Author Topic: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity  (Read 1514 times)

Dicey

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Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« on: September 05, 2019, 09:48:15 AM »
I know we have a bit of a love/hate relationship with The Frugalwoods here, but this article is remarkably brave, IMO. I'd recommend it to all of our female members, and all of our members who love same. Hmmm...come to think of it, body positivity should be a gender-neutral topic, so if it interests you, no matter how you identify, hop on over for some compelling food for thought. Good on her for being willing to share so openly.

http://www.frugalwoods.com/2019/09/05/how-im-learning-to-love-my-body-find-a-middle-ground-and-buy-clothes-without-regret

ysette9

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2019, 11:04:44 AM »
Amazing. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am struck by how many parallŤles there are between Mrs FWís situation and my own right now.

I just had baby #3 and so cleared out all of my maternity clothes as I am done, DONE with making babies. That felt great.

I have also been on a purge of fancy work clothes as I switched industries to one that isnít impressed by suits and, quite frankly, Iím done with climbing the corporate ladder.

My nursing stuff is mostly from two babies ago, meaning old, faded, stretched out. Iím not wearing jeans because c-section = uncomfortable at waist band. My bigger boobs mean most of my regular shirts donít fit and donít give baby access to milk anyway. So Iím wearing two pairs of yoga pants, three t-shirts, and a collection of old nursing tanks.

I needed to hear this message.

Iím going to plan a trip to a real store where I will plan on trying things on in person and buying a few new things that will fit and be functional and maybe even look cute. I even found during pregnancy that I like the dress + leggings combo, so Iíll see if I can make that work with my new reality.

coldestcat

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2019, 11:32:25 AM »
Ive seen a few comments about the negative relationships lately w the frugalwoods and not to derail the topic but could someone provide background on why that is?

bacchi

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2019, 11:35:40 AM »
Ive seen a few comments about the negative relationships lately w the frugalwoods and not to derail the topic but could someone provide background on why that is?

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/what%27s-up-with-the-frugalwoods/50/

DeepEllumStache

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2019, 11:36:43 AM »
Thanks for sharing, I enjoy her philosophical deep dive posts. Her point about ďbeing healthyĒ being a cover for negativity is really thought provoking. 

I spent so much of my life dressing for a body I didnít really have (which tragically meant my jeans were too tight because I didnít want to admit to being a size or two larger). Or aspirationally wearing heels because thatís what the female leaders at my company do. Never mind how uncomfortable they are. Itís only in the past two years that Iíve started down the path of dressing to what fits my life. My jeans finally fit well but the heels are still in my closet so Iím not completely there yet.

CNM

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2019, 11:37:49 AM »
Ive seen a few comments about the negative relationships lately w the frugalwoods and not to derail the topic but could someone provide background on why that is?

I think it's because there's a feeling that they deliberately misrepresented their income on their path to FI and semi-retirement.  That, and the somewhat cutesy tone of the blog, are the criticisms I've heard.  But I like it anyway!

mm1970

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2019, 02:28:07 PM »
I read that today.  A little wordy for me, but some good meat in there.  It basically aligns with what I've gone through over the last few years.

I had two kids at 35 and 42, and things just don't go back to where they were before.   Interestingly, after kid #1 the shirts fit but not the pants (too tight).  Expected.
After kid #2 it was the opposite.  Took longer to lose weight but when I did, pants were loose and shirts - way too tight.  Shoulders and rib cage both got much broader.

I've never had one of those model bodies.  I mean, I'm short and stocky, and even when "trim" I had cellulite, and now I'm almost 50.  So, body acceptance had to happen eventually.  I want to be fit and healthy, but that doesn't mean a "look".  I feel like becoming a mom let me grow into my body.

Added to that the "not shopping".  I did a shopping ban a few years ago, and have resisted shopping.  In the end, I ended up with a lot of ill-fitting running clothes, a single pair of jeans that fit (and a few that were too big), and a pile of too-big cotton sweaters or work shirts and too small running shirts.  I was training for runs in the heat wearing leggings.

I let up the reins a bit last year.  I've since purchased 2 new pairs of jeans, 4 pairs of running shorts (and socks!), and TWO new work shirts (from Costco...I touched those things for 4 trips in a row before I relented).  I feel like a whole new person.  It's amazing how wearing shirts that fit (and these are loose, flowy shirts) make you feel so much better than 10 year old items that have stretched and shrunk in weird ways.

OtherJen

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #7 on: September 07, 2019, 06:51:26 AM »
Wow, I needed to read that.

I donít have kids and Iím not overweight per BMI charts, but Iím larger than is comfortable for me after career-ending burnout, several rounds of personal life stress, and peri-menopause within the last 7 years. I lost a decent amount of weight last year but gained much of it back over the last few months due to stress eating. Right now, many things in my closet donít fit well. I need several new tops, a pair of jeans, and new bras. I havenít been able to convince myself that it is okay to buy these things because anxiety about money is too high (weíre fine, but that old Catholic scrupulosity manifests in odd ways), but then anxiety also flares when I need to go somewhere and the intended outfit doesnít fit.

Itís really hard to admit that. I was raised implicitly and explicitly to believe that thinner is always better, even if it requires a fad diet. I had an eating disorder in high school and college and was praised for my appearance. Itís very hard to accept how I look now. I need to get past this. Maybe I can start by buying 5 new (or new to me) things.

Dicey

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2019, 08:51:20 AM »
Wow, I needed to read that.

I donít have kids and Iím not overweight per BMI charts, but Iím larger than is comfortable for me after career-ending burnout, several rounds of personal life stress, and peri-menopause within the last 7 years. I lost a decent amount of weight last year but gained much of it back over the last few months due to stress eating. Right now, many things in my closet donít fit well. I need several new tops, a pair of jeans, and new bras. I havenít been able to convince myself that it is okay to buy these things because anxiety about money is too high (weíre fine, but that old Catholic scrupulosity manifests in odd ways), but then anxiety also flares when I need to go somewhere and the intended outfit doesnít fit.

Itís really hard to admit that. I was raised implicitly and explicitly to believe that thinner is always better, even if it requires a fad diet. I had an eating disorder in high school and college and was praised for my appearance. Itís very hard to accept how I look now. I need to get past this. Maybe I can start by buying 5 new (or new to me) things.
Except for the ED (Sorry you went through that, glad you survived.), we could be twins. The struggle is real. Yesterday, I met a woman who gave a relative a kidney. There were unexpected complications for her (the recipient is fine), backlash from certain family members, and a large OOP expense when further surgery was required for her the following calendar year. She has gained sixty pounds since the procedure, in part exacerbated by perimenopause.  My heart breaks for her. Me, I need to learn that it's okay not to freak out about not cleaning my plate, or letting something go to waste. Another gift of Catholic guilt.

FireHiker

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2019, 12:51:06 PM »
I found this to be a good, timely read as well. My youngest is almost 8. I need to let most of the too-small clothes in my closet go and accept that my body shape is just different after having had three kids.

StarBright

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2019, 03:02:02 PM »
I really enjoyed it - thanks for sharing Dicey!

I've spent some money on clothes this last year and it has really made me happy. But clothes are consumer goods so I've felt weird sharing that on these forums.

Working from home and having two young kids had me feeling VERY much like Mrs. Frugalwoods. I was uncomfortable every time I left the house and eventually being proud of my own frugality was not enough to get me through it.

I have found that my happy amount of clothes is far higher than the minimalist I've tried to be for the last decade or so. But now I love being able to always have something to wear that I am comfortable and confident in. I find that confidence is really key to my happiness and if that takes nice clothes and hair, then I am what I am.

mspym

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Re: Mrs. Frugalwoods on Body Positivity
« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2019, 12:15:42 AM »
Thanks for sharing!

I also really enjoyed one of the comments linking to the Satter approach to eating which I am now trawling through - the thing that strikes me is the  trust in your own body's competence and knowledge.
https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/resources-and-links-for-the-public/