Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?

[Cassie]

Every birth is different and you don't know how you will feel afterwards either. I had 3 kids and the first I felt ok, the 2nd one I went into shock and felt lousy for 2 weeks and the 3rd I was up and ready to do anything quickly.  It is your body and your baby and I would not be hurt if my DIL didn't want me to come to the hospital if she had a baby. It really is about respect and they are not respecting you but acting like spoiled children that want to get their way. Sorry you are going thru this.

[purple monkey]

[/quote]
 It used to be that it was just the woman and men waited in the waiting room, just like any other medical procedure.  This changed because having a support person made for better medical outcomes (for child and mother).
You need to focus on what is best for you because that is what is best for your child.  What happens after that matters a lot less than your child's wellbeing.  Please do what is right for you (basically what reduces stress for you). 
The idea that you should compromise here is medically bad.
[/quote]

Birth used to NOT be a medical procedure and only has been in the last two generations due to money needing to be made and doctor's control.  Might ask all women how their hospital birth went as a question.  There will be less control with a hospital birth than any other experience of your life.  Almost all the folks helping you in the hospital will be strangers and will treat you as such.

Forgot original question:

Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?

Yes, all were invited.  It was a relief to have people there who loved me and my baby.

[Kitsune]

Erm... if you're pregnant and sensitive to Bad Things Happening With Pregnancy, maybe skip this post, yeah?

Birth used to NOT be a medical procedure and only has been in the last two generations due to money needing to be made and doctor's control. 

... Yeah. most of the time birth isn't a medical experience, and a lot of women and babies do GREAT having a non-medical experience.

But for those who don't do great, or don't do great really fast, then having access to birth as a medical procedure can be life-saving. Literally. Look: my ex-girlfriend had an unexpected rushed c-section last week: umbilical cord prolapse. They are both, thankfully, doing fine, but GOD am I glad they were in the hospital when it happened.

Historically, various sources pin a mother's chance of dying at 1-2% WITH EACH BIRTH (and at 10-15 kids, erm... that's more risk than I'd take), and infant and childhood mortality at about 20%, depending on the community and era (20% is about standard with my knowledge of mid-1800s America and Canada, thank you history minor). We can agree that specific interventions are MAYBE used to a possibly negative degree overall, but let's not discredit the medical establishment as a whole on this, yeah?

Look: my great-grandmother lived in the 'pre-medical-birth' era, right? She survived, sure. 22 pregnancies. 18 live births. Of the 18 babies, 10 lived to adulthood. Those are shitty odds, you guys. Yay medicine! Yay vaccines (4 of those kids died in 1 night during the spanish flu)! Yay having more than 50% of your children survive to adulthood!

And, more specifically to the point of the OP: giving birth is a super-personal experience. Let's give the OP the tools and advice she needs to have the best and most positive experience she can, hmm?

[Letj]

Thank you for the clarification.  I think I understand that you really want to control the situation.
On the flip side, this is their grand child.  Is there not any gray area?
These descriptions seem so black and white.
I do not know anyone that would not allow a grandparent (even when they are somewhat estranged) to not come for the birth.
Yes, I know folks will respond that they do.
You obviously have lots of differences with in laws.  Alienating them regarding the birth will only make it worse, IMO.
...
Hope all goes as well as it can.
It is tough to have relatives that are different from you.

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone's feedback is appreciated. You are right that I do want to control the situation - I think that is a big part of how I am mentally/emotionally preparing for something that on the whole I'll have no control over (labor/delivery I mean). I want to at least know that people understand my wishes on this issue.

I don't think I'm making this black/white - I've said many times that I understand they will be bursting with excitement, really want to see their son as a husband and meet the baby, and that they have expectations that are a product of their experiences, culture and world views. I'm doing my best to be understanding of that and to compromise.

You say you don't know anyone who would not let the grandparents visit in the hospital; I know many people who have asked for privacy in that time. It's not about not wanting them personally there (although I recognize I might be more willing to accommodate/acquiese, depending on whether the birth goes OK and I'm feeing up to it, if they were people I found less stressful and got on really well with) - I've asked the same of my own parents, who I'm much closer to.

But you are right to remind me to do my best not to alienate anyone. One factor that goes into that is making sure that *I'm* in a good place vis. physical recovery + emotional wellbeing before their first visit. I can just as easily see my accommodating them leading to resentment and/or me being unreasonable/ungracious while they're here out of that resentment.

So it's a tricky balance. But I appreciate everyone's thoughts and well wishes, and I think after chatting things through with DH we are on the same page and have a good game plan moving forward. Other things we talked about: establishing ground rules, me having a heart to heart with my MIL sometime in the spring about to what extent we will/won't want help and that we'd like to ask for it rather than having it constantly offered [which to me feels like nagging/fussing/indictment of my abilities - YMMV!] and respecting our wishes about privacy.

You seem  to be pathologizing the whole birthing experience. Assuming you are a healthy woman who plans on giving birth the normal way (and yes I know something can go wrong but most often nothing goes wrong), you will be up and about in no time especially if you do not have an epidural. Kate Middleton gave birth and was up and about and on her way home in 10 hours as I was. Breast feeding is nothing to be ashamed of. I breast fed both children for 12 months and I whipped out my breast where ever and whenever my children needed feeding including in front of visitors who came to my home to see the baby. Just relax and go with the flow. Let your ILs come and see the baby and stick around if you think you need some help. They being around would not keep you from bonding with your baby. Involving the family is what most people do around the world and how humans have been for thousands of years. It's only in modern society that people spurn the help of friends and family. Totally baffles me.

[purple monkey]

Erm... if you're pregnant and sensitive to Bad Things Happening With Pregnancy, maybe skip this post, yeah?

Birth used to NOT be a medical procedure and only has been in the last two generations due to money needing to be made and doctor's control. 

And, more specifically to the point of the OP: giving birth is a super-personal experience. Let's give the OP the tools and advice she needs to have the best and most positive experience she can, hmm?

Thank you Kitsune.

That is a great idea.

Here is a tool:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvljyvU_ZGE

[Letj]

P.S. I am an introvert/private/independent, too, and I just wanted to warn you: parents-in-law notwithstanding, you will not have much privacy during your time in the hospital. Nurses, residents, housekeepers, food deliverers, more nurses, supervising doctors, medical students, you name it, all will be entering your room early and often to do some or all of the following (list is incomplete):

* check your blood pressure
* check your uterus to make sure it's shrinking
* check on how much you have peed since the birth
* coach you on breastfeeding
* take the baby's blood for genetic testing (dependent on your state)
* take the baby's footprint for security purposes
* put a baby lojack on you and the baby for security purposes
* bring the birth certificate paperwork
* give you the bill
* assess your post-partum mental health
* bring you a bag of free diapers from a giant corporation
* take the baby to the nursery for a general assessment
* take the baby to the nursery in the middle of the night for a hearing test
* bring you breakfast/lunch/dinner
* check your nether regions to see how any tears or stitches are healing
* have you fill out a survey about how the medical staff served your family's needs
* take a photo of you and the baby doing skin-to-skin to showcase the hospital's commitment to baby-friendly policies

ETC

{good luck and enjoy--first babies are really a wonderful thing!}

Great list and don't forget unless you have a private room you will be sharing a room. You neighbor could have numerous visitors and a baby that cries all night while you're trying to get some sleep. If she wants to keep the baby with her, there's not much you can do so you may not get a wink.

[Letj]

I disagree with almost all the advice you were given so far. Birth is a normal process and it rarely goes wrong even in the case of a C Section. I was happy to have my mother come to the house to help out and to be with us after the birth of my children (that's how we do it in my family) even though my husband is a hands on husband who changed more diapers than I did.To be quite honest, it seems downright selfish and mean to bar your parents or ILs from seeing the grand child right after birth. After all, they too will be excited and eager to meet the baby. It's what people do when a new baby is born. I can understand that you may not want to have visitors until a few weeks after the birth but parents, close friends and siblings should be an exception. After all, their role is to help you through the new baby stage not cause you distress and new parents should not hesitate to put them to work. That is exactly what family is for. I think you are being a wee bit too uptight. Could it be a cultural thing? Do you handle this differently in Australia?

[Cookie78]

I disagree with almost all the advice you were given so far. Birth is a normal process and it rarely goes wrong even in the case of a C Section. I was happy to have my mother come to the house to help out and to be with us after the birth of my children (that's how we do it in my family) even though my husband is a hands on husband who changed more diapers than I did.To be quite honest, it seems downright selfish and mean to bar your parents or ILs from seeing the grand child right after birth. After all, they too will be excited and eager to meet the baby. It's what people do when a new baby is born. I can understand that you may not want to have visitors until a few weeks after the birth but parents, close friends and siblings should be an exception. After all, their role is to help you through the new baby stage not cause you distress and new parents should not hesitate to put them to work. That is exactly what family is for. I think you are being a wee bit too uptight. Could it be a cultural thing? Do you handle this differently in Australia?

Sure, in a perfect world... But in this case it sounds like the in-laws ALREADY cause distress. Doesn't that factor in at all?

[Letj]

I disagree with almost all the advice you were given so far. Birth is a normal process and it rarely goes wrong even in the case of a C Section. I was happy to have my mother come to the house to help out and to be with us after the birth of my children (that's how we do it in my family) even though my husband is a hands on husband who changed more diapers than I did.To be quite honest, it seems downright selfish and mean to bar your parents or ILs from seeing the grand child right after birth. After all, they too will be excited and eager to meet the baby. It's what people do when a new baby is born. I can understand that you may not want to have visitors until a few weeks after the birth but parents, close friends and siblings should be an exception. After all, their role is to help you through the new baby stage not cause you distress and new parents should not hesitate to put them to work. That is exactly what family is for. I think you are being a wee bit too uptight. Could it be a cultural thing? Do you handle this differently in Australia?

Sure, in a perfect world... But in this case it sounds like the in-laws ALREADY cause distress. Doesn't that factor in at all?

Other than her expressing feeling distress around them, she did not specify what they did to cause such disrespect. She comes across as standoffish who does not care much for family or extended family. From how she portrays her ILs, they sound like old fashion well meaning people. I think she can cut them some slack; no one is perfect and sometimes for the sake of good relations and harmony, you have to put up with the quirks of your family and friends which she seems unwilling to do. I am sorry if I come across as unsympathetic but I can't understand someone, even an introvert, wanting to deny grand parents the chance to see their 2nd grand child soon after birth and her husband agreeing to go along with that is just puzzling. Her husband might be afraid of upsetting her.  I am sorry but family closeness and harmony is a big priority of mine; the more the merrier.

[rockstache]

I disagree with almost all the advice you were given so far. Birth is a normal process and it rarely goes wrong even in the case of a C Section. I was happy to have my mother come to the house to help out and to be with us after the birth of my children (that's how we do it in my family) even though my husband is a hands on husband who changed more diapers than I did.To be quite honest, it seems downright selfish and mean to bar your parents or ILs from seeing the grand child right after birth. After all, they too will be excited and eager to meet the baby. It's what people do when a new baby is born. I can understand that you may not want to have visitors until a few weeks after the birth but parents, close friends and siblings should be an exception. After all, their role is to help you through the new baby stage not cause you distress and new parents should not hesitate to put them to work. That is exactly what family is for. I think you are being a wee bit too uptight. Could it be a cultural thing? Do you handle this differently in Australia?

Sure, in a perfect world... But in this case it sounds like the in-laws ALREADY cause distress. Doesn't that factor in at all?

Other than her expressing feeling distress around them, she did not specify what they did to cause such disrespect. She comes across as standoffish who does not care much for family or extended family. From how she portrays her ILs, they sound like old fashion well meaning people. I think she can cut them some slack; no one is perfect and sometimes for the sake of good relations and harmony, you have to put up with the quirks of your family and friends which she seems unwilling to do. I am sorry if I come across as unsympathetic but I can't understand someone, even an introvert, wanting to deny grand parents the chance to see their 2nd grand child soon after birth and her husband agreeing to go along with that is just puzzling. Her husband might be afraid of upsetting her.  I am sorry but family closeness and harmony is a big priority of mine; the more the merrier.

Super cool if it works for you. Sounds like my nightmare. Family closeness and harmony are priorities of your presumably because you have a great family, which is awesome. Not everyone is so lucky and you sound kind of unsympathetic. Some families are just not that way.

It's true that privacy is a lot to ask for in the hospital. However, being interrupted and woken up by medical staff is not the same as random relatives. I'll see you when I'm home and fully dressed thanks.

[Letj]

I just want to say one more thing and I think I am done with this topic. To the posters encouraging the OP to "do what she thinks is best for her", have you considered that if the grand parents are barred from seeing the baby for weeks or months that she can irreparably harm her relationship with them? Is that desirable? Grand parents aren't going to be here forever and I am sure as hell glad that my children are cherished grand kids who love their grand parents. Sometimes a shift in perspective to more an attitude of acceptance can make a world of a difference in one's perception. If the OP is a bit more open and accepting of her ILs, she is likely to feel a lot less distress. My parents are old fashion and don't always see the world the way my husband and I see it but my husband accepts them and they have the best relationship. Sometimes I think he is more loved than me and my siblings - lol. My opinion may not be popular in a society where most people are focused just on their desires and wants but I do know from experience that compromise is best when it comes to family. After all, the ILs are telling all their friends about the soon to be new grand child. When the ILs friends ask them about the new baby, they will be totally embarrassed to say they haven't see the baby yet meanwhile a month has passed since the birth of the baby.

[Flyingkea]

I disagree with almost all the advice you were given so far. Birth is a normal process and it rarely goes wrong even in the case of a C Section. I was happy to have my mother come to the house to help out and to be with us after the birth of my children (that's how we do it in my family) even though my husband is a hands on husband who changed more diapers than I did.To be quite honest, it seems downright selfish and mean to bar your parents or ILs from seeing the grand child right after birth. After all, they too will be excited and eager to meet the baby. It's what people do when a new baby is born. I can understand that you may not want to have visitors until a few weeks after the birth but parents, close friends and siblings should be an exception. After all, their role is to help you through the new baby stage not cause you distress and new parents should not hesitate to put them to work. That is exactly what family is for. I think you are being a wee bit too uptight. Could it be a cultural thing? Do you handle this differently in Australia?

Sure, in a perfect world... But in this case it sounds like the in-laws ALREADY cause distress. Doesn't that factor in at all?

Other than her expressing feeling distress around them, she did not specify what they did to cause such disrespect. She comes across as standoffish who does not care much for family or extended family. From how she portrays her ILs, they sound like old fashion well meaning people. I think she can cut them some slack; no one is perfect and sometimes for the sake of good relations and harmony, you have to put up with the quirks of your family and friends which she seems unwilling to do. I am sorry if I come across as unsympathetic but I can't understand someone, even an introvert, wanting to deny grand parents the chance to see their 2nd grand child soon after birth and her husband agreeing to go along with that is just puzzling. Her husband might be afraid of upsetting her.  I am sorry but family closeness and harmony is a big priority of mine; the more the merrier.

She does mention a few things that she does.
Also, no one is proposing that she not allow the inlaws to see the baby, but advice is being given on setting boundaries, so that inlaws can see baby when she is ready for visitors.

Getting them to wait a week might be the difference in maintaining a reasonable relationship and thus, family harmony and having everything go south. We don't know these people, so it could well be the OP is over reacting, or, just as likely, the inlaws could drive her up the wall, being judgemental, interfering, or a burden. And not every birth is the same, I had a healthy pregnancy, but haemorrhaged so I wasn't allowed out of hospital for a extra few days, and then when the inlaws visited us, they were loose cannons! Very memorable incident of the FIL trying to drill a wall, while baby was asleep on the other side.

[LeRainDrop]

I just want to say one more thing and I think I am done with this topic. To the posters encouraging the OP to "do what she thinks is best for her", have you considered that if the grand parents are barred from seeing the baby for weeks or months that she can irreparably harm her relationship with them? . . . When the ILs friends ask them about the new baby, they will be totally embarrassed to say they haven't see the baby yet meanwhile a month has passed since the birth of the baby.

No, I haven't considered that because she has already offered them to visit one week after the baby's birth.  Hence, "weeks or months" is not even on the table.

[MerryMcQ]

Regardless of what is traditional/not-traditional, maybe think about it from a different point of view.

I didn't want *anyone* to even visit when I had my first child. I didn't even want them to know until after the baby was born. I didn't want people to see me in a hospital gown, to be there when I was all sore and swollen and bleeding and trying to figure out how the heck to breastfeed. But folks did visit (after she was born; after many arguments, my DH agreed to only inform family/friends AFTER the baby was born, not when we left for hospital), and it was pretty amazing to watch the faces of our family members as they fell in love with my little baby girl. I don't think I've seen anything quite as beautiful as the look on the grandparents' faces as they gazed into her eyes. It was magical. There were people in the world who would run into a burning building to save my little girl, who said she had the most beautiful blue eyes, who were just as enthralled by her as I was...

Visits were (by request) short. Nurses were informed that I wanted privacy, and asked visitors to step out of the room anytime they came to do ANY medical thing. Any good nurse will respect you like that.

As a mother of a teenager now, I am thinking ahead a bit. Someday I'll be a grandmother. And getting to meet the child of my child? OMG. I will respect my child's decision to have the labor and birth be a private event. But please, don't deny me that moment to fall in love with my grandbaby. Even if I just stand in the hallway and meet him or her, get to smell that new-baby smell, kiss that down-covered head, marvel over the perfect little fingers...

You want the birth and recovery to be private. That's your right. But can you find it in your heart to allow them those few precious moments? Set ground rules ahead of time (and tell your DH AND the nurses they are absolutely responsible for respecting them). No visitors in the room. Period. No calling during labor; call/text after baby is born. DH will bring baby to meet Grandparents in nursery (you know, many hospitals have something set up just for that purpose). Grands are welcome to visit at home (for x-amount of time) but will NOT be staying overnight. Etc.

Someday, your little baby will be having his or her own baby. Can you imagine how sad it would be to have to wait weeks and weeks to meet that little child?

[Lski'stash]

Michigander here... I do feel like it is a very normal thing to visit someone in the hospital after they've had a kid. I've visited close friends in the hospital after they have had babies, and a couple family members. I also live very close to all of them though. They were all in the hospital for at least a couple of days though. It would probably be 'out of the norm' to ask for no visitors around here, but I don't think it's unheard of.

Given your circumstances, it's definitely not an unreasonable request. I guess, maybe you could say no initially, but then just keep the option in the back of your head in case you might change your mind and want a few visitors? Then again, sounds like I wouldn't have to be second guessing if I had you in-laws...their super conservativeness is more common in this area than you'd think.

[Jakejake]

Someday, your little baby will be having his or her own baby. Can you imagine how sad it would be to have to wait weeks and weeks to meet that little child?

I'm in that position right now. My daughter gave birth to her first child (my first grandchild) a couple weeks ago, and I'm going to visit next weekend (staying in a hotel). It's fine! It's not like I'm going to love the kid less because I meet him Feb 12 instead of Jan 25. What I told her when she was pregnant was that I don't want to impose, and when she's ready, invite me out - and I will appear. It didn't occur to me to feel sad -  she has a husband who seems like a good fit for her, she seems ready for this, her boy is healthy and I think they will be great parents!

I also told her when we are visiting next weekend, let us know when she needs down time and we will disappear back to the hotel and maybe meet up with another relative in the area if we have to fill some time.

[cats]

I disagree with almost all the advice you were given so far. Birth is a normal process and it rarely goes wrong even in the case of a C Section. I was happy to have my mother come to the house to help out and to be with us after the birth of my children (that's how we do it in my family) even though my husband is a hands on husband who changed more diapers than I did.To be quite honest, it seems downright selfish and mean to bar your parents or ILs from seeing the grand child right after birth. After all, they too will be excited and eager to meet the baby. It's what people do when a new baby is born. I can understand that you may not want to have visitors until a few weeks after the birth but parents, close friends and siblings should be an exception. After all, their role is to help you through the new baby stage not cause you distress and new parents should not hesitate to put them to work. That is exactly what family is for. I think you are being a wee bit too uptight. Could it be a cultural thing? Do you handle this differently in Australia?

I think it varies a lot and frankly, unless the mother is trying to bar the parents/inlaws from seeing the baby EVER, it doesn't seem that crazy not to have family at the hospital.  Of my friends who have given birth recently, I don't think ANY had parents *at* the hospital. When we recently went for our hospital tour, the woman leading the tour told us "we really encourage people not to have very many visitors, and really, it's best if they wait for you to go home and then visit you there, so they can bring you food and do some housework!".  The thing that really decided me in favor of discouraging my parents from coming to the birth or the very immediate aftermath was when one friend who normally has a fantastic relationship with her mom told me she really regretted not making her mom wait a week or two for a visit, because she felt she and her husband had really missed out on early bonding/alone time with the family. 

To the OP, is there any way you can not commit one way or the other now and instead tell the ILs something like "you know, we haven't done this before and we really aren't sure we'll be up for having visitors at the hospital, but you will be the first to know if we decide that we are".  At the hospital where we're giving birth, a 24-48 hour stay post-birth is pretty standard, so a visitor could conceivably start a 7 hour drive several hours after you have given birth and still show up well before you are discharged from the hospital.  Meaning that you could definitely wait until after the birth to decide whether or not guests were a good idea.  And I have to say, I have personally heard stories from across the spectrum. It seems like it's a complete toss-up as to whether or not you will feel the same way about people after the birth as you did before the birth, so the more flexibility you can leave yourselves, the better. 

We're having our first in a month and if you had asked me six months ago whether I would have considered having my parents out for the birth I would have said "no, no way in hell, they love to give advice, they don't know when to shut up, and my dad has no sense of when to put his f***ing camera away".  But, they've actually been pretty chill throughout the pregnancy (aside from grumbling about how expensive hotels are in our area, but even that has died down since my dad actually took a look at AirBnB last weekend), and I've noticed as the birth gets closer I'm just not as concerned about what they're going to do/say/think.  So if they were to bring up coming out for the birth now, I think my response would be more along the lines of "sure, whatever, just keep the camera away from my vagina, deal?" 

[gaja]

My mother was travelling during the birth of the first child, and didn't see her until she was a week old. She was in the delivery room when the second was born. Do they have different bonde? Yes, since they are different people. Do they have less of a bond? No. Of course not. The years they have spent together after birth are much more important than the first week.

[shelivesthedream]

WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK?!?! Are you KIDDING?!?! No WAY would anyone who is not my husband or a hospital employee see me during or for at least two days after the birth. Your in laws want to come and pressure you and stress you out during an already stressful time just so they can meet the baby a whole week earlier? NO. JUST NO. What, they think the baby will be so different at a week old?

I'm glad you talked with your husband about general grossness and exhaustion surrounding birth and he was sympathetic. But I think you need to set a rule with HIM about what news is allowed, otherwise he'll be texting hourly updates to the whole family. I'd even go so far as to say nothing until after the baby is born, just in case MIL goes crazy and hops in the car even though you told her not to.

I get that it's a grandchild and cute baby and stuff, but it's more important that it's YOUR CHILD. YOU get to decide everything. Set that rule now or regret it forever. I especially can't believe that it's your in laws asking to see you all gross and tired post-birth while your parents are being completely respectful and reasonable.

NO, it is NOT obligatory for grandparents to visit at the hospital. They can hold off until you're ready. How will you feel if they do turn up? I would probably yell at them, thereby ruining our relationship, whereas a nice managed meeting a week after the birth would be pleasant all round.

JUST SAY NO.

[ender]

Other than her expressing feeling distress around them, she did not specify what they did to cause such disrespect. She comes across as standoffish who does not care much for family or extended family. From how she portrays her ILs, they sound like old fashion well meaning people. I think she can cut them some slack; no one is perfect and sometimes for the sake of good relations and harmony, you have to put up with the quirks of your family and friends which she seems unwilling to do. I am sorry if I come across as unsympathetic but I can't understand someone, even an introvert, wanting to deny grand parents the chance to see their 2nd grand child soon after birth and her husband agreeing to go along with that is just puzzling. Her husband might be afraid of upsetting her.  I am sorry but family closeness and harmony is a big priority of mine; the more the merrier.

Did you even read this topic?

There is a huge difference between normal family interactions and super overbearing family who irritate you and cause you stress/frustrations even on a normal basis showing up at one of the most stressful points in your entire life, asking them to wait a few days instead of a few minutes to see their grandkid. Boundaries are important. You did read that for her SIL her parents stayed with here for two full months starting immediately after their baby was born? Where people set boundaries depends greatly on who they are and the interactions they have with the inlaws.

[justajane]

Obviously everyone has very different experiences here. All three times, our families (brothers, sisters, MILs, FILs, steps, etc.) came to see me multiple times during labor (preferably AFTER I had the epidural). One close friend came before I had it. We just stopped talking while I was having a contraction. I guess I just think of it as a family and friends event. I'm not saying you should. Just trying to provide an alternate perspective.

 It was nice to know that everyone was waiting for the news in the waiting room. No one saw any part of my body I didn't want them to see. In other words, it was only nurses, the doctor and my husband in there during actual delivery. About an hour later, after I nursed for a bit and the baby was clean and all the after birth stuff with the OB was done, they came back in. They stayed for a bit and then left when they started to prepare me to move to my room.

I think my husband loved the process all three times of going into the waiting room and telling them the baby was born and what his name was (we have three boys). That was his part of the process, and it was very meaningful to him and to me. I love the pictures of all the grandparents holding the baby in the hospital a mere hour or so after he was born. It's so special to me.

I have more problems with family sleeping in the house when I get home than I do having them stop by the hospital to ooh and aww over the baby.

But this is a very personal decision.

[charis]

Although would be unheard of in my circle to bar the grandparents from the hospital after the birth, I assume it happens sometimes.  I guess I am confused about what time of visit you are imagining that would be so uncomfortable.  In my case, both sets of grandparents live 10-15 min away from hospital.  We called them after the baby was born, 30 to 40 min later, after baby was weighed, etc and we had been moved to the recovery room.  The gparents arrived 45-50 min later, after I had attempted a feeding and changed into some comfortable clothes.   I didn't even get out of bed.  They all held the baby, chatted for ~15 min and left.   The baby will sleep most of the first day, and you can gently remind any lingering visitors that you need to sleep too. (No one has to see you in a gown or be in the room when baby's nursing). Unless you are worried about a fight breaking out, I can almost guarantee that, in hindsight, you will later wonder why you were worried about this, if you even remember.  FWIW, I had two births, one with an epidural, one without, and was able to walk almost immediately after both.

[shelivesthedream]

Although would be unheard of in my circle to bar the grandparents from the hospital after the birth, I assume it happens sometimes.  I guess I am confused about what time of visit you are imagining that would be so uncomfortable.  In my case, both sets of grandparents live 10-15 min away from hospital.  We called them after the baby was born, 30 to 40 min later, after baby was weighed, etc and we had been moved to the recovery room.  The gparents arrived 45-50 min later, after I had attempted a feeding and changed into some comfortable clothes.   I didn't even get out of bed.  They all held the baby, chatted for ~15 min and left.   The baby will sleep most of the first day, and you can gently remind any lingering visitors that you need to sleep too. (No one has to see you in a gown or be in the room when baby's nursing). Unless you are worried about a fight breaking out, I can almost guarantee that, in hindsight, you will later wonder why you were worried about this, if you even remember.  FWIW, I had two births, one with an epidural, one without, and was able to walk almost immediately after both.

I would be amazed if the in-laws the OP has described would leave after fifteen minutes. They live seven hours away and seem to need to feel overly involved with everything.

[charis]

Although would be unheard of in my circle to bar the grandparents from the hospital after the birth, I assume it happens sometimes.  I guess I am confused about what time of visit you are imagining that would be so uncomfortable.  In my case, both sets of grandparents live 10-15 min away from hospital.  We called them after the baby was born, 30 to 40 min later, after baby was weighed, etc and we had been moved to the recovery room.  The gparents arrived 45-50 min later, after I had attempted a feeding and changed into some comfortable clothes.   I didn't even get out of bed.  They all held the baby, chatted for ~15 min and left.   The baby will sleep most of the first day, and you can gently remind any lingering visitors that you need to sleep too. (No one has to see you in a gown or be in the room when baby's nursing). Unless you are worried about a fight breaking out, I can almost guarantee that, in hindsight, you will later wonder why you were worried about this, if you even remember.  FWIW, I had two births, one with an epidural, one without, and was able to walk almost immediately after both.

I would be amazed if the in-laws the OP has described would leave after fifteen minutes. They live seven hours away and seem to need to feel overly involved with everything.

In that case, the husband will escort them out so Wife and baby "can sleep."  Need more, mention it to the nurse and she will tell them to leave, no muss.  It's a hospital, not a coffee shop, people can't just hang out as long as they want.

ETA: If they complain about having no where to go, hand them the house key, ask them to pick up some diapers on the way, and return at dinner/breakfast time with some take out/muffins & coffee from your favorite place.  They are adults, they can handle this.

[charis]

Although would be unheard of in my circle to bar the grandparents from the hospital after the birth, I assume it happens sometimes.  I guess I am confused about what time of visit you are imagining that would be so uncomfortable.  In my case, both sets of grandparents live 10-15 min away from hospital.  We called them after the baby was born, 30 to 40 min later, after baby was weighed, etc and we had been moved to the recovery room.  The gparents arrived 45-50 min later, after I had attempted a feeding and changed into some comfortable clothes.   I didn't even get out of bed.  They all held the baby, chatted for ~15 min and left.   The baby will sleep most of the first day, and you can gently remind any lingering visitors that you need to sleep too. (No one has to see you in a gown or be in the room when baby's nursing). Unless you are worried about a fight breaking out, I can almost guarantee that, in hindsight, you will later wonder why you were worried about this, if you even remember.  FWIW, I had two births, one with an epidural, one without, and was able to walk almost immediately after both.

The thing I am imagining that will be uncomfortable is (1) they don't live 15 minutes away. If they did, I would say "let's play it by ear, and even if I'm not up for visitors, you can probably come and meet the baby briefly". They live 7 hours away and will insist on staying with us for multiple nights. I want privacy when I bring the baby home, and physically recover. (2) We don't get on very well, and I find them very hard work emotionally [for various reasons that I've hinted at, but I haven't given you all the full story and don't intend to - suffice to say, no, it's not entirely their fault, but yes, it's very, very difficult sometimes].

FWIW, DH is as concerned about these issues as I am - he also has difficulties with his parents and finds them overbearing and fussy and hard work. Someone else mentioned "you can just send them out for coffee." Do not underestimate how dependent his parents are on us when they are outside the comfort zone of their small town.

Can you give them two options that you are comfortable with and let them choose?  Such as: 1) they can visit the hospital after the birth, but they have to stay in a hotel when they are in town, or 2) they can stay with you for X nights one or two weeks after you get home from the hospital.   If it were me, I would call them after the baby is born (that gives you almost a day before they arrive), have them stay over one night (the house or a hotel), and plan a lengthier visit 3-4 weeks later.

Have they already insisted on staying at your house when the baby is born?  Or are you presupposing what they will do?  Don't borrow trouble, give them two clearly reasonable options and if they refuse either, that is on them, not you.

[Gin1984]

Other than her expressing feeling distress around them, she did not specify what they did to cause such disrespect. She comes across as standoffish who does not care much for family or extended family. From how she portrays her ILs, they sound like old fashion well meaning people. I think she can cut them some slack; no one is perfect and sometimes for the sake of good relations and harmony, you have to put up with the quirks of your family and friends which she seems unwilling to do. I am sorry if I come across as unsympathetic but I can't understand someone, even an introvert, wanting to deny grand parents the chance to see their 2nd grand child soon after birth and her husband agreeing to go along with that is just puzzling. Her husband might be afraid of upsetting her.  I am sorry but family closeness and harmony is a big priority of mine; the more the merrier.

Did you even read this topic?

There is a huge difference between normal family interactions and super overbearing family who irritate you and cause you stress/frustrations even on a normal basis showing up at one of the most stressful points in your entire life, asking them to wait a few days instead of a few minutes to see their grandkid. Boundaries are important. You did read that for her SIL her parents stayed with here for two full months starting immediately after their baby was born? Where people set boundaries depends greatly on who they are and the interactions they have with the inlaws.

Honestly I don't think the difference matter, given that stress has been shown to have negative medical outcomes.  The priority for both parents (and frankly the grandparents) should be to reduce the stress of the mother so the baby and mother have the least risks.  To do otherwise is to say that the grandparents' feelings are a high priority than the health of the mother and baby.  And frankly, any person who thinks their feelings come before my health or the health of my child does not need to visit me anyway.

[I'm a red panda]

I do not think you need to give them options, or give them an explanation for your decisions.

Decide what is best for you, and communicate it to them.   

Don't let them walk all over you; that is going to establish how they function for the rest of this baby's childhood. For some reason many rational adults get quite ridiculous over entitlement of being grandparents.

(And yes, I did actually tell my MIL that she would NOT be allowed to visit my baby until summer if she continued to refuse a flu shot. And then my husband made her show him a medical record, since we knew she was lying to us when she suddenly "already had one" after previously refusing. So I've played this game. Of course that ultimately didn't end up mattering.  Neither set of grandparents was there when we delivered him, which they were both really upset about since he wasn't born alive it was their only chance to see him. But dealing with my parents and his parents wasn't something I could have handled. Giving birth is hard.)

[Letj]

I do not think you need to give them options, or give them an explanation for your decisions.

Decide what is best for you, and communicate it to them.   

Don't let them walk all over you; that is going to establish how they function for the rest of this baby's childhood. For some reason many rational adults get quite ridiculous over entitlement of being grandparents.

(And yes, I did actually tell my MIL that she would NOT be allowed to visit my baby until summer if she continued to refuse a flu shot. And then my husband made her show him a medical record, since we knew she was lying to us when she suddenly "already had one" after previously refusing. So I've played this game. Of course that ultimately didn't end up mattering.  Neither set of grandparents was there when we delivered him, which they were both really upset about since he wasn't born alive it was their only chance to see him. But dealing with my parents and his parents wasn't something I could have handled. Giving birth is hard.)

Are you serious? Is that a thing now in this country? Requiring people to get immunized before they see a baby even though they are not presently infected or sick? Babies are born with their natural immunity and besides getting sick is how they build immunity. If someone is not sick or does not have a deadly contagious disease it seems like a stretch to force the poor woman to get immunized. Most people would never even come around a new born if they have a cold let alone some deadly contagious disease. We are living in an increasingly paranoid country and for that I blame the media and the fact our lives are so far removed from the natural world.

[I'm a red panda]

Are you serious? Is that a thing now in this country? Requiring people to get immunized before they see a baby even though they are not presently infected or sick? Babies are born with their natural immunity and besides getting sick is how they build immunity. If someone is not sick or does not have a deadly contagious disease it seems like a stretch to force the poor woman to get immunized. Most people would never even come around a new born if they have a cold let alone some deadly contagious disease. We are living in an increasingly paranoid country and for that I blame the media and the fact our lives are so far removed from the natural world.

I'm 100% serious. Flu and tDap or you don't see my baby until the baby gets immunized itself.  If they had been local, I wouldn't have cared quite as much abut tDap unless there was a local outbreak, but since they'd have to fly in, I don't know who they are exposed to.  Have you seen a baby with Pertussis? It's heart breaking. In our society we build immunity to pertussis through vaccination; not by "getting sick".

If the baby wasn't due in the heart of flu season, I wouldn't have cared about that one.  Babies DON'T have immunity to this. The flu can kill them.


If I have kids, I'll let them eat dirt- after they are vaccinated.


And I never forced anyone to get immunized. I merely told them they can't be in the house with my baby until they are.  The baby is in my control; her vaccinations are not.  She could have said no to vaccination, just as I said no to her seeing my child before he was vaccinated.


I know very few people who don't ask their relatives to get vaccinated if their babies are due in flu season, and it is becoming more and more common to ask anyone who will have close contact to get a tdap booster, since the immunity wears off from the shots we get as children.

[justajane]

All of our babies were born in May, so I was slightly less concerned, but I have a very similar perspective to iowajes. Pertussis was a big, big fear of mine, and I made sure that close grandparents who spent time with my babies had their Tdap. Watch this video of an older child with pertussis and tell me if you still think it's okay to be around a newborn if you are not vaccinated against this highly contagious disease: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIV460AQUWk

[cats]

I do not think you need to give them options, or give them an explanation for your decisions.

Decide what is best for you, and communicate it to them.   

Don't let them walk all over you; that is going to establish how they function for the rest of this baby's childhood. For some reason many rational adults get quite ridiculous over entitlement of being grandparents.

(And yes, I did actually tell my MIL that she would NOT be allowed to visit my baby until summer if she continued to refuse a flu shot. And then my husband made her show him a medical record, since we knew she was lying to us when she suddenly "already had one" after previously refusing. So I've played this game. Of course that ultimately didn't end up mattering.  Neither set of grandparents was there when we delivered him, which they were both really upset about since he wasn't born alive it was their only chance to see him. But dealing with my parents and his parents wasn't something I could have handled. Giving birth is hard.)

Are you serious? Is that a thing now in this country? Requiring people to get immunized before they see a baby even though they are not presently infected or sick? Babies are born with their natural immunity and besides getting sick is how they build immunity. If someone is not sick or does not have a deadly contagious disease it seems like a stretch to force the poor woman to get immunized. Most people would never even come around a new born if they have a cold let alone some deadly contagious disease. We are living in an increasingly paranoid country and for that I blame the media and the fact our lives are so far removed from the natural world.

It is a thing now.  Pregnant women are VERY strongly advised to get a Tdap booster in their 3rd trimester.  Beyond that, my doctor advised that my husband and anyone who was likely to be in regular contact with the baby also get a booster.  The Tdap vaccine does lose effectiveness over time and there have been outbreaks of it in the US.

I asked my parents to get the vaccine as they will be visiting before the baby has had any vaccinations and will probably be spending several hours at a stretch around him.  Fortunately it turned out they had both gotten boosters recently so it was a nonissue (there have been outbreaks of whooping cough in their state recently so it's on their radar, and one of my cousins had whooping cough as a baby and it was apparently pretty awful).  I wouldn't worry so much about people who would just be dropping by for a quick visit or who won't be coming until after the first round of vaccinations has started around 4 months, with the possible exception of, say, people who are anti-vaccine and have not yet vaccinated their kids and who hang out with a bunch of other folks who aren't into vaccinating. 

[Parizade]

My son and DIL didn't have to ask me to get a flu shot before spending time with the baby, I did so because it's the loving and responsible thing to do. I would never risk exposing my grand daughter to the flu, it's too deadly for the little ones.

[Goldielocks]

I feel for you.  I only had my DH with me at the hospital, and my parents flew in shortly after, but it was my mom and dad, who I am used to... 

It was still a bit awkard trying to breastfeed.


Like some others posted, unless you want to have a emphatic "NO"... and stick to it.  The EASIEST way to get them don and gone..
 -- Call them when you are in labour, and have them visit at the hospital for a couple of hours AFTER the baby is born.
-- You will be able to beg off having them in your room, DH can visit with them and baby in the vistors room if needed.

-- Instruct them that they will need to stay at a hotel for the night after their visit(s). 


Honestly, the hospital is a blur and they will be easy to for you to ignore or forget.  Even if they visit for a couple of hours at your home immediately after (e.g., the next day), you can be in bed sleeping (or on the intenet) and you won't be expected to say more than two words.

The point is to make them somewhat happy, have DH take care of the interaction, and then get them gone.

Good luck.

[merula]

I requested that my parents, siblings and in-laws get flu shots and tdap boosters to see my children, and given that we had had a measles outbreak in the area and I knew that my titer had come back negative (meaning I had lost immunity despite being vaccinated), I recommended an MMR booster.

Exposing a newborn to deadly yet preventable diseases because, what?, shots give you a boo-boo? How selfish is that? If family can't do a very small thing for their own health that has huge benefits my child, I don't really see that as a relationship worth preserving.

[jengod]

Totally agree about TDAP (and flu sounds good too). Nannies and grandparents should get booster shots. That is what was recommended by my midwife and the local newspaper when I was pregnant with DS5.

Terrifying relevant news story: http://articles.latimes.com/2010/may/31/health/la-he-whooping-cough-20100531

DS5 got a very mild (but confirmed by nasal swab) case of whooping cough this year. He is a vaccinated child. He got it from a kid at school who was also vaccinated. He then infected his vaccinated cousin over Thanksgiving. I tell you this not to convince you that "Kids will get pertussis whether vaccinated or not!!!" but that whooping cough is alive and well in American cities and that we all--but especially helpless infants--need the most immune herd possible.

[Flyingkea]

Totally agree about TDAP (and flu sounds good too). Nannies and grandparents should get booster shots. That is what was recommended by my midwife and the local newspaper when I was pregnant with DS5.

Terrifying relevant news story: http://articles.latimes.com/2010/may/31/health/la-he-whooping-cough-20100531

DS5 got a very mild (but confirmed by nasal swab) case of whooping cough this year. He is a vaccinated child. He got it from a kid at school who was also vaccinated. He then infected his vaccinated cousin over Thanksgiving. I tell you this not to convince you that "Kids will get pertussis whether vaccinated or not!!!" but that whooping cough is alive and well in American cities and that we all--but especially helpless infants--need the most immune herd possible.

Agreed, I hate the "it has to work 100% of the time, perfectly, otherwise it is not good whatsoever" Rhetoric.
Often, by having the vaccinations, even if it doesn't prevent you from getting sick in the first place, it can lessen the severity of the case - eg, rather than being life threatening, it is a week tucked up in bed instead.
In my homeland of New Zealand, babies die every year from whooping cough.

[jengod]

it can lessen the severity of the case - eg, rather than being life threatening, it is a week tucked up in bed instead.

Both my son's pediatrician and my nephew's pediatrician said they almost certainly had only very mild cases because they had, in fact, been vaccinated. 10-day cough > 100-day cough

[Kitsune]

Totally agree about TDAP (and flu sounds good too). Nannies and grandparents should get booster shots. That is what was recommended by my midwife and the local newspaper when I was pregnant with DS5.

Terrifying relevant news story: http://articles.latimes.com/2010/may/31/health/la-he-whooping-cough-20100531

DS5 got a very mild (but confirmed by nasal swab) case of whooping cough this year. He is a vaccinated child. He got it from a kid at school who was also vaccinated. He then infected his vaccinated cousin over Thanksgiving. I tell you this not to convince you that "Kids will get pertussis whether vaccinated or not!!!" but that whooping cough is alive and well in American cities and that we all--but especially helpless infants--need the most immune herd possible.

Yeah, that's why herd immunity is needed - because the 'success' rate for vaccines is good but not 100%, so everyone having recieved the vaccine means that the people who can't, as well as those for who the vaccine didn't 'take', are protected.

My sister's whooping cough vaccine didn't take, when she was little, and she got it. Fortunately, my brother, my parents, and I were all vaccinated, and she was the only one who got sick. It is a MISERABLE illness, and so preventable.

[mtn]

Never thought about the vaccination thing for people visiting babies. That is a great idea/requirement.

Just nearly had an aneurysm the other day when I saw that doll with all the needles in it, saying these are representative of all the shots a baby gets by the time it is 3 months old, or something like that. OK... Well, which one of those diseases do you want your child to contract? Aside from that, it is such a horrible argument. If you gave me all of the alcohol I've drank in the past 3 months at once, I'd probably die. And it isn't that much alcohol. Same with *gasp* WATER. I'd die of over hydration.

[gaja]

 It used to be that it was just the woman and men waited in the waiting room, just like any other medical procedure.  This changed because having a support person made for better medical outcomes (for child and mother).
You need to focus on what is best for you because that is what is best for your child.  What happens after that matters a lot less than your child's wellbeing.  Please do what is right for you (basically what reduces stress for you). 
The idea that you should compromise here is medically bad.


Birth used to NOT be a medical procedure and only has been in the last two generations due to money needing to be made and doctor's control.  Might ask all women how their hospital birth went as a question.  There will be less control with a hospital birth than any other experience of your life.  Almost all the folks helping you in the hospital will be strangers and will treat you as such.

Forgot original question:

Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?

Yes, all were invited.  It was a relief to have people there who loved me and my baby.

This is a question I feel very strongly about, but I don't want to take the discussion in a thread where the OP is pregnant. Most of the arguments against "births should be natural and at home" are not suitable from pregnant people. So if you are interested in a real discussion, please feel free to start a new thread.

Births are very different, and people are different. I have one friend who desided to jump out of the hospital bed and change the sheets half an hour after the kid was out. Other people can't move for a long time, have head aches, and are exhausted. Some kids have to stay in safe environments for a few days, and can't be handled by grandparents. I think the OP is 100 % correct in preparing for the worst. If things then end up much better, it is much easier to surprise people with "good news, we are ready to see you at the hospital now".

[Gin1984]

Never thought about the vaccination thing for people visiting babies. That is a great idea/requirement.

Just nearly had an aneurysm the other day when I saw that doll with all the needles in it, saying these are representative of all the shots a baby gets by the time it is 3 months old, or something like that. OK... Well, which one of those diseases do you want your child to contract? Aside from that, it is such a horrible argument. If you gave me all of the alcohol I've drank in the past 3 months at once, I'd probably die. And it isn't that much alcohol. Same with *gasp* WATER. I'd die of over hydration.

It is by two years of age and the reason we get more is because we have weakened to vaccine even more to avoid complications.  In addition the research that has to go into determining when to give the vaccine (in conjunction with the others) is extensive.

[RetiredAt63]

Parents set boundaries re their children.  My sister wouldn't let our parents smoke in her house when they visited her and the grandchildren.  So what if it is a Canadian winter, you want to smoke, go outside.

OP has no idea what her delivery will be like - it could be easy or hard, short or long, or a C section (planned just before delivery or part-way through delivery).  Lots of first babies take their time - do we want OP's in-laws hanging around to see a baby that is still hours from being born?  OP knows her situation best, and she and her husband need to work out between the 2 of them how best to handle his parents.  Plus boundaries - the first Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter/whatever with the new grandchild - will the in-laws determine how those holidays get spent now there is the grand-child involved?

Personally I think OP should have written to Captain Awkward rather than here, she is used to sticky situations.

[tthree]

OP: if your ILs want to meet the baby in the hospital I think you should allow that.  By meet I am talking a 20 minute visit, each day you are there.

However, given your back story with the ILs I don't think they should be staying at your condo overnight ANY time during your postpartum period.  The issues you have are not going to be better 2 weeks postpartum than immediately after the baby's birth.  The only overnight guests you should have in your postpartum period are those that are going to help you.  If they are going to be a hinderance and required energy you and your DH don't have to give, they should stay somewhere else or go back home.

[ahoy]

I haven't read all the comments, but I was wanting to add my experience at the hospital after giving birth. 

I went into labor at 10:30pm with my first child, I had an epidural by midnight and thankfully no more pain after that.  But I couldn't sleep (at all) and she was born at 9 am.   So after being awake for over 24 hrs now there was this baby.  I am so thankful no one came to see me on the first day.  I also was in a different country, so no family just friends around.   

The 2nd night in the hospital my best friend friend came to see me.  I managed just fine with her, but honestly I couldn't have done it with anyone else.  Having a baby is VERY taxing on your body.  I had fairly easy births but still very tiring.  All our friends saw us at home. 

With my 2nd birth, my Mother had flown in and she looked after my older child while my husband and I were in the hospital.  She came to the hospital the next day and I was fine with this. 

I use to think it was normal to visit new Mothers in the hospital, but now I wouldn't unless I was asked to. 

[coolistdude]

I (the man) kicked my parents out of the hospital when our kid was born.

[MicroRN]

I'm going to preface this by saying that I LOVE my in-laws.  There are a lot of them, and they can be a bit overwhelming, but they are wonderful, generous, amazing people.  We told our families no one at the hospital until after baby was born (most family lived in the same town).  I was induced in the evening, then had an emergency C-section at 3:30am.  Between recovery and everything, we had less than two hours before family mobbed us, and stayed all.day.long.  I was exhausted, in pain, and trying to figure out breastfeeding, which hurt like hell.  By the time we finally went home, I was so tired I was hallucinating, and the visits still didn't stop.  Family members were even being helpful, bringing dinner and offering to run errands, but it was exhausting.  In retrospect, I really wish we'd set firm limits.  I would have made sure we had at least 6 hours post-birth before people came to visit (ideally a day), and we would have limited visits to 30 minutes.  I would have flipped if anyone stayed in our house, no matter how helpful they tried to be.  What we needed more than anything was for just the three of us to sit, cuddle, nurse, and enjoy our time together.     

With the second baby, we lived several states away.  My mom flew up to watch my older son, and it was all lovely, and calm, and peaceful, and I got plenty of rest.  Everyone still got to see baby, just a few weeks later after we'd had time to adjust into a new routine.

[charis]

I (the man) kicked my parents out of the hospital when our kid was born.

Exactly.  My husband was more than capable of this.   This is an extremely straightforward solution.  What is the issue?

[golden1]

My mom and wanted to be in the room when my first was born, and I am so glad they weren't.  Baby had a tight nuchal cord and was born with an Apgar of 2.  She was grey, limp and it was really, really scary.  Luckily she was quickly resuscitated and her 5 minute Apgar was 8.  I would not have been able to deal with anyone else being in the room at this time.  Not to scare you OP, but not everything goes picture perfect and I feel like the less people in the room getting in the way, the better.

Baby #2 was much smoother, and I fondly remember that hour that we had together, just me, my Husband, and my son  meeting each other for the first time.  If my MIL or any other family member had been there, it would have detracted from that. 

[I'm a red panda]

I (the man) kicked my parents out of the hospital when our kid was born.

Exactly.  My husband was more than capable of this.   This is an extremely straightforward solution.  What is the issue?

You shouldn't HAVE to kick someone out.  If you don't want them there, they shouldn't be there in the first place.

[charis]

I (the man) kicked my parents out of the hospital when our kid was born.

Exactly.  My husband was more than capable of this.   This is an extremely straightforward solution.  What is the issue?

You shouldn't HAVE to kick someone out.  If you don't want them there, they shouldn't be there in the first place.

There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and asking people to follow them.  It's about good communication, actually. Even if it means saying, Wife and I are tired and are going to sleep now.  You are invited to return at X time/date. 

It's not rocket science.

ETA -  It's my opinion that banning people prior to setting explicit boundaries is throwing the baby out with the bath water.   If they are known to violate expressed requests and boundaries, then yes, ban them.  If they are nice, but overbearing and stressful, setting firm boundaries seems like the more humane/reasonable way to go.