I taught conversational English abroad. One day, we were talking about homophones, and I gave many examples, including band/banned. The class was not familiar with "banned" so I explained it. They asked for examples. I told them that some people wante Harry Potter banned because they were very Christian and objected to the magical concepts. Trying quickly to come up with another example on the fly, I tossed out Huck Finn. As soon as the title left my mouth, I knew my mistake and cringed, hoping it wouldn't go exactly where I suspected it would. A hand came up. "Why is that banned?" "Because there's some very offensive language in the book. *please don't ask; please don't ask* Another hand went up. "What language specifically?"
The class was about learning more English, but also about learning about English culture. So I took a breath, and dove in. I explained this is probably the most offensive word in American English. I told them that generally, we don't even say it because it's so offensive; we say, "the N word". I made sure they knew this was a word they should never use, since sometimes they struggle with context. (Not understanding that when they say someone is "fat", it's offensive and "overweight" is preferred, for example.) Basically, I let them know that this word means so much more than the strict denotation. Then I explained that it was a horrible term for black/Africans. And finally, after a very, very deep breath, I said the word.
I think there is a time and a place, in an academic conversation, where it's accept to say the word. But that bar is very, very high. Tossing it out as an example of a "bad" word, seems completely unnecessary, and thus should be avoided.
I get that to some people, they feel the same. That doesn't mean they are experienced the same bay by the very people most hurt by the words--the ones who deserve the most consideration in that scenario. There are many words that have the same denotation but that doesn't mean they are equal. If my doctor told me he was going to examine my tits, that would be appalling. And so it is with "the N word" vs the actual N word. Same denotation, very difference connotation. Both matter very much.
And again, we circle back to what seems to be the central concern of the threat. Words may feel okay or the same to you [global "you"]. But once you know that they don't feel okay to others, why use them? Why is the discomfort of others not worth a simple vocabulary substitution, or a refrain from typing out a word in full, know it may well hurt others?