Are you what you do or what you desire?

[Jupiter]

I often hear people saying that you are what you do. For example many people hate certain individuals and think "I wish I could stab my boss to death for demoting me unfairly" or something similar. However just for thinking these thoughts you are not a killer because you are what you do right? We all have many thoughts and desires which we don't ever act upon even if we are craving to (I wanna buy a Tesla Model S and can afford one but I resist the urge to buy one). So the actions we make and the thoughts we act upon are what makes us, well... us. So using this concept a murderer is a person who acts upon their desire to kill somebody and kills them.

Sounds all well and good but lets add something else to the equation. Lets say somebody is part of a church group. They have a low 20K per year income and believe in god but don't believe donations are required to get to heaven and correctly serve god. This person is a mustachian who over the past 4 years has saved 25% of his income and saved up 20K towards his deposit on a property that he needs to save up 50K for. His friends (higher income earners, lets say 85K per year) all chuck in 20K for a charitable cause to fund a shelter for homeless people in their area and look at him expecting him to also chuck in the 20K he has saved up. His desire is to not donate as it will set him back four years of saving and this person believes he should keep his hard earned cash, not give it away. Although this persons true desire is to "be selfish" (I honestly don't believe he is being selfish) and keep his money he ends up donating it out of fear of losing his friends. Does this make him a charitable person due to his action of giving money even though he had no desire whatsoever to give and regrets his decision? Or is he truly just a selfish person since he didn't have a desire to give for the purpose of actually helping the homeless people? What is he?

As a part of my job in child protection I had to research and learn the traits of pedophiles and the actions of children that may indicate abuse such as certain behaviours, physical signs ect... While researching pedophilia I came across the concept of Virtuous Pedophiles. Your sexual orientation and fetishes are not chosen, they simply are there and are different for different people. Some people are gay, strait, bi, pedophiles and so on. Myself, I'm asexual which is great because I'm not biased against straight or gay people as I know what you desire is a not a choice as I have not chosen to not be attracted to anybody, it's just my sexual orientation that I and everybody else have no control over.

Anyway a Virtuous Pedophile is somebody who is a paedophile and attracted to children but doesn't act on their desires. To put that in a hetro scenario a teen straight guy may see some hot chick but think, I'd better not have sex with her even though I'm really turned on by her as she has a boyfriend already. The teen boy then resists the urge similar to how a pedophile might resist the urge to do something inappropriate to a nearby child that is away from their parents. The scenario here at it's core is the same. Both individuals are resisting their urges/desires. So is the pedophile truly a child abuser even though they don't molester children? They have desires to but don't act on it so they aren't because they don't do it. But then... they want to but don't so are they truly on the inside, child molesters who don't act on their desires just like the selfish man who is truly selfish but "did the right thing" (for the wrong reason).

So then, what are we truly... our desires or our actions? A teenager may hide their true ways in front of their peers so is that person what they pretend to be or what they desire to be. I'd say the teenager is truly who he really wants to be (his desires) but hides this and pretends to be someone else "cool" in front of his peers. So in that case my belief is that we are what we desire as opposed to what we choose to act on. But then... does that mean anybody who has thought of killing someone is truly a killer insider? So do we really control who we really are? Do we have a true self? Are we anything at all? If we are what we desire but we don't choose our desires throughout our lives then does a person's true self really exist? A pedophile doesn't choose to be a pedophile but they want to molester children yet may choose not to. If we have no control over our desires then what really makes us... us?

[Kriegsspiel]

Well, this is weird.

[mrpercentage]

The answer you are seeking is 42

I wanted to smoke so I started at 14. Then I smoked for years even though I no longer wanted to. Now I dont smoke and cant stand smoke. What does it mean? Am I a smoker?

I think you will not find too many who will explore the taboos you have raised.

Im going to walk through some fire for you. First you are discussing areas of judgement. Judgement source seems to lay around majority positions (or opinions). We are biological beings with certain inborn traits that may or may not enhance survival. So the first question is when does it become pedophillia? Is it an age? If so what? If an 18 year old dates a 17 year old is it pedophillia? If its not an age then is it a biological development stage? If the grass is on the field can you play ball? Or perhaps is it a level of mental maturity? I am supposing you mean little kids unable to produce kids. It is a complicated question and is deeply shaded by social traditions. Its important to understand that.

To judge what the person is first you must see through the illusion. There is only now. You are talking about actions. Actions in the past are no longer real. Now is real. We record things and store them in our brain and apply them to today. Very usefull but no longer real. For example: say a guy is a fitness buff. You meet him. You don't see eachother for a long time. He stops working out. The next time you meet you think he looks like crap. He just stopped working out. He is not sick or anything. No longer the man in awesome shape you had him labeled right? Does that mean your reality was wrong? Or just simply outdated.
We are a process. A complicated one. That is what makes us so hard to define. A scientist may be described as a person who tortures little animals everyday, or you could say he is on the quest to save the human race from cancer.

While certain actions are detestable and certainly should not be allowed-- no one can say how it will all play out in the end. Unless you are a Tralfamadorian that is. So it goes.

I would say you are a process capible of both good and evil. A war hero isnt considered a murder although strictly speaking his actions might have had the same consequence. Borders and judgements are abstract and made up. Dont get me wrong if you go against the majority they will burn you. But the "rules" are tottally made up. Pulled out of a rabbit hat. Or a social contract-- I think that comes from Bertland Russell. That being said if you are stuck on a moral question ask yourself how it will benifit you if the curtain was open and the whole world knew about it. If they would want to hang you its a problem dont do it. If they would be grossed out keep it to yourself. If they would applaud you most let it be known. We are social beings. Its a large part of out reality (illusion). What is real and what is acceptable in society are not the same thing. So it goes.

[matchewed]

Just a rephrasing of nature versus nurture where the true answer has been known for a long time (around the time we figured out that gene expression could be influenced by environment) both broadly speaking. If you pick any particular thing the answer may change but there it is.