Author Topic: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?  (Read 8186 times)

Zamboni

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #50 on: July 10, 2017, 08:38:15 PM »
^Yes, that is a double betrayal by the sister. I don't understand family dynamics sometimes.

OP needs to decide how "like family" he feels about Mike. It's a weird situation because it's betrayal by someone who is family (SIL) on something who is "like family."

iris lily

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #51 on: July 10, 2017, 09:39:55 PM »
     Mike should be told ASAP, and before any more money is spent on her. It's a terrible betrayal. How long has it been since she worked? She is an adult, and should pay her way.  Many on this forum have experienced infidelity,I doubt they would like to know people they trusted were in the know and minded their own business.
     I discussed the pain and deceit of infidelity with a casual acquaintance , and she told me matter-of-factly that she knows her sister's husband is in a long term affair with another woman, and that her sister doesn't know. She won't tell her sister, so in my book it's a double betrayal. She told me that she let her brother in law know that she knew what he was doing, and ,instead of telling him to fess up or she would tell her sister, she accepted his word that he would never hurt her sister. The word of a lying cheat. He can have his cake and eat it too.
   
I think you may be viewing this too heavily through your own lense, a lense colored by the story of your friend's sister.
Remember that the young woman in question hasnt seen Mike in almost a year. Why is Mike continuing to pay toward her upkeep? Only Mike knows that.

« Last Edit: July 11, 2017, 10:47:24 AM by iris lily »

LeRainDrop

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #52 on: July 10, 2017, 09:46:10 PM »
At the end of the day, you are worrying about the wrong people here you are worried about Mike, and Rob, and Karen when you really need to be worrying about you and your wife. You guys need to protect yourselves and your marriage, not Karen or her boyfriends. She is a threat to the people around her and she is already damaging your own life in tangible ways. Remove the threat as strategically and nicely as possible, but remove it asap.

This, +1000

+2000

Cali Nonya

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #53 on: July 11, 2017, 10:00:32 AM »
Mr. Anonymous OP:

Any updates for us with curious minds?

monstermonster

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #54 on: July 11, 2017, 10:44:45 AM »
I hope you and your wife are doing okay and that this soap opera has resolved itself a bit (and that you've gotten yourself out of this co-dependency.)
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arebelspy

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #55 on: September 13, 2017, 12:35:10 AM »
Wild.

What did you decide to do, if anything?

Following, for any potential future updates.
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hoping2retire35

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #56 on: September 14, 2017, 06:27:21 AM »
bumping because I want to know.

After reading everyone's responses, I think the one that makes the most sense is just confront her. "I know what you did. Mike is our friend, break it off with him, get out of our house, and I don't care about Rob but I never want to meet him."

I know everyone thinks you can't say anything, which I almost agree with except what if Mike proposes to her...then you have to hold a secret for ever. Not good.

iris lily

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #57 on: September 14, 2017, 09:50:35 AM »
bumping because I want to know.

After reading everyone's responses, I think the one that makes the most sense is just confront her. "I know what you did. Mike is our friend, break it off with him, get out of our house, and I don't care about Rob but I never want to meet him."

I know everyone thinks you can't say anything, which I almost agree with except what if Mike proposes to her...then you have to hold a secret for ever. Not good.

What is the secret he has to hold? Do you mean she was seeing Rob, another guy?

That isnt the OP's secret, it is the crazy girl's secret. It is hers to hide or to tell as she chooses.

"Confronting" her is silly other than to move her out of OP's house, that is the only issue in which he has standing here.

He has no standing in her romantic entanglements. If his friend Mike marries her, it is up to Mike investigate the character of his bride. The circus and the monkeys thing is important in life.

And seriously, dude, Mike knows something is up with this chick, there is no real "secret" to divulge.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2017, 09:52:06 AM by iris lily »

hoping2retire35

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #58 on: September 14, 2017, 10:10:17 AM »
bumping because I want to know.

After reading everyone's responses, I think the one that makes the most sense is just confront her. "I know what you did. Mike is our friend, break it off with him, get out of our house, and I don't care about Rob but I never want to meet him."

I know everyone thinks you can't say anything, which I almost agree with except what if Mike proposes to her...then you have to hold a secret for ever. Not good.

What is the secret he has to hold? Do you mean she was seeing Rob, another guy?

That isnt the OP's secret, it is the crazy girl's secret. It is hers to hide or to tell as she chooses.

"Confronting" her is silly other than to move her out of OP's house, that is the only issue in which he has standing here.

He has no standing in her romantic entanglements. If his friend Mike marries her, it is up to Mike investigate the character of his bride. The circus and the monkeys thing is important in life.

And seriously, dude, Mike knows something is up with this chick, there is no real "secret" to divulge.

except OP will have awkward family gatherings for the next 60 years.

iris lily

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #59 on: September 14, 2017, 10:33:28 AM »
bumping because I want to know.

After reading everyone's responses, I think the one that makes the most sense is just confront her. "I know what you did. Mike is our friend, break it off with him, get out of our house, and I don't care about Rob but I never want to meet him."

I know everyone thinks you can't say anything, which I almost agree with except what if Mike proposes to her...then you have to hold a secret for ever. Not good.

What is the secret he has to hold? Do you mean she was seeing Rob, another guy?

That isnt the OP's secret, it is the crazy girl's secret. It is hers to hide or to tell as she chooses.

"Confronting" her is silly other than to move her out of OP's house, that is the only issue in which he has standing here.

He has no standing in her romantic entanglements. If his friend Mike marries her, it is up to Mike investigate the character of his bride. The circus and the monkeys thing is important in life.

And seriously, dude, Mike knows something is up with this chick, there is no real "secret" to divulge.

except OP will have awkward family gatherings for the next 60 years.
Not if the OP takes to heart the simple truth that THIS IS NOT HIS CIRCUS. If he is uncomfortable with the fact, assuming it is fact, that crazy girl had another boyfriend while Mike was supporting her, that is entirely on the OP and his own values.

For all the OP knows, Mike has agreed that crazy girl can bang another guy while they are on a break. It seems that both you and the OP are pretty wound up sbout this cheating broad, yet Mike isnt.

Interesting.

iris lily

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #60 on: September 14, 2017, 10:38:45 AM »
Karen sounds fun.  I like her.  She seems to be able to live without a job which is a huge Mustachian skill.  I might like to join the circus.  Can I get a refill on this popcorn please?
i missed this comment the first time through this soap opera.

Hilarious! Best post on this thread.

People like Karen do provide a lot of free entertainment to others, adding to her Mustachean credentials. Way to go, Karen!
« Last Edit: September 14, 2017, 10:40:17 AM by iris lily »

hoping2retire35

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Re: Complicated "relationship" situation (not mine) what to do?
« Reply #61 on: September 14, 2017, 11:04:23 AM »
sigh,

So if your friend is in an underpaid, underappreciated job; you work in another department so you 'hear things'. They think that promotion is at the next annual review; you know they are downsizing that department. There is another job open with a shorter commute, slight pay raise, seems like a more stable organization, yet your friend is change averse. Do you say nothing?

Granted, lots of unique situations where you would not. Just the blanket statement of 'say nothing' doesn't fly.