Author Topic: 1955 coming to a home near you...  (Read 1530 times)

Tasty Pinecones

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1955 coming to a home near you...
« on: March 31, 2017, 11:46:02 AM »
http://time.com/4718281/young-people-gender-equality-home/?xid=homepage

Wife and I share big decisions, we have chosen the tasks that we prefer to do, we both work. As a matter of chance the task split is somewhat old fashioned.

In some homes the male doesn't do any maintenance or outside work so I'm not sure what they do. At our house I help inside but almost solely do our home exterior home and vehicle maintenance and repairs plus yard work.

How do this work for you?

geekette

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2017, 11:51:04 AM »
We're split. I do the shopping and cooking, but also deal with money, taxes, and at least arranging for maintenance/buying parts.

He does dishes and laundry, plus fixing stuff.

Big stuff, we mostly decide together, although sometimes, especially with money, he defers to me.

Matt

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2017, 12:26:44 PM »
I (male) do most of the cooking, budget creation/tracking, investing, taxes, dishes are split but not by any formal means, she does most of the laundry, she likes to get sun while mowing, but I weed-eat/edge, she takes the flowerbeds, I handle the cars, she handles the travel hacking and planning.  The rest of the house work is split (picking up toys, vacuum, dust, ect). We care for our kids equally which apparently isn't as normal as I thought because she has some friends whose wives won't leave their husbands alone to take care of the kids.  strange

In general though if something needs to get done whomever is least tired picks up the ball and runs with it.  We both work and  go through the cycle of work work work, crash, work work work, crash....

Gender equality/feminism/men's rights,  idk, just don't be a dick, help when you can, and move on.

Vindicated

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2017, 12:30:41 PM »
Those findings are odd.  I wonder if they asked 30 year olds, rather than HS seniors, how the results would change.  Probably pretty significantly.

Anyway, for us, I feel like we've got a good balance.

My Wife does the majority of the cooking, and I almost always clean up afterwards, including dishes.  We do our laundry individually (she doesn't like mixing clothes, /shrug).  I do 100% of the yard work, but she typically cleans the bathrooms.

I think we've both just learned to understand what the other person really dislikes doing, and it happens to be things that the other really doesn't mind doing.

When it comes to big decisions, we'll discuss them, but she usually doesn't want to make a decision, and trusts my ability to do so.  For instance, when I pick out furniture, mower, washer/dryer, etc, and ask her opinion, she defers each time.
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Cwadda

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2017, 01:23:59 PM »
may i ask who cooks your pinecone recipes?

Tasty Pinecones

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2017, 02:05:57 PM »
I (male) do most of the cooking, budget creation/tracking, investing, taxes, dishes are split but not by any formal means, she does most of the laundry, she likes to get sun while mowing, but I weed-eat/edge, she takes the flowerbeds, I handle the cars, she handles the travel hacking and planning.  The rest of the house work is split (picking up toys, vacuum, dust, ect). We care for our kids equally which apparently isn't as normal as I thought because she has some friends whose wives won't leave their husbands alone to take care of the kids.  strange

In general though if something needs to get done whomever is least tired picks up the ball and runs with it.  We both work and  go through the cycle of work work work, crash, work work work, crash....

Gender equality/feminism/men's rights,  idk, just don't be a dick, help when you can, and move on.

Yeah I agree with you. Don't be a jerk about it and alot of "problems" take care of themselves. We split the childcare and petcare. She helps with some of the homework topics and I help with others. She pays the bills while I'm the MMM reader. I do the taxes. I buy and maintain the cars but want her to be happy with what we drive. She cooks and I try to cook. Etc. 

I tired to like pinecones but dang they are rough on the roof of my mouth... ;)

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2017, 02:16:21 PM »
I do all the outside maintenance, car related stuff, fixing broken stuff, etc.

We split laundry pretty evenly, we outsource cleaning (but she spends more time doing light cleaning), she does 85% of meal planning and cooking, I do 95% of grocery shopping and dish cleaning.  She probably does 60-75% of the "child raising" tasks.  I tend to be home more hanging out with our kid though. 

Some of the happiest words I heard at the end of her maternity leave were "I can't wait to go back to work."  She and I have been competing for who makes more money for quite some time; currently I'm winning the race by about 15% but there were plenty of years she outearned me. 
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hoping2retire35

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #7 on: March 31, 2017, 02:18:49 PM »
Lol, yes. we have definitely split along gender lines. We previously had no intentions of it working out like this, until the kids came. Still having some issues from grocery shopping and who cooks, which has bubbled up again recently.  I am contemplating full on abdication in these areas and just see if I can suggest when I want eat something, maybe keep up with receipts, etc.

Spork

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #8 on: March 31, 2017, 02:35:10 PM »

We didn't plan it, but yeah--- we split pretty much along gender lines with stuff around the house.  The exceptions being I (male) clean up the kitchen after a meal and I vacuum the house -- both because she absolutely hates these jobs and it seems like an easy trade off.  She makes delicious food.  I eat it and clean the kitchen.  Easy trade.

We consult on almost any expense over $100.  We didn't pick that number... and it's not like that's a big number... it just sort of stuck that way.

She does most of the investing and bill paying.  The investing, because she's just better at it.  She has a really good mind for numbers and can just "immediately get it" by looking at a page full of numbers.  The bill paying, because it's just easier if one person does it so we don't trip over each other.
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galliver

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #9 on: March 31, 2017, 03:48:37 PM »
Yeah, kinda... Bf and I are late 20s, no kids yet. Like the OP, I feel like our gender roles distribution was a bit accidental. He takes care of car issues because it's his car, and probably because he actually learned more about car maintenance growing up (my dad wasn't very handy and we didn't have a garage so he just took it to the dealership). Bf also loads the car for trips and does more driving (I'll help carry things of course, but I've found me giving suggestions on trunk-Tetris does not go well). He puts things in carport storage ave takes them down because he's taller/stronger. This is pretty rare.

I'm weird and actually kind of like washing dishes, so I do those. I also have more clothes I'm finicky about being laundered in specific ways (not washed together, not put on the dryer, hand washed, etc) so I do most sorting, but he'll take loads out to the laundry room, and fold with me (sometimes :/ ). We both grocery shop, usually together, and cook based on what we're making. Tacos, roasts, sometimes pasta, any soups/dishes he comes up with are on him. I make chicken, vegetables/sides, salads, baking. I've recently decided to not let him cook steaks or stir fry because he overcooks both, not sure if he's noticed yet. He vacuums, but doesn't always get the dust bunnies in the corners that bother me, so sometimes I redo it. ;)

Financially, we still keep it mostly separate, but I typically reconcile the household expenses and declare the totals every month. He does his taxes first, though, so I expect that will eventually become his job based on motivation.

We absolutely both believe we need to come to a consensus or compromise on household decisions.

If I have an issue with our spilt, it's primarily about initiative/awareness. Not every time, but frequently, him cooking requires me to say "hey can you make tacos/the roast/whatever tonight". I can't remember the reverse ever happening. Insert similar​ for most in-house chores. This really isn't a huge deal now, but I do worry about the dynamic going forward, with kids, house, etc. But I guess I know I'm not alone in this...a number of articles I've read come to mind, including one titled "Why I don't ask my husband to help anymore" (because it's not helping, it's fulfilling your responsibility as an adult in the household!)

Kris

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #10 on: March 31, 2017, 04:10:45 PM »
DH and I definitely divide up chores completely (that is, I do 100% of some of them, he does 100% of some of them. We don't overlap really at all). I think that's part of the reason it works so well for us: we never argue about whose "turn" it is, and rarely ask each other to help with the chores that are "ours".

DH does: all the cooking, all the grocery shopping, any cleanup of dishes from cooking, and anything that requires technical knowledge I don't have or brute strength to do.

I do: all the cleaning, all the laundry, cat box, all the bills and financial stuff.

Basically, it just happens to work out that we do the things we're better at. Except the cat box, because I'm not sure that's a skill.
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Spork

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #11 on: March 31, 2017, 04:19:57 PM »
Basically, it just happens to work out that we do the things we're better at. Except the cat box, because I'm not sure that's a skill.

If it were a skill, I feel like I have enough practice to go pro.   ...not that I want to... I just have the experience.
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ysette9

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #12 on: March 31, 2017, 04:26:46 PM »
We seem to divide chores in my household along the lines of what were gender roles growing up: I take care of laundry & grocery shopping, my husband does anything related to trash (recycle, compost, diaper pail). We shared cooking before my husband starting working for a company that provides 3 meals a day. I take care of the finances. Interestingly for all I read about how women don't engage in understanding personal finances as much, both our mothers do the finances due to varying degrees of financial incompetence on the part of our fathers. :)

I share concern about the message this article is making. Hopefully it is wrong since we don't need to go backwards on this front in this country. Time will tell, since high schoolers are a far cry from coupled, settled adults.
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SweetLife

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #13 on: April 04, 2017, 11:55:34 AM »
I work ... my husband does everything else ... including taking care of our pint size mustachian!!!
Though I must say I do occasionally cook (when he lets me or really doesn't have any good ideas for dinner - which is rare)
I do try and help with the cleaning but he mostly does it all...
I do as much overtime as I can so we can travel and he is able to go to school and take care of the baby... so far works out :) Maybe in a year or two once the baby goes to school and he starts working more out of the house but we'll see ... he is one of those guys that likes to take care of the house and his mate! :)
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ysette9

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #14 on: April 04, 2017, 12:27:08 PM »
Good for you guys! It is all about finding the balance that works for your particular household.
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Syonyk

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #15 on: April 04, 2017, 02:08:01 PM »
We have pretty "traditional" gender roles in our marriage/house.  My wife does most of the childcare (2 year old daughter) and stuff inside the house, I handle the ferrets, pretty much everything outside (she helps as well but I do a lot of the heavy lifting - we're relocating our basalt so there's a lot of that), vehicles, etc.  It works quite nicely.

I share concern about the message this article is making. Hopefully it is wrong since we don't need to go backwards on this front in this country. Time will tell, since high schoolers are a far cry from coupled, settled adults.

What if the claims of feminism about sameness are actually wrong?  A recent study looked at happiness, and found that women who stayed home were generally happiest.  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3634473/The-job-makes-happiest-Housewife-Survey-finds-stay-home-mothers-satisfied-profession.html

If younger women have seen the results of "enforced identicality" in marriage and want no part of that, why would you say that's "going backwards"?
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ysette9

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #16 on: April 04, 2017, 02:41:30 PM »
A sample size of 3000 doesn't seem that big to me and the DailyMail isn't really where I go for studies :) We can always find another study that finds the opposite, such as this one. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/254445143_Who_is_Happier_Housewife_or_Working_Wife

Ultimately I feel that almost all humans want agency over their own lives. If I feel like I have to work becaus there is no other choice, then I will change against that. If society says that the only scrotale way for me to spend my time is raising kids at home, you bet I will chafe at that.

What we may be seeing is the impact of choice and affluence. Who are the people who are staying home with kids? At this point it is people who have the choice to do so because our society allows parents to both work or stay home due to opening social norms, and these people have the financial means to make that happen. Having choice and financial means is a good recipe for content in life, whether you are working outside the house or raising a family.
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ysette9

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #17 on: April 04, 2017, 02:43:59 PM »
The other thing that may be coming into play is that despite women making great strides in the workplace, they still shoulder an unfair burden at home. If you are facing a choice between working AND doing most of the household maintenance or just doing the household, it would be a relative vacation to quit work.
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boarder42

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #18 on: April 04, 2017, 02:50:57 PM »
I (male) Do
Household Finances/Bills
Grocery shopping (90%)
cooking(95%)
Travel Hacking
Tradelines
wash laundry

She does
Cleaning(90%)
Fold laundry
Flower beds
Gardens
Decor
Her finances (we're seperate accounts)

joint
Dogs
dishes
mowing
« Last Edit: April 04, 2017, 02:52:51 PM by boarder42 »
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v8rx7guy

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #19 on: April 04, 2017, 04:10:17 PM »
We follow traditional gender roles fairly closely.  I am the sole income for the family (besides both of our side gigs) and do all of the yard work, maintenance, repairs & financials.  She takes care of the children while I am at work and does the lions share of the cleaning and food purchasing / preparing.  We are both technically millennials, but if you believe in such a generation as "oregon trail", we are a better fit there!
« Last Edit: April 04, 2017, 04:13:15 PM by v8rx7guy »

cj25

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #20 on: April 04, 2017, 04:36:32 PM »
We both work full time, but I still do more of the domestic stuff.  I would happily be a stay at home wife taking care of the home. 

Currently:
He does: Dishes, car maintenance, trash, cooks for dog, gets the dogs nail trimmed, picks up dog poop, helps a bit with laundry, will randomly clean or cook something if I ask.
Me: All the banking, paying bills, meal planning, grocery shopping (although he does tag along if we go after church or will run up to the store if need be), cooking meals, all other dog care, majority of the laundry, tidying up, dusting, vacuuming, clean bathrooms, clothes buying, packing for trips, decor, outdoor plants, vacation planning.

We make big financial decisions together.

He does iron my clothes every morning though. *swoon*  LOL!

SwordGuy

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #21 on: April 04, 2017, 05:02:47 PM »
Well, we're older than most on this forum, so there's that.

My wife does more of the chores dealing with the house, cleaning, maintenance, cooking, etc.

I do more on the business and financial side.  And the cat boxes.

Part of that is due to our jobs.   She works fewer hours per week most weeks during the school year and has summers off.   For the first 20+ years, I worked *lots* more hours and also had to travel for work many weeks out of the year.   I earned some slacking off the last 10 years.

When it comes to renovating our rental homes, I do tear-down, carpentry, putting up sheetrock, plumbing, siding, gutters, and most of the miscellaneous stuff.  She finishes the sheetrock and does the painting and yardwork.  (Of the two of us, she's the only one who's ever held a job as a construction worker. :))

We share all big decisions.  Period.  Neither of use would dream of doing otherwise.

surfhb

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #22 on: April 05, 2017, 09:14:30 AM »
Study after study as shown that most prefer "traditional " gender roles.....even at the height of the feminist movement.   Nothing new here. 


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BeginnerStache

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #23 on: April 05, 2017, 09:28:21 AM »
Somewhat traditional, but more based on our strengths and weaknesses.

I do all outside work including mowing, landscaping, mulching, maintenance etc. I also do all home renovations and complete remodeling on interior. I've gutted and remodeled almost every room in our house on my own. I also build all the furniture. I am in charge of finances, investing, churning etc. I do 75% of grocery shopping and cooking as well. And I deal with all auto maintenance. I do a lot of the detailed cleaning in the house

She does all laundry and pet related stuff (we have 4 pets so it's a big job). She deals with kids homework and scheduling and transportation to nearly all their activities. She volunteers at school and with Boy Scouts as well.  She does the rest of grocery shopping, some cooking and most of the general cleaning.

However, she is going to continue to work full time and I will be going part time and will take on an even bigger load around the house.

 

SilveradoBojangles

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #24 on: April 05, 2017, 10:28:58 AM »
I don't think there are any jobs that I do and he doesn't, and vice versa. We try to just do our share, and take care of things when they need doing. We take turns cleaning the bathroom, we usually clean the kitchen together, we usually fold laundry together too. He does almost all of our shopping, and I do almost all of our meal planning, but we both cook, and we both clean up. We both take out the trash, and both handle floors. I'm probably more likely to take on a big, unusual cleaning job. I also do the gardening, because it's my hobby, not his. We each pay some of the bills, and we both help track finances, though I do the summary, long term budgets, etc., because I like that stuff. We split up vacation planning. He works more than I do, but I make more money.

BlueHouse

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #25 on: April 05, 2017, 12:48:01 PM »
I cook.  I clean.  I take the garbage out.  I maintain the yard and the exterior of the home. 
I take off of work every time that someone has to be home for a service call.
I make every phone call and do all research for major repairs
I do all inside and outside work.  Anything that is too difficult for only one pair of hands, I hire out.
I do all the .... you get the idea. 

I hire someone to do regular maintenance cleaning every two weeks.  All the people who tell me I don't need a housecleaning service can go suck it!  What I really would like is to hire "a 1950s wife" to do all the shit I don't feel like doing and have dinner on the table when I come home from work. 

I know the benefits of the single life, but sometimes married people forget that at least you have someone to share the load with. 
Sorry to rant
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MerryMcQ

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Re: 1955 coming to a home near you...
« Reply #26 on: April 07, 2017, 11:08:34 PM »
No gender roles here. Except maybe killing spiders. He kills spiders. I scream.

2 young teens (one of each gender) have made chores more equally split. They can cook and do their own laundry and ours too. :) And, best of all, they clean the cat box. Boy child cleans box in the morning, takes out garbage, and puts away clean dishes. Girl child cleans cat box at night, takes out recycling,  and washes dishes. We have a rule that the cook doesn't clean up or do dishes, so on nights the kids cook, one of us does the dishes.

Other chores... I make meal plan, husband does shopping. He cooks most meals, because if I cook we eat vegetarian. We do a budget together, but I pay the bills and he does the banking. I sort and put the wash in before I leave for work, the kids switch to dryer, and he folds clothes at night. I mow. Or force one of the kids to mow. He cleans the kitchens and I clean the bathrooms and the kids do the vacuuming and windows. He does 80% of the homework help. Maybe 95%, actually. But I do all the boy scout merit badge and camping stuff. And car stuff is completely outsourced. Maybe I can train one of the kids to change oil.

Looking at other answers, I have it good! Awesome husband who does 50% of the household chores and two teens who can do basically all the chores needed to keep house clean. Wow, life changes a lot once the children get older...