Addressing panhandlers

[chopperdave]

As I was leaving the grocery tonight, a person approached with the usual story...

I don't like to hand over cash for the asking, so I said "I can't spare cash, but I have credit cards.  I can spare $20.  What do you need?"

I dropped off my groceries and went back into the store with the person, who picked out $13 worth of groceries and thanked me profusely.

I'm curious about how other Mustachains address panhandlers, especially those who genuinely seem to be having a run of bad luck (which seems believable these days.)

A little background on me: My household income is very close to the local median, so we're not wildly rich, but we (wife and I) do save over 50% to make early mortgage payments and have a 'stache for emergencies.

[Adventine]

I have the same philosophy. I'll give food or some other kind of assistance, but not cash, and only if the person looks like they're genuinely in need.

There are instances when I have said no, and not in a nice way, either. I remember being approached by an old guy smoking a cigarette and another time by a little barefoot kid with his hair artistically dyed. My reasoning is, if you have money to spare for cigarettes or hair dye, you have no business begging other people for money.

[Nudelkopf]

Curious, what did they buy?

[elindbe2]

I'd rather see these problems addressed on a collective level, so I'd rather support institutions to help these folks than directly give them money.

[zinnie]

I'd rather see these problems addressed on a collective level, so I'd rather support institutions to help these folks than directly give them money.

This is how I see it too--giving money to organizations does much more to help than handing out money to individuals (the organizations I donate to deliver meals to those with serious illnesses and provide mental health services for the homeless population). What you did, OP, seems like a good solution instead of just giving money. I've done that at sandwich shops before, offered to buy the person outside something while I'm in there.

In my area there's a 211 number that directs callers to a number of local social services, so I try to keep those cards on hand and pass them out as well. A lot of people don't know it exists and the operators will do everything they can to find some type of service for the caller.

[Mrs MM]

My brother used to routinely take the homeless out to lunch or buy them groceries.  They were always so grateful, although it turns out that some of them weren't interested in food.  He talked to them and listened to their stories and tried to help them out.

This was at a time when my brother hardly had a penny to his name.  He was barely surviving himself.

I've always been impressed with him for doing this.  While I do think that donating and volunteering to programs designed to help the homeless is probably a much better use of time and money, I still think that helping out a fellow human in need and listening to their story goes a long way to making someone feel like there might be hope out there.

[chopperdave]

Curious, what did they buy?

As you might guess, very un-mustachian items.  Cooked tri-tip, 2-liter soda, a couple of frozen dinners, and one other pre-cooked item that was only one or two servings.

[AJ]

Curious, what did they buy?

As you might guess, very un-mustachian items.  Cooked tri-tip, 2-liter soda, a couple of frozen dinners, and one other pre-cooked item that was only one or two servings.

In their defense, they might not have a great kitchen set up to cook with. If they're homeless, a 50lb bag on lentils wouldn't really be practical (though, I can't justify the soda). I'm just glad to see it wasn't booze...

[kisserofsinners]

I say, "not today, bother." and look at them, smile at them, notice them, remember them. I life in San Francisco, so that is actually a lot of work on the regular leaving my house part of the day.

I have found that saying no, yes, and ignoring them can incite very aggressive responses that i can't deal with. After a few years i found "not today" to be the easiest way to get through town and on to work. Over time have decided doing so absently is pretty heartless, but it's enough to simply acknowledge them. I'm also open to a hand shake or daps, but no cash ever.

[tooqk4u22]

I don't give money and generally don't offer to buy food, but if encountered by someone in need I will usually offer them what food I have (as I typically bring my lunch to work or have a fruit or something with me).  However, I become cynical as in the city where I work it is the same people every day at the same spot - I tend not to acknowledge these people and act like i am on the phone when walking by.   

Donating and volunteering to the local food banks and shelters are far more beneficial IMO.

[Rev]

My first job was with a food bank, and we had a incredible ability to stretch money through bulk buying. At the time (2004) every dollar was able to provide a whole days worth of nutritious food for an individual. I was never totally clear whether this included the funds used to move donated food around or not, but I was told that this was "new" food entering the system. Sometimes people *do* need the spot help, certainly, but I like getting the extra bang for my buck.

[PJ]

I work in a church ... therefore I deal with a lot of requests for money. 

Thought I'd share with you what happened today.  Last week a man came in looking for help - a common story of coming to town for a job interview, having lost a wallet (or having it stolen) and needing money for the bus to go to a nearby town - $21.  The first time he came in I told him (truthfully) that I didn't have any money with me, nor do we keep cash around to give out.  But that I could give him a gift card so he could at least get a meal, and local transit tokens.  He came back a couple days later, and just wanted to talk.  He didn't ask me for money that time, just for prayer.  We talked for a while, he told me about his life, and I felt moved to take a chance on him - got some money and gave him $25.  I intended this to come from my personal funds, but my boss said I could get reimbursed from his discretionary fund.  Today the man returned.  He had gotten the job, worked over the weekend, and came in to return the money I'd given him. 

I'm not sure what the moral of the story is ... maybe just the fact that it's good to remember that people looking for money are still people, with a story of their own - usually quite a sad one, even if the version you hear may not be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth :-)  I think there are times when it's good to draw a firm line, and times when it's good to take a chance.  Even if he hadn't been telling the truth, I felt it was the right thing to do - a witness to the fact that someone cared what happened to him.  But boy, did it ever feel good to see him walk into the building, cleaned up and dressed professionally, with money in his hand to repay someone who had helped him out.  I've asked him to keep in touch, and I really hope that he does ...

[tooqk4u22]

That is a great story and your right that there is always a story, a sad one, and I usually a tragic one even if it is of their own doing.   But keep in mind that while you felt compelled to take a chance on him your odds were far better (i.e less of a chance) because there was effort on the part of this person and desire to just talk and not ask for money (curious though if he didn't ask then how did you think to give it - was it based on the encounter from the days prior).  So while you may not have gotten the money back (which is not the point) it was more likely that he did need it and would use it as described. 

This is also why I prefer to give to organizations as opposed to individuals panhandling - you see it every day and know who are regulars and probably can spot a fake story right away so you are in a position to get the most out of each dollar.

[PJ]

That is a great story and your right that there is always a story, a sad one, and I usually a tragic one even if it is of their own doing.   But keep in mind that while you felt compelled to take a chance on him your odds were far better (i.e less of a chance) because there was effort on the part of this person and desire to just talk and not ask for money (curious though if he didn't ask then how did you think to give it - was it based on the encounter from the days prior).  So while you may not have gotten the money back (which is not the point) it was more likely that he did need it and would use it as described. 

This is also why I prefer to give to organizations as opposed to individuals panhandling - you see it every day and know who are regulars and probably can spot a fake story right away so you are in a position to get the most out of each dollar.

Yes, I knew the details of the situation from the first time he'd come in, so I knew exactly what it would take to either meet his needs (if what he was saying was true) or to call his bluff - i.e. he couldn't exactly keep coming in with that particular story repeatedly.  To be honest, I wouldn't have taken a bet on him telling the truth.  I just felt called to show him, right at that moment, that someone cared about him.  No one could have been more surprised than me to see him walk in with money in his hand.  I don't normally like to be proven wrong but in this case, I was pretty happy :-) 

It's also true that I'm in a position to know who the regulars are - even with the gift cards we keep on hand, we have a rule that people can only get one each month.  And we know that people probably make the rounds to all the churches and social service agencies in the area, hitting each one at whatever interval that place allows.  We're ok with that.  Most of the people who come in to see us regularly, frankly, just aren't that employable.  They have developmental disabilities, mental health problems, etc.  The Ontario Disability Support Program, which most of them are on, hadn't had even a cost of living increase for over a decade, until a couple of years ago, and even when it did go up, it was only by a small percentage.  It's actually probably similar to what Mustachians tend to live on!  Only these folks often have little education or ability to self-educate, poor problem solving skills, and probably the biggest factor - they have no belief that life can be any better for them.  If we could figure out how to teach them that, the world would be a much better place! 

By the way, chopperdave, I had meant to comment how much I loved to read that when you offered $20 worth of groceries, the fellow picked out $13 worth.  Now, maybe he wasn't really keeping track or worried about going over, but maybe he also just didn't want to be greedy.  I'm normally really unlikely to give cash but have done the "but I'd be happy to buy you dinner at that coffee shop" thing before, and your story resonated with my experience, which is that most of the time, people will ask for less than I'm offering - they ask for just a small coffee and a bagel, for example, rather than a big sandwich and pastry.  It's also true that food banks can do a lot more with donated dollars than you can at the grocery store, as Rev pointed out.  Definitely the most bang for your buck ...

[JJ]

I've done both - regularly to organised and often cash to folks having a hard time on the streets.

I think the risk of giving cash to someone who blows it on something dumb (drink, smokes) is far outweighed by the potential for something amazing to happen.  It may be a small thing, but I gave $10 to a guy in a country town in Florida (towards a bus ticket to see his mum - yeah, right).  I passed him on the way back. He had bought himself a healthy fresh made juice, was grinning like his face would bust and showed way more gratitude towards me than I really deserved. 

Best $10 I ever spent - I was smiling the rest of the day.  While giving to an organisation is arguably more helpful to the recipient it is really good for your own sake to give directly too.

[swick]

I have been finding this thread and all the comments very interesting - love your story PJ, glad it worked out!

I spent a couple of years living in Turkey and every single time you go out you will either be asked for money or see people in obvious need. They don't have the social assistance programs or women's support that we have and the need can be truly overwhelming. In order to protect your own sanity you have to develop your own code for who you will help.  First of all I would give supplies and food whenever I had it, but I also kept my change and factored a little giving money into my budget.

Then I trusted my gut - you had to be careful with children some obviously needed it and others were sent to the streets because having a child beg is more lucrative then a parent working. I would give money to women who had babies/small children, especially those who were obviously living on the street and generally not asking for money and I would give to those with an obvious disability which meant they couldn't work. Most pan handlers do at least try to make a living, usually selling boxes of bandaids or kleenex. While I never needed these things I would give them a few coins anyways if I felt compelled. Always I relied on my gut. 

I think the most important thing when you give money away to anyone is that you truly let it go. Some times you end up giving it to someone who might not buy what you would...other times you are quite literally saving a life and you may never know it. I do agree that making donations to programs can go farther and make sure they meet the needs of a wide variety of people, but sometimes the human interaction is as important if not more so then the money.

[dionysiandame]

I'm curious about how other Mustachains address panhandlers, especially those who genuinely seem to be having a run of bad luck (which seems believable these days.)

I give them a few bucks (or $10 depending on how much I have in my toll money stash). I know what it's like to be down and out, and while I never pan handled sometimes a beer and a pack of cigarettes would give me enough succor to make it through the hellish week at work I was having to deal with. I've even bought someone a beer if they asked for money for it.

What's my worry? That they're, somehow, going to beat me to the Giant and purchase the last 4 pack of Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA?

[I Love Cake]

I've done both - regularly to organised and often cash to folks having a hard time on the streets.

I think the risk of giving cash to someone who blows it on something dumb (drink, smokes) is far outweighed by the potential for something amazing to happen.  It may be a small thing, but I gave $10 to a guy in a country town in Florida (towards a bus ticket to see his mum - yeah, right).  I passed him on the way back. He had bought himself a healthy fresh made juice, was grinning like his face would bust and showed way more gratitude towards me than I really deserved. 

Best $10 I ever spent - I was smiling the rest of the day.  While giving to an organisation is arguably more helpful to the recipient it is really good for your own sake to give directly too.

Your story made me smile!

[I Love Cake]

I have a lot of those folks who stand at a busy intersection with a sign that reads:
'Traveling and ran out of money please help, God bless'
'hungry and hungry children at home, please help, God bless'
'any help, God bless'
(take your pick)
They love their 'God bless' bit

I see them as I am driving home from work. If I hit the red light and am in the right lane and have leftovers I will stick my hand out the window with a fresh apple or orange or whatever I have leftover from lunch. Once I had a box of chocolate covered almonds I bought from a co-worker-that panhandler scored that day.

Out in my city, there are a few regulars on our main street. If I happen to have any food-like just came from a bakery or my leftovers from dinner out I will offer it to them

Money-I try  to never give money

[jdchmiel]

There was a local news expose about the pan handlers that work the highway off ramps where I live, and how they were clearing 50-80k a year, tax free, and still had nothing to show for it.  I think that story always poisons my attitude to people asking for help, especially since there are such good support organizations around. 

[kudy]

those stories always make me want to start a side hustle :) A store I worked at had a regular parking lot beggar who would give sob stories about not having enough money to get home- but I would see him on the weekends wearing normal clothes shopping with his family.

[DoubleDown]

This has been a tough choice for me in the past sometimes, since you wonder if you're just funding someone's drug habit or scam. For those of you who have given in these situations, I pass on to you:

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ "

[dahlink]

I have become quite jaded by the behavior of being hit up for money on the streets or outside of grocery stores, major intersections, etc.  I also have gone to despise the drive by charities at the malls, groceries, and even door to door.  I do not believe that the majority of homeless do not know that these locations are not charity outlets.  Sometimes I think some people don't want to go the real charity outlets because they can live on the streets relatively easily (emphasis on relatively) without much change to their comfort zone. 

  What really frustrates me are the charities that I cannot verify that come to your door or hit you up on the street.  Some interesting advice I heard on how to deal with this type of situation is to ask for the charities website and say that you will check it out and consider a donation if it checks out.