Here’s how you talk to your doctor:
"Well, Mr Sucks, the treatment I recommend for your childs condition is X."
"OK Doc, that sounds good. Let’s go ahead and do it. what are potential side effects? Are any of them severe? What should we do if we experience any of those side effects? Are there any alternative treatments? What are the pros and cons of those treatments? Why are you recommending this treatment over others?"
"Those are excellent questions Mr Sucks!" The doctor says with a smile "Allow me to answer them in a calm and informative manner."
Doctors are service providers and humans who are trying to help, and sometimes it’s nice to get a bit of validation. (Ask me how I know) The way you had it phrased could be misinterpreted as being antagonistic.
I'll respectfully disagree with your approach to how to talk to doctors. As you noted, doctors are humans who can be exhausted, distracted, forgetful, lazy, ill informed, just plain wrong, or have any other human imperfections. I will always do my best to never agree to any course of treatment without being fully informed about that treatment and all other potential treatment options. Seeing as I am paying for their service, I'm not very concerned with whether or not they feel I'm antagonistic.
If you’re talking about vaccines, and you were going to do them anyway, then why not tell the doctor you plan to do them? Obviously asking about potential side effects so you can make an informed decision and so that you know how to deal with the side effects should they arise.
I’m saying it doesn’t hurt to increase agreeableness and be polite when asking for information. It could be a cultural thing though, because I’ve noticed that in some cultures it is okay to be very direct, whereas in other cultures it would be seen as being confrontational and bordering on rude. “I’m paying for their service so I don’t care if I come across as being antagonistic” is normal thinking in China, but would not go over so well in Canada, for example.
Yeah, I’m fully aware that I could easily be perceived as a difficult patient (or relative). I try to be as pleasant and non-confrontational as possible while doing so though, usually using humor or self deprecation [is this a word?] to ease tension (“I know I’m probably being a problem patient doc but…”). However one of my core principles when dealing with the medical profession is that NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PERFORM ANY TYPE OF TREATMENT ON MYSELF OR MY FAMILY WITHOUT OUR FULLY INFORMED CONSENT. I’ve experienced and heard of too many medical mistakes, oversights and unjustified treatment recommendations to take the doctor’s opinion without hearing their justification first. Some examples:
-A doctor recommended a moderately invasive and expensive procedure for a family member with a very mild condition because it had a very high chance of curing the condition (I believe they said 90%). After asking what other options for treatment there were, the doctor told us about a much less invasive and expensive treatment option, that also had a high chance of curing the condition (around 85%), but also had a far lower chance of negative side effects. He wasn’t really able to give us a solid justification for why he recommended the first option instead of the second, or why he only presented us with the first option initially. We decided on the second treatment option.
-While being tested for allergies, the doctor recommended testing for food allergies, despite the fact that I have never experienced any symptoms of food allergies. After asking the doctor for her justification for the additional testing despite the fact that I was asymptomatic, she said “We just like to be thorough.” After asking about the additional discomfort, cost and risk of false positives with the additional testing, I opted to not test for food allergies.
-A friend’s father went to his family doctor for an ailment. The doctor diagnosed it as a mild condition and recommended bed rest. Shortly afterwards, the father was hospitalized for the same ailment. While in the hospital room, my friend read her father’s chart, which included the exam notes and diagnosis from his previous doctor. Those notes referenced her father’s ovaries (he was not trans).
-My Uncle J with epilepsy has been prescribed a basketful of different medications to treat his epilepsy and other related issues and injuries. Over the last few years, his personality and cognition have changed for the worse. My Uncle E goes with him to a doctors appointment and says that he thinks that Uncle J is taking too many medications (all of which were prescribed by various doctors) and it’s affecting his personality. The doctor reviews the medications and agrees. He recommends cutting out half (!!!!) of those medications. Uncle J experiences instantaneous improvement in his personality and cognition.
-While my mother’s fiancé was in the hospital during his cancer treatment, a nurse started replacing his I.V. medication. After my mother asked about the medication, she informed the nurse that her fiancé could not take this medication as it could react to other medications he was taking in a very serious, potentially fatal way. The nurse told her that the doctor ordered it and was aware of any complications. My mother told the nurse that she could not administer that medication until the doctor came into the hospital room and discussed it with them. The nurse gets all huffy and goes to get the doctor. The doctor comes in all huffy asking what the problem is. My mother tells him that the medication can react in a serious way with another medication her fiancé is taking. The doctor consults the chart, realizes that my mother is correct and says he’s decided to prescribe a different medication.
These experiences and many others have taught me to make sure that the doctor’s reasons for every recommended treatment are sound, informed and the best possible choice given the circumstances BEFORE AUTHORIZING THAT TREATMENT. I understand that this can seem confrontational, and I do my best to minimize that, but that discomfort at being confrontational will never override my responsibility to make sure that myself and my family are being treated in ways that are medically necessary and correct.
And now I have officially done a rant within a rant…..
