Extroverts: How do you deal with unexpected alone time?

[lifejoy]

I need a plan! Please help :)

Thaaaaaaaaanks

[Faraday]

I need a plan! Please help :)

Thaaaaaaaaanks

Projects that I love doing.
A big, dual-LCD screen PC.
Yard work.
Freshly brewed tea with an ounce of orange-flavored vodka
Texting my wife and children that I love them dearly.
Calling mom and checking in. Singing harmony with her on the phone.

[lifejoy]

I need a plan! Please help :)

Thaaaaaaaaanks

Projects that I love doing.
A big, dual-LCD screen PC.
Yard work.
Freshly brewed tea with an ounce of orange-flavored vodka
Texting my wife and children that I love them dearly.
Calling mom and checking in. Singing harmony with her on the phone.

Tea + vodka? I didn't know that was a thing! Very cool! Thanks for the idea.

Physical activity is a good idea. I should do that more often. Always feels good!

[_Nico_]

Tea and vodka...can't say I've tried that either. Noted haha

What I usually do:
Working out (I generally go to the gym to do this, which puts me in a social setting, so not sure if that counts?)
Personal projects and hobbies
Clean (I clean when I'm upset, odd habit really, but I can't complain I guess)
Call/Text/whatever friends and family
Read a book
Video games
Cry in a corner, fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth, wallowing in self-pity

Basically anything to keep my active mind occupied when there aren't other people around.

[Anatidae V]

Not an extravert, but I struggle with unplanned alone time. I find keeping a list of things to do helpful, so when you pick the good ones from here, print it out and stick it on the fridge.

-call a friend/family member
-bake
-do those chores I've been avoiding
-eat all the baked goods
-text SO and whinge
-go for a walk. To a bakery. And buy baked goods.
-play with spreadsheets
-write a letter to SO saying how much I love him etc etc.
-realise he's back from his half hour thing and I can now be petted and fed. I might be a cat...

[KMMK]

I'm dealing with this a lot right now as I'm basically just waiting until moving day (two weeks!) when I can join my boyfriend again. And I have no job and minimal move stuff to do. Plans include: new craft projects, podcasts, not feeling guilty about TV, two good books, magazines from the library, long walk to a bakery.

[tooqk4u22]

Wow...Don't think I have seen a thread about extroverts. As an introvert this thread makes we want to be an extrovert so I can have a day alone to worry about ;)

[norabird]

Oh my gosh antidaev your list resonates so much with me. Chores are great for unscheduled time--I have actually starting scheduling unscheduled time to do them, but they are also a great tool to help if I'm feeling crazy for not having someone around.

[Kaspian]

Really interesting--I had no idea this was a thing for extroverts.  I have a lot of friends and acquaintances and people have called me "gregarious", but I live a hermit's life most of the time and that's the way I like it.  "How do you deal with unexpected SOCIAL time?", is always sort of my nightmare.  I don't feel so weird anymore knowing it flows both ways.  :)

[englyn]

I keep meaning to keep a list of projects I'd like to do, so I can consult it when I've forgotten what I want to do. (joining the chorus of introvert, but suspiciously like a cat...)

[lifejoy]

Wow...Don't think I have seen a thread about extroverts. As an introvert this thread makes we want to be an extrovert so I can have a day alone to worry about ;)

Wow now I'm picturing some kind of futuristic world where we can trade personality traits ;)

I'll give you 5 hours of feeling alone in exchange for 3 hours of people time? haha!

[lifejoy]

Really interesting--I had no idea this was a thing for extroverts.  I have a lot of friends and acquaintances and people have called me "gregarious", but I live a hermit's life most of the time and that's the way I like it.  "How do you deal with unexpected SOCIAL time?", is always sort of my nightmare.  I don't feel so weird anymore knowing it flows both ways.  :)

It absolutely does.

I can't tell you how comforting it was for me to find a blogger talking about the deep wave of darkness/depression that washes over her if she has too much unexpected alone time. I was like, WHAT?! REALLY??? And it dawned on me that I wasn't just a moody fuck, but that I really need people to be around me for x number of hours a day, haha. Fun fact!

I honestly get so incredibly drained if I'm alone for too long. I do enjoy "me" time, but if I have to spend 24 hours without talking to a single soul... I believe _Nico_ described it best when they said, "Cry in a corner, fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth, wallowing in self-pity". Yep!

[Anatidae V]

Who was the blogger? I want to read.

[backyardfeast]

Hah! Love this.  I feel your pain!  Most of the school year, I teach.  3 hours of lecturing gets all of my extroversion out, so I can happily hermit the rest of the day.  But in my off time, if my DH didn't come home every day at 5pm, I'd go stir crazy.

My strategies: always have something new to learn lined up.  If I don't, think of something
                       definitely tv more often, radio on in the background much of the day--thank god for cbc radio 1!
                      get creative in the kitchen, clean the house
                       make regular play dates with friends (at least every other day), even if they are skype or phone dates

I heard Elizabeth Gilbert interviewed recently (on q, I'm sure there's a podcast) about her new book.  She said my new favorite thing ever: "I realized that there is a border collie in my head who needs to be entertained at all times.  Even it it's just a ball being thrown against a wall.  If I don't keep the border collie entertained, bad things happen.  Don't let the border collie get bored!" (paraphrasing)

Isn't that just the awesomest thing ever?!  Or is it just me? lol.  My takeaway from this was recognizing that it's ok sometimes to just find a way to stay OCCUPIED.  It doesn't have to be lifechanging, it just needs to be not sitting and thinking and letting myself get bored.  Cause you know what happens when a border collie gets bored...it finds things to do.  Unhealthy, melodramatic, childish things to do. :0

[mpcharles]

I work on those unaddressed mental issues where I can't be alone.

Sent from my ASUS_Z00AD using Tapatalk

[lifejoy]

Who was the blogger? I want to read.

I tried to find it, but googling did not turn up anything useful.

[Gerard]

Who was the blogger? I want to read.

I tried to find it, but googling did not turn up anything useful.

Kerry at squawkfox, maybe?
http://www.squawkfox.com/2014/06/01/depression/

[norabird]

It's so different from depression--it's very situational. 'Ah! there's a gap! I don't know how to fill it!' If there is no gap and I'm busy, I'm fine.

[pbkmaine]

I call up a friend or neighbor I want to know better and suggest we go for a walk. I invite people over for lunch, a swim, a glass of wine, or a beading session (I have a LOT of beads). I go to an exercise class (classes are included in our amenities fee). I take herbs I have pruned from my herb garden and walk around the neighborhood asking if anyone wants some. I go to the supermarket and talk to people in line. If I had just moved someplace where people were not friendly and I was lonely, I would volunteer to read to children or the elderly.  I would  also host a block party or an apartment party and invite everyone.

[lifejoy]

Who was the blogger? I want to read.

I tried to find it, but googling did not turn up anything useful.

Kerry at squawkfox, maybe?
http://www.squawkfox.com/2014/06/01/depression/

That was a cool post, but the one I read I think the author was a teacher.

[lifejoy]

I am really enjoying everyone's responses so far.

For me, I generally have lots of great social contact in my day-to-day life (I teach, which is a great activity for extroverts - lots of different people sharing ideas/knowledge, discussing issues, feeling like you have an important purpose in the world, etc...). But, while I do sometimes like to be alone,  I do end up with some unexpected/unwanted alone time throughout the week... I often work strange hours and find it difficult to see my close friends/family as much as I would like.

Strategies that work for me to deal w/ alone time when I would rather not be alone:

- listening to educational / interesting podcasts (Lifelong learning FTW!)

- CBC radio 1 - although I do sometimes get overwhelmed with their seeimng focus on "bad news" stories, so I have to use this in moderation

- Going for a walk in my neighbourhood to a local park, the library, etc... just chatting with people you meet along the way. Even just seeing other people out and about going about their business is fun for me (people watching). I also love running into neighbours and starting up conversations with them.

- At other times, I have signed up for classes (languages, art...) to both meet people and learn a new skill. Volunteering would also work here.

- Call my sister/mom/far away friends to catch up

- I also really enjoy reading memoirs of interesting people :)

Memoirs are a great idea :)

[RunHappy]

I learned how to crochet about 5 years ago and it was probably the best hobby I could have learned.  It is meditative and productive at the same time.  I love making things for friends and family.  It is something I feel I can never truly master, because just when I think I've gotten really good, I see someone else's work and say "How the HELL did they DO THAT!".

Other things I do:

- Exercise (run and cycle)

- Call friends and keep in touch

- Write

- Go hiking (usually with my SO but when I was single I did a lot of solo hiking)

- Read a book

[tooqk4u22]

Wow...Don't think I have seen a thread about extroverts. As an introvert this thread makes we want to be an extrovert so I can have a day alone to worry about ;)

Wow now I'm picturing some kind of futuristic world where we can trade personality traits ;)

I'll give you 5 hours of feeling alone in exchange for 3 hours of people time? haha!

Sold....that is a bargain. 

Really interesting--I had no idea this was a thing for extroverts.  I have a lot of friends and acquaintances and people have called me "gregarious", but I live a hermit's life most of the time and that's the way I like it.  "How do you deal with unexpected SOCIAL time?", is always sort of my nightmare.  I don't feel so weird anymore knowing it flows both ways.  :)

It absolutely does.

I can't tell you how comforting it was for me to find a blogger talking about the deep wave of darkness/depression that washes over her if she has too much unexpected alone time. I was like, WHAT?! REALLY??? And it dawned on me that I wasn't just a moody fuck, but that I really need people to be around me for x number of hours a day, haha. Fun fact!

I honestly get so incredibly drained if I'm alone for too long. I do enjoy "me" time, but if I have to spend 24 hours without talking to a single soul... I believe _Nico_ described it best when they said, "Cry in a corner, fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth, wallowing in self-pity". Yep!

This is almost the exact opposite of me....my DW is also the exact opposite of me....I think that is why it works. 

[Kaspian]

I honestly get so incredibly drained if I'm alone for too long. I do enjoy "me" time, but if I have to spend 24 hours without talking to a single soul... I believe _Nico_ described it best when they said, "Cry in a corner, fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth, wallowing in self-pity". Yep!

This is almost the exact opposite of me....my DW is also the exact opposite of me....I think that is why it works.
[/quote]

Crazy!  Even if a good friend stays over a weekend, I get pretty kooky by Sunday morning.  "When, oh when, are they gonna leave?!"  A whole evening in a room with a few hundred people?  Like a wedding?  Fuggedaboutit.  I last (and enjoy myself) for about 3 hours and then start to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West did.

[shelivesthedream]

Reading this thread is... weird. The idea of not enjoying time alone is totally alien to me. I do start to get a bit down if I see absolutely nobody for a week but either see a good friend once or popping out to the sensory hell that is the supermarket a few times will top me up for a few days. I spent four hours last night in a room with forty chattering teenagers and five adults and I came home with my ears ringing and muscles twitching from the stress of it all.

Alone time is great! It's the only time I can actually do all the things I want/need to do, from chores to settling down with a book. It's the only time I can concentrate on anything.

[wenchsenior]

Reading this thread is... weird. The idea of not enjoying time alone is totally alien to me. I do start to get a bit down if I see absolutely nobody for a week but either see a good friend once or popping out to the sensory hell that is the supermarket a few times will top me up for a few days. I spent four hours last night in a room with forty chattering teenagers and five adults and I came home with my ears ringing and muscles twitching from the stress of it all.

Alone time is great! It's the only time I can actually do all the things I want/need to do, from chores to settling down with a book. It's the only time I can concentrate on anything.

Heh. Yes, the idea of random people roaming the neighborhood or going shopping to strike up a conversation with strangers (i.e., potentially me LOL) makes me want to hide in bed with covers over my head. Extroverts and introverts: It really truly is hard to understand each other.

[Cookie78]

I honestly get so incredibly drained if I'm alone for too long. I do enjoy "me" time, but if I have to spend 24 hours without talking to a single soul... I believe _Nico_ described it best when they said, "Cry in a corner, fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth, wallowing in self-pity". Yep!

This is almost the exact opposite of me....my DW is also the exact opposite of me....I think that is why it works.


Crazy!  Even if a good friend stays over a weekend, I get pretty kooky by Sunday morning.  "When, oh when, are they gonna leave?!"  A whole evening in a room with a few hundred people?  Like a wedding?  Fuggedaboutit.  I last (and enjoy myself) for about 3 hours and then start to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West did.

I'm in the unlucky (or lucky) situation that I feel BOTH of those things. If I'm alone too long I get buggy/moody/sad. But I also start to bug out in large crowds of people within a couple hours, and need some alone time even if a couple friends are around for a few days.

As for the OP. Call me. We can go for a walk. I could use a mustachian buddy to chat with

[KMMK]

I honestly get so incredibly drained if I'm alone for too long. I do enjoy "me" time, but if I have to spend 24 hours without talking to a single soul... I believe _Nico_ described it best when they said, "Cry in a corner, fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth, wallowing in self-pity". Yep!

This is almost the exact opposite of me....my DW is also the exact opposite of me....I think that is why it works.


Crazy!  Even if a good friend stays over a weekend, I get pretty kooky by Sunday morning.  "When, oh when, are they gonna leave?!"  A whole evening in a room with a few hundred people?  Like a wedding?  Fuggedaboutit.  I last (and enjoy myself) for about 3 hours and then start to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West did.

I'm in the unlucky (or lucky) situation that I feel BOTH of those things. If I'm alone too long I get buggy/moody/sad. But I also start to bug out in large crowds of people within a couple hours, and need some alone time even if a couple friends are around for a few days.

As for the OP. Call me. We can go for a walk. I could use a mustachian buddy to chat with

So true. I consider myself generally introverted, but I like community and can definitely feel like I have too much alone time. I need a balance of both.

[Chranstronaut]

I just have to get out into public and do anything.  Simple options that I like:
--"slow" grocery shopping (chat with people in line, in-depth price compare, look carefully over manager's special item)
--read/draw/knit... at the library!  I enjoy just sitting quietly around other people when I'm feeling lonely (and I think librarians are great to chat with *wink*)
--Pack a picnic for myself and go people watch at the park in good weather (go to a cafe if your budget allows in the winter)

A new one I want to try: card shopping!  I always forget to get people cards in time to mail them, so I want to select future cards and keep a mini stockpile at home.  I can buy all my cards a few times a year and this allows me more time to select "the right one" when I'm not in a rush at the grocery store.  This is also healthier than buying a soda and sitting in McDonald's which is what I've done in the past when I need to kill time in public.

[Apocalyptica602]

I'm an introvert, but I think I have something that I can add of value.

I play lots of online games over voice chat with multiple friends. So whereas I might not *see* someone for a few days (e.g. when I was off from work, having a staycation before my wife moved in etc) I'm still being extremely social, talking, laughing, etc, for hours.

For you, if video games aren't your thing, this might take the form of picking up the phone and 'catching up' with a friend you haven't spoken to lately.

[Faraday]

I just have to get out into public and do anything.  Simple options that I like:
--"slow" grocery shopping (chat with people in line, in-depth price compare, look carefully over manager's special item)
--read/draw/knit... at the library!  I enjoy just sitting quietly around other people when I'm feeling lonely (and I think librarians are great to chat with *wink*)
--Pack a picnic for myself and go people watch at the park in good weather (go to a cafe if your budget allows in the winter)

A new one I want to try: card shopping!  I always forget to get people cards in time to mail them, so I want to select future cards and keep a mini stockpile at home.  I can buy all my cards a few times a year and this allows me more time to select "the right one" when I'm not in a rush at the grocery store.  This is also healthier than buying a soda and sitting in McDonald's which is what I've done in the past when I need to kill time in public.

Work is, unfortunately, my main hub for social interaction. Makes that kind of interaction sorta hollow, since I can't involve DW in it. That's one of the things I'm looking forward to in FIRE, being able to socialize and included DW.

The places I will go outside of work to socialize include:
- Breweries, especially if beer happens to be free or someone else is buying.
- Bike shops. (My favorite of all.)
- Homebrew store.
- Biking itself will many times put me in proximity and conversation distance of other bicyclists.

Just to be clear, I buy something at these places only when needed and never "just because". 

[lifejoy]

I just have to get out into public and do anything.  Simple options that I like:
--"slow" grocery shopping (chat with people in line, in-depth price compare, look carefully over manager's special item)
--read/draw/knit... at the library!  I enjoy just sitting quietly around other people when I'm feeling lonely (and I think librarians are great to chat with *wink*)
--Pack a picnic for myself and go people watch at the park in good weather (go to a cafe if your budget allows in the winter)

A new one I want to try: card shopping!  I always forget to get people cards in time to mail them, so I want to select future cards and keep a mini stockpile at home.  I can buy all my cards a few times a year and this allows me more time to select "the right one" when I'm not in a rush at the grocery store.  This is also healthier than buying a soda and sitting in McDonald's which is what I've done in the past when I need to kill time in public.

I really like the buying cards idea :)

[mrpercentage]

UBER Driving. I do it occasionally for a little extra money to save/invest/pay off the rest of my car. People chat my ear off though. Its like a 15 minute random social machine. The markets were mentioned and a business guy was surprised how much I knew. I knew a few major corporations headquartered in the city he was traveling on a business trip. I never mention religion or politics while making cash. General rule.

[Peony]

Following for all the great suggestions.

I still can't quite figure out whether I'm an extrovert or introvert, but I definitely struggle with my alone time if I don't know exactly when it will end. If I know I will be seeing people at a certain time, I enjoy it immensely.

This has sometimes been a significant problem for me because of some abandonment PTSD related to early childhood events (at a certain point, panic sets in). I have only just begun really working on this and I appreciate seeing that others need strategies, too.

[norabird]

Peony, I agree, knowing that being alone can be hard for others makes it feel like I'm less of a failure/non functioning human. Side note, have you thought about EMDR for the panic?