My parents paid for me to go to university. If they had later pulled out an invoice itemising the costs and explaining how they now have an investment in my adult life, I would have taken that as a sign that we now had a business relationship rather than a family one. I would have taken that invoice, shaken their hand (business, right?) and walked out. Future contact would be me mailing them a payment plan and the monthly payments arriving in their bank account.
I respectfully disagree. My parents also paid for my college. I had no idea what their financial outlay was at the time, and still don't. I am almost afraid to ask. I didn't take any of it (college) very seriously, because my ass wasn't on the line. I took an extra semester because I waffled a lot and spent way too many nights at the bar playing pool. If I had been given even partial responsibility for the costs of my education I truly believe I would have been far more focused on getting *my* money's worth. Owning it. I was blissfully unaware of the costs involved with college and the value of what my parents did for me and it was to my detriment.
That said, I think my comment was misunderstood. I didn't mean to come off sounding harsh, but rather loving. My suggestion wasn't to hand her a "bill." But rather show her the money that was paid for her education so she understands the value of the gift she's been given. It isn't - "Hey, you owe us" but rather "We worked hard to afford this for you and want you to see how not having a huge student loan payment (because of our hard work) can directly affect your life in a positive way, allowing you to put money towards retirement instead of having to pay off student loans." I guess my viewpoint was to show her that she isn't "losing" spending money by saving it because student loan payments would have been a far bigger chunk out of her pocket if she had them.
As parents we all "invest" in our children's future with every decision we make, rule we enforce, praise we give. The returns aren't financial. My parents (and likely OP) didn't pay for college because they thought I would make them money, but because they wanted to see me succeed. Their dividends were my happiness and my productive, successful future.
If you have gone to the extent of paying for (or helping pay for college), taking an hour to start a conversation to help give direction for your child's positive financial future seems like small potatoes. She might be busy finishing college, etc. Giving a quick review of the main points of the book and hand holding might go much farther than you think.
I know that my parents did what they thought was right at the time, but you can be rest assured that my kids will not even apply to college without understanding upfront the financial outlay and discussing the value of that investment compared to their other education and career options. We will help where we can, but they need to "own" it and be responsible for the decisions that define their future.
I suppose the reality is that it needs to start long before college graduation. My kids are 9 and 10 and they shop with us and we talk prices, savings, coupons, wants vs. needs. We talk about saving money and letting it grow, that the less you spend the more you get to keep. All of that is building a foundation (hopefully!) that will be the base for bigger finance conversations going forward. If none of that happens, I sure as heck wouldn't expect to throw a book at them in their last year of college and when they aren't interested throw my hands up. (Not suggesting that's what the OP did, but I find myself wondering how many of the "let her make her own mistakes" folks here have kids.)
Again, my two cents. I know we all have different life experiences and viewpoints. Happy Friday!