Author Topic: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills  (Read 2508 times)

cantgrowone

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I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« on: April 01, 2018, 05:56:09 PM »
Hi. I am not a book reader, but I need a recommendation. My social skills are kaput; the conversation part. I can converse 1-on-1 just fine listening and providing words. When I am in a group of 3 or more it is like my mind forgets about words. I listen and follow the conversation, but I can literally provide no input.

Surely there's a book that will guide me through improving social life?

Zola.

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Re: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2018, 05:32:02 AM »
What about something about helping you have better conversations with others? Thats bound to help socially etc.

2Cent

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Re: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2018, 03:59:41 AM »
Hi. I am not a book reader, but I need a recommendation. My social skills are kaput; the conversation part. I can converse 1-on-1 just fine listening and providing words. When I am in a group of 3 or more it is like my mind forgets about words. I listen and follow the conversation, but I can literally provide no input.

Surely there's a book that will guide me through improving social life?
I have the same problem. I feel sometimes the conversation moves too quickly so by the time I formulate my thoughts to respond someone else is talking. It is mostly due to me wanting to think through what I say, but if you also have to listen to multiple people it's just too hard.

The best way I know to practice is choosing conversations with familiar topics and just starting to talk with a generic statement or repeat of something, using the time to think out my words for what I really wanted to say. This mostly works and when it doesn't it's not as awkward as you imagine. At worst you just made an empty statement which everyone will immediately forget. You can even get people to expand on something by just repeating their last 2-3 words as a question.(As a question?) People won't notice and even appreciate it as it shows you care about their thoughts. The main thing I think is to just do it and get the practice. This is not something you can really learn from a book.

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Re: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2018, 05:16:54 AM »
Hi. I am not a book reader, but I need a recommendation. My social skills are kaput; the conversation part. I can converse 1-on-1 just fine listening and providing words. When I am in a group of 3 or more it is like my mind forgets about words. I listen and follow the conversation, but I can literally provide no input.

Surely there's a book that will guide me through improving social life?

I like your username. ;) There are some good books out there, perhaps the most famous being "How To Win Friends And Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

Personally I'm pretty bad at following the thread of group conversations, and I don't enjoy fancy dinners or pub gatherings where there is nothing but talking and sitting around a cramped table! My strategy around this is to socialize in group activities instead (sports, games, etc.), where talking isn't mandatory and the subject inevitably revolves around the thing you are doing.

Katrina

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Re: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2018, 11:15:33 AM »
Most peoples favorite subject is themselves, even if they don't think so.  "I" is one of the most common words in the English language.   Just ask people questions about themsleves without being creepy or prying.  Like the old saying interesting  is interested.  Start simple  like their job or where their  from.  Compliments are always good too. 

Also I agree with the other post How To Win Friends and Influence People  by Dale Carnegie is excellent.  Read it then read it again.  Good luck. 

whitewaterchica

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Re: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2018, 02:55:30 PM »
Not a book, but I found this Ted Talk to be very helpful. I took notes as I watched and refer to them when I need a reminder. https://www.ted.com/search?q=10+ways+to+have+a+better+conversation

applegrapepie

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Re: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2018, 10:50:11 PM »
How to Win Friends is a perfect book, helped me tons! If you go kaput during group convos, maybe it has something do with social anxiety. That the issue with me.

scottydog

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Re: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2018, 03:32:26 PM »
I'm really enjoying a recent book about social anxiety that touches on this:
https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Yourself-Critic-Anxiety/dp/1250161703/

The author has a weekly podcast too so you can see whether you like her style.
https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/savvy-psychologist

Also, here's a simple trick that I learned from Jerry Seinfeld's cars & coffee series: Ask people questions that have a number as an answer. E.g. How long have you been teaching/skydiving/collecting stamps?

Lady Stash

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Re: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« Reply #8 on: October 18, 2018, 04:20:05 PM »
Way back in the dark ages when I was in college, my counselor recommended Life Skills for Adult Children by Janet Woititz. 

Janet Woititz mostly writes books for adult children of alcoholics and my parents weren't but I found this book super helpful as it is incredibly straightforward and pragmatic. Social skills are like riding a bike, once you get the rhythm of the conversation its as easy as can be and you never forget it.  This book helped break down that rhythm for me - basic training wheels for social interactions.  It may be a bit corny but it lays out all the subtle interaction cues that people use in conversations.  All the trigger words, body language and nuances spelled out plainly.  Once you see them explained so clearly they seem obvious and it just kind of clicks.  At least it did for me - hopefully you have the same experience!

https://www.amazon.com/Lifeskills-Adult-Children-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558740708/
« Last Edit: October 18, 2018, 04:22:38 PM by Lady Stash »

jengod

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Re: I need a book suggestion to improve my social skills
« Reply #9 on: October 31, 2018, 10:52:35 PM »
Never Eat Alone by Keith Farrazzi is interesting.