Cat behavior problems - ideas welcome

[Sibley]

So, before I strangle the cat....

Arwen is 12, coming up on 13. She is imperfectly socialized, doesn't know how to make cat friends, is not going to attack but isn't going to approach you. She also clearly wants another cat in the house, she just wants that cat to keep its distance from her and me. She is not good about sharing.

Rosie is 10-12 years old, I adopted her in July because Arwen was unhappy as an only cat. Rosie is the complete opposite of Arwen. She's friendly, outgoing, loves other people and cats. She wants to be friends! Play, cuddle, whatever. She follows me around, sleeps next to or on me. More than happy to have Arwen sleeping near her. Also apparently doesn't mind getting wet, but that isn't relevant here.

Arwen has been extremely bad tempered. She's growling and hissing at Rosie, bullying her, etc. She's then turning around and growling/hissing at ME. None of this behavior is acceptable. The root is that she feels like Rosie has usurped me, when in reality I'm trying to get Arwen to come sit with me and get petted, anything, and Arwen won't. Arwen is generally grumpy, unpleasant, unhappy.

Arwen goes to the vet tomorrow to check if something is going on that could contribute. My assumption is that she's being a bitch and needs to get over herself. But I've tried everything I can think of to fix this. It's not working, and if I can't resolve this ultimately I'll have to rehome Rosie. If that happens, I refuse to adopt another cat while Arwen is alive, which means she'll spend the rest of her life unhappy about being the only cat. Not a good outcome for either.

Ideas?

[Padonak]

Buy them some valerian root. It gets cats high.

https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-870/valerian

https://www.catster.com/lifestyle/cat-behavior-tips-humor-stoned-totally-legal

[AccidentialMustache]

Is Arwen "motivated" by anything? When we were fostering cats, we had a couple who were not happy playful friendly little kitties. Our key was always to find what was motivating for them and use that to break the behavior.

One was food motivated, but we couldn't get just wet food to do it. Tuna though... she'd die for tuna. So we used tuna. Pick up cat, present tuna. Let cat go as soon as she got the tuna off the plate. Repeat for a couple days. Suddenly pick up cat didn't turn to struggle/claws/considering biting but ears up eyes open happy. We then switched out for other foods and started adding some delay plus affection. I won't say the cat was every a cuddly lap cat, but she was at least friendly enough to get adopted and passed their behavioral tests.

[Life in Balance]

When I was fostering a friend's cats (he had passed away), my own cats were also hissy and growly.  I was told to have them encounter each other when rewards were present.  So, they would be given food at the same time and slowly move the food bowls closer together.  Play time involved two toys and attention to both simultaneously.  I also tried to give them time apart every day (by shutting the fosters in the spare bedroom).  The fosters lived in the spare room for the first week or so and then I gradually let them explore and expand their time out of the room sharing the house with my cats. 

[FIFoFum]

What makes you so sure that Arwen wants the company of any other cat at all? You've mentioned this statement twice without any other evidence or proof that she doesn't want to be an only cat. Many adult cats who have lived without other cats do not want another cat in the home. Bringing in another cat will most certainly make them grumpy and unpleasant at best.

Beyond that, it sounds like Rosie is still pretty new in your home. Getting used to a new cat can sometimes take months, even with adult cats that don't mind others. If you skipped the steps of a VERY slow introduction - e.g., not expecting both cats to share the same spaces right away/almost right away - then you may have inadvertently made this adjustment much worse.

[Frankies Girl]

It take a while sometimes. Like 6 months.

I have a mother cat that HATED other cats. She had been feral and before I caught her, had at least 3 pregnancies. One of the litters - 2 kittens - I adopted and turned into indoor only cats. When I finally caught the mother cat and got her fixed and brought her in, she attacked EVERYONE with blood-curdling screams and looked like she was going to murder the others. She was kept in a separate room for months, only allowed out supervised and it took about 6 months to socialize her. She wasn't unhappy in the room but she really needed to feel that she had HER space and was fed separately so she never felt that her food source was in danger. I think it just took her a while as she was used to being alone and likely had to fight for food/safe shelter all her life so all cats were the enemy until she learned there was enough to go around. I also allowed the others into her room after a few months supervised when she was being fed (they were too) and petted and talked to her to get her used to the idea of having others around, but always removed them if she got bitchy.

She now plays with the other cats, I have found her napping on the bed with one of the cats she tried to kill on numerous occasions so close together their paws were touching.

I would make sure that Arwen is fed separately and has a room that is just hers and an extra litter box in a different area for a time. As long as they don't feel that their territory is threatened, it can help them relax a bit around the interloper. 

I'm sure you've tried this, but I've actually use the Feliway stuff with some success. Our vet keeps the plugin diffusers in the exam rooms but there are calming collars that may help. I've read that a regular scent diffuser may be able to work if you get lavender/chamomille scent if the Feliway diffuser seems too dear.

[Sibley]

Arwen is not strongly motivated by much except catching mice. There have been several in the past couple weeks. I still am unsure of the status of the most recent mouse, though at this point I assume she probably ate it. Arwen also is not affected by catnip. She is not highly food motivated, though does enjoy treats. She's more play motivated but preferred toys are mice. I've tried all sorts of toys, and while she'll occasionally play nothing is consistent enough to be a true motivator.

Rosie was introduced slowly, she spent a week in a room separated while I exchanged blankets, etc. Arwen initiated the in person introductions (she broke into the room). I controlled their interactions and gave frequent breaks where Rosie was back in her room. From the very beginning, Rosie was clearly friendly and wanted to be friends. Arwen doesn't know how to cope with that. Rosie wasn't left out overnight until the 3rd week. At that stage, Arwen was fairly ok with Rosie. She didn't like that Rosie wanted to play, but she'd glare at her and was generally fine.

It wasn't until later that things progressed to where we are now. There were two main drivers. First, Rosie was food insecure, and was bugging Arwen during meal times. I took steps a while ago to address that and it's mostly no longer an issue. They get fed in seperate locations now. The bigger problem is that Rosie wants to be near me pretty much 24/7. She sleeps next to me on the couch. She wants to sleep on the bed with me. She follows me around the house. Arwen is jealous because Rosie gets all this time with me, not realizing that she too can come up with me. Arwen does not want to share. I am trying, and have been trying, to encourage Arwen to get cuddle time with me. It's not working.

Arwen was adopted as a kitten when I already had an older cat, Sibley. She wasn't an only cat until Sibley died. At that point, I wasn't sure, and gave Arwen several months to adjust and see what she wanted. The first couple weeks Arwen was fine, and then things started to sink in. She became progressively more unhappy. I did a hospice foster to test as it was an easy way out if needed, and while the foster cat wasn't a good long term fit for the house, he was also sick and dying. Arwen was clearly more relaxed and happier with Auburn in the house. When he died, I again gave Arwen some time and she again was pretty unhappy. So I adopted Jill. Jill and Arwen got along very well. Arwen introduced herself to Jill, and Jill followed Arwen's lead on pretty much everything. Unfortunately, Jill developed cancer and died in early May.

Looking back - Arwen has never sat on me/approached me much when there was another cat already there. It was rare that I had both Sibley and Arwen on me at the same time. Arwen and Auburn was similar. I think I had both Arwen and Jill on me at the same time, once. The difference I think is that none of the previous cats have been so determined to be near me all the time.

I do have Feliway going. I haven't seen much impact.

[Daley]

I do have Feliway going. I haven't seen much impact.

Classic or multicat, how long, and how densely/strategically placed is it?

During the last year of our old cat's life when she was going blind and winding down when we unexpectedly had to bring in another cat, it took strategic placement of both types of Feliway to keep the house calm. The new cat responded better to the multicat to make him more chill toward the older one, and we set that up in his area, and the old one responded better to the classic in her area to calm her nerves about him being around. We mixed pheromones for the common area, three diffusers in all. It also took nearly a month before the hormone hacking really started to appreciably make a difference, but after five months we were finally able to have both sleeping in the same room with minimal issue, and after eight months, we didn't need to rely on it to keep the peace. They never really got along, and we still had to do the house in shifts, but it worked and kept the peace until she passed.

[Sibley]

I do have Feliway going. I haven't seen much impact.

Classic or multicat, how long, and how densely/strategically placed is it?

During the last year of our old cat's life when she was going blind and winding down when we unexpectedly had to bring in another cat, it took strategic placement of both types of Feliway to keep the house calm. The new cat responded better to the multicat to make him more chill toward the older one, and we set that up in his area, and the old one responded better to the classic in her area to calm her nerves about him being around. We mixed pheromones for the common area, three diffusers in all. It also took nearly a month before the hormone hacking really started to appreciably make a difference, but after five months we were finally able to have both sleeping in the same room with minimal issue, and after eight months, we didn't need to rely on it to keep the peace. They never really got along, and we still had to do the house in shifts, but it worked and kept the peace until she passed.

That's a good point, they do work differently. I've got multicat going. I'll get another diffuser or 2 and some classic, see if that helps. The multicat has been going for less than a month, but the windows are also wide open. Thanks.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

The hissing at you is called misplaced aggression. She's stressed out. Cats are extremely territorial. Previously, the entire house (and you) has been Arwen's territory. She can adjust to a smaller territory, but it has to be clearly defined. I suggest you make one room completely Arwen's territory. The other cat is not allowed in. It won't be a long term fix, but it won't need to be. It will just give Arwen space to adjust. Perhaps choose where her main night sleeping place is.

Definitely get a diffuser to help the situation. The other thing you can do is make the other cat smell as much like Arwen as possible. So take Arwen's bedding and rub it all over the other cat. Do that every day. It won't take as long as you think. Cats are smart. It's all about smell, though. Cats are as smell-centric as dogs are.

Whatever you do, keep their food bowls entirely separate, like out of each other's sight separate. They cannot view each other as competition for food or you will have one cat that hates the other forever.

Just re-reading your posts: It sounds like Rosie could be feeling insecure also, but she's expressing this in a way that you find acceptable, ie following you around and wanting to be near you. They need to establish themselves as separate cats in a multicat home before they can live together, if you know what I mean. They need their own safe places to retreat to. Rosie's is currently you. Arwen is having trouble working out where she fits, because Rosie is in her space and hogging her person, as well as trying for her food. No wonder she's pissed! Send them each to their territory and let them settle, add diffusers, take a little time before you expect them to interact again.

[ministashy]

How long did you keep them separate before introducing them to each other?  When introducing older cats, most recommendations I've seen from experts are to keep them apart for several weeks (at a minimum) so they can establish 'their' territory, then slowly introduce them through gates, cracked open doors, etc, making sure to fuss and love on each of them in turn so neither feels neglected or deposed.  In the case of older cats, it can take months.  It's a lot of hassle, but if you want a happy multi-cat household, it can be pretty essential.  You may have to step back and just start over (and hope Arwen hasn't decided Rosie is her eternal enemy.)

Jackson Galaxy has some really good videos on Youtube about cat introductions and dealing with cats who dislike each other--I definitely recommend you check them out.

[Sibley]

The hissing at you is called misplaced aggression. She's stressed out. Cats are extremely territorial. Previously, the entire house (and you) has been Arwen's territory. She can adjust to a smaller territory, but it has to be clearly defined. I suggest you make one room completely Arwen's territory. The other cat is not allowed in. It won't be a long term fix, but it won't need to be. It will just give Arwen space to adjust. Perhaps choose where her main night sleeping place is.

Definitely get a diffuser to help the situation. The other thing you can do is make the other cat smell as much like Arwen as possible. So take Arwen's bedding and rub it all over the other cat. Do that every day. It won't take as long as you think. Cats are smart. It's all about smell, though. Cats are as smell-centric as dogs are.

Whatever you do, keep their food bowls entirely separate, like out of each other's sight separate. They cannot view each other as competition for food or you will have one cat that hates the other forever.

Just re-reading your posts: It sounds like Rosie could be feeling insecure also, but she's expressing this in a way that you find acceptable, ie following you around and wanting to be near you. They need to establish themselves as separate cats in a multicat home before they can live together, if you know what I mean. They need their own safe places to retreat to. Rosie's is currently you. Arwen is having trouble working out where she fits, because Rosie is in her space and hogging her person, as well as trying for her food. No wonder she's pissed! Send them each to their territory and let them settle, add diffusers, take a little time before you expect them to interact again.

This makes a lot of sense. Now to figure out how to make it happen!

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

The hissing at you is called misplaced aggression. She's stressed out. Cats are extremely territorial. Previously, the entire house (and you) has been Arwen's territory. She can adjust to a smaller territory, but it has to be clearly defined. I suggest you make one room completely Arwen's territory. The other cat is not allowed in. It won't be a long term fix, but it won't need to be. It will just give Arwen space to adjust. Perhaps choose where her main night sleeping place is.

Definitely get a diffuser to help the situation. The other thing you can do is make the other cat smell as much like Arwen as possible. So take Arwen's bedding and rub it all over the other cat. Do that every day. It won't take as long as you think. Cats are smart. It's all about smell, though. Cats are as smell-centric as dogs are.

Whatever you do, keep their food bowls entirely separate, like out of each other's sight separate. They cannot view each other as competition for food or you will have one cat that hates the other forever.

Just re-reading your posts: It sounds like Rosie could be feeling insecure also, but she's expressing this in a way that you find acceptable, ie following you around and wanting to be near you. They need to establish themselves as separate cats in a multicat home before they can live together, if you know what I mean. They need their own safe places to retreat to. Rosie's is currently you. Arwen is having trouble working out where she fits, because Rosie is in her space and hogging her person, as well as trying for her food. No wonder she's pissed! Send them each to their territory and let them settle, add diffusers, take a little time before you expect them to interact again.

This makes a lot of sense. Now to figure out how to make it happen!

Interesting, isn't it? You thought Arwen was being rude, but actually it's Rosie who is breaching cat social etiquette. Not that it's her fault - she's doesn't know what to do. Just separate them in key areas - bed, food bowls, places near you, because you do have two sides to claim on the couch - and it should get easier going forward.

[BussoV6]

We have often taken in older cats looking for a home. What works for us is to try and make sure the new cat is the younger cat. Then, you need to re-inforce the pecking order. After an initial week or two of keeping them separate, we let them loose, but totally ignore the new arrival while the older cat is present. They eat together but the older cat gets a bowl of food first, wait 20 - 30 seconds then only put the younger cats food down.

Older cat gets priority on petting, strokes, attention, food and everything. Younger cat only gets attention in private. Both cats then know their place in the pecking order.

Good luck with your two.

[Sibley]

Well, Feliway classic is on the way. Hope that gets here soon.

Arwen is a little calmer, mostly because I've adjusted how I'm handling the situation. She however REFUSES to sit with me, sleep in my room, etc. This is normal, albeit unhelpful behavior from Arwen. She's gotten some good cuddles in passing, and also got a clean bill from the vet. I do need to brush her which never really goes well, and it's getting towards claw trimming time for both cats.

Edit: Feliway classic just arrived and is setup. Put it in the 2 rooms that Arwen is hanging out in most, with Multicat in the main shared area. Cross your fingers.

[GuitarStv]

Are you sure your syntax is right?  As long as you follow

cat [OPTION] [FILE]...

the behaviour should be as expected.

[Sibley]

Are you sure your syntax is right?  As long as you follow

cat [OPTION] [FILE]...

the behaviour should be as expected.

LOL. I'm enough of a techy that that is hilarious.

Arwen has numerous bugs, which result in unexpected run results. Debugging has only been partially successful. Good thing she's cute.

[moneypitfeeder]

I wonder if Arwin is looking for an older "mama/papa" figure cat, or if your previous cat being the older dominate housecat means Arwin is now the "head of house". You said Sibley was older and it is possible that Arwin no. 1, tolerated Sibley and/or looked up to him or her as a parental figure; and no. 2, much like my current fur-monster, when the older parent figure passed they might be a little sad, but want to seriously assert their gained dominance and a new usurper is just a no-go. I wish you the best of luck, with my Gabby Mayhem, she showed up on our doorstep at about 7 months old and in bad shape. We had a 12-ish yr old fluffy, former mommy, mush of a cat that showed her the ropes. The 2 tolerated each other (the older cat sometimes begrudgingly), but now that she is gone, the little (now 7 yr old) doesn't tolerate other kitties at all. She went through a bit of depression, and we are still trying to figure out foods she likes to eat. She used to eat anything Syrah ate (along with Syrah's food) but now previous fan favorites are often ignored. Esp. after I've bought a case of cans. I think right now my Gabs is trying to figure out how to be the leader, maybe Arwin is trying to do the same, and "take the ropes."

[Free Spirit]

First, I want to offer my sympathies because this is hard. I have two cats that barely tolerate each other and they have now been together for 15 months. We brought in a young cat for our slightly older cat to have a play mate and she did NOT appreciate it at all. We kept them mostly separated and my husband and I even slept in different rooms with each cat for the first 5 months. Feliway didn't work one bit, cat nip seemed to make things worse, and prozac didn't do much besides turn the cats into zombies, something I didn't feel right about. I feel your pain.

But a couple of months ago I had a break through and found something that actually did work, Rescue Remedy Pet. It's a homeopathic flower tincture you can add to their water bowls or even direct if needed. I put 4-5 drops in their medium size water fountain and the younger cat gets a boop on the snoot with a drop if he bugs the older cat too much. It's working for curbing his bad habits and the drops in the water have helped calm them both down. Yes, it is on the pricier side but it actually works for my cats so I will never go without it. Another thing that my vet prescribed is gabapentin, it's not an every day thing but when my older cat is anxious about something like thunderstorms or a vet visit it helps her to be able to handle those situations AND makes her brave enough to deal with the younger cat instead of running and hiding.
One last tip, and if you said this already I apologize, but I try to give each cat at least 30 minutes of play time without the other one around. I tried to get them to play together but it just isn't working because my younger cat takes over and bullies the older one and she just gives up and hides. I have to separate them completely so the older one will be relaxed enough to enjoy play time, she seems to look forward to it every night so I like to think of it as her de-stress time.

I hope you find something that works for you! Just know that you are not alone in these struggles! Some cats aren't meant to be friends and that's ok too but I'm not one to give up without a fight and I presume you're the same. :)

[Sibley]

Status report here.

Things are calming down a tad. My revised handling of Arwen is having an impact. I'm throwing money at the food problem, Rosie can't leave Arwen's alone, Arwen isn't leaving Rosie's alone, and it causes conflict. Plus, Arwen has gained about 2 pounds. I had made adjustments previously and am making a few more. Namely, both cats will have a microchip feeder. Arwen already has one.

Feliway all over the house seems to be slowly helping. Very slowly.

My sister is visiting for a week, so hopefully her being here will help distract Rosie so I can get Arwen to chill out more. Arwen has no use for my sister (or most humans really), but Rosie is quite friendly and I'm sure will be happy to get petted and play.

Otherwise, we're just getting through each day. It is helpful that Rosie does not seem to sleep in cat beds, so there's no conflict over those. They can, of course, sleep a few inches apart in an effort to sleep in the sun patch. Cats are weird.

[Daley]

Cats are weird.

I'll drink to that.

[Sibley]

Well, this might have been a factor. Arwen is at the vet today for a dental. Nothing obvious to the vet wrong, but my gut was telling me to do the dental. They called - she had a chipped canine (backside where they couldn't see it without cooperation from the cat), and there was related inflammation and other problems. Definitely causing pain. That tooth has been removed. No idea when that tooth got chipped, but the pain I'm sure has contributed.

I'll pick Arwen up later today, baby her for a few days while her mouth heals and see what happens.

Otherwise, Feliway has calmed things down. Arwen has been sleeping with me at night again. But still very growly at Rosie. Rosie is not helping by basically being a brat and velcro'ed to me.

[GuitarStv]

Are you sure your syntax is right?  As long as you follow

cat [OPTION] [FILE]...

the behaviour should be as expected.

LOL. I'm enough of a techy that that is hilarious.

Arwen has numerous bugs, which result in unexpected run results. Debugging has only been partially successful. Good thing she's cute.

Just watch out for core dumps on the rug.

:P

[norajean]

Maybe you need to call that kook with the guitar case full of cat whips.

[Sibley]

About 2 weeks out from the dental, Arwen is doing well. Her mouth isn't fully healed yet but vet says it's doing quite well. Losing a canine is tough. Overall, Arwen is much happier. More normal routines, much less crabby, more happy times. She's still yelling at Rosie but it's more reasonable yelling. I even had Arwen come up and sleep on my lap last weekend while Rosie was sleeping next to me, which was fine until Rosie woke up and tried to friendly sniff, which was grounds for hissing and running away. Sigh. We'll get there.

I'm now embarking on trying to figure out why Rosie has diarrhea. Suspect a food intolerance, wish me luck.

[MudPuppy]

Poor kitties! So stressed! Stress poos are the worst. I hope they adjust soon.

[Sibley]

I figured I'd close this saga. Rosie is going back to the shelter on Friday. Arwen just doesn't want her. Arwen is miserable and depressed, and she's not exactly making Rosie comfortable as a result. I'd hoped that my parents could take her, but we're pretty sure one of their cats would not accept it.

I hate this. I've tried everything, and we have achieved something of a truce. But just because its peaceful doesn't make it happy. Cats are weird indeed.

[Daley]

I'm sorry to hear that, Sibley. You really gave it the old college try, though... no shame in that.

[Metalcat]

About 2 weeks out from the dental, Arwen is doing well. Her mouth isn't fully healed yet but vet says it's doing quite well. Losing a canine is tough. Overall, Arwen is much happier. More normal routines, much less crabby, more happy times. She's still yelling at Rosie but it's more reasonable yelling. I even had Arwen come up and sleep on my lap last weekend while Rosie was sleeping next to me, which was fine until Rosie woke up and tried to friendly sniff, which was grounds for hissing and running away. Sigh. We'll get there.

I'm now embarking on trying to figure out why Rosie has diarrhea. Suspect a food intolerance, wish me luck.

My rex just went through something similar, and is so much better now that his problem teeth are out.

His was resorption. It's so sad that in kitties it hurts so much, because is humans it's usually totally painless.

Anyway, my little dude is much less cranky and far more tolerant of the other cat again. Which is great, because his distress was causing him to howl very, very loudly at 4am every morning.

[NaN]

Ugh, reading this is sad, and it makes me think of my big guy. He had teeth problems when we first adopted him five years ago. He has his canines and back molars but they may need to go now. The big guy has been a bully to the small one a lot more recently. I am just not good at brushing their teeth. I don't think it is resorption, but it could be.

[Metalcat]

Ugh, reading this is sad, and it makes me think of my big guy. He had teeth problems when we first adopted him five years ago. He has his canines and back molars but they may need to go now. The big guy has been a bully to the small one a lot more recently. I am just not good at brushing their teeth. I don't think it is resorption, but it could be.

I brush both my cats' teeth almost every day. I keep the a pile of brushes and tooth gel by my bed and by my sofa, so I can just reach over and grab it any time they're having lap-time.

[jeninco]

As long as this thread has been re-activated, I have a question -- our 7 yr (ish) indoor male cat has started spraying around the house. He's never done this before, and we think it started when my kid's girlfriend brought her puppy to visit -- they stayed in the backyard (we think), but he's started marking his territory since then -- closets, corners of the house, and (the crowning insult) my backpack and a pile of my clothing that I had set out to get an early-morning start on a backcountry ski. I assume the backpack smelled like "out there", and fortunately he only dribbled a bit on my clothes, but still -- grrr!

More details: we have a slightly older, bossy female cat, and the male has always been the non-alpha in the house. He's super-sweet and cuddly, and has been taking advantage of the COVID situation to get an amazing amount of lap time and affection, so although it's perturbed his routine, that doesn't seem to be a problem.

We've closed off the front closet, and the rooms of both sons so he won't wander in there and spray, and we've put a Feliway diffuser in our room and are spraying the spray around when we notice he's looking  like he's thinking about it, but -- honestly, if we can't find a way to get him to stop spraying around the house, he can't stay. Any and all suggestions are welcome!

[SunnyDays]

Jeninco, your cat might be smelling the dog on anything it touched or it’s smell transferred to.  Even if it stayed in the yard, your son’s clothes could have transferred the smell into the house and then onto your clothing somehow.  Before getting rid of the cat, try washing EVERYTHING really well.  Especially clean the areas he’s already sprayed scrupulously, then try putting litter boxes in commonly sprayed areas.  And perhaps restrict his access to only a small area of the house for a while (that has been thoroughly de-dogged) and see how he does with that.  The open up access gradually.  The poor guy feels like his territory has been invaded.  Don’t allow the puppy over again.  You could also talk to a vet about this.

[draco44]

Jeinco, I'd use this as an inspiration to do a deep clean of my home to get out any lingering dog smell. You've identified that your male cat doesn't have a history of spraying, a new (non-cat at that!) animal was recently in your home, and now your cat is spraying its territory. A sudden change in behavior in adult cats likely has a specific cause that triggered the behavior change. Whether it's the puppy or some other factor, it sounds like something has changed in your cat's environment that it is reacting to. Do what you can to identify and fix that root cause. Definitely no more puppy visits. And maybe at least as a trial have your son change clothes when he gets home to see if that makes a difference.

[jeninco]

The puppy was here over the summer, and everything has been very, very cleaned since then. The kid is actually gone, and we've diligently cleaned up all sprays (and anything that even mildly stank) with Nature's Miracle. All kid clothes have been cleaned, and we've actually already closed off his room, to be sure that there's nothing in there that's triggering the "ack, dog!" response.

And, for sure -- no more puppy visits!  And we did have a vet conversation -- we actually found a local vet who was willing to come here to do an annual appointment for both cats (we had a traumatic vet visit two years or so ago for the other cat, so we preferred to pay the extra to have him come here this time), so we discussed the situation.

Thanks for the suggestions!

[Metalcat]

Have you taken him to the vet yet?

The first thing I would do is check for crystals.
DH's miserable former cat also went through a spell with crystals. We assumed she started peeing because my dogs moved in, but 2 sofas later, we figured out it was crystals and she has never peed on anything else ever again.

That would be the first thing I would check.

[RWD]

I figured I'd close this saga. Rosie is going back to the shelter on Friday. Arwen just doesn't want her. Arwen is miserable and depressed, and she's not exactly making Rosie comfortable as a result. I'd hoped that my parents could take her, but we're pretty sure one of their cats would not accept it.

I hate this. I've tried everything, and we have achieved something of a truce. But just because its peaceful doesn't make it happy. Cats are weird indeed.

Sorry to hear. When I was a teenager (give or take) my parents had a cat my age and decided to adopt a second cat. It ended the same way. The older cat never accepted the newcomer and he had to be rehomed.

[Sibley]

I figured I'd close this saga. Rosie is going back to the shelter on Friday. Arwen just doesn't want her. Arwen is miserable and depressed, and she's not exactly making Rosie comfortable as a result. I'd hoped that my parents could take her, but we're pretty sure one of their cats would not accept it.

I hate this. I've tried everything, and we have achieved something of a truce. But just because its peaceful doesn't make it happy. Cats are weird indeed.

Sorry to hear. When I was a teenager (give or take) my parents had a cat my age and decided to adopt a second cat. It ended the same way. The older cat never accepted the newcomer and he had to be rehomed.

Arwen had previously accepted Auburn (grudgingly) and Jill (contentedly). Auburn was dying and everyone knew it, he just wanted to be comfortable. Jill was perfectly happy to coexist in parallel, with infrequent, low key interactions. That worked great for Arwen. Rosie wants to be friends. I think Arwen just can't handle the friendly cat. Regardless, she'll be an only. Except for whatever time period my parents live with me with their 2 cats until they find their own place. I expect fireworks, but that is by design temporary.

[SunnyDays]

I remember an episode of My Cat From Hell, where a cat was doing the same thing, although always around it's litter box, but not in it.  It was determined that the cat had hip problems and stepping over the side of the box was painful.  One side of the box was cut down to floor level, which solved the problem.  Any chance yours could be experiencing something similar?  Closely watching that cat walk, it's hind end stiffness was obvious.

[jeninco]

Have you taken him to the vet yet?

The first thing I would do is check for crystals.
DH's miserable former cat also went through a spell with crystals. We assumed she started peeing because my dogs moved in, but 2 sofas later, we figured out it was crystals and she has never peed on anything else ever again.

That would be the first thing I would check.

Yep, we saw the vet early on, and he thinks there's no physical reason for this. Also, the cat seems to pee just fine in his box 90-something % of the time, with no sign of discomfort (we've watched).  He also doesn't seem to have any problems jumping in and over stuff in general, so don't think this a problem with using the box. He's marking to mark.

Thanks for all the suggestions!

We moved the cat food bowls a bit farther apart (into separate rooms, but supervisable) and that seemed to have an effect on how fast everyone was snarking their food, so we'll keep experimenting. Anything to bring down the stress level!