Author Topic: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance  (Read 6395 times)

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Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« on: April 01, 2014, 08:59:28 AM »
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/04/dear_prudence_my_twin_brother_had_a_one_night_stand_gave_her_my_name_and.html

Scroll to the last Q&A (unless you want to read about twins' hijinks). Funny bit asking how to deal with mustachian fiance who doesn't want to blow all of their money on cars and trips.

ShortInSeattle

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2014, 09:15:00 AM »
From the article: How do I discuss with him that it's worthwhile to "invest" money in our quality of life?

A marriage getting started with one party:
1) Trying to change the other person.
2) Viewing responsible habits as weird.
3) Being happy with her frugal partner, until she realizes he has money in the bank, then flipping out.

Yeah, I hope she has the talk with him. So he can run, run, run....

Not to mention they've been together two years, have taken an international trip in that time plus smaller trips... that sounds plenty luxurious to me.

"SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON MEEEEEE...."

Poor guy.

NumberCruncher

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2014, 10:38:11 AM »
haha, love it!

"(And not having a car when living in the Back Bay is simply a sign of good sense.)"

so true. The parking alone is $$$: http://www.boston.com/businessupdates/2013/08/14/back-bay-parking-spot-sells-for/RwnVjzpmn3Gnv1556A3jCK/story.html

rocksinmyhead

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2014, 11:34:26 AM »
just... wow. hilarious! I like that she didn't have an issue with their "quality of life" until she realized he had money in the bank. I, too, hope they have the conversation so he can GTFO!

Milspecstache

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2014, 08:33:03 AM »
I wonder if he has read MMM...  Sounds like he has it pretty together (other than talking with his fiance!).

Jamesqf

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2014, 11:33:37 AM »
I wish she (Prudence, that is) had gotten a little deeper.  It is, after all, quite possible that the guy in question doesn't think of big trips or expensive things (at least the expensive things fiancee wants) as being major quality of life improvements.  In which case the relationship has problems ahead.

jordanread

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2014, 04:24:25 PM »
I think my favorite part was this:
Quote
Your boyfriend may be pathologically cheap, or he may be brilliantly frugal.
Many people don't get the difference.

Zikoris

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2014, 10:20:58 PM »
How the heck do you date for two years and have no idea what your partner's net worth is, or how much they make? They live together - I don't quite understand how they've managed to not talk about finances for so long? Especially since they have a condo - wouldn't they have needed to, I don't know, fill out some forms together with all that information to get a mortgage?

I just have to wonder if the guy was purposely hiding his wealth, since it seems almost impossible to do that by accident when you've merged lives with someone (buying property together, etc). If he did, that's douchey - I would be super pissed off if someone kept that from me for two years.

arebelspy

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2014, 07:06:51 AM »
Quote
After dating for two years I recently became engaged ...my fiancé is reluctant to go on big trips or do expensive things.... In our time together, we've taken one big international trip and mostly smaller trips around the U.S.

How is one big international trip and smaller trips in the US in just over two years "reluctant to go on big trips"?

Sounds like she's a spendthrift who wants to travel to the Caribbean multiple times a year. It's bad enough that she's asking an advice columnist about it. I feel bad for the guy.
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arebelspy

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2014, 07:08:25 AM »
How the heck do you date for two years and have no idea what your partner's net worth is, or how much they make? They live together - I don't quite understand how they've managed to not talk about finances for so long? Especially since they have a condo - wouldn't they have needed to, I don't know, fill out some forms together with all that information to get a mortgage?

I just have to wonder if the guy was purposely hiding his wealth, since it seems almost impossible to do that by accident when you've merged lives with someone (buying property together, etc). If he did, that's douchey - I would be super pissed off if someone kept that from me for two years.

I don't see why he should have a need to completely open up all his financial books. That doesn't mean he's "hiding" it - it's more likely they've never discussed money much (she mentioned she just "assumed" about his salary).  He paid his share of the bills, enough said.

Why does that mean he was douchey, or "kept it" from her?
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
If you want to know more about me, this Business Insider profile tells the story pretty well.
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Dr.Vibrissae

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #10 on: April 03, 2014, 07:37:05 AM »
How the heck do you date for two years and have no idea what your partner's net worth is, or how much they make? They live together - I don't quite understand how they've managed to not talk about finances for so long? Especially since they have a condo - wouldn't they have needed to, I don't know, fill out some forms together with all that information to get a mortgage?

I just have to wonder if the guy was purposely hiding his wealth, since it seems almost impossible to do that by accident when you've merged lives with someone (buying property together, etc). If he did, that's douchey - I would be super pissed off if someone kept that from me for two years.
FWIW, The article doesn't say they OWN a small condo, it says they live in a small condo.  Seems likely they are renters. 

CommonCents

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #11 on: April 03, 2014, 10:19:35 AM »
How the heck do you date for two years and have no idea what your partner's net worth is, or how much they make? They live together - I don't quite understand how they've managed to not talk about finances for so long? Especially since they have a condo - wouldn't they have needed to, I don't know, fill out some forms together with all that information to get a mortgage?

I just have to wonder if the guy was purposely hiding his wealth, since it seems almost impossible to do that by accident when you've merged lives with someone (buying property together, etc). If he did, that's douchey - I would be super pissed off if someone kept that from me for two years.
FWIW, The article doesn't say they OWN a small condo, it says they live in a small condo.  Seems likely they are renters.

Or he owns, and she lives there (since I suspect the opposite is less likely).  DH owned our condo from before we met - mortgage-free to boot.  I was renting so I moved in with him (now granted, I did know his salary well before we got engaged).

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #12 on: April 03, 2014, 10:47:08 AM »
I just can't believe that her response to finding out that the man she (presumably) loves has a stache growing is anger! You'd think that a good savings rate would've come up before, but still, how could finding out that you're starting married life with some financial security conceivably be considered a bad thing???

Zikoris

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Re: Dear Prudence - Mustachian Fiance
« Reply #13 on: April 03, 2014, 07:09:47 PM »
How the heck do you date for two years and have no idea what your partner's net worth is, or how much they make? They live together - I don't quite understand how they've managed to not talk about finances for so long? Especially since they have a condo - wouldn't they have needed to, I don't know, fill out some forms together with all that information to get a mortgage?

I just have to wonder if the guy was purposely hiding his wealth, since it seems almost impossible to do that by accident when you've merged lives with someone (buying property together, etc). If he did, that's douchey - I would be super pissed off if someone kept that from me for two years.

I don't see why he should have a need to completely open up all his financial books. That doesn't mean he's "hiding" it - it's more likely they've never discussed money much (she mentioned she just "assumed" about his salary).  He paid his share of the bills, enough said.

Why does that mean he was douchey, or "kept it" from her?

If it just never came up, and there was no active deception, I wouldn't consider it douchey. I'm big on full disclosure within a relationship, fairly early on, especially in terms of money, desire to have or not have kids, and any other critical information.