Gowns for Girls - stealing from charity or good choice?

[Le Poisson]

Our local police work with charities to put on a Gowns for Girls gala this time of year. They round up thousands of used dresses and give them to HS kids free. The idea is that this way, the have-nots can go to prom in a nice outfit and feel good about themselves.

Not realizing all this, I sent my daughter the info on this prom dress fashion show. She went, got a very nice dress, then accepted a voucher for free hair and makeup, a gift card from Walmart for free shoes, and a voucher from MADD to cover half her limo/taxi fare (With certain providers)

The kid is extatic with the savings. I think the whole thing is hillarious, my wife is appalled. She feels like we should be donating money back to the charities to make up for what the kid scored.

What do you guys think? Great score, or stealing from the poor?

[iris lily]

I tend to agree with your wife.

But if this charity doesn't have any qualifying requirements, or if your daughter met the qualifying requirements, then that is on them.

But I can't imagine someone doing "hair and makeup" for free either, unless they are volunteer moms. Using the services of a hard working beautician is where I'd draw the line for sure. (And besides, I think this trend of having "hair and makeup" done professionally for a prom or even a wedding is silly.)

So, if she already has the dress, so be it. But I would encourage her to stop there, no more handouts.

[Gray Matter]

I'm with Iris Lily on this one.  If you have means, it doesn't feel right to take things that are meant for those without means.  Assuming there were plenty of dresses to go around, I might let that rest, but would not use the free vouchers.

[Jenni]

You should definitely redonate the dress. I agree with your wife, it was an honest mistake but there is a limit to frugality.

[lostamonkey]

Great score, just be sure to donate the dress back to the organization after prom.

[geekette]

I think letting everyone in removes the possibility of stigma, but I can't imagine that the charities involved would turn down donations (of dresses or cash). 

[MayDay]

I would keep the dress, redonate it, and not use the other stuff.  I wouldn't feel I had to give an additional donation as long as the dress is given back after prom. 

[CommonCents]

I would keep the dress, redonate it, and not use the other stuff.  I wouldn't feel I had to give an additional donation as long as the dress is given back after prom.

+1

[okits]

I would keep the dress, redonate it, and not use the other stuff.  I wouldn't feel I had to give an additional donation as long as the dress is given back after prom.

+2

Honest mistake, but do not take resources from the needy when you are not in need.

[MoneyCat]

There's a special level in Hell for people who steal from charity.  A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk in the theatre.

[Zamboni]

Find out the address of the charity and immediately send them back the vouchers (in case they had a limited supply) and toss in a check or cash if you don't want them contacting you asking for more later.  Thank them for their generosity and wonderful program in an accompanying note but say that the vouchers are not needed in your case after all.  Whatever amount of money you think is fair for the gently used dress seems reasonable as a donation, then also donate the dress back for next year.

On the cool parent side, at this point offer to pay some amount for shoes/primping/transportation if your daughter was footing all of the bill herself; I can't really tell how much of this prom business you were planning to subsidize. I paid all prom expenses myself, but my parents were really broke. Lots of perfectly reasonable mustachian parents would give some money towards their child's participation in a special event like this. YMMV.

[Kwill]

Maybe make a donation to the charity but call and ask someone involved about how to handle it. I would hesitate to make a big deal to your daughter about how all of this was meant for poor people because she probably saw other people she knew at the event getting their dresses and so forth. If you single out the other girls as Different and unfortunate and that gets around as gossip, then that might undo some of the good that was meant to be done by giving them all this special stuff.

[Le Poisson]

Maybe make a donation to the charity but call and ask someone involved about how to handle it. I would hesitate to make a big deal to your daughter about how all of this was meant for poor people because she probably saw other people she knew at the event getting their dresses and so forth. If you single out the other girls as Different and unfortunate and that gets around as gossip, then that might undo some of the good that was meant to be done by giving them all this special stuff.

Good points - but she kindof knows now (about target audience, etc.) Our plan at this point is to attend the next event in another town and return the vouchers that are returnable. (Walmart, Car) and give a donation equal to the value of the hair/makeup appointment.  The hair and makeup are specific to the town where she got to them, so they can't really be used by anyone in another town.

What is funny about this is that my wife and some of my coworkers were part of the team rounding up dresses and jewelry for the events. Oh well - all's well that ends. I hope the kid gets an idea of thinking through a deal before jumping on it.

[CommonCents]

Maybe make a donation to the charity but call and ask someone involved about how to handle it. I would hesitate to make a big deal to your daughter about how all of this was meant for poor people because she probably saw other people she knew at the event getting their dresses and so forth. If you single out the other girls as Different and unfortunate and that gets around as gossip, then that might undo some of the good that was meant to be done by giving them all this special stuff.

Good points - but she kindof knows now (about target audience, etc.) Our plan at this point is to attend the next event in another town and return the vouchers that are returnable. (Walmart, Car) and give a donation equal to the value of the hair/makeup appointment.  The hair and makeup are specific to the town where she got to them, so they can't really be used by anyone in another town.

What is funny about this is that my wife and some of my coworkers were part of the team rounding up dresses and jewelry for the events. Oh well - all's well that ends. I hope the kid gets an idea of thinking through a deal before jumping on it.

Seeing as you were the one to send the info to her - I hope you too, learned to thinking through a deal before jumping on it!  (I actually think as a parent who provided the misleading information, despite your wife and coworker's involvement, that the mistake is more on your shoulders than hers.)

By the same token that she may recognize people, be prepared for questions from people who recognize her.  It may be uncomfortable as they make assumptions about your financial status or if they know your financial status and are upset about your participation.

[LalsConstant]

Just cut them a check for the fair amount of the services received.  They can continue their operations for someone who can't pay in the future that way and one more client probably drives their per unit costs down.

Simple.

[Cpa Cat]

I don't see a huge issue here.

Tell your daughter that she should "give back" when she has the means.

But for now, it appears that she's in their target demographic. She attended, she doubtless heard several messages that were directed specifically to her gender and age group, she received the gifts. That's what the event is for.

She should generously tip the person doing the free hair and makeup and she should definitely use the MADD voucher. MADD doesn't care if your daughter is poor - they want her to be safe.

Remember that the goal of this event probably wasn't, "Oh, it's important for poor girls to look pretty." It likely focused on messages of self-esteem and safety for teenaged girls.

[killingxspree]

I think the answer here is pretty obvious. If you have the means you shouldn't be cheap-skating it by getting the charity to cover your daughters prom costs although I understand it was an honest mistake and it probably wouldn't have happened if the charity was clearer about who they were targeting - poor student who otherwise wouldn't get to attend prom in fashion?. If you feel really bad about I'm sure you can makeup for it by a donation of your time or money.