things is that I have the memory of a gold fish, so although I rehash these things over and over....it doesn't last very long unless something comes back up to remind me.

The latest was that I was walking through the open lobby of my work and a very attractive guy was walking in the opposite direction and said, "Morning rockstache how are you?" To which I responded, "Hi, good morning, I'm fine thanks, how are you?" But I actually said all of those things at the same time and it came out sounding like, "HEMIFLKEIHDYU?" And a lot of people heard and laughed. SAD!

Candace

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2017, 11:59:17 AM »
That time in an a very crowded advanced math class in graduate school when I had to sneeze... and didn't cover my mouth or sneeze on myself. Somehow I just turned to the side and sneezed on the person next to me. I was so shocked at myself and mortified that I didn't even apologize. I just gaped at the desk for a moment and then looked back at the front of the class. I still wonder WTF was wrong with me at that moment.

LifeHappens

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2017, 12:02:08 PM »
Once in college I was leaving a voicemail for a professor and dropped my phone halfway through the message. This was on an old-fashioned answering machine, before you could delete a voicemail and start again. I might have had just a wee bit of a crush on him, so it was extra embarrassing to have to say, "SORRY PROFESSOR MCHOTTIE! I DROPPED MY PHONE!"

Twenty years later? Still embarrassing.

A Definite Beta Guy

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2017, 12:05:10 PM »
Remember when I loudly farted in freshman year English class? I do. The seat rumbled and everything.


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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2017, 12:25:48 PM »
I have so many mortifying moments that I am in a perpetual state of anxiety. At the risk of sounding like a total idiot, here's one that still makes my palms sweat to think about:

I talk fast and I have dyslexia BIG TIME so the worst for me is reading aloud because I tend to get ahead of myself. One day I was reading about the school's curriculum and I actually pronounced it "sir-queue-lum".

Ugh.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2017, 12:34:28 PM »
Oh Lord when I was 13 we were at some restaurant and I told my Mom 'Our waiter is really cute! He has a nice butt too' And sweet Jesus he comes up right behind me and is all 'thanks, I do lots of squats'. I was beet red you guys. My Mom thought I was gonna have a stroke.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2017, 12:43:28 PM »
Committed to mustachianism. Saving about a third of my 60k gross salary for almost 5 years. Bought a new Mustang. Kept it for 9 months. Sold it to a dealer. Spent about 12k all in. Got laid off literally the next day  after I sold it(Sold on a wed, laid off Thur). So a blessing in reality.  Coulda kept the cash and been more comfortably unemployed right now.

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ketchup

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #8 on: October 04, 2017, 12:46:43 PM »
I've done/said my fair share of stupid things, but this is the only unimportant but awful social fuckup that I find myself thinking about years later.

I helped a (female) coworker change the oil in her car for the first time.  She wanted to thank me in some way (not like that you perverts), and asked if I had a favorite baked good.  My enthusiastic dumb-guy just-answer-the-question answer was "Anything [my girlfriend's name] makes."  Her face looked like I had kicked a puppy.  I'm an idiot.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #9 on: October 04, 2017, 01:03:41 PM »
Oh boy, here goes:

My only memory of Kindergarten was when I peed my pants, but got away with it by saying i fell in a puddle at recess. Luckily nobody ever found out/remembered that, and it never stuck.

Another one I absolutely cringe about is during an awards ceremony in high school for a sport I played: we gave a "hottest dude" award like Michael Scott would in the Dundees, and nobody laughed. So cringey and awkward. It doesn't help that this was before The Office aired...

Once, while drunk at a dorm party, I dropped an "n-bomb," luckily without the hard R at the end. The party literally record scratched and I walked away in shame. My roommate at the time (a black guy), just shook his head the next day and chuckled. I think we were still cool, although we only talked once after I transferred schools.

A handful of times I've misread a client/customer's body language/tone of voice/words and responded in inappropriate ways. Laughing after hearing about a death, divorce, or other negative life event...yeah you can imagine the air going out of the room after I did something like that.

Ugh, feels good to get this stuff out there but sometimes I wonder what the heck runs through my head.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #10 on: October 04, 2017, 01:06:47 PM »
I do not have a good track record with group exercise classes. 

After DD was born, I tried a step class to get back in shape.  I was definitely the one who was always a step behind and had to think too hard about what came next.  About halfway through the class, I got myself twisted up, tripped over my step, sprained my ankle, and ended up in a pile on the floor wrapped around the step.  Last attempt at that class.*

But, I have to say, the better one was a few years later, after DS was born.  This one had no music or dance moves (hallelujah), but was basically a roomful of women doing different versions of calisthenics and stretches and isometric exercises and such.  Well, I don't know what I had eaten the night before, but we started doing a series of squats, and every single time I squatted, I farted.  Like 10 in a row -- could not stop it.  I'm amazed I ever went back to that gym.  [And now I will have to change my username here, too. . . .]

Crossfit works for me:  they play music, but they don't actually make me do anything in time with it -- and they blare it loud enough that it hides any, umm, unfortunate sounds.  ;-)

*Which actually reminds me of my attempt to two-step in law school after having multiple beers.  One too-enthusiastic twirl and I ended up knocking over an amp on the stage and sitting on it.  Maybe it's just me and music.
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andy85

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #11 on: October 04, 2017, 01:13:55 PM »
I feel like I'm reading a Buzzfeed article. These are all hilarious.

And all your sins have been absolved.

I really need to think on this. I'm sure there is something that has been buried in my memories...

MsSindy

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2017, 01:16:02 PM »
This is fun!!

When I was a new consultant, there was about 6 of us on a team working a lot of crazy hours together - we were all friendly.  It was about 8 pm and I got up to go to the bathroom, on my way back I walked through an area where the elevators are.  There was a guy in front of me walking and I thought he was one of my teammates, so I let out a cat-call whistle, just joking around.  The guy turns around and it's my client!!  Gaah!   I was so embarrassed, I didn't even apologize, I turned around and looked behind me, as if to say, "who did that??"   thankfully he never mentioned it and I was only on that project for another couple of weeks.   Could have been a total career limiting move.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #13 on: October 04, 2017, 01:35:28 PM »
Oh boy....these are so innocent....I'm embarrassed to say this.

I once yell "BOMB!" on a crowded Vegas elevator while on acid.    Heard a loud bang from inside the shaft.   Everyone just looked at me and shrugged it off.   That's Vegas for you.   Ugh :)

Free Spirit

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #14 on: October 04, 2017, 01:37:26 PM »
Thought of another one!

When I was in first grade we were learning how to spell using different fruits and vegetables. The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word "pea" and I jumped up and shouted "P E E!" The whole class laughed of course but to make matters worse, the kid sitting next to me pulled my chair out so when I tried to sit back down I fell right on my butt.

 I'm pretty sure I cried. lol
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #15 on: October 04, 2017, 01:59:52 PM »
Oh boy.... here goes nothing....

One time in high school, I entered a conversation with a joking statement that included the phrase "dirty Mexican". I have no idea what I was thinking; it was meant to be ironic but my tone was all off.

One of the hottest and smartest guys in my high school, who was from Mexico, turned around and said with utterly deserved disdain "You are completely unbelievable." I made some super lame excuse about having family from Mexico, which is true but definitely didn't sound it.

One of the many reasons I will never, ever go to a high school reunion.

Inaya

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #16 on: October 04, 2017, 02:23:10 PM »
1) During a spelling test in the 1st or 2nd grade, for some reason I felt the need to spell the first word out loud. Like it was out of my mouth before I even registered what I was doing (maybe I had "spelling test" confused with "spelling bee"?). The teacher was quite disgusted and promptly removed me from the room while the other students finished the test. I do not recall if I was allowed to retake it.

2) I tend to internalize bad news and freeze up--which means sometimes I fail to respond appropriately when somebody tells me bad news. Once in college, my RA came to tell me a student had died over the weekend. I didn't know the student personally, but he was fairly popular and the RA did know him. My response was basically, "Oh no, that's too bad." It would have been an appropriate response if somebody's carnival prize goldfish had died. Not that a student and friend of theirs had.

3) During one of my first weeks at this job, I was proofreading something for one of my SMEs. I had a chuckle because instead of Google, they wrote Goggle. Well, in my previous jobs, I worked with other editors or writers who would also have had a chuckle. So we were in a meeting with representatives from other teams, and they started talking about the document and, completely without prompting I decided to share his typo in front of everyone, without realizing that he would probably be embarrassed and nobody else would find it amusing. "Oh by the way you wrote GOGGLE! HAHAHA...ha...ha...ha......?" They all just looked at me with pity and went back to their discussion. Nobody said anything, but I definitely got a vibe of, "Please be quiet, the grownups are talking now."
« Last Edit: October 04, 2017, 02:25:15 PM by Inaya »
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elaine amj

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #17 on: October 04, 2017, 02:35:03 PM »
OK...a year later, I am still super embarrassed about this.

I was with most of my coworkers at a conference and one of our board members was with us. We were sitting around having lunch and just making casual chit chat. The talk turned to discussing one of my coworkers (who wasn't there) and I laughingly commented that we drive him nuts because we're not very politically correct in our casual conversations (we are very careful when it relates to work though!). Unfortunately, I didn't describe it in such delicate terms and I think I threw in the word discrimination or something like that (I'm too embarrassed to remember details). As you can imagine, there was dead silence after that and we all quickly left the lunch table. A few minutes later as we were walking out, I hastily apologized to my boss and board member saying that the words didn't come out right and that I absolutely did not mean anything.

A few days later, I get called into my boss' office for a serious discussion :( For more context, I'm Asian and he was really concerned about whether I felt any discrimination in the office. After I assured him that I have NEVER felt anything of the sort and that I'm the one always making the Asian jokes in my office, we agreed to chalk it up to my stupidity.

I couldn't stop thinking of it for days and I still blush when I think of it.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #18 on: October 04, 2017, 02:35:14 PM »
I want to say thank you for this thread and everyone confessing. Because I was just thinking to myself lately about all the foot in mouth moments I do and how I was ready to hide from society. Now I will just keep barreling along with it for now.

In fifth grade the teacher was presenting our work and I was sitting on a table off the side by the window. Not facing the class like everyone else. So I became fixated on a spider along the window and started talking out loud about it. Not a care in the world. Realized everyone was quiet and starring at me. Doh!


EscapeVelocity2020

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #19 on: October 04, 2017, 02:39:38 PM »
So, I apparently had some 'bad' Indian food on a Thursday evening.  Before realizing just how bad things could be, I did my level best to sweat it out through the workday on Friday.  Made it through a very light lunch, restricted my movements in the afternoon, just a little bit longer, all that...  Well, my gastrointenstinal battle was a war that was my sphincter ultimately lost and what I thought was going to help relieve a little pressure ended up being my first experience with a shart.  I ran to the restroom and did my best to clean up, but the damage had certainly been done to that fabric office chair and my pants.  I could manage the pant situation by cleaning, wadding up toilet paper, untucking my shirt and heading home, but I really needed to figure out a way to do something about the chair!  This steaming baby was a total loss, I mean, the thing needed to be set on fire.  I contemplated throwing it out the window.

Fortunately an esteemed colleague in the cube next door was out on extended vacation, so I stealthily switched chairs.  After a little time had passed and the offending item had 'cooled off' (if it was warm, it would be suspicious), I wandered over to the project secretary and pointed out that there was a bit of a smell in 'Bob's cube'.  In fact, it seemed to be coming from 'Bob's' chair! 

"It can't be Sir, that smell is much too strong" 
"Well, I checked the trash and it's not coming from the drawers.  Just have a sniff near it, I swear it's the chair".

I had never seen a Filipino turn green before.  For a second I thought the guy was going to pass out, he had put his nose way too close to that thing.  Needless to say, the chair was gone quickly, never to be seen again.

Not long after the movers took care of business, I left work early and spent the entirety of the weekend in the bathroom wondering if I was going to die (or go to the hospital).  Close call, but I eventually recovered.  I'll spare you the rest of the details.

Fortunately this all happened toward the end of a short project I was on overseas and word never got back to 'Bob' that his chair had almost killed someone...

Ah, what a relief it was to leave that whole sordid mess buried in the past ... until now.  Can I ever be forgiven?? :)
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andy85

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #20 on: October 04, 2017, 02:41:43 PM »
I remember one!!

This had to be my sophomore or junior year of high school. In Anatomy class. I was a very good student. Honor Roll. Clean cut. Never in any trouble...etc etc, so what i did next came as a complete shock to the teacher. To this day I'm not sure what the hell i was thinking...like seriously...i swear i'm not a dumbass (mostly true).

So, sitting in class. It's a science class so the desks have outlets built into them to plug like science shit into and stuff. I'm bored, playing with a paper clip. (you may be able to see where this is going). Without thinking, i just stuck the paperclip into the outlet. Sparks flew. I jumped. Lights went out. Tripped the breaker for god knows how many classrooms. I mean, i was over it after a day and honestly just now remembered it...but holy hell am i turning red right now just thinking about it. WTF was i thinking!?!?! What intelligent person sticks a metal object into an electrical outlet?? (I guess a 16 year does) I don't even remember making the decision to do it. It's like my brain was off and boredom decided it was a good idea. Sighhh.

marty998

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #21 on: October 04, 2017, 02:50:30 PM »
Classmate in High School did that once. It didn't help that he had very, very blond hair and was essentially an albino in all but name only.

For the next 6 years he was known as "Lightbulb"

Often wonder what happened to him...

elaine amj

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #22 on: October 04, 2017, 02:57:17 PM »
These stories are truly hilarious. And rather comforting to know I'm not the only idiotic person in this world.
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Kroaler

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #23 on: October 04, 2017, 03:13:14 PM »
So, I apparently had some 'bad' Indian food on a Thursday evening.  Before realizing just how bad things could be, I did my level best to sweat it out through the workday on Friday.  Made it through a very light lunch, restricted my movements in the afternoon, just a little bit longer, all that...  Well, my gastrointenstinal battle was a war that was my sphincter ultimately lost and what I thought was going to help relieve a little pressure ended up being my first experience with a shart.  I ran to the restroom and did my best to clean up, but the damage had certainly been done to that fabric office chair and my pants.  I could manage the pant situation by cleaning, wadding up toilet paper, untucking my shirt and heading home, but I really needed to figure out a way to do something about the chair!  This steaming baby was a total loss, I mean, the thing needed to be set on fire.  I contemplated throwing it out the window.

Fortunately an esteemed colleague in the cube next door was out on extended vacation, so I stealthily switched chairs.  After a little time had passed and the offending item had 'cooled off' (if it was warm, it would be suspicious), I wandered over to the project secretary and pointed out that there was a bit of a smell in 'Bob's cube'.  In fact, it seemed to be coming from 'Bob's' chair! 

"It can't be Sir, that smell is much too strong" 
"Well, I checked the trash and it's not coming from the drawers.  Just have a sniff near it, I swear it's the chair".

I had never seen a Filipino turn green before.  For a second I thought the guy was going to pass out, he had put his nose way too close to that thing.  Needless to say, the chair was gone quickly, never to be seen again.

Not long after the movers took care of business, I left work early and spent the entirety of the weekend in the bathroom wondering if I was going to die (or go to the hospital).  Close call, but I eventually recovered.  I'll spare you the rest of the details.

Fortunately this all happened toward the end of a short project I was on overseas and word never got back to 'Bob' that his chair had almost killed someone...

Ah, what a relief it was to leave that whole sordid mess buried in the past ... until now.  Can I ever be forgiven?? :)

This is my favorite!   Not that were keeping score...

Jenny1974

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #24 on: October 04, 2017, 03:19:31 PM »
That time . . .at the gym . . . when I failed to read the sign that said "Please put your feet to the sides of the treadmill before starting."  Apparently, the person on before me had been SPRINTING.  I jumped in the middle of the treadmill . . hit "on" and my feet flew out from underneath me.  I was holding onto the rails for dear life begging my friend to turn it off.  My knees were skinned something fierce!

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #25 on: October 04, 2017, 03:24:05 PM »
Once told a riddle so badly the guy I was talking to thought I was directly asking him a question about his penis. In a large group of people. He just kinda stared unsure if he should laugh. (It was a completely clean riddle!) At least I wasn't trying to flirt. I wasn't even drunk.

Not realizing that something sounds dirty before I say it is a weakness of mine.

rdaneel0

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #26 on: October 04, 2017, 03:27:46 PM »
I was out on a really fancy date in the big city (rural raised girl here) and the guy took me to a place where I hardly even recognized the food.

I saw steak tartar on the menu and thought, "oh good, I'll get steak!" and then...I ordered it medium rare. He laughed but thought it was really cute, the waiter looked confused like I was playing a joke, and I was mortified but also had no idea what was happening or why my normal steak order had gotten such a reaction.

Haha! he was really nice about it and explained it to me, and we dated for a few months (nice guy just didn't work out) but MAN, when I think of that moment I just CRINGE.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #27 on: October 04, 2017, 03:40:23 PM »
I was 7-8 years old playing with my cousins in Poland and we were 10-15 minutes away from their apartment. I remember having to use the bathroom really badly, right before I made it through the door I pissed myself. We still laugh about it 22-23 years later.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #28 on: October 04, 2017, 03:42:27 PM »
    I was working at a camp one summer in high school. The call of nature sounded and I wasn't that far from one of the few flush toilets with a locking door. The majority of latrines were open air pit affairs with a great deal of biological diversity and a disturbing lack of privacy. The lack of privacy extended to both fellow humans and the wide array of fauna looking to capitalize on the hot mess in the pit. So I took the opportunity to duck into the restroom and firmly close the door behind me. And knew immediately that I had made a terrible mistake. The door would not budge. The room was not ventilated and the light was burned out. So I did my business and had a nice dark and hot wait while I considered my options. The opened inward and I couldn't get any purchase on the knob from inside. The sweat that was rolling off me in buckets didn't help with the grip either. After about an hour I went up through the dropped ceiling and climbed down the attic ladder. Unfortunately I was spotted while coming down the ladder and didn't think quickly enough to come up with a better cover story than I was locked in the bathroom.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #29 on: October 04, 2017, 03:57:47 PM »
We had to present "current events" in 7th grade and I had massive stage fright, so I was the last one left.  My teacher told me that I was up, so I said "can I just not go and get a 0 instead?" and she said "no, you have to go", so not only did I completely humiliate myself, but I still had to present.
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CheapskateWife

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #30 on: October 04, 2017, 03:58:06 PM »
Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself.  We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's.  I'm old enough to be their mother.

Shit.

Oh, and I'm happily married.

As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!


elaine amj

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #31 on: October 04, 2017, 04:06:36 PM »
Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself.  We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's.  I'm old enough to be their mother.

Shit.

Oh, and I'm happily married.

As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!
Confession in the confessions thread. At the risk of embarrassing myself, what are 2LTs?

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KMMK

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #32 on: October 04, 2017, 04:13:56 PM »
Sure. I'll play. These are things I never tell anyone. I'm quite obsessive with my thoughts and regrets, though luckily the medication has helped that a lot.

When I was 3 we had a kitten and I dropped it out our second story window, repeatedly. Eventually it broke its leg and was put down. I still feel terrible about this.

Other one that is completely different and bugged me a very long time - I went to funeral for the father of an acquaintance. I knew him from a hobby group and it was one of those things where I think I knew of him and his family a lot better than he knew me. Anyhow at the end I went up to him to offer my condolences and I hugged him. I felt terrible for hugging someone who wasn't really a friend. He may have even wondered why I was at the funeral at all. He may have thought I was just a white gawker. It was a Hindu funeral service and I'm white. However I was raised Hindu and my grandmother had recently died. She had a Christian funeral, which felt really strange to me. So I also just wanted to go to a Hindu funeral for my own grieving process. But he wouldn't know any of this.

He probably barely thought anything of it and it bothered me greatly for years afterwards.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #33 on: October 04, 2017, 04:36:03 PM »
Stuff

This is my favorite!   Not that were keeping score...

+1. Never trust a fart.

I played Soccer most of my life. I'm a good player, but I was always great at one thing, shooting. I was sort of known for it, and was usually the best on every team at that one thing. I was a really quite/humble guy though, and still am, but certainly didn't always come off that way.

One year during high school our team added a new player. New guy saw me take a few shots at practice one day and he walks up and says "man you have one hell of a shot!" to which I replied "yeah, you didn't know?". He immediately gave me a dirty look, turned around and walked away. I don't think he ever talked to me again.

Another successful interaction with a human! I felt like a total jackass, not how I expected that to sound. Oh well.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #34 on: October 04, 2017, 04:37:24 PM »
Cheddar!!

Kris

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #35 on: October 04, 2017, 05:13:00 PM »
Oh, my god, I have one -- and it's a fart story, too.

My freshman year of college, I got placed with a roommate that I could not have had less in common with. It's not that we fought, exactly. I just found her incredibly irritating, so I struggled to be friendly and kind to her whenever we were both there.

One evening, it was probably about eleven-thirty. I was listening to music in the room, lying on a small couch with my face to the wall. She came in, and since I didn't want to talk to her, I pretended I was asleep.

Out of the blue, without me having any idea it was going to happen, I ripped the longest, loudest fart of my life. It just escaped. Which was kind of amazing, because who the hell doesn't know a fart is coming and can't at least try to control it? But there it is. It was loud, and long, and the only sound in the room other than the music.

And because I was pretending to be asleep, I had to do nothing -- couldn't laugh, couldn't apologize, couldn't do anything. I had to just lay there, trying really hard not to burst into embarrassed laughter, as she got undressed and went to sleep.

So embarrassing, but also in a way it kind of "couldn't" be embarrassing, because as far as she knew, I didn't know about it. So, Katie, if you're out there, thirty-two years later: sorry about that fart.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #36 on: October 04, 2017, 06:00:30 PM »
I have so many mortifying moments that I am in a perpetual state of anxiety. At the risk of sounding like a total idiot, here's one that still makes my palms sweat to think about:

I talk fast and I have dyslexia BIG TIME so the worst for me is reading aloud because I tend to get ahead of myself. One day I was reading about the school's curriculum and I actually pronounced it "sir-queue-lum".

Ugh.
I'm not dyslexic, but in elementary school I gave a whole presentation on how to be a safe pedestrian. But I guess I never bothered to actually read the word carefully? So I ended up talking about "Ped-e-strain-ians". Like some new nationality. I just... why... I knew what pedestrians were, too...

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #37 on: October 04, 2017, 06:14:11 PM »
So I ended up talking about "Ped-e-strain-ians". Like some new nationality.

I kind of love that neologism. I've often wanted a word to say that I'm not just a pedestrian right this second because I'm walking, but a pedestrian for life and by choice: never owned a car in 40 years, hopefully never will. The pedestrian lifestyle, as it were. I'm a Pedestrainian!

So many of these stories have reminded me of ones of my own that I don't even know where to start. Oy. The funny thing is that the ones that would make good stories are not the ones that actually bother me. The ones that I cringe about endlessly are stupid little things where I said something mildly not-smooth in a totally meaningless conversation with someone I think is pretty cool. But I couldn't recount them all years later, they just happen frequently enough that there's a near-constant supply of them to cringe about.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #38 on: October 04, 2017, 06:53:31 PM »
Ok, I wasn't gonna talk about this one but since everyone is sharing fart stories...here goes. Oh my god, kill me now.

So, I was dating a guy and we were still in the very early stages of lust, you know, lots of sex happening. So, one day we had just finished and I was trying to be cute and sexy and whatever by sitting on his lap naked and being flirty. Well, we were making out when all of a sudden a certain noise escaped... He stared at me for what seemed like an eternity and finally said, "did you just...queef?" Y'all, I wanted to DIE! So, I looked at him and yelled, "WELL IT'S YOUR FAULT!" At that moment we both looked at each other and just cracked up. I think we even had sex again afterwards.

Oh, and by the way, we've been married for 10 years now. :)


Edit: Please don't quote this post. lmao
« Last Edit: October 04, 2017, 06:58:23 PM by Free Spirit »
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Spiffy

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #39 on: October 04, 2017, 07:06:51 PM »
Can we just have a thread of fart stories? Because I have the sense of humor of a 10 year old boy and am laughing so hard I am crying...

Cheddar Stacker

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #40 on: October 04, 2017, 07:16:01 PM »
Cheddar!!

Hey Chip. Yeah, still here, mostly just read though.
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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #41 on: October 04, 2017, 08:13:39 PM »
Customer, whom we had interviewed for a position in our company a year or so prior, walks into our office with a woman. He introduces me. This is so-and-so.

Me: oh, yes, we met you you came in for the interview (his wife had inexplicably come in and waited while he interviewed, even came in for part of it. Cringe. Did not hire!)

Her: blank stare

Him: no, this is my boss.

Sweet Jesus. Kill me now. Luckily, she didnít really acknowledge it and it just got glossed over, but I wanted to drop through the floor. I was sure he was going to be in big shit, as itís the place he was working when he interviewed with us. Nothing came of it, so all good. But WTF Step37!? Apparently I donít remember faces... or names.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2017, 11:02:57 PM by Step37 »
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EscapeVelocity2020

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #42 on: October 04, 2017, 08:23:51 PM »
Thanks Kroaler, good advice Cheds, and thanks Joon.  And thanks to the rest for sharing!  Hope I set the bar low enough, took me a while to check back in on the forum....
« Last Edit: October 04, 2017, 08:34:48 PM by EscapeVelocity2020 »
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MonkeyJenga

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #43 on: October 04, 2017, 08:34:06 PM »
I was out on a really fancy date in the big city (rural raised girl here) and the guy took me to a place where I hardly even recognized the food.

I saw steak tartar on the menu and thought, "oh good, I'll get steak!" and then...I ordered it medium rare. He laughed but thought it was really cute, the waiter looked confused like I was playing a joke, and I was mortified but also had no idea what was happening or why my normal steak order had gotten such a reaction.

Haha! he was really nice about it and explained it to me, and we dated for a few months (nice guy just didn't work out) but MAN, when I think of that moment I just CRINGE.

Oh god, so this reminded me of a funny story. Funny now. At the time I was mortified.

I went to France after high school graduation with a group of other grads that I wasn't super close with, and one native French adult. On the second day in Paris, we went to a cute bistro for coffee. I didn't drink coffee. Or speak French. That didn't stop me. I wanted to be FANCY and ADULT and FRENCH, so I asked if they had a specialty coffee drink, using the fancy French name.

Why yes, the waiter disdained, as everyone in my party tittered. We have coffee with milk.

I had asked a waiter in a French coffee shop if they had cafe au lait.

I want to say thank you for this thread and everyone confessing. Because I was just thinking to myself lately about all the foot in mouth moments I do and how I was ready to hide from society. Now I will just keep barreling along with it for now.

In fifth grade the teacher was presenting our work and I was sitting on a table off the side by the window. Not facing the class like everyone else. So I became fixated on a spider along the window and started talking out loud about it. Not a care in the world. Realized everyone was quiet and starring at me. Doh!

This is adorable.

Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself.  We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's.  I'm old enough to be their mother.

Shit.

Oh, and I'm happily married.

As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!
Confession in the confessions thread. At the risk of embarrassing myself, what are 2LTs?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_lieutenant

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #44 on: October 04, 2017, 09:03:28 PM »
Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself.  We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's.  I'm old enough to be their mother.

Shit.

Oh, and I'm happily married.

As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!

Confession in the confessions thread. At the risk of embarrassing myself, what are 2LTs?

Almost like ensigns, but not quite as cool.

Johnez

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #45 on: October 04, 2017, 09:11:17 PM »
This is the best thread ever. Might share a story later. As a kid felt like life was one big cringe fest. As soon as one episode is forgotten, out springs another!

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #46 on: October 04, 2017, 09:59:33 PM »
This thread frightens me.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #47 on: October 04, 2017, 10:28:23 PM »
This thread frightens me.

Oh yes, be afraid ye of flawless past, be very afraid :)
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Astatine

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #48 on: October 05, 2017, 12:28:14 AM »
This is the best thread ever. Might share a story later. As a kid felt like life was one big cringe fest. As soon as one episode is forgotten, out springs another!

Yes to all of this.

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Re: Group Confessional
« Reply #49 on: October 05, 2017, 08:29:21 AM »
I was out on a really fancy date in the big city (rural raised girl here) and the guy took me to a place where I hardly even recognized the food.

I saw steak tartar on the menu and thought, "oh good, I'll get steak!" and then...I ordered it medium rare. He laughed but thought it was really cute, the waiter looked confused like I was playing a joke, and I was mortified but also had no idea what was happening or why my normal steak order had gotten such a reaction.

Haha! he was really nice about it and explained it to me, and we dated for a few months (nice guy just didn't work out) but MAN, when I think of that moment I just CRINGE.

Oh god, so this reminded me of a funny story. Funny now. At the time I was mortified.

I went to France after high school graduation with a group of other grads that I wasn't super close with, and one native French adult. On the second day in Paris, we went to a cute bistro for coffee. I didn't drink coffee. Or speak French. That didn't stop me. I wanted to be FANCY and ADULT and FRENCH, so I asked if they had a specialty coffee drink, using the fancy French name.

Why yes, the waiter disdained, as everyone in my party tittered. We have coffee with milk.

I had asked a waiter in a French coffee shop if they had cafe au lait.



Hahaha, nice! I was trying sooooo hard to seem sophisticated, then I blew my own cover...while wearing some forever 21 travesty which I'm sure did not look as classy as I thought at the time, lol.
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