Author Topic: Corporate Jargon  (Read 1388 times)

Montecarlo

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 492
Corporate Jargon
« on: October 05, 2020, 06:07:23 AM »
Anyone else get annoyed by unnecessary use of buzz words?  CFO, recent meeting:

“Due to the nature of the current environment, we are going to continue to leverage the technology investments we have recently implemented”

What’s wrong with “Travel not authorized.  Use Zoom.”

LetItGrow

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 161
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2020, 06:11:20 AM »
Yeah, it does get tiresome at times. We are going through a major restructuring right now and it seems people are scared not to use the jargon being squeezed out (with a grunt if you follow) from above because somehow it won’t make them 'onboard' work the 'tech stack' and so on.

Travis

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3179
  • Location: South Korea
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2020, 07:27:55 AM »
I'm reading my 10 year old Dilbert comics from the early 2000s. He's loving every minute of it. Half the jokes I need to provide some context, but the other half are still relevant enough that he gets them right away. Scott Adams wrote in the margins of several jargon-filled comics that many of them were lifted word for word from actual corporate documents of the period.  I don't hear too much jargon at my level (plenty of acronyms though), but it seems like the moment you become a General you get a buzzword generator installed in your head. It's rare to hear one say something that isn't just speechifying with long words.


I heard a story years ago that at the beginning of WW2, the State Department was going to publish a memo dictating light discipline on the east coast to defend against spies and submarines. It was full of very long legal and MBA-sounding words and was a little longer than this entire paragraph if I recall correctly. FDR scratched out most of the memo and wrote "tell them to pull down the shades or turn the lights off."

sixwings

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 198
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2020, 10:26:01 AM »
Less complaining, more iterating!

dividendman

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1297
  • Age: 38
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2020, 10:27:49 AM »
I find the bleeding edge jargon synergizes well with out of the box thinking.

Luck12

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 389
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2020, 11:28:51 AM »
Back when I was working I always felt the urge to yell "English motherfuckers!  Do you speak it?!" during meetings. 

RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 13909
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2020, 12:03:45 PM »
TLAs  and FLAs.  Unless they are super standard (SCUBA) give the full thing first and then use the acronym.

Bloom's Taxonomy drove me nuts at work.  Plus it isn't what I consider taxonomy.

GuitarStv

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 16583
  • Age: 39
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2020, 12:54:10 PM »
In this time of big data and advertainment, paradigms are shifting and we need to realign to do a deep dive.  We really need to capture the low hanging fruit that will allow us to proactively create a value added way of leveraging right-sizing mentality in our wheelhouse.


:P

LetItGrow

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 161
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2020, 01:27:02 PM »
TLAs  and FLAs.  Unless they are super standard (SCUBA) give the full thing first and then use the acronym.

Bloom's Taxonomy drove me nuts at work.  Plus it isn't what I consider taxonomy.

I get a kick out how every company seems to think they are the only ones that use acronyms. 'Sorry we use a lot of acronyms here'. You don’t say...never experienced that before.

They have their place without a doubt, but as you say, define them first, especially in mixed company.

frugalnacho

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4216
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Madison Heights, Michigan
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2020, 01:27:30 PM »
Weird Al - Mission Statement

https://youtu.be/3Bn9b2Bywmo

We must all efficiently
Operationalize our strategies
Invest in world-class technology
And leverage our core competencies
In order to holistically administrate
Exceptional synergy
We'll set a brand trajectory
Using management's philosophy
Advance our market share vis-à-vis
Our proven methodology
With strong commitment to quality
Effectively enhancing corporate synergy
Transitioning our company
By awareness of functionality
Promoting viability
Providing our supply chain with diversity (-versity, ooooh)
We will distill our identity
Through client-centric solutions
And synergy
(Oooooh oooh oooh)
(Ahhhhhh)
At the end of the day (At the end of the day)
We must monetize our assets
The fundamentals have changed
Can you visualize a value-added experience?
That will grow the business infrastructure and
Monetize our assets
Monetize our assets
Monetize our assets
Bringing to the table
Our capitalized reputation
Proactively overseeing
Day-to-day operations
Services and deliverables
With cross-platform innovation
Networking soon will bring seamless integration
Robust and scalable, bleeding-edge and next-generation
Best of breed
We'll succeed
In achieving globalization
Gaining traction with our resources in the marketplace
It's mission-critical to stay incentivized
Against this purple-poster-flexible-solutions for our customer base
If you can't think outside the box
You'll be downsized
It's a paradigm shift! (Hey, Hey! Look out!)
Well, it's a paradigm shift, now!
(Here we go! Here we go! Here we come! Here we come! Ha!)

LetItGrow

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 161
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #10 on: October 05, 2020, 01:29:34 PM »
Back when I was working I always felt the urge to yell "English motherfuckers!  Do you speak it?!" during meetings.

What?

dividendman

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1297
  • Age: 38
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #11 on: October 05, 2020, 02:52:39 PM »
Back when I was working I always felt the urge to yell "English motherfuckers!  Do you speak it?!" during meetings.

What?

What ain't no country I ever heard of! Do they speak English in what?

scottish

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1796
  • Location: Ottawa
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #12 on: October 05, 2020, 02:55:48 PM »
In this time of big data and advertainment, paradigms are shifting and we need to realign to do a deep dive.  We really need to capture the low hanging fruit that will allow us to proactively create a value added way of leveraging right-sizing mentality in our wheelhouse.


:P

What's the net-net on that?

GuitarStv

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 16583
  • Age: 39
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #13 on: October 05, 2020, 02:57:40 PM »
In this time of big data and advertainment, paradigms are shifting and we need to realign to do a deep dive.  We really need to capture the low hanging fruit that will allow us to proactively create a value added way of leveraging right-sizing mentality in our wheelhouse.


:P

What's the net-net on that?

Can I ping you back on that?  TPS reports to file. . .

RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 13909
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #14 on: October 06, 2020, 08:09:42 AM »
Reading all that, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.  So glad I'm retired.

Financial.Velociraptor

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1631
  • Age: 48
  • Location: Houston TX
  • Devour your prey raptors!
    • Financial Velociraptor
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #15 on: October 06, 2020, 08:31:01 AM »
When I was close to FIRE there was an all hands meeting to brainstorm solutions to a thorny problem.  My Give-A-Shit-O-Meter was on the big red "E" so I raised a hand and asked "Have we tried Jargon yet?"

markbike528CBX

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1421
  • Location: the Everbrown part of the Evergreen State (WA)
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #16 on: October 06, 2020, 08:35:29 AM »
I'm reading my 10 year old Dilbert comics from the early 2000s. He's loving every minute of it. Half the jokes I need to provide some context, but the other half are still relevant enough that he gets them right away. Scott Adams wrote in the margins of several jargon-filled comics that many of them were lifted word for word from actual corporate documents of the period.  I don't hear too much jargon at my level (plenty of acronyms though), but it seems like the moment you become a General you get a buzzword generator installed in your head. It's rare to hear one say something that isn't just speechifying with long words.


I heard a story years ago that at the beginning of WW2, the State Department was going to publish a memo dictating light discipline on the east coast to defend against spies and submarines. It was full of very long legal and MBA-sounding words and was a little longer than this entire paragraph if I recall correctly. FDR scratched out most of the memo and wrote "tell them to pull down the shades or turn the lights off."

For those of you who lack a buzzword generator, I present:

https://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html

I once made up Buzzword Bingo cards for an "all hands" meeting. 

The east coast blackout didn't start immediately, but only after such horrendous shipping losses that the German U-boats called it "The Second Happy Time".

Semi!BigCorp put out a "5-year plan" pamphlet with substantial jargon,  SemiBigCorp was bankrupt within 3 years.

LennStar

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2113
  • Location: Germany
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #17 on: October 07, 2020, 04:31:08 AM »
You guys forget the reason of that BS: It is to make the one using it look more important and knowledgeable to be able to exercise control on the lesser foot soldiers.

It is also used in politics if you need to say things you don't want to say. As a satirist put it: If you understand this sentence, it has failed it's purpose.

friedmmj

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 182
  • Age: 53
  • Location: USA
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #18 on: October 08, 2020, 09:40:38 AM »
You guys forget the reason of that BS: It is to make the one using it look more important and knowledgeable to be able to exercise control on the lesser foot soldiers.

It is also used in politics if you need to say things you don't want to say. As a satirist put it: If you understand this sentence, it has failed it's purpose.

The jargon is even more impressive when it is spoken in a foreign accent.

J Boogie

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1357
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #19 on: October 14, 2020, 09:33:34 PM »
As part of our ongoing commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion our Chief diversity officer will be outlining our action plan in the wake of the recent tragedies. It will be followed by a diversity panel discussion on privilege and disparities led by professor hyphenated surname.

Be well,

Jake
Ceo
He/him

LennStar

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2113
  • Location: Germany
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #20 on: October 15, 2020, 04:17:20 AM »
I am always amazed there is no Chief Bullshit Officer in any corporation.

Travis

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3179
  • Location: South Korea
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #21 on: October 15, 2020, 07:01:35 AM »
I am always amazed there is no Chief Bullshit Officer in any corporation.

Calling it out or creating more of it?

GuitarStv

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 16583
  • Age: 39
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #22 on: October 15, 2020, 07:06:56 AM »
I am always amazed there is no Chief Bullshit Officer in any corporation.

Calling it out or creating more of it?

Yes.

Phenix

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 129
  • Location: Ohio
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #23 on: October 15, 2020, 07:25:24 AM »
I am always amazed there is no Chief Bullshit Officer in any corporation.

Calling it out or creating more of it?

Yes.

What would you say...  you do here?


Edit: Had to correct the movie quote.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2020, 07:31:42 AM by Phenix »

LennStar

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2113
  • Location: Germany
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #24 on: October 15, 2020, 09:25:24 AM »
I am always amazed there is no Chief Bullshit Officer in any corporation.

Calling it out or creating more of it?

Yes.

What would you say...  you do here?


Edit: Had to correct the movie quote.

Harness leading-edge schemas to fully high-power our synergies.

turketron

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 583
  • Age: 34
  • Location: WI
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #25 on: October 15, 2020, 09:31:19 AM »
I've been hearing "the new normal" ad nauseam in basically all of our company meetings since COVID started, if you used that phrase for a drinking game you'd be hammered every meeting.  Not sure if it's considered jargon but definitely a new corporate "buzzword."

GuitarStv

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 16583
  • Age: 39
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #26 on: October 15, 2020, 09:53:53 AM »
I've been hearing "the new normal" ad nauseam in basically all of our company meetings since COVID started, if you used that phrase for a drinking game you'd be hammered every meeting.  Not sure if it's considered jargon but definitely a new corporate "buzzword."

Hearing the new normal is the new normal.  It helps to proactively align synergies in these trying times.

Montecarlo

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 492
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #27 on: October 15, 2020, 10:53:23 AM »
Hearing the new normal is the new normal.  It helps to proactively align synergies in these trying times.

This is a winner here!

Montecarlo

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 492
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #28 on: October 15, 2020, 10:58:38 AM »
I wonder how guilty I am and don't know it sometimes.

I laid off some low performers this week, and called all the managers who stood to benefit from the removal of the substandard work.  I told them the low performers were "reassigned to other duties"

katsiki

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1597
  • Age: 40
  • Location: La.
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #29 on: October 15, 2020, 04:03:06 PM »
This is great!

I despise "holistic".

Paul der Krake

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5080
  • Age: 12
  • Location: UTC-10:00
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #30 on: October 15, 2020, 04:50:04 PM »
Do you people even scale?

Travis

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3179
  • Location: South Korea
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #31 on: October 15, 2020, 06:33:27 PM »
I've been hearing "the new normal" ad nauseam in basically all of our company meetings since COVID started, if you used that phrase for a drinking game you'd be hammered every meeting.  Not sure if it's considered jargon but definitely a new corporate "buzzword."

Hearing the new normal is the new normal.  It helps to proactively align synergies in these trying times.

Already mentioned in the "phrases I hate" thread. I'm sure a lot of corporate jargon is buried in there.

calimom

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1147
  • Location: Northern California
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #32 on: October 16, 2020, 08:24:18 PM »
Clearly  it's time to pivot.

Malcat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3397
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #33 on: October 17, 2020, 11:19:06 AM »
I've been hearing "the new normal" ad nauseam in basically all of our company meetings since COVID started, if you used that phrase for a drinking game you'd be hammered every meeting.  Not sure if it's considered jargon but definitely a new corporate "buzzword."

Hearing the new normal is the new normal.  It helps to proactively align synergies in these trying times.

*Unprecedented times*

Fuck, get it right GuitarStv

GuitarStv

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 16583
  • Age: 39
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #34 on: October 17, 2020, 12:02:07 PM »
I've been hearing "the new normal" ad nauseam in basically all of our company meetings since COVID started, if you used that phrase for a drinking game you'd be hammered every meeting.  Not sure if it's considered jargon but definitely a new corporate "buzzword."

Hearing the new normal is the new normal.  It helps to proactively align synergies in these trying times.

*Unprecedented times*

Fuck, get it right GuitarStv

In these unprecedented times it's important to pivot our alignments away from the low hanging fruit of blame assignment and holistically right think our way to proactivity.

John Galt incarnate!

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1529
  • Location: On Cloud Nine
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #35 on: October 17, 2020, 02:23:53 PM »
You guys forget the reason of that BS: It is to make the one using it look more important and knowledgeable to be able to exercise control on the lesser foot soldiers.

It is also used in politics if you need to say things you don't want to say. As a satirist put it: If you understand this sentence, it has failed it's purpose.


"In Washington, telling the truth is a gaffe."

katsiki

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1597
  • Age: 40
  • Location: La.
Re: Corporate Jargon
« Reply #36 on: October 17, 2020, 05:17:38 PM »
In these unprecedented times it's important to pivot our alignments away from the low hanging fruit of blame assignment and holistically right think our way to proactivity.

I think we have a winner!!  :)