I recently started a relationship with someone I like a lot. We share many of the same values and interests, he makes me laugh, and time really does fly when we're together.
We're getting to a point where things are starting to feel more serious. But there's one big thing that's giving me a lot of anxiety about whether I want the relationship to get serious: he apparently comes from a financially irresponsible, emotionally unstable family. It's been mentioned a couple of times that he might end up having to support his divorced parents, who both apparently have issues with alcohol and depression. (He is definitely a black sheep in his family, and is far more like me in terms of financial and general responsibility.)
When I imagine my ideal marriage, I imagine marrying into a family of warm, stable people I admire. I am very lucky to come from such a family; full of (mostly) kind, responsible, not divorced, and financially stable people. I would love to marry someone with a similar family, since it seems like such a wonderful way to live out life and marriage.
So, of course, the question is whether I want to stay with him, even though if we eventually married, I would have to give up on my fantasy about my ideal husband's family.
I know financial disagreements are at the root of a lot of failed marriages. I don't think I would be okay with much of the savings my husband and I worked very hard for going to his parents because they were not responsible enough to look out for themselves. I save my money for my early retirement, my (potential) kids, and for helping those I love should they face some serious bad luck, not to help support their irresponsible habits. I don't expect my parents to ever need my financial help, unless they see some really terrible luck.
We're nowhere near marriage, but things are getting more serious. And I am definitely the type who dates to marry...I'm not interested in getting into a very serious relationship with someone I can't see myself marrying.
Does anyone have any advice? Are my concerns reasonable, or are they selfish or shallow or premature, since I haven't even met his family? We haven't yet talked about my concerns, even though he has been pretty open in telling me about his family's flaws (and strengths, too! they're not completely awful). How can I bring this up so that we can have a productive conversation? He's pretty sensitive, and has confided in me how he grew up hating that he came from a "messed-up family," so I'm worried I might really hurt him. :(