So we're taking a 2 week break. I'm staying at my buddies house for a week. She's staying at her dad's the next. That was so we can see how we are apart.
You've done the "lets break up for a week" thing before, and ended up going back to each other. I have no doubt that your roommate (after reading your post I don't think I can any longer call her your "friend") thinks that this will end up the same way.
She made it hard
Your roommate is making it hard for you because she is prioritising her wants (marriage and kids) over your happiness.
Told me I need to figure out what I want
You already know what you want: you want a loving, erotic, sexual relationship with your life partner. By saying "you need to figure out what you want" your roommate is disrespecting what you have being saying to her for weeks, and trying to create the opportunity for you to change your mind.
Have you come across the term "gaslighting"? There's a good explanation of it here -
https://www.thehotline.org/what-is-gaslighting/ Some at least of what it sets out fits how your roommate behaves towards you. Telling you that you need to figure out what you want when you have already made it abundantly clear, including in counselling, what you want, is gaslighting.
if two people love enough they can make it work.
You have a friendship love, and however much you love each other as friends that is fundamentally different from loving each other as erotic, sexual partners for life.
She feels like we didn't even try going on dates etc to retain int[i ]macy and instead just tore ourselves to shreds in counseling.
partgypsy is right: you have just been on a holiday cruise together. If seven days and nights away on holiday didn't reset your relationship into a sexual one, evenings out together aren't going to do it. And I don't get any sense that you "tore yourselves to shreds" in counselling: is that how you have seen it? I think your roommate is disrespecting the counselling you have done together because it hasn't got her what she wants. See "gaslighting" again.
Idk I feel like trash
You are not trash. You are a good man who is working hard at finding his way in life. If you feel like trash it is because you were made to feel that way by someone else. And someone who makes you "feel like trash" is not someone it is good and healthy to have in your life.
driving to my buddies need to really reflect on how I feel.
You already know how you feel: it is your roommate who is working hard to divert you away from the way you feel. See "gaslighting" again.
I already feel the "we could make this work pang".
Yeah, that's what your roommate is counting on: she's kicked you out of the home you bought and paid for to spend an uncomfortable week on a buddy's couch/spare bed, no doubt in the hope that you will be so pleased to get home at the end of the week that you won't mind that she is still there (and I bet if you give her any opportunity to still be there and not move out to her dad's she will take it).
I'm sorry that this is hard. Your post makes it clear that your roommate is clinging far too hard to the wreckage of a failed relationship, and in order to do so is behaving towards you in ways that are actively harmful to both of you. I hope you can find the strength to follow through on what you know to be right for both of you, and end any relationship with this person once and for all.