Author Topic: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?  (Read 31856 times)

gbbi_977

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Our first baby is due in July. We live in Chicago. My family are in Australia. DH's family are a 7 hour drive away, in northern MI.

For DH's parents, this is their second grandbaby - his sister had her first last year.

For my parents, this is their eighth grand baby. I have three siblings, all have had multiples already.

My parents are easygoing and have said multiple times "This is your time, whatever you want from us, let us know, but there's no pressure from us." I chatted things over with them, and we decided to have them book their flight to Chicago for 3 weeks after the due date.

Reasoning: I'm very independent and our condo is very small. I am also a total introvert. DH and I decided we really want some space right after baby is born - to revel in being a family of three, parents, to figure stuff out, to enjoy his limited paternity leave, and to bond. We know we'll have questions and we know that we will struggle at times and want help - we do have good friends in the area we can call on. But all things considered, our best guess about what we'll want/need in that unpredictable time, is that we'll want our space.

So my parents were cool with that and will arrive a few weeks after baby's due date (Even if baby is 2 weeks late, they'll still be still a week out, and we can still have that time.)

Issue: DH's parents. I don't get on very well with them, for various reasons that I won't go into. It's not anyone's fault, we're just very, very different people. I find them overbearing and fussy and interfering. They are disappointed at how long it's taken me to bond with them. Culturally, we are worlds apart [e.g. I am a PhD who's lived all over the world. They have never left the US and never intend to "because why would you want to" and plan to vote Trump and are upset that I won't call them "Mom and Dad" even though that's not culturally a thing where I come from. On my first meeting with FIL, he informed me he would "scold me when I Deserve it" (???) Long story...trying to paint a brief picture for you.]

When DH's sister had her baby, she called them when her water broke and they hopped in the car, drove 9 hours to the hospital, and met the baby as soon as she was born and then stayed with SIL for 2 months. I would die. I mean, I just couldn't' handle it. I find them really hard work (e.g. ignoring racist/sexist statements, trying to be gracious because I know they're a product of their time/place...). They helped SIL out tremendously, as she wanted them to - constantly asking what she needed, what baby needed, giving their opinions on whether baby was too hot or cold or tired or hungry. Basically, well-meaning stuff that many people would appreciate and that I know would drive me crazy.

So DH (who gets it and is a godsend) has been letting them know, when it's come up, that we are looking for some privacy and space for the first week or so, that my parents are planning to give that to us by coming a bit later, and we kind of thought they had the hint. His mom asked a few weeks ago if we would like them to be there when I come home from the hospital, which showed awareness on her part, and DH was able to say "thanks but our place is too small and we really want to figure it out ourselves, because I'll have to go back to work soon enough and we need to get our confidence up" etc. Which is totally truthful.

Now they want to know (got an email today): Are you going to call when DIL is in labor so we can come and meet the baby in the hospital for a few hours?

I am so torn. I recognize that if I liked them more and got on with them more, I'd probably be OK with it. But I want my privacy. I don't want them there right away, fussing. That will hurt their feelings. I feel like the right thing to do is say "OK, you can come to the hospital" but I just don't want them to. Is that awful of me? I also feel like my parents don't get to be there (no way to book the international flight knowing exactly when baby will arrive) and have respected our wishes and been so eager to do what's right for us, that I'm feeling resentment that I'm not getting the same thing from my in-laws, which is probably adding to the "I don't want them there right away" vibe.

What would you do?

TLDR: my parents-in-law and I don't get on well. They want to be at the hospital when baby is born. I want some privacy for a week. Should I acquiesce?

MDM

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2016, 01:35:07 PM »
...
So DH (who gets it and is a godsend) has been letting them know, when it's come up, that we are looking for some privacy and space for the first week or so....

Now they want to know (got an email today): Are you going to call when DIL is in labor so we can come and meet the baby in the hospital for a few hours?
...
What would you do?

Just say no.  Specifically, DH should say no.  Nicely but firmly.

KCM5

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2016, 01:36:15 PM »
So, if they did come to the hospital it would just be for a couple of hours and then they would leave (ie no staying at your house)?

Personally, the hospital was such a blur to me that visitors that I didn't particularly like for a couple of hours would be just fine. But I'm not you, obviously. I have a similar relationship with my in-laws, but thankfully they're the ones that are overseas. They came and stayed for a month when our baby was 4 months old and it was just fine.

I think it sounds like they're trying to respect your need for space, so they would probably understand if you said no. But a couple of hours in the hospital could buy you three weeks or a month or so to get to good before they came to visit again. Seems worth it to me.

Edited: I now see that you said that you just don't want them there. That's fine. Say no. Do not feel guilty. And set up a time for them to visit a couple/few weeks after the baby is born by making them a hotel reservation.
« Last Edit: February 05, 2016, 01:38:13 PM by KCM5 »

Kitsune

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2016, 01:40:01 PM »
On my first meeting with FIL, he informed me he would "scold me when I Deserve it" (???)

OMFG I would've run screaming. No you fucking won't, you'll treat me like a GD adult or you'll get out of my house, f you. Hello, buttons HIT.

When I had my daughter, my sister came the night of (so, like, 5 hours post-delivery) and brought us food - she was lovely. My parents and in-laws stopped in for an hour or two the next day. The key, though, is that none of them are overbearing and annoying and push buttons.

In your case: I'm assuming you want to maintain SOME form of (distant-ish, respecful, no you will NOT scold me) relationship, correct? If an hour or two at the hospital means that then they'll go away for a month, that might be worth it. It might also be worth putting your foot down about them not staying at your house if they DO come visit - it's a lot easier to deal with parenting comments when it's for a 2-hour timespan and you can LEAVE afterwards.

Good luck... Aish.

irishbear99

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2016, 01:57:57 PM »
So, if they did come to the hospital it would just be for a couple of hours and then they would leave (ie no staying at your house)?

If an hour or two at the hospital means that then they'll go away for a month, that might be worth it. It might also be worth putting your foot down about them not staying at your house if they DO come visit - it's a lot easier to deal with parenting comments when it's for a 2-hour timespan and you can LEAVE afterwards.

Eh...they're 7 hours away and overbearing. What are the chances that, after driving 7 hours, they'll be "too tired" or "have come all that way" and turn what was supposed to be a couple hour visit in the hospital to an overnight (or several night) stay?

You and your husband have told them that you want the first week to yourselves. They're already trying to ignore your boundary by trying to get a commitment of a call when your in the hospital so they can come visit. Sounds like an awesome chance for your husband (since they're his parents) to lovingly and firmly assert your family's boundaries and repeat the one week requirement.

TL;DR: No, I wouldn't acquiesce. It sets a bad precedent.

I'm a red panda

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2016, 02:00:52 PM »
"That's not going to work for us"
You can even add a "sorry" if you want.

Yes, this is your husband's baby too, but it's your medical procedure- an should be solely your decision.

Keep in mind recovery can be difficult (and bloody) the first few weeks- so you may not want visitors in the early weeks either. (Or you may want them for help. It varies, but this is about you and the baby, and your husband not them.)

Gin1984

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2016, 02:05:51 PM »
Ah HELL no.  Your father in law would be lucky if he ever entered my house again.  No I would not have him or your MIL at the hospital.  And frankly, they could see my child when I felt well enough to send DH off with him or her by himself.  And since I nursed that would be a while.

Guses

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2016, 02:09:28 PM »
My wife did not want anyone but me and her at the hospital. We were completely exhausted after the birth and would not have appreciated having to entertain/endure additional social situations. Grand parents did not meet the baby until a few days post delivery.

This is your first moment with your child, you get to decide who you share this with. It's not a show and if even if it were, you would be the director.



onlykelsey

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2016, 02:11:12 PM »
Quote
It's not a show and if even if it were, you would be the director.

THIS.

Cassie

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2016, 02:18:52 PM »
This is a newer trend that I really never understood. I am 61 and when I had my kids no one came to the hospital while you were having the baby, etc.  Back then you stayed in the hospital anywhere from 3-4 days after  so yes people came for a short visit to the hospital. Now you come home so quick that it would be ridiculous.  I never understood why a parent would want to watch his grandchild being born. This is a private moment between husband and wife. I do not think you are being unreasonable and your IL's sound like jerks.  YOu are exhausted when you have a new baby and don't need the stress. They can respect your wishes.

Gin1984

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2016, 02:20:16 PM »
It is not uncommon for grandparents (and sometimes friends) to visit at the hospital.  It is inane to insist on it because increasing stress on the mother can have adverse effects during birth but yes it is common. 

Guses

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2016, 02:21:25 PM »
...
  He feels like we are totally breaking with precedent.
...

Very important word. Have you thought about other precedents that would be set by you agreeing to let the Grand Parents decide what is best for your child?

 What's next? Having the kid baptised because they decide it's best?

okits

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2016, 02:38:14 PM »
How soon the grandparents come visit is a function of your relationship with them (close/not close).

Have the chat with your DH.  Speak honestly about what you want. And I would caution you both that creating resentment and anger in your marriage to appease parents' non-life threatening wants is foolish.  Someone is likely to always remember that really important life event where their spouse failed to act as their partner and instead put someone else first.  A week is nothing for the grandparents to wait. 

Mountainbug

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #13 on: February 05, 2016, 02:41:19 PM »
For what it's worth I'm due next month. We won't be calling anyone when I go into labor, may not even tell people the day the baby is born and will be taking time before inviting people to come see the baby. Both DH and I are close with our families but they live a state away and unless something bad happens and we need help I feel like it's not unreasonable to take time as a new family. My MIL wants to fly up asap and my parents will drive and I don't know how we will figure out who gets to come first. You should do whatever you and your husband feel comfortable with. Everyone is different and you shouldn't have to follow the "precedent"!

Shinplaster

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #14 on: February 05, 2016, 02:49:48 PM »
This is a newer trend that I really never understood. I am 61 and when I had my kids no one came to the hospital while you were having the baby, etc.  Back then you stayed in the hospital anywhere from 3-4 days after  so yes people came for a short visit to the hospital. Now you come home so quick that it would be ridiculous.  I never understood why a parent would want to watch his grandchild being born. This is a private moment between husband and wife. I do not think you are being unreasonable and your IL's sound like jerks.  YOu are exhausted when you have a new baby and don't need the stress. They can respect your wishes.

+1.   Set your boundaries now, or you will be forever having to justify your feelings, how you raise your child, etc.  Although the question is just about them being at the hospital, the very fact they are demanding this even though you have said no already indicates this will be the ongoing pattern if you don't stop it now. As a new Mom, you are going to be nervous about caring for the baby, and feeling your way with care, and feeding, while your hormones take on a life of their own.  You do not need an audience and critics while you figure it all out. Your husband needs to support you in what you want, and make things as easy as possible for you after the birth.  His primary concern from this moment on should be your welfare, and the baby's.

I speak from experience - my MIL was so intrusive when our son was born we actually moved to a different city to get away from her meddling.  As a result, she missed spending time with her first grandson, and forever poisoned our relationship with her.  Setting your boundaries now will actually make your relationship with the in-laws better in the end, since they will know from the start that you and your husband are adults, and will run your own life.   If they wait until you are comfortable having visitors, things will go much more smoothly for everyone.

starbuck

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #15 on: February 05, 2016, 03:04:29 PM »
Yes, this is your husband's baby too, but it's your medical procedure- an should be solely your decision.

The decision for visitors is 100% in your court, since it's YOUR recovery. Seriously, this is why skype/facetime was invented. Offer them that if you feel like it. No way in hell would I allow those in-laws to visit in the hospital, or even shortly thereafter. (FYI your hormones go bonkers when your milk comes in - I was not ready for that!)

My MIL (whom I get along great with) was FULLY expecting to get a phone call when we were headed to the hospital so she could immediately head up. She insisted she would be fine just being in the waiting room. Frankly, the birth of a child is very very intimate, and even the recovery in the maternity ward - you're physically recovering and you and your spouse are trying to make sense of your new family, and rejoice in it! It's a very private time. After I gave birth, I was feeling physically okay but tired, and so we invited my MIL and my SIL up for a quick visit the night of the birth. I think they were there for 45 minutes. But your in-laws sound like a-holes.

My own parents flew in 4 days after the birth and stayed at our house for 5 days. It was terrible and I regret it. I love my parents, and it was still stressful. They tried to be helpful, but.... weren't.

Trust your gut on this.

Chris22

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #16 on: February 05, 2016, 03:13:25 PM »
I would think it's ridiculous to turn them away from seeing you for a couple hours at the hospital (well after the birth, maybe the next day).

I would not think it's ridiculous to turn them away from staying at your house for a few weeks until you are settled.

I would not think it's ridiculous to expect them to stay at a hotel (or just drive back home) after their visit to the hospital (ie, they aren't welcome to go shack up at your house and be there when you came home).


My inlaws (wife's parents) were at the hospital, downstairs in the waiting room, until a few hours after our daughter was born.  They came up to visit, stayed a bit, then left. 

My parents are from out of town (CT, we're in Chicago) and we agreed (and they were fine with) they wouldn't come to stay at our house until about 2.5 weeks after my daughter was born.  (she was born on a weekday, they waited 3 weekends).  And we/my wife has a great relationship with them, but as a new mom, there's just too much other stress to worry about without having people in your house that are going to make you feel uncomfortable.  Had my parents been a car ride away, they would have come seen their granddaughter the day she was born, but, them's the breaks. 

TrMama

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #17 on: February 05, 2016, 03:16:00 PM »
After each of our kids were born, and I'd had time to sleep, we called any parents we were comfortable with, who were also local, and invited them to visit. Key words here being after and local. I didn't want anyone but DH with me while I was giving birth. I would also have been mortified if I'd had to deal with any of my dumb-as-a-post MIL's comments. So no, what you're asking isn't out of line at all.

Have a talk with your DH and let him know how you feel. He can pass the message on to his parents. Just because your SIL does things a certain way, doesn't mean you have to do the same. Politely set your own precedent. I'm sure there will be many other things you'll do differently from your ILs, best to get comfortable with being the "odd" ones.

If they really push the issue, you can always "forget" to call them until  you're ready for a visit. Of course, this is the passive aggressive way of dealing with the situation, but it'll still send a pretty clear message.

Chris22

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #18 on: February 05, 2016, 03:28:11 PM »
Chris, thanks for your perspective -  was hoping to hear the other side. If our in-laws were local, I wouldn't turn them away from a hospital visit, but as you said it would not be the day of the birth. I'd want to rest first, have that first day just the three of us, and I would also probably change my mind if the birth was especially difficult/traumatic - that might make me want a bit more space.

The trouble I guess is that they live 7 hours away, and they will definitely make us feel guilty about visiting but not "being allowed" to stay at our (tiny 2 bedroom) place.

I suggest you use that as your "out" and let them make the decision.  "You are welcome to come see us at the hospital, but we will not be able to have you stay with us, so the choice is come and make your own arrangements for lodging, or wait until we are ready to have you stay with us."

Then on the off chance they do decide to come, pre-arrange it with the nurse that she kicks them out after an hour or whatever for a couple hours at a time; you don't want them setting up camp in your room.

mtn

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #19 on: February 05, 2016, 03:31:48 PM »
Sounds like they're trying, and you're trying. Also sounds like they cannot wait.

Why not have DH make hotel reservations for them for 3 days or so, maybe a week after the baby is born?

(I'm seeing this from a different POV because of my personal situation. My wife is overly sensitive and often offended at things that are in no way mean, offensive, or off-putting in any way. She has difficulty with my parents, but frankly it is about 30% their problem and 70% hers. Puts me in a hard position since I always back her up, even though she doesn't see it or always deserve it)


EDIT: Where in Chicago are you? What do your in-laws like to do?
« Last Edit: February 05, 2016, 03:33:42 PM by mtn »

TrMama

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #20 on: February 05, 2016, 03:34:33 PM »
Your ILs sound exhausting. In your shoes, I'd be considering relocating back to Australia ;-)

In addition to getting comfortable with the idea of being the odd ones in the family, you may also consider getting comfortable with the idea that not everything needs to be exactly fair between your parents and your ILs. We do not treat my parents the same as my MIL (FIL is deceased). They are not the same people and it would frankly be wrong to treat them the same. They do not get equal time/liberty with the kids, we don't the same activities together and pretty much everything is different between our relationship with each party.

Furthermore, since the woman bears the brunt of the physical indignities after giving birth, it makes complete sense that she'd be more comfortable having her own parents stay in her home during that time than her ILs. I think it's fairly rare for a woman to be that comfortable around her ILs.

mtn

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #21 on: February 05, 2016, 03:56:56 PM »
Based on what I've heard here, maybe they're into outdoors? Maybe send them to Gurnee and Bass Pro Shops for a day? What about a hockey game at the Allstate?

I think either way you do it, whenever you do it, having them stay at your condo is going to be too much. Get them a hotel room, or make them get one (I'd be inclined to just buy it for them so they don't have a choice). I also think that, while it isn't too much to ask them to wait 10 days, knowing my parent's they'd be about ready to explode. Especially if it is only the 2nd grandchild.  I personally would let them come sooner, for a shorter stay, and that stay would have to be AWAY (that would be the case no matter when it happens).

But at the end of the day, this needs to be ok with you. If it isn't, tell them to wait.

Exhale

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #22 on: February 05, 2016, 07:50:00 PM »
An approach that has worked for me in the past is to focus on the common ground which, in this case, is the baby. Everyone wants the baby to have a great start in life. Therefore, "We're so pleased that the baby gets to meet his/her grandparents in his/her first month of life. We look forward to being in touch after the birth to coordinate dates that work best for welcoming the newest member of the family."

Also, just because they ignored the clearly-communicated timeframe for visiting, doesn't mean you have to respond/get sucked into an endless conversation. Instead, you can choose to not engage in what, I suspect, will be a no-win conversation. Instead the response to "call us right away, etc." can be something along the lines of, "Oh, thank you for mentioning setting up your visit. We're very much looking forward to introducing the baby to her/his grandparents. The best plan for arranging your visit will be for us to call you once we're settled in back at home." DH can communicate that they'll be welcome and their visit is valued without having to do the visit exactly how they want it to be.

Finally, as others have pointed out, this is a much bigger issue than the birth. It's about setting the pattern for how they'll be a part of your family's life going forward. I found that things got much better once I stopped reacting (getting stuck in no-win conversation) and being/feeling defensive. What worked instead was to be proactive and positive - offering common ground and things I could genuinely commit to doing without resentment. Of course, doing this will take ignoring them trying to force you to do things they way they prefer (and accepting that they won't always like the compromises being offered). However, it can actually work out well to reach out and offer options that are a good fit for you and your soon-to-be family of three. Added bonus: this may help keep DH from feeling stuck between two hard places.

Good luck!
« Last Edit: February 05, 2016, 07:52:18 PM by Exhale »

Parizade

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #23 on: February 05, 2016, 07:54:10 PM »
My son and his wife were living with me when she gave birth, but they had told her parents and me that they wanted to be alone at the hospital for the birth and we all just respected their wishes and it was no big deal. Isn't that what love is about?

I knew when she went in because they were living with me, but they didn't call anyone else until the baby was born. I went to visit them the next morning, brought them good coffee from their favorite coffee shop, held the baby for a few minutes and went back home.

Once they came back home I would watch the baby in the morning so they could sleep in or take an afternoon nap, otherwise I left them alone.

So, as a MIL myself I would say your request is perfectly reasonable, people who love you as family should simply respect your wishes.
« Last Edit: February 05, 2016, 07:56:49 PM by Parizade »

Jakejake

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #24 on: February 05, 2016, 08:02:35 PM »
OMG NOOOOOOOOO
I would be horrified. I was so lucky to be living overseas when I gave birth.

TMI WARNING STOP READING HERE: I did not want anyone in the hospital room with me. I would not have wanted inlaws there when I was trying to stand up to get to the bathroom, wearing nothing but the open backed hospital gown, and the big sploosh of unexpected blood that gushed out when I stood up ... or the nurses that danced into my room to change bloody pads with no regard for who else was in the room or even just hosting visitors in my hospital gown with no bra ... or figuring out breastfeeding with company

There is absolutely no part of a hospital stay that I would want to have happen while entertaining guests of any sort, let alone inlaws.

And at this point there's not even a way to know for sure if you will have natural childbirth or need a c-section and what your recovery will be like - so it's just way too early to even schedule a visit.

Ugh. Sorry for the stream of consciousness up there. I feel traumatized just by thinking about what it would have been like to have visitors in a delivery room.

mtn

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #25 on: February 05, 2016, 10:15:47 PM »
Wait, did they want to be in the delivery room? That is weird.

That should be you, your husband, and the medical team. No one else. Weird. I was interpreting it as they wanted to be there very soon after. (Hope I'm right)

Larabeth

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #26 on: February 05, 2016, 10:38:47 PM »
Not me, but my parents...
When I was born, they snuck away to the hospital and didn't tell anyone for about a day and a half so unsolicited visits didn't happen.  They just didn't want to deal with it at first (mom had some complications too) and everyone was just pleasantly surprised at my arrival a little bit later.

Flyingkea

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #27 on: February 05, 2016, 10:56:51 PM »
We had things planned so  that mum would fly into the country a week after my baby was due. Of course, he decided to wait until she arrived before he was gonna be born! (she was flying in from NZ) so she ended up being their for the delivery. But my ILs were booked for a couple of weeks after that, so we sent out photos, but it was one set of parents with us at a time. my MIL would've been fit to burst when the news came out, even now she sometimes struggles to stay away.
It's your pregnancy, your baby, and your recovery, so that comes first. Depending on how the birth goes, you can say "I don't know how the birth is going to go, so I don't want to make plans. Can we please book your visit for a week after the birth, so I have had a chance to recover,' Say you need the first week as a little family unit to help bond with your baby, recover from childbirth, and start your routine.

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #28 on: February 06, 2016, 07:56:31 AM »
In the two births in our family (not mine)--in one case it was a planned C-section and they knew Mom would be in the hospital two nights. So the grandparents, who lived about a half-day's drive away, drove down the second day. Came to the hospital to spend a little time with baby, then stayed over at the house to give the other grandchild (adopted as an older child, so no birth story) some attention and then left before or not long after Mom and Dad arrived home with baby. In the other case, it was multiples. The grandparents knew when the C-section was scheduled and went to the hospital (maybe also a couple siblings) and had a brief visit with the babies (I'm not sure Mom was even there, it was Dad's family, so it may have happened while Mom was in recovery.) Mom and Dad had planned to have a week on their own with a couple short drop-ins from the local grandparents before the out-of-town grandparents arrived. Turns out that twins were so challenging, by day 2 they had called in the local reinforcements so the parents could get any sleep at all.

This may be a relationship where it would be helpful to be pro-active instead of reactive...instead of saying no, no, no to what they are asking for, make the first move to make plans that suit you, and then keep tweaking until they find something to say yes to. So for instance, when Christmas approaches, instead of waiting for the in-laws to ask, aren't you coming for Christmas, and then getting sad when you turn them down, instead say well in advance "We are hosting my parents for Christmas but we want to see you too...would New Year's work? How about a little extra time at Thanksgiving? Let's start our own tradition for Epiphany?" or whatever suits you.

ender

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #29 on: February 06, 2016, 08:14:52 AM »
The more I talk this out with y'all, the more I think having them stay in our house is a bad idea...this is stressing me out already. I'm trying to do the right thing to make sure they feel loved and accepted and that our relationship is on the right track to improving, and I'm also trying to be realistic about my limits.


Frankly if you are this anxious/worried about it now, without the stress of WHAT IS THIS BABY THING WE HAVE FOR TWENTY YEARS AHHH imagine that added.

Also, I would strongly recommend either having your husband lead this communication with his parents or at least presenting a very unified front from the two of you.

G-dog

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #30 on: February 06, 2016, 11:48:06 AM »
No new ideas from me - but did want to reiterate that this is one of the early opportunities to establish boundaries / expectations with your family and in-laws. They may mean well, and really only have their previous experiences to rely on - so DH and you will have to be more explicit about what works for you. Otherwise, their default behaviors will always be to overstep or intrude, which will cause resentment and you trying to pull away and build walls (after they've already crossed the line).

This is also part of your DH establishing his ADULT relationship with his parents. So while he doesn't intentionally want to hurt their feelings, giving into their requests that he knows are not what you want does not equate to him acting as an adult, that is reverting to his subordinate child role. His parents are not fragile flowers, they should have learned to hear " no" by now. If they haven't, you all have much bigger problems in the future.

Your FILs statement that he will scold you when you deserve it may have been a poor attempt at humor. i would have been speechless, but given the gift of age and time, I'd like to think I would laugh and say "thanks, I will do the same for you."

gaja

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #31 on: February 06, 2016, 12:46:19 PM »
Please listen to what has been said, and tell your husband I'll gladly help you strangle him if he as much as hints to his parents that the birth has started. A first birth can easily take 24-36 hours. Do you think they will sit calmly in the waiting room for so long? You think your husband won't feel obligated to entertain them while you are suffering through intense pains for 20 hours and counting?

We told everyone that they shouldn't except to get news or get invited for the first six weeks. According to the old customs, this is the periode of time the mother should relax after birth, eat well and get the breastfeeding going. After a decent day sleep at the hospital, I changed my mind, and SIL drove MIL three hours to the hospital, they looked at the baby for 15-30 minutes, and left for the three hour drive back home.

A week is too soon. It took a week with the oldest before we were let out, and she only had some jaundice. The youngest took two weeks, but that nigthmare is not a story you want to hear now. Tell them a month, and let them be pleasently surprised if you are ready sooner.

Freedom2016

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #32 on: February 06, 2016, 12:55:26 PM »
I feel for you, and don't necessarily have any new or better advice to offer. But I will share my experience with my firstborn and my kinda-overbearing FIL.

Like you I'm intensely private about these kinds of things, and NO WAY NO HOW was anyone going to be in the delivery room except DH. (Luckily nobody asked - not my family members, not my friends, not my in-laws.) That said, we did text family members when we were en route to the hospital. Most live too far away/are super respectful so letting them know wasn't an issue - they waited (at home) excitedly for the text saying the baby been born. :) Except my father-in-law, who left his night job early to come to the hospital as soon as he got the 11pm text that our son was here.

I had a weird post-birth placenta situation where I had to be sedated -- I was super loopy and being attended to by various people. So when FIL showed up, DH took our son into the hallway and let FIL hold him. FIL never saw me, never asked to see me. He was overjoyed at being the first person to meet our son, and I really do believe that that little bonding moment was very special to my FIL. He left an hour later and didn't see the little tyke again until a week or so after we got home. Today my son is almost 4 and he loves his grampu like nobody else. They have a pretty special relationship even if FIL drives me (and DH) batty.

So I'm not advocating that you change your mind, per se, but that you draw your boundaries as loosely as you can stand so as to allow that grandchild-grandparent relationship to flourish. I wasn't geographically close to my grandparents growing up, and it's really a joy to see my kids have that with my in-laws.

(Also, you asked if it was normal for grandparents to visit in the hospital. My experience is that yes, it's fairly typical. Most of my friends have hospital pics with their parents & in-laws holding the newborn at one point or another. That said, I don't know how many of those visits were welcome vs. reluctantly-agreed-to.)

Good luck with whatever you decide - and hope you have a smooth and safe delivery!

Kitsune

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #33 on: February 06, 2016, 01:09:07 PM »
OMG NOOOOOOOOO
I would be horrified. I was so lucky to be living overseas when I gave birth.
...
There is absolutely no part of a hospital stay that I would want to have happen while entertaining guests of any sort, let alone inlaws.

And at this point there's not even a way to know for sure if you will have natural childbirth or need a c-section and what your recovery will be like - so it's just way too early to even schedule a visit.

Ugh. Sorry for the stream of consciousness up there. I feel traumatized just by thinking about what it would have been like to have visitors in a delivery room.

OK, not TMI at all, this was really helpful to me. You kind of articulated all these unknowns that I have about recovering from the trauma* of birth. Things like not wanting to be seen in a hospital gown with no bra, with heavy, uncomfortable bleeding going on, plus all the emotions + physical repair involved. I'm an intensely private and independent person.

I had a chat with DH last night. I didn't articulate these things very well. He's the most supportive husband imaginable but I don't think he's really thought about the physicality of labor (understandably). It's so useful to have people's experiences to draw on as examples of the sorts of things I'm thinking about. I think he's picturing a madonna and child, shepherds visiting the peaceful manger type situation when he imagines his parents visiting!

Hah. Ok: I'm super-close with my sister; she brought us food the night I delivered, and held my daughter so I could shower with my husband (epidural tape stuck on my back, plus I was super wobbly and wanted someone there to help hold me up and also scrape goo and blood off by back...)

But, ok: there was still blood splattered across the floor when she got there. I bled pretty heavily, so the nurses were popping in every half-hour to push down on my stomach and see of blood would gush out (it was mostly not by that point, hence being allowed to shower without risks of hemorrhage.... she turned her back, but omg she's the only person I could have dealt with there!) I was half-naked for part of her time there. I didn't care because I'm ok with her, but God, I'd have screamed about anyone else...

Giving birth is really animalistic. Like, blood and shit and sweat and grunting and the least dignity imaginable. It's worth doing (... Obviously...) but it's also worth not seeing people if you're not ok with them seeing you in that state. Insisting that you've had time to shower and hold your baby and get yourself together is NOT unreasonable.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #34 on: February 06, 2016, 02:44:47 PM »
I had my mother present for labor. (Had c-section, so she wasn't there for that.) I understand the impulse to have only one's husband, but I went into labor at 11 pm and they needed to spell each other so they could get breaks and I always had company.

Even the most well-intentioned visits can be super awkward. My grandmother and teenage niece dropped by on mysecond full day in the hospital, when I should have been showered and wearing clean jammies... except I couldn't pee, so I was connected to a catheter and bag of pee and had not been allowed to shower. It's OK to tell them no.

MsPeacock

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #35 on: February 06, 2016, 05:23:22 PM »
Oh this is so much like my ex-inlaws. They lived 3 hours away and decided to drive to the hospital the day the baby was born, meet him, stay at our house (I was still in the hospital) and drive home the next day. I was ok with that. They didn't stay too long in the hospital and they were excited. However, with a 7 hour drive I doubt your IL will want to make a trip up and back like that, and meeting the baby is really about them not the baby. Ex-H could not understand my objections to having them present for the labor and barging in all over the house after we got home and stuff. Basically, I came across as a *itch but I got it my way. They came a couple weeks later for a more substantial visit and MIL was a big help.

I think the best course of action is to not tell them when you go into labor. Tell them when you tell everyone else (after delivery) and tell them when they can visit. E.g. "You can come next Thursday for 2 days."

MayDay

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #36 on: February 06, 2016, 06:21:55 PM »
We planned to call. But then my total labor was 3 hours- needless to say things were hectic!

My mil was also..... Different. She visited at 6 weeks. I'm sure it killed her to wait but we knew I might go weeks late. I was actually 3 weeks early- her visit was scheduled for 3 weeks after the due date to guarantee a week alone. Keep in mind first babies average something like 41 W 2 d.

It's hard no matter what.  Definitely helps to be proactive and propose plans. Conventional wisdom is that you H deals with his family, but my H can have trouble saying no.  Whereas I can (verbally) breeze right in and say "good news! We scheduled you a hotel/put your name on the calendar for our guest room for such and such date. We CAN'T WAIT for you to meet baby! By that date I should be done bleeding (tgrow in other relavant gross medical details as needed) and ready for guests! Let us know what time you plan to arrive!"

And if they argue, you just say "no, our plan is ----repeat above plan-----".

LeRainDrop

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #37 on: February 06, 2016, 06:43:49 PM »
Eh...they're 7 hours away and overbearing. What are the chances that, after driving 7 hours, they'll be "too tired" or "have come all that way" and turn what was supposed to be a couple hour visit in the hospital to an overnight (or several night) stay?

You and your husband have told them that you want the first week to yourselves. They're already trying to ignore your boundary by trying to get a commitment of a call when your in the hospital so they can come visit. Sounds like an awesome chance for your husband (since they're his parents) to lovingly and firmly assert your family's boundaries and repeat the one week requirement.

I totally agree with the many people supporting that you and your DH hold firm on this.  You already offered the in-laws a compromise position and your perfectly sensible reasoning -- "So DH . . . has been letting them know, when it's come up, that we are looking for some privacy and space for the first week or so."  They know their new proposal violates your boundary.  The health and comfort of you and your baby have to be of #1 most importance.  I would keep the communications with the in-laws very kind and "proactive," as a couple others have mentioned, but still unyielding.  What okits said is important, too:

Have the chat with your DH.  Speak honestly about what you want. And I would caution you both that creating resentment and anger in your marriage to appease parents' non-life threatening wants is foolish.  Someone is likely to always remember that really important life event where their spouse failed to act as their partner and instead put someone else first.  A week is nothing for the grandparents to wait.

CindyBS

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #38 on: February 06, 2016, 08:28:33 PM »
OP, it sounds like your IL's are pretty traditional.

My mom was worried that I would get no help without her.  She was going to move in with us (AAAHHHKK!) to help me.   One thing that cushioned the blow of setting limits and made our demands more acceptable was DH talking up how he was going to help me, how he had so much work flexibility and was staying home full time, then half days, etc. 

For women who have only lived with men who don't help at home or don't know how to do housework or cook (not sure if that is the case with your IL's), they can picture a different scenario than what it is like with most new dads today who are self sufficient and hands on.  I'm not sure how old your IL's are or what the background, but I know that not only did my FIL not attend any of his kids brith - he NEVER changed a diaper.  (Meaning he never even stayed home alone with his kids as infants). 

Perhaps DH talking about how hands on he will be with help?

purple monkey

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #39 on: February 06, 2016, 11:57:03 PM »
Is anyone coming to visit you at the hospital?

vivian

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #40 on: February 07, 2016, 04:30:45 AM »
You asked what is common or reasonable. Nearly everyone I know calls both sets of parents when they go into labor. Most usually update them everyday with how the mom is feeling to see if "today will be the day."  So, not even telling them anything until after the baby is born is unusual. Not calling them until you are home from the hospital is even more unusual in my network. I'm all for privacy, but this is also big news to share with those you love most. You seem to brush off your husband wanting to include his parents as caving or people pleasing. But don't you think he would want to share momentous  news with his parents? Perhaps especially if the birth has difficulty, I can see someone wanting to connect with their parents after such a scary time.

Keeping them out of the delivery room is common. Scheduling the two parental visits so they don't overlap is common. But most people use these visits as a time to get help. These are not normal social calls. Put them to work for you. They aren't taking your hint that you need space? Don't expect them to just go sightseeing, send them to the store to get diapers or have them  make dinner while you sleep. I guess they see that time as one of helping you. And you will need lots of help with daily stuff so you can focus on baby.


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gaja

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #41 on: February 07, 2016, 06:30:09 AM »
You asked what is common or reasonable. Nearly everyone I know calls both sets of parents when they go into labor. Most usually update them everyday with how the mom is feeling to see if "today will be the day."  So, not even telling them anything until after the baby is born is unusual. Not calling them until you are home from the hospital is even more unusual in my network. I'm all for privacy, but this is also big news to share with those you love most. You seem to brush off your husband wanting to include his parents as caving or people pleasing. But don't you think he would want to share momentous  news with his parents? Perhaps especially if the birth has difficulty, I can see someone wanting to connect with their parents after such a scary time.

Keeping them out of the delivery room is common. Scheduling the two parental visits so they don't overlap is common. But most people use these visits as a time to get help. These are not normal social calls. Put them to work for you. They aren't taking your hint that you need space? Don't expect them to just go sightseeing, send them to the store to get diapers or have them  make dinner while you sleep. I guess they see that time as one of helping you. And you will need lots of help with daily stuff so you can focus on baby.

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In your world, the parents and parents-in-law are willing and able to help. This is not the case for everyone. My second birth was horrible. The next morning, while my baby was in intensive care, my aunt called me so I could comfort her, because she had heard about it from my mother, and it had scared her. Why the fuck should I spend an iota of energy comforting her? My inlaws came visiting in our home to see the baby a couple of weeks later. Before even glancing at the baby, they went into the kitchen, made themselves coffee, and ate all the food they had brought. A couple of hours later they left, leaving us to clean the dishes.

I also had family members that were of great help; cooking, cleaning, holding the baby when she cried, etc. Those were always welcome, and they got all the information needed. But I have zero bad conscience for screening people the first six weeks after birth; those who cost more energy than they gave got stonewalled. I trust the OP is doing the same type of screening.

Also; what is help? An intravert person needs space and time off from other people. Then it doesn't matter how much those people want to help; just having them around causes exhaustion.

Anatidae V

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #42 on: February 07, 2016, 06:59:05 AM »
I've had bad period pain, so my parents and siblings and husband have all seen me screaming and grunting and spewing enough times. That is NOTHING on the scale of childbirth (and I haven't even done it yet). My FIL is extremely extraverted and loves to invite everyone to everything, I find him exhausting. My MIL (they're divorced) loves to be first but respects boundaries and is an amazing cook. I intend to put everyone to work when we have our first; FIL can be in charge of telling people things we tell him, MIL will help stock our fridge and freezer, my parents who live a couple of hours away will be offered somewhere that's not our house to stay but close enough that they can hold the baby while DH and I nap/recover/whatever, because I can walk around almost naked in front of them. Note: This hasn't been discussed with DH yet and I'm not pregnant, but unless I change before then, everyone will know that unless things go amazingly smoothly, no one will be visiting ME in hospital for at least a day (because they all live in the same city, there's no risk of them needing to stay at our place). If they lived far away? They'd come a few days or weeks later. I have a great relationship with all of them.

You don't. You've stated it'll cause you stress. Got any good friends or women you've met in pre-natal classes to talk this out with? They might be in a similar situation as well and give yet another view on why you are completely OK to put boundaries in place.

purple monkey

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #43 on: February 07, 2016, 01:00:06 PM »
Thank you for the clarification.  I think I understand that you really want to control the situation.
On the flip side, this is their grand child.  Is there not any gray area?
These descriptions seem so black and white.
I do not know anyone that would not allow a grandparent (even when they are somewhat estranged) to not come for the birth.
Yes, I know folks will respond that they do.
You obviously have lots of differences with in laws.  Alienating them regarding the birth will only make it worse, IMO.

I wish you much luck and peace with the birth.
Please try to remember you are giving the baby your milk that helps with immunity and only your can create that!
Revel in that superpower, not be uncomfortable or ashamed.
Hope all goes as well as it can.
It is tough to have relatives that are different from you.

jengod

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #44 on: February 07, 2016, 01:41:14 PM »
JUST SAY NO.

Tell DH to say that you need at least a week after the birth to recover your equilibrium, but that you promise to send scads of photos as soon as possible. You could also Skype or Facetime in lieu of an in-person visit if they have that capability.

Honestly, first-time birth is SUCH a gigantic shock to the system that I absolutely don't think you should try to accommodate ANYONE who makes you remotely uncomfortable while dealing with it.

That said, if DH keeps them well-stocked with photos and text updates, that's just a nice thing to do.

I was lucky that neither sets of parents pressed in on us during the first birth, although my parents lived just blocks from the hospital and came as soon as we called and invited them after the birth. In-laws came a few weeks later from out-of-state. I was very relieved not to have to deal with my incredibly needy MIL until after I'd had a chance to figure out being a mother for a month or two.

FWIW, by the time second baby came around I was genuinely happy to have my mother stay in the hospital with me the first night and help me get adjusted/fed, etc.

Long story short, my advice is HOLD THE LINE and don't apologize for it.

Gin1984

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #45 on: February 07, 2016, 01:48:59 PM »
Thank you for the clarification.  I think I understand that you really want to control the situation.
On the flip side, this is their grand child.  Is there not any gray area?
These descriptions seem so black and white.
I do not know anyone that would not allow a grandparent (even when they are somewhat estranged) to not come for the birth.
Yes, I know folks will respond that they do.
You obviously have lots of differences with in laws.  Alienating them regarding the birth will only make it worse, IMO.
...
Hope all goes as well as it can.
It is tough to have relatives that are different from you.

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone's feedback is appreciated. You are right that I do want to control the situation - I think that is a big part of how I am mentally/emotionally preparing for something that on the whole I'll have no control over (labor/delivery I mean). I want to at least know that people understand my wishes on this issue.

I don't think I'm making this black/white - I've said many times that I understand they will be bursting with excitement, really want to see their son as a husband and meet the baby, and that they have expectations that are a product of their experiences, culture and world views. I'm doing my best to be understanding of that and to compromise.

You say you don't know anyone who would not let the grandparents visit in the hospital; I know many people who have asked for privacy in that time. It's not about not wanting them personally there (although I recognize I might be more willing to accommodate/acquiese, depending on whether the birth goes OK and I'm feeing up to it, if they were people I found less stressful and got on really well with) - I've asked the same of my own parents, who I'm much closer to.

But you are right to remind me to do my best not to alienate anyone. One factor that goes into that is making sure that *I'm* in a good place vis. physical recovery + emotional wellbeing before their first visit. I can just as easily see my accommodating them leading to resentment and/or me being unreasonable/ungracious while they're here out of that resentment.

So it's a tricky balance. But I appreciate everyone's thoughts and well wishes, and I think after chatting things through with DH we are on the same page and have a good game plan moving forward. Other things we talked about: establishing ground rules, me having a heart to heart with my MIL sometime in the spring about to what extent we will/won't want help and that we'd like to ask for it rather than having it constantly offered [which to me feels like nagging/fussing/indictment of my abilities - YMMV!] and respecting our wishes about privacy.
The idea that this is about the child and their relationship to another person (grandparent, even father) forgets why we have a support person in the room in the first place.  It used to be that it was just the woman and men waited in the waiting room, just like any other medical procedure.  This changed because having a support person made for better medical outcomes (for child and mother).
You need to focus on what is best for you because that is what is best for your child.  What happens after that matters a lot less than your child's wellbeing.  Please do what is right for you (basically what reduces stress for you). 
The idea that you should compromise here is medically bad.

rockstache

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #46 on: February 07, 2016, 02:12:04 PM »
I think this is less about cultural norms and more about personal preference. If/when we have a child I will definitely not be inviting anyone to the hospital. I am not a side show for people to gawk at in a backless gown. When I am deemed well enough to go home, people can come visit us at home (just call first). My SIL who just had a baby wanted the exact opposite. She had visitors at all hours, anyone that wanted to stop by. In her mind it was easier to have them all at the hospital where the nurses were there to help with the baby at night. When she first went home, she didn't want any visitors for the first week or two. The important part is that she made her wishes known and we all respected them. You have made your preferences known, now hold the line. Consider their feelings and give them a chance to see the baby but don't compromise what will be best for you and your kiddo.

jengod

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #47 on: February 07, 2016, 02:35:22 PM »
P.S. I am an introvert/private/independent, too, and I just wanted to warn you: parents-in-law notwithstanding, you will not have much privacy during your time in the hospital. Nurses, residents, housekeepers, food deliverers, more nurses, supervising doctors, medical students, you name it, all will be entering your room early and often to do some or all of the following (list is incomplete):

* check your blood pressure
* check your uterus to make sure it's shrinking
* check on how much you have peed since the birth
* coach you on breastfeeding
* take the baby's blood for genetic testing (dependent on your state)
* take the baby's footprint for security purposes
* put a baby lojack on you and the baby for security purposes
* bring the birth certificate paperwork
* give you the bill
* assess your post-partum mental health
* bring you a bag of free diapers from a giant corporation
* take the baby to the nursery for a general assessment
* take the baby to the nursery in the middle of the night for a hearing test
* bring you breakfast/lunch/dinner
* check your nether regions to see how any tears or stitches are healing
* have you fill out a survey about how the medical staff served your family's needs
* take a photo of you and the baby doing skin-to-skin to showcase the hospital's commitment to baby-friendly policies

ETC

{good luck and enjoy--first babies are really a wonderful thing!}

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #48 on: February 07, 2016, 03:22:48 PM »
Good tip, jengod! And there is no "night" at the hospital. For the night shift nurses, it's daytime! During the first night after a c-section, different people come in every hour to check mom's vitals and baby's vitals, for instance. (CNA for mom, real nurse for baby.) Baby's first bath was at midnight and I remember being woken up at 4:30 am for some kind of blood draw or test that was not at all urgent, just traditionally performed by night shift.

I don't remember them ever taking baby to the nursery other than at my request after the first night. (Mr. FP went home to shower when I was not out of bed yet, and they would not let me keep baby then for safety reasons.) Hearing test and all other tests were done in my room. I did send baby to the nursery to sleep, which surprised me. Yes, I know all about the benefits of rooming in... but I was taking narcotics, and baby's breathing sounded funny, and I wanted him to be watched over by someone who was NOT on drugs. They were very good about bringing me baby to nurse.

One night, on the other hand, the nursery was CLOSED! I really wanted to send the baby, and they wouldn't let me! Just be emotionally prepared for a variety of situations.

merula

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Re: Did you invite your parents/in-laws to the hospital when baby was born?
« Reply #49 on: February 07, 2016, 03:49:06 PM »
I just want to say that I know TONS of people who didn't have all grandparents come visit at the hospital. Sometimes it was a distance issue, sometimes it was a didn't-get-along issue, sometimes it was a medical issue and sometimes it was a privacy issue. So that's my two cents.

On the due date lie, the thing I didn't realize the first time around is how much people treat it like a deadline. It's even called a "due date", like you're going to accrue late fees or something. My pregnancy book and midwife and advice websites all talked about how it's an estimate and any time three weeks before or two weeks after is perfectly normal, so that's what I psyched myself up for. But the general, non-pregnancy-focused public? It's a deadline. And if you're late, it's like a personal failing.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2016, 02:03:17 PM by merula »

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!