FV, I like your framing of this issue, because I think it captures something that is often missed, and something I really hadn't thought about myself before.
Thanks @maizeman
I think this has somehow turned into a valuable discussion (at least to me). I took a little flak in the first page or so (and some of it was actually deserved). Now people seem to be digging into a problem that is actually sort of difficult to define. I'm reminded of the Supreme Court opinion on pornography (forget which Justice), "I can't effectively define pornography, but damned if I don't what it is when I see it." (paraphrased)
So, I'm all for cracking down on and ridiculing white supremacists when they post the pic with Dr. King in a sniper sight with the caption "Our Dream Came True" on my Facebook feed. But I'm irritated when someone objects to me using the word "rape" as per the actual dictionary definition. Like the justice who said he couldn't define pornography, I can't define when the thin red line is crossed, but I damn well know when someone has gone too far in my personal opinion. So how polite do I have to be when I tell them I think they have become one of the "muthafuckas"?
You "have to be" exactly as polite as you want to be.
No one is forcing you to be polite.
As someone who offends people on a near daily basis, I can share a bit of wisdom on the experience of offending people.
When someone takes offense to what you have said or done, it's really not the end of the world and does not need to be blown out of proportion, especially when that person is a stranger on the internet.
Your social obligation when you offend someone is not to apologize or even necessarily change any behaviour. Your social obligation is to try and dispassionately examine the person's reasons for taking offense, try to understand them, and then decide for yourself if you feel a responsibility to change your behaviour.
Now, you also have to use common sense and know that continuing on with that behaviour is going to come with the consequences of offending people. As long as you are prepared for it, then cool.
You can say rape all you want.
But yeah, say rape all you want. That is your right and freedom. However, be prepared that some of us, who have been raped, might speak up about our discomfort that we probably have always had, but are now more comfortable vocalizing thanks to the current social climate of support for rape victims.
Personally, I don't care if you use the word, but I don't actually speak for all rape victims.
It's up to you if you decide if such offenses are worth, in your mind, of changing your behaviour. There is no right answer, there's just what feels right to you (which will likely change over time), and what is likely to come with consequences.
If your goal is never to offend, then...HAHAHAHAHA, good fucking luck with that dude. Never gonna happen.
I GUARANTEE you've said countless things that have offended countless people over the years even if no one ever said anything.
Whether people choose to politely ignore the myriad things you say that offend them or whether they choose to speak up and voice their criticisms doesn't change the fact that you are perpetually walking around offending people. It's unavoidable.
If you accept that reality, it becomes a lot easier and less upsetting to accept when someone speaks up about that reality.
There's literally no reason to be reactive or get upset when someone tells you that what you've said, they find offensive.
It's just uncomfortable for you. That's it.
I personally appreciate when people speak up to me about the offense I've caused. Do I always give every critique merit? Do I always submit myself to their wants?
Oh hell no!
However, I do always listen, I do always try to understand where the offense is coming from, especially if it's something new that I'm surprised by.
Sometimes my reaction will be a wholehearted apology and change in behaviour, sometimes I'll just shrug and ignore it, and sometimes I'll dig my heels in and stand my ground on what I've said.
No matter what I ultimately decide to do, I'm always grateful for being more enlightened about the perspectives of others.
So chill.
This isn't the first time you've offended someone with your casual and dictionary-approved use of the word "rape". You've probably been judged for this before, you just didn't know it. At least now you can decide actively if you want to utilize language that you know might offend as opposed to living in comfortable ignorance.
Also, let's not pretend that "rape of the earth" was ever intended to be benign. It specifically uses a loaded term to convey the seriousness of the violation of the planet. It's intentionally meant to provoke.
It's just less acceptable now to use sexual assault as a linguistic/literary device of provocation. There's more social pressure to be aware of the consequences of choosing such an intentionally loaded term.
Lastly, yes, the rules of what is considered polite will change over time. They always do. It's nothing to be upset about.
If keeping the use of the word rape in casual conversation is really a cross you want to die on, then go ahead, take on that fight. You are more than welcome to do so.
If you just want to get along with people as much as possible, then yeah, you are absolutely going to have to change your use of language over time, which can be awkward, but really isn't all that hard.
You pick
your desired outcome for
yourself and use
your free speech to achieve
your desired outcome within society. You have no say over who you offend, but you have every say over how you choose to behave in response to their offense.
I really don't get what more freedom you could ask for?