Good response to helmet comments after bike accident?

[Fru-Gal]

[PLEASE don’t quote my post below because I often delete later. Thanks!]

So my face is all scabbed up because I was hit by an SUV on Saturday (hit and run). I was wearing a helmet, but because my face looks like this, I just endured a conversation with a neighbor lecturing me about helmets. My spouse was nearly killed and lost an organ two years ago being hit by a car as well. Spouse does not wear a helmet but commutes by bike daily. This too caused comments about helmets; the police blamed spouse for being an “unhelmeted cyclist” and “striking the truck” that hit spouse (was not a hit and run) — EVEN THOUGH SPOUSE WAS WALKING THE BIKE ON A GREEN LIGHT, driver was speeding and in the wrong, and spouse’s injuries were to the torso.

So I just went into my diatribe about helmets, and how in Holland they don’t actually wear them, and that what we need is separate bike infrastructure (which in my area we are slowly building). I also mentioned that you have to think differently from a driver and that sometimes I ride on the sidewalk. “That’s illegal” I was told. Now, I know this is a negative person to begin with.

But I’m aggravated. You wouldn’t tell someone in a wheelchair not to take the safest route. Of course I don’t ride my bike on a populated sidewalk. But I do ride it on parts of my regular route where there is no safe spot on the road for me.

Anyway, good responses about helmets NOT being necessary (even though I wear them) and/or that commenting on them after a terrible accident is a form of victim blaming? Some way to make the person THINK about how their life is designed to revolve around car dependence? Some statistic to remind people that VEHICULAR VIOLENCE is a terrible scourge?

Please don’t comment if you want to lecture about bikes being unsafe. I’m a lifelong urban cyclist and so is everyone in my family.

[GilesMM]

I don't like getting provoked into a diatribe so I would just say "Thanks for your concern.  I'm glad it wasn't worse!"

[BECABECA]

Yes, I’d say that was absolutely a form of victim blaming. To help educate the person so that they can hopefully not victim blame the next person they encounter, you could as them why they assumed you weren’t wearing a helmet. And let the silence after the question soak in. And then also let them know that it was a hit and run, and ask why our society allows pedestrians and bicyclists to be continually put in harm’s way in favor of motorists’ convenience.

[merula]

"I will think about it and give your suggestions all due consideration."

The consideration due is zero. You will think about how wrong they are.

If you want less passive aggression, you could also try "Wow" or "What a weird thing to say out loud."

[neo von retorch]

...a form of victim blaming...

Most people think very highly of themselves and bad things would never happen to them due to their own inherent greatness.

So when you say you've been hit by a car, suffered from infertility, were the victim of a crime, got a headache, etc... it's all because of how terrible you must be, and if only you were as great as your ever so sage "friend" you wouldn't have had this problem.

[GuitarStv]

I've been in several accidents on my bike, and it sucks.  Hope you heal up quickly.

When asked about helmets, I usually just tell them that I was wearing my helmet.  And that 16 oz of styrofoam doesn't do a heck of a lot against a ton of metal bearing down on me.  There's a tendency in North America to blame cyclists (every police officer involved in a car/bike crash that I've ever run into will absolutely be looking to blame the cyclist), so if you run down the checklist (helmet, reflectors, lights, high vis clothing, reflective clothing, etc.) of stuff a safety conscious person does then that tends to shut them up. 

Sure, you can go deep into a discussion of how bike helmets aren't actually designed for crashes with cars or a bike at speed (the way they're tested really is only to protect against falling sideways off your bike and maybe hitting a curb at worst).  Or how cyclists with helmets get cars passing them closer than cyclists without helmets, which might actually make their net riding more dangerous.  Or strategies for where/how to ride.  Or talk about the studies that show helmet laws actually reduce cycling . . . and when there are fewer cyclists on the road it becomes much more likely that a motorist will kill you simply because they're unused to driving around someone on a bike.  But they don't actually care about that, they're just looking to appoint blame - so I've found it's rare that we need to dig into that.  You're not the fat guy in a metal box of death spewing out pollution, so you're the weird one.  :P



FWIW, I actually stopped riding my bike on the sidewalk because it's was causing more accidents with cars for me than riding in the road.  Counterintuitive I know . . . but cyclists move faster than pedestrians, and cars don't look far up the sidewalk when they're turning into a driveway, entrance to parking lot, whatever.  If I'm on the sidewalk now, I tend to dismount because it's just too easy to glide along a little too fast when you're in the saddle.  And all that said, I also realize that every cycling situation is different.  There are of course some places where it makes sense to ride on the sidewalk - I just find there are far fewer than I had initially thought.

[Kris]

I like a very dry, “Thanks for your concern.” Followed by changing the subject or ending the conversation, at your preference. It makes them endure at least a few moments of uncertainty about whether you are being serious or sarcastic (depending on their level of social awareness, which is not likely to be high). One can adjust one’s tone where one likes on the sarcasm spectrum for desired effect.

[Ron Scott]

I have biked in Manhattan, Long Island, and South Florida for many years. Been hit by cars twice. Sucks. Once the cops came and I thought they were going to beat the shit out of the driver out for being a wise guy—he didn’t want to give me his license and insurance info because I didn’t have mine! (People react strange at bike accidents…I had to calm everyone down LOL.)

I think giving stupid parental advice is an automatic reaction many people have to hearing about a situation like yours. It’s annoying but they probably just meant to be supportive and didn’t know how.

I wear a helmet now. I tore my rotator cuff a couple years ago after stupidly crossing a railroad track in too parallel a line in the rain. The shoulder isn’t the same but I banged my head (my helmet) hard and it was a non-issue. (And it was an OLD helmet. I don’t believe the manufacturers who tell us to change them every other year because they “deteriorate”!)

May you heal quickly!

One more thing: I trust the cars over the bikes in Manhattan! And the worst are the electric bikers riding on sidewalks, blowing off red lights, etc., at 30 MPH.

[Fru-Gal]

Thank you all for these replies. They made me feel a lot better.

I do appreciate the cyclist specific comments from @GuitarStv and @Ron Scott … I agree that a fast-moving bike on a sidewalk or crossing from a sidewalk is problematic since it’s not acting like a pedestrian.

The big length of sidewalk that i have now been riding for years (not on the route where I was hit, in the street) is now the preferred way for most cyclists.

Like @Ron Scott I crashed once due to metro tracks. Ironically right before crashing I was literally thinking what a great bike rider I am LOL.

But @GuitarStv was bringing up the critical point which is this ludicrous trust in a styrophoam hat. One thing spouse’s accident made clear is that you don’t survive a direct hit over 35 MPH anyway, hat or no.

But @BECABECA puts it well, why is everything for the car’s convenience. Like I said, the whole convo is victim-blamed along the “what was she wearing” type of comments for assault.

Thanks, all!

[Taran Wanderer]

“I was wearing a helmet. If I hadn’t been, I’d be dead!”

[GilesMM]

....

FWIW, I actually stopped riding my bike on the sidewalk because it's was causing more accidents with cars for me than riding in the road.  Counterintuitive I know . . . but cyclists move faster than pedestrians, and cars don't look far up the sidewalk when they're turning into a driveway, entrance to parking lot, whatever.  If I'm on the sidewalk now, I tend to dismount because it's just too easy to glide along a little too fast when you're in the saddle.  And all that said, I also realize that every cycling situation is different.  There are of course some places where it makes sense to ride on the sidewalk - I just find there are far fewer than I had initially thought.

Sidewalks are great as long as 1) there are no pedestrians or other obstacles to hit and 2) there are no driveways or roads with cars careening over them without looking and mowing down cyclists.

[Fru-Gal]

“I was wearing a helmet. If I hadn’t been, I’d be dead!”

Appreciate your reply, but this is actually not the direction I want to go. First, I don’t think I would be dead; second, I know people who died DESPITE a helmet. The point is, a helmet is irrelevant and helps create a culture of fear around biking. The issue in my case is car violence, not helmet compliance.

But let’s not debate that. I’m in pain and don’t want to contemplate death LOL.

[reeshau]

Snarky answer.  Probably not serious, or helpful except for some gallows humor:

"Do you think the driver that hit me was wearing a helmet?"

[mtnrider]

Glad you're relatively OK.

A bike helmet probably saved my life at least three times, once when a truck sideswiped me.  It still drives me crazy when people say, "at least you were wearing a helmet."  Like others said, a direct hit from a car where you go into the windshield and over the car is going to be hard to survive, helmet or not.

If there is one and it's clear, I also sometimes take the sidewalk, especially going slowly uphill where there's a blind turn.  Too many drivers speed around blind turns, thinking they are doing a rally.  (Unfortunately, around here, sometimes they are.)

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

....

FWIW, I actually stopped riding my bike on the sidewalk because it's was causing more accidents with cars for me than riding in the road.  Counterintuitive I know . . . but cyclists move faster than pedestrians, and cars don't look far up the sidewalk when they're turning into a driveway, entrance to parking lot, whatever.  If I'm on the sidewalk now, I tend to dismount because it's just too easy to glide along a little too fast when you're in the saddle.  And all that said, I also realize that every cycling situation is different.  There are of course some places where it makes sense to ride on the sidewalk - I just find there are far fewer than I had initially thought.

Sidewalks are great as long as 1) there are no pedestrians or other obstacles to hit and 2) there are no driveways or roads with cars careening over them without looking and mowing down cyclists.

Yeah, I rarely ride on the sidewalk since my son was (a) struck by a car (fortunately he only sprained an ankle and (b) given a ticket that, although we ended up being fined $76, does carry the possibility of jail time, while biking on the sidewalk along a busy road and crossing the side street.

(FWIW the guy felt terrible and his insurance gave us a modest settlement despite his being found at fault because we all know you just shouldn't hit an 11yo with your car under any circumstances.)

For the OP, I would probably go with, "I actually was wearing a helmet, but I'm not convinced they save lives in real world conditions," followed by change of subject unless the person seems interested. Or when they ask what happened, just say you were in a bike accident and you were wearing your helmet but got your face pretty good to head off any comments about the helmet thing. Most people aren't going to want to get into the whole thing so I would try to dodge the conversation as honestly but briefly as possible.

[MustacheAndaHalf]

(FWIW the guy felt terrible and his insurance gave us a modest settlement despite his being found at fault because we all know you just shouldn't hit an 11yo with your car under any circumstances.)

I'm not a lawyer, but can you imagine the court case?  Insurance company and adult man against a child.  A jury will be sympathetic to the 11-year-old from the start.  In addition to that, his insurance company knows the man's driving history.  That might be another unknown factor in the insurance company deciding on a small settlement.

[seattlecyclone]

The discussion should start and stop with "someone driving a two-ton vehicle wasn't looking where they were going well enough and ran into me. That driving behavior is unacceptable and likely to cause serious injury or death whether I was wearing a helmet or not. I was wearing one though! But again, that should be at best a footnote in this conversation because the driver was the one doing the wrong thing and could have easily killed me despite the helmet."

[rothwem]

The discussion should start and stop with "someone driving a two-ton vehicle wasn't looking where they were going well enough and ran into me. That driving behavior is unacceptable and likely to cause serious injury or death whether I was wearing a helmet or not. I was wearing one though! But again, that should be at best a footnote in this conversation because the driver was the one doing the wrong thing and could have easily killed me despite the helmet."

It won't though.  @GilesMM's response upthread is the only thing to say to this.  People don't actually care about whether you have a helmet on or not, they just want to feel morally superior about something and you're not going to change their mind.  Its best to just shut down the conversation. 

And also, add me to the list of riders that doesn't do sidewalks--the only time I've been hit by a car in 23 years of riding on the road has been when I was riding on the sidewalk because I thought the road in that spot looked too sketchy.  Sure enough, a guy turned into a side street I was crossing and I slammed right into his door/front fender.  I saw him out of the corner of my eye at the last second and managed to get on the brakes super hard, if I hadn't, I'dve been in front of him and probably under the vehicle.  Instead, I walked away with a sore shoulder and no other damage--I put a big "koolaid man" size dent in the door of his truck and knocked the side mirror off. 

[Loren Ver]

"I didn't think wearing two helmets would save me from a two ton vehicle operated by a driver that wasn't paying enough attention to see me.  You think a helmet can really do that?"

Wait for answer.....


It removes their crutch of you are at fault for not wearing a helmet, and points out that a helmet isn't going to stop a car from an at fault driver.

Then based on answer and interest you can move on or talk about infrastructure or how parking lanes or done or distracted driving or foam hats being a false hope etc.

Loren

[Kmp2]

There's a few excellent youtube videos on motornormativity out there. Every day we are constantly bombarded with small (and not-so-small) signals that cars come first. The person driving is more important, their trip is automatically assumed to be more economic (work, shopping, etc), whereas bicycles are seen by most as toys (and thus your trip is recreational - and you should drive to the trails or whatnot) or a last resort (thus you are a failed human who can't afford a car).

This is buried deep and reinforced into our collective psyche daily.

I'm not sure addressing someone one-on-one with data ever really changes a mind.


Anyways, having been in several near misses and negative interactions with driver's on my bike, I know they can make your world smaller. I also know that as you accumulate positive interactions again (safe passes etc.) it grows your world. Driver's (and commentators) are often irrational, when I stopped expecting them to be rational and just focused on choosing the safest positioning for me given my current limitations I have been much happier.  Here's hoping you find your good bike mojo again soon!

[Weisass]

Whew. So glad you are okay, @Fru-Gal . I echo the sentiments of so many other bike commuters on here:

1) cars are the problem, not bikers. we need better bike infrastructure (thankfully in my area it is being built, slowly but surely, and our local biker groups are creating bikeways in the meantime).
2) helmets are helpful, but they are limited in terms of how much they protect you (and sometimes, as @GuitarStv notes, they actually make you LESS safe because people assume they can't hurt you in their death metal boxes)
3) It isn't worth trying to explain all of this to an idiot who is judging you for SURVIVING A CAR.

[Just Joe]

Sidewalks are great as long as 1) there are no pedestrians or other obstacles to hit and 2) there are no driveways or roads with cars careening over them without looking and mowing down cyclists.

And there are sidewalks - and sidewalks.

The sidewalks in the old part of our town tend to have business doors opening directly on to the sidewalks. Not a suitable place to bike or skate. Potentially unaware pedestrians mixing with 10 mph bikes. Not good.

On the other hand there are sidewalks in other parts of town that are devoid of pedestrians and they are 75-100 ft from the fronts of the homes and businesses that are nearby. I absolutely will ride these if they are available and the streets are not safe. They are very much like bike paths but not quality paths b/c of the constant dips for cars to drive across them. Good enough to grind up a hill though. Safer than grinding up the hill in the street with the cars. I would much prefer something more similar to golf cart paths separated from traffic. We have only one of those.

I like biking w/o a helmet. I also wear a helmet b/c my most recent crash (x2 years ago) was at a low speed and caused by inattentiveness on my part. My head definitely hit the pavement but the helmet prevented any injury. It definitely rang my bell and it took a few minutes to get myself sorted out before I could pedal on.

All that said, I have barely been on my bike this year. Partly due to family responsibilities and mostly b/c the traffic here is too distracted and fast to share the roads I ride with.

[Sibley]

Why are you engaging with this neighbor? That's your real problem. Grey rock.

[jeninco]

Sidewalks are great as long as 1) there are no pedestrians or other obstacles to hit and 2) there are no driveways or roads with cars careening over them without looking and mowing down cyclists.

And there are sidewalks - and sidewalks.

The sidewalks in the old part of our town tend to have business doors opening directly on to the sidewalks. Not a suitable place to bike or skate. Potentially unaware pedestrians mixing with 10 mph bikes. Not good.

On the other hand there are sidewalks in other parts of town that are devoid of pedestrians and they are 75-100 ft from the fronts of the homes and businesses that are nearby. I absolutely will ride these if they are available and the streets are not safe. They are very much like bike paths but not quality paths b/c of the constant dips for cars to drive across them. Good enough to grind up a hill though. Safer than grinding up the hill in the street with the cars. I would much prefer something more similar to golf cart paths separated from traffic. We have only one of those.

I like biking w/o a helmet. I also wear a helmet b/c my most recent crash (x2 years ago) was at a low speed and caused by inattentiveness on my part. My head definitely hit the pavement but the helmet prevented any injury. It definitely rang my bell and it took a few minutes to get myself sorted out before I could pedal on.

All that said, I have barely been on my bike this year. Partly due to family responsibilities and mostly b/c the traffic here is too distracted and fast to share the roads I ride with.

Your bike traffic is only going 10 MPH? Here the students get rent-a-cycle cards with their student IDs, and the first few weeks while the new first years are riding e-bikes all over the sidewalks is ... let's go with "best not to be strolling in that part of town until things settle down a bit".

We have bike lanes galore -- but many are not separated from traffic, so inattentive drivers in the right lane can still smoosh you pretty easily.

Glad everyone's heads are basically OK.  And I agree there are sidewalks and sidewalks...