Author Topic: for couples who cohab'd before marrige (Read 9429 times)

KodeBlue · « **on:** July 17, 2015, 03:00:00 PM »

when you got married did you spend the night before the wedding apart?

KodeBlue · « **Reply #1 on:** July 17, 2015, 03:01:12 PM »

Mod Note: Merged Duplicate Threads.

dandarc · « **Reply #2 on:** July 17, 2015, 03:02:47 PM »

Yes. But we were in her home town, and at her parents house, the rule was non-married = separate bedrooms anyway. So I crashed with one of my groomsmen the night before, she stayed at her parents house like we usually do.

swick · « **Reply #3 on:** July 17, 2015, 03:30:35 PM »

Nope, we had way too much to do. Between ourselves and family, we did all the decorating and catering (and we were having a brunch instead of a dinner) so we were up with the family all night and fell into bed the second we got back to the motel. Then we spent the whole wedding day/evening hanging out with friends and family and got to bed at an ungodly hour the next morning morning....

Figuring this would be the case, we actually took a few days off before the wedding and had a little honeymoon/getaway before the mayhem started. It was a good call.

Eric · « **Reply #4 on:** July 17, 2015, 03:37:44 PM »

Nope. We were alone in Belize, so that would've seemed silly. :)

klystomane · « **Reply #5 on:** July 17, 2015, 03:42:13 PM »

Partied with my groomsmen the night before and crashed in their hotel room.

Philociraptor · « **Reply #6 on:** July 17, 2015, 03:44:17 PM »

Nope. Slept together in our bedroom in the house we bought about 2 years prior. I wanted to have one last romp the morning of as kind of an F-you to the church (they gave us a hard time because I'm an atheist and we don't want children) but alas there was no time.

mtn · « **Reply #7 on:** July 17, 2015, 03:45:52 PM »

We started dating in the fall of 2008. We lived together for about 2 months in the fall of 2012, and again from May 2014 to December 2014.

We are getting married in September. Right now she is living with her parents, I with mine. We will be moved into an apartment September 1, and she may live there off and on until then. The night before, I will crash with my brothers or my parents; she will be in her childhood bedroom with her parents.

This is just the way it makes sense for us--I don't want to be around the morning with all the bridesmaids and her, I'll want to be doing dood stuff with my brothers (groomsmen).

midweststache · « **Reply #8 on:** July 17, 2015, 03:46:35 PM »

Nope. We actually sprung for a relatively nice hotel room for the two of us downtown, near where our family was staying. That was one of the more expensive aspects of our wedding...

In the morning, we got ready for our wedding together, so we had some quiet, sweet moments before meeting our families and the photographer before the event. It was perfect.

nereo · « **Reply #9 on:** July 17, 2015, 03:58:14 PM »

Quote from: dandarc on July 17, 2015, 03:02:47 PM

Yes. But we were in her home town, and at her parents house, the rule was non-married = separate bedrooms anyway. So I crashed with one of my groomsmen the night before, she stayed at her parents house like we usually do.

Basically the same answer for me.

K-ice · « **Reply #10 on:** July 17, 2015, 04:05:57 PM »

We were at a destination wedding so he stayed in our room & I stayed with my best friend.

Didn't see him at all our wedding day until the Church at 7:45 pm.

Long wait.

TrMama · « **Reply #11 on:** July 17, 2015, 04:11:31 PM »

I can't remember.

That tells you something about how much it matters 10 years later.

Abnormal Housewife · « **Reply #12 on:** July 17, 2015, 04:13:11 PM »

We did not. I don't even know if we thought about it or discussed it. Like TrMama said - doesn't matter so much anymore. But do what makes you happy, not what everyone else did.

dsmexpat · « **Reply #13 on:** July 17, 2015, 04:13:53 PM »

No, didn't even occur to us to do that.

wordnerd · « **Reply #14 on:** July 17, 2015, 04:15:11 PM »

Nope, and I highly recommend morning-of-the wedding sex for stress relief and general good cheer :)

Alenzia · « **Reply #15 on:** July 17, 2015, 04:18:45 PM »

Don't think so, but I can't remember. And it's only 3 years after the wedding.

frpeebles · « **Reply #16 on:** July 17, 2015, 04:23:30 PM »

Don't forget: Tradition is just dead peoples baggage you get to carry :)

arebelspy · « **Reply #17 on:** July 17, 2015, 04:34:15 PM »

Kris · « **Reply #18 on:** July 17, 2015, 04:35:26 PM »

No. Because I can't imagine how briefly pretending you don't sleep together makes any sense, except in some retrograde atavistic religious world.

We got up, had sex, had a lovely day together, walked to the venue, got dressed, and got married in front of 75 of our friends and relatives.

Mrs. PoP · « **Reply #19 on:** July 17, 2015, 05:14:45 PM »

Quote from: Eric on July 17, 2015, 03:37:44 PM

Nope. We were alone in Belize, so that would've seemed silly. :)

Same for us, but change Belize to Mexico. =)

forummm · « **Reply #20 on:** July 17, 2015, 05:51:40 PM »

Quote from: wordnerd on July 17, 2015, 04:15:11 PM

Nope, and I highly recommend morning-of-the wedding sex for stress relief and general good cheer :)

+1

It's a little awkward when the in-laws are in the next room, but love finds a way.

Frankies Girl · « **Reply #21 on:** July 17, 2015, 06:19:18 PM »

Nope, slept in our own bed the night before, and ate breakfast with each other (alone). And we lived together for about 3 months before marriage. I also think it's kind of silly to pretend, or do things because that's what you're supposed to do according to some stupid or outdated belief or tradition. If you're old enough to get married, you can choose what to do and what not to do for yourselves (so technically no matter what any of us say here, decide for yourself if you like the idea or not with your intended... and then do what you like).

Oh, and we took our formal pics before the wedding, so my not-yet-husband saw me before our wedding in my dress (gasp!) and we didn't do the garter, bouquet toss or cake smashing (the horror!).

Mountainbug · « **Reply #22 on:** July 17, 2015, 07:32:50 PM »

Quote from: Mrs. PoP on July 17, 2015, 05:14:45 PM

Quote from: Eric on July 17, 2015, 03:37:44 PM
Nope. We were alone in Belize, so that would've seemed silly. :)

Same for us, but change Belize to Mexico. =)

+1, except Yosemite

K-ice · « **Reply #23 on:** July 17, 2015, 08:09:26 PM »

It looks about 50-50. But I found spending the night apart added to the excitement.

You will have a lifetime of spending nights together.

If either one of you kind of want to spend the night apart, I would split.

But if you don't really care, or it's just family pressure, a great breakfast etc is not a bad way to start the day ;)

Let us know what you decide. When's the big day?

forummm · « **Reply #24 on:** July 17, 2015, 08:16:31 PM »

Quote from: Mountainbug on July 17, 2015, 07:32:50 PM

Quote from: Mrs. PoP on July 17, 2015, 05:14:45 PM
Quote from: Eric on July 17, 2015, 03:37:44 PM
Nope. We were alone in Belize, so that would've seemed silly. :)

Same for us, but change Belize to Mexico. =)

+1, except Yosemite

That fits your handle nicely.

DCKatie09 · « **Reply #25 on:** July 17, 2015, 08:19:19 PM »

We didn't - we bought a house a year before the wedding and had co-hab'd for 3 years before that, and got married locally, so staying home the night before felt the most normal.

Rural · « **Reply #26 on:** July 17, 2015, 09:29:08 PM »

Nope, slept in the same tent the night before, good thing since we only owned one...

okits · « **Reply #27 on:** July 17, 2015, 09:51:33 PM »

Quote from: Frankies Girl on July 17, 2015, 06:19:18 PM

Nope, slept in our own bed the night before, and ate breakfast with each other (alone). And we lived together for about 3 months before marriage. I also think it's kind of silly to pretend, or do things because that's what you're supposed to do according to some stupid or outdated belief or tradition. If you're old enough to get married, you can choose what to do and what not to do for yourselves (so technically no matter what any of us say here, decide for yourself if you like the idea or not with your intended... and then do what you like).

Oh, and we took our formal pics before the wedding, so my not-yet-husband saw me before our wedding in my dress (gasp!) and we didn't do the garter, bouquet toss or cake smashing (the horror!).

Everything Frankies Girl said.

daymare · « **Reply #28 on:** July 18, 2015, 09:28:38 AM »

We got married where I grew up (and we live in a different city), so we had a hotel room together. Definitely didn't pretend we weren't living/having sex with each other for the sake of spending the night apart. We spent time separately with our friends getting dressed the morning of, then drove to the venue together to take pictures with our photographer. Because ... we did what made sense, not what other people thought we should do.

CommonCents · « **Reply #29 on:** July 18, 2015, 03:54:23 PM »

He stayed in his single groomsman's extra bed, I had the bridal suite. (We were obligated to have it for two nights and technically it was free, part of the package.) I wanted us to enjoy the suite together the first time on our wedding night and I thought it'd make seeing each other at the aisle special. It did.

Not sure why all the people who stayed together for the night characterize those who didn't as pretending or doing what people thought we should do. (Everyone knows we lived together, except my grandmother who didn't really understand, but we didn't go to great efforts to clarify it for her and left it alone.) We did it because we wanted to. You should do what you want.

forummm · « **Reply #30 on:** July 18, 2015, 04:54:44 PM »

Quote from: CommonCents on July 18, 2015, 03:54:23 PM

Not sure why all the people who stayed together for the night characterize those who didn't as pretending or doing what people thought we should do. (Everyone knows we lived together, except my grandmother who didn't really understand, but we didn't go to great efforts to clarify it for her and left it alone.)

A lot of people pretended in the years leading up to the wedding because of family/society. It's just easier. Glad that you didn't have to do that.

One business idea I had was to have "roommates" where the people actually lived with their partner but wanted to have another place that they could tell their family they lived, and an address to send mail to, etc. I could have 100 "roommates" that I wouldn't give a key to but could collect a small rent from.

Spork · « **Reply #31 on:** July 18, 2015, 05:00:29 PM »

We didn't exactly cohabitate. We kept separate residences but pretty much lived together when we could. We were appeasing both parental units and we had animals we were not ready to mix and leave alone unsupervised.

But we got married in Vegas. "Wedding" (which is another word for 10 minute ceremony with just us) was mid week. So, yes, we stayed together the whole time and didn't do any silly stuff with 2 hotel rooms.

KodeBlue · « **Reply #32 on:** July 19, 2015, 12:31:35 AM »

Quote from: K-ice on July 17, 2015, 08:09:26 PM

It looks about 50-50. But I found spending the night apart added to the excitement.

You will have a lifetime of spending nights together.

If either one of you kind of want to spend the night apart, I would split.

But if you don't really care, or it's just family pressure, a great breakfast etc is not a bad way to start the day ;)

Let us know what you decide. When's the big day?

Aug 2nd. No family or community pressure, we've lived together for >20 yrs. so everyone including the rabbi knows. we would have gotten married years ago if same-sex marriage had been legal.

N · « **Reply #33 on:** July 19, 2015, 12:37:06 AM »

slept at home together the night before.

Catomi · « **Reply #34 on:** July 19, 2015, 01:15:47 PM »

Nope. I thought about it, but I would've had to get a hotel room, and that seemed silly. We went out to breakfast, just the two of us, the morning of the wedding before all the crazy descended. That's one of my favorite memories of that day.

SisterX · « **Reply #35 on:** July 19, 2015, 03:08:24 PM »

I sort of liked the idea of spending that one night apart, just to build anticipation rather than from some Puritanical/religious ideal. My husband thought it was silly, however, and as it turned out we had about 5 out-of-town friends who planned to crash in our small, not-at-all-soundproofed apartment or camp in the backyard (we ended up with 8 by the wedding), so we stayed up way too late with them for several nights before the wedding and then just fell into bed and didn't do anything sexy. So when our actual wedding night rolled around, and we had a hotel room to ourselves, the anticipation was there anyway. :) We both got what we wanted: he got the joy of sleeping with me for those nights, I got the joy of suspense and expectation which can get lost in day-to-day life.

This is very much a YMMV type thing. I think in some ways it speaks to how people view marriage (not their partner, but the institution of marriage itself) and the sort of upbringing they had. I imagine those of us who were raised in more religious households, or ones that are just less comfortable with sex in general, are more inclined to spend that night apart and those who are less religious/more comfortable with sex as a natural part of life are less inclined to spend a night apart.

Lski'stash · « **Reply #36 on:** July 19, 2015, 03:27:22 PM »

Nah, we spent it in our own bed in our own house. No conservative parents or conservative religions or anything (not judging, just our own situation). We bought a house the year before, so it wasn't exactly a surprise to anyone. We were also together for almost ten years before we got married. "The jig was up" at that point, as some would say;) No kids yet- not sure if that would also make a difference.

DecD · « **Reply #37 on:** July 19, 2015, 03:48:01 PM »

Our wedding was in our hometown, so we were each staying at our parents' place.

Had we gotten married where we lived at the time, we'd have stayed in our apartment.

It wasn't a big deal to me either way.

MustardTiger · « **Reply #38 on:** July 19, 2015, 10:53:35 PM »

No. My wife had her family fly in overseas and as they speak very little english they didn't want to stay in a hotel. So me, my wife, her two friends, and her parents stayed in our small 1bdrm apt for a week. Was very cozy!

iamlittlehedgehog · « **Reply #39 on:** July 20, 2015, 10:04:31 AM »

We slept in the same bed, in the same house that we have been living in for the past 2 years. Marriage wasn't a big jump for us and we aren't big on doing things certain way for the sake of it so..yeah.

frugalecon · « **Reply #40 on:** July 20, 2015, 10:33:53 AM »

Quote from: forummm on July 17, 2015, 05:51:40 PM

Quote from: wordnerd on July 17, 2015, 04:15:11 PM
Nope, and I highly recommend morning-of-the wedding sex for stress relief and general good cheer :)

+1

It's a little awkward when the in-laws are in the next room, but love finds a way.

These comments make me wonder what "morning-after-FIRE" sex is like. Work often gets in the way of morning fun, it seems.

justplucky · « **Reply #41 on:** July 21, 2015, 05:20:38 PM »

Nope, we stayed in the same Vegas hotel room :)

markbike528CBX · « **Reply #42 on:** July 21, 2015, 06:29:46 PM »

Quote from: justplucky on July 21, 2015, 05:20:38 PM

Nope, we stayed in the same Vegas hotel room :)

+1

We didn't know we were getting married until I asked THE QUESTION
"So, do you want to get married?" at 9PM in Vegas
married by 10:30PM.

so we did spent our last umarried night together.

Spork · « **Reply #43 on:** July 22, 2015, 03:28:04 PM »

Quote from: markbike528CBX on July 21, 2015, 06:29:46 PM

Quote from: justplucky on July 21, 2015, 05:20:38 PM
Nope, we stayed in the same Vegas hotel room :)

+1

We didn't know we were getting married until I asked THE QUESTION
"So, do you want to get married?" at 9PM in Vegas
married by 10:30PM.

so we did spent our last umarried night together.

Did Vegas do away with their requirement to get the license 24 hours before the wedding? (I.e. the "sober up" law.)

Bracken_Joy · « **Reply #44 on:** July 22, 2015, 03:59:39 PM »

Quote from: Frankies Girl on July 17, 2015, 06:19:18 PM

Oh, and we took our formal pics before the wedding, so my not-yet-husband saw me before our wedding in my dress (gasp!) and we didn't do the garter, bouquet toss or cake smashing (the horror!).

+1. We stayed together (and I slept MUCH better as a result, I'm sure), and worked on a ton of projects together up until a few hours before the wedding when I needed to get ready. We did the "first look" and photos ahead of time. I'm very glad we did.

We didn't cake smash. Someone told us we were "too polite". Um, I'm sorry, should I NOT be polite to my spouse? My bad.

markbike528CBX · « **Reply #45 on:** July 22, 2015, 11:58:45 PM »

Quote from: Spork on July 22, 2015, 03:28:04 PM

Did Vegas do away with their requirement to get the license 24 hours before the wedding? (I.e. the "sober up" law.)

apparently no delay

We did meet the criteria on the courthouse sign

"we cannot process your paperwork if you appear to be intoxicated"

the lady doing the paperwork seemed really happy to be working at that hour.

Spork · « **Reply #46 on:** July 24, 2015, 04:04:43 PM »

Quote from: markbike528CBX on July 22, 2015, 11:58:45 PM

Quote from: Spork on July 22, 2015, 03:28:04 PM

Did Vegas do away with their requirement to get the license 24 hours before the wedding? (I.e. the "sober up" law.)

apparently no delay

We did meet the criteria on the courthouse sign

"we cannot process your paperwork if you appear to be intoxicated"

the lady doing the paperwork seemed really happy to be working at that hour.

Interesting. We married in 1995 in Vegas. Back then there were warnings everywhere of the 24h wait (and you'd be verbally warned when you made an appointment at a wedding chapel).

News:

Author Topic: for couples who cohab'd before marrige (Read 9429 times)

TrMama