I have two appointments on Monday. The testing results is the first one with a psychologist. The second one is with the psychiatrist fourty-five minutes later. I am really hoping that I can get proper therapy and yes, meds. There are so many things I have been wanting to do, but truly have been unable to do. I want to be handy around the house, learn a new work skill or skills, spend time actually doing things fun with my family, etc. etc. I am really excited. At the same time, I am nervous. What if they don`t think I have ADD? If that happens I will feel like I am starting over from square one. I have been obsessing over this for two months and hoping to get help. After much reading and much thought, I can`t see any other diagnosis. Oh man, this is scaring me.
I am reminded of something from my past. I was in college going for a nursing degree and froze up in the first semester. I had trouble with terrible procrastination when it came to studying and namely, pharmacology. I didn`t learn pharmacology until the last minute. I made a B on the final and it wasn`t enough to grant me another opportnunity to repeat the semester. I was crushed. I remembered something recently that somebody said while I was there. "Did you know that 75% of the class is on Adderall?" Honestly, I didn`t know what it was at the time. I was a skeptic of the existence of ADHD. I didn`t think anything of it at the time, but now I realize that I may have been the one who actually truly needed it. Most of those other students were apparently illegally taking the drug for the advantage, and I was the one who may have actually needed it. Thinking about this puts me into depression. What if I had been diagnosed 10 years ago? Guys, I need words of encouragement and your prayers. You guys are awesome to me and I think you for all your kind words.