Author Topic: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?  (Read 1447 times)

Queen Frugal

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Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« on: November 06, 2020, 09:34:00 AM »
I am wondering how others are treating birthday parties these days.

My daughter is 10 and she was just invited to a birthday party. The birthday party is at an indoor swimming pool. Our community is currently doing okay - better than other areas of my state for sure - but we've seen a slight recent uptick in cases and more alarmingly we are at an all time high hospitalization rate for COVID.

The girl who invited my daughter had a birthday party at the same place a few years ago - and invited everyone from her school in her grade - like 60 people. I don't know how many were invited this year but judging from the mom's FB posts, they aren't taking many precautions, and judging from the nature of the party and the fact that there was no mention of social distancing, my guess is that there will be a lot of kids coming and zero social distancing.

This is a very close friend of my daughter's - or at least she was before the pandemic. My daughter is so incredibly lonely. She is an only child and she is depressed and worn out from the isolation.

My daughter did have a birthday herself recently - and we had a small party. She invited 5 friends and we stayed outdoors with masks. One of the 5 friends is the one who now is having a birthday party.

My daughter enjoyed her own party but afterwards she was just twice as down as before. The loneliness just felt a lot more pronounced after spending time with friends.

I don't know how the heck a swimming pool party can be safe. I feel so bad for my kid I'm considering caving anyway and hoping for the best. Looking for some objective input here.

On another downside, we have a choice to attend online or in person in our school district.  I chose online, which has been pretty rough on all of us. The other little girl chose in person. The in person classes just started meeting in person last week. My daughter hasn't really absorbed this and given the chance, my daughter would definitely prefer in person.  If my daughter goes to this party and talks to other people who are going in person, it's going to crush her.

Please help me out. I think you all will tell me it's stupid nuts to have a swimming party right now. That's what my gut is telling me anyway. I am just really struggling with my daughter's loneliness. She feels so miserable right now.

Thoughts?


GuitarStv

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2020, 09:45:40 AM »
My son has gone to one birthday party since covid started.  The mother organized the party to be outside and had arranged a person with a petting zoo.  All the children wore masks, food was not served at the party (but the kids all got treat bags to take home), and the whole party lasted about an hour and a half.  We have turned down other parties where it didn't seem like the parent was doing enough to keep children safe.

Check with the parents who are planning it to see what they have in mind.  I have trouble imagining a way to keep everyone safe at a swimming party as you've described, but it might be possible.

TrMama

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2020, 09:46:37 AM »
No

TheFrenchCat

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #3 on: November 06, 2020, 09:52:43 AM »
We're not doing anything inside, so it'd be a no for us.  But I'm really sorry to hear your daughter is having such a hard time.  I know it's not the same, but has she been keeping in touch with her friend in other ways?  We're in a slightly similar situation where our 5-year-old daughter is going to school virtually and her best friend is in person.  She's only seen him once in person since this all started, but zoom calls have helped.  But we've been really lucky that our daughter has really taken to virtual school and is socializing with her classmates on their lunch meeting. 

Malcat

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2020, 10:16:18 AM »
No.

KCM5

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2020, 10:33:17 AM »
I would - but not if it’s lots of kids and they’re not wearing masks. Outdoor, small masked party? An enthusiastic yes. But that doesn’t sound like what you describe.

I hear you on the only child loneliness. I too have an only child that’s not attending in person school right now. We’ve worked really hard to make sure she can still see some of her friends (outside, wearing masks). They love seeing each other and we all feel comfortable with it because we know what precautions we’re all taking. And sometimes she has virtual play dates with her friends over FaceTime. It helps so much!

merula

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #6 on: November 06, 2020, 10:35:16 AM »
I wouldn't let my kids go to that kind of a party. I don't see any way to do it safely. If you felt OK about the risk, maybe you could invite the birthday girl over for a playdate, or take both girls out for patio dining or a picnic if that's a possibility given the weather? I would personally schedule that before the party, or 3 weeks after.

StarBright

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #7 on: November 06, 2020, 11:21:58 AM »
We went to one but when we got there there were at least 50 people and we were the only folks wearing masks. We did not feel safe so I let my daughter give her friend his present and then I took her for ice cream.

We have turned down all other invitations.

I would not take my children to any indoor party right now.

I agree with setting up outdoor playdates for your child and her friends.
« Last Edit: November 06, 2020, 11:31:01 AM by StarBright »

Laura33

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #8 on: November 06, 2020, 11:51:34 AM »
Not that party, no way in hell.

We have allowed DS (14) to go to a "walk around in the mall" birthday party that was chaperoned by two parents who paid attention to masks and social distancing, but we drove him there/back to avoid close car time.

We allowed DS to go to friends' movie evenings with a family that had a projector and the kid brought their own blankets/towels to hang out on the lawn. 

We allowed DS to have his own birthday party with four friends watching movies on the back deck with masks and all, and parental control over where the chairs go.

All of this is assisted by the fact that DS is a very responsible kid for a dumbass teenage boy. 

OP:  you have a very, very reasonable concern about your daughter's happiness.  That doesn't mean that the solution is to throw her in to a situation you know is unsafe.  It does mean that you should look for ways to help her get more friend interaction in a safer way.  What about inviting the friend to a one-on-one celebration lunch?  Or looking for things DD can do with smaller groups of kids in a more controlled environment?   

maisymouser

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2020, 01:02:40 PM »
Nope, nope, nope. That IS absolutely nuts. Just based on the judgement of the parent holding the party, I would not opt to send my kid to that kind of event without being able to closely monitor any precautions they might say they are taking.

chemistk

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #10 on: November 06, 2020, 01:21:10 PM »
Agree with others here, not that party - not in a longshot.

One of my son's best friends who goes to a different elementary school in our district ended up getting Covid from his grandparent who was sick but hadn't had a test yet. Many at the party actually ended up getting Covid, but it was primarily family only at the party. We didn't attend and haven't seen them since before the friend's birthday. (we're good friends with these people, and I'm not open to discussing their choices). So, it definitely happens at birthday parties!

If we were to have him go to one, it would be one where only other kids from his Kindergarten classroom went (he's in person), and there were reasonable precautions taken including limiting the family members who can attend. But even then, I'd have strong hesitations now that it's colder and most parties are going to be indoors.

But that party? Nope.

Queen Frugal

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #11 on: November 06, 2020, 02:05:25 PM »
Thank you @chemist, @Laura33, @StarBright, @KCM5, @TheFrenchCat, and @GuitarStv for sharing what you are doing. I feel like I am in this artificial bubble and I don't know how the rest of the real world is actually getting through this stuff.

You are all right - it's stupid crazy to be having an indoor swim party right now. Oh wait - I already said that. I just wasn't sure I should listen to myself. :)

I set up an outside play date with another friend for the day of the party and my daughter is super excited. We're going to the dog park.


Freedomin5

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #12 on: November 06, 2020, 03:27:13 PM »
I’ll chime in with a No as well.

If this is your daughter’s best friend, have your daughter offer to take her out one-on-one to somewhere fun where you can monitor and they can social distance.

Also, this is a great opportunity to teach your daughter that if she is lonely, she can do something about it. She’s not the victim here where she “isn’t allowed to go to in person school” or “go to a birthday party with 60 kids” and therefore feel crushed. She has power to take initiative to reach out to others in a way that is safe. Rather than be a follower (follow her friends to school, follow others to an unsafe party), she can choose her own path and still meet her own needs.

JustTrying

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #13 on: November 09, 2020, 09:30:54 PM »
I wouldn't let my kid go to that party, but I think there are ways you can battle that loneliness in a safer manner! I've found that get-togethers with others just take a lot of consent and agreement. We've had many get-togethers with others during COVID. The vast majority have been outside and with masks on. My kid is not the type to touch and climb on other kids, so I'm chill with her having masks off while outside as I can trust her to not get super close to the other kids. Unfortunately, I can't trust most other kids to do the same, so usually we mask up even when outdoors. We've had a handful of indoor get-togethers with one kid at a time, and we always mask up and stay 6 feet away. Maybe have her skip the party but then plan a get-together with just one other friend on occasion?

Plugging Along

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #14 on: November 11, 2020, 08:31:40 AM »
I get the toll that isolation can take.  I have a teen who has been diagnosed with depression  and anxiety before COVID started.  Mental health is our most important issue above COVID.   That being said, we will not out her in high COVID scenarios.    We deem risk factors that have large number of people (more than 5), indoors, inability for social distancing, people that we do not know well,  people that do not mask or take safety precautions, food sharing, heavy breathing/singing, shouting, ect.    So by your description, there is no way my child would be going.

We have gone to gatherings that were outside.  Distance was still maintain, with a small group, and we even brought our own food.   I left my kids go out with friends out side, which is harder because was blizzarding yesterday.   With enough snow, we will allow them to have sledding and skating parties.  They go on outside gatherings and okay dates with a few friend and safety measures in place. 

mizzourah2006

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #15 on: November 11, 2020, 10:40:28 AM »
We've gone to two. One was outdoors in late June and there were only about 8 kids there from like 3 families. Not ideal, but not like it was kids from all over town. The more recent one my daughter went to was indoors, but it was with only a subset of her classmates (~10). We figured that because she is indoors with them all day anyway and they aren't wearing masks at school (4 & 5). It wasn't a huge risk. But all of this is very personal, don't do what doesn't make you feel comfortable.

Gin1984

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #16 on: November 11, 2020, 10:58:22 AM »
Absolutely not.  I am in quarantine for the next week (and have been for the last week) because someone with SARS-CoV2 came over to me while I was eating lunch outside to talk to me and he has SAR-CoV2.  Not what I am willing to risk.

cool7hand

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #17 on: November 11, 2020, 12:47:03 PM »
Heck no

meandmyfamily

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #18 on: November 11, 2020, 01:17:09 PM »
If she is a good swimmer and could be dropped off and if the party was small I would allow it.  I would not if it is a large gathering.  If it is open to the public probably not.  I would ask the parents more about the size etc.  We have found mental health to be very important to balance with all our kids.  If I said no, I would set-up something with her good friend at a later date just the two of them and maybe outside.

Two of my kids have done swim team since May but it is outside where we live and we have number restrictions.
« Last Edit: November 11, 2020, 01:18:47 PM by meandmyfamily »

Queen Frugal

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #19 on: November 11, 2020, 02:03:32 PM »
OP here.

I saw pictures on FB of the swim party. It wasn't as bad as I feared, but still I counted at least 10 kiddos in the pictures, all huddled together for a good FB shot, no masks. We only knew one of them. It seems this was a family affair with a few close friends invited to the party.

My daughter ended up having a great time with her other friend one on one.

We did promise to get together with the birthday girl in a few weeks though I'm not sure how we will handle that. It's awful cold out now and cases in our county are exploding at the moment.

I'm so glad we have a new president and a vaccine on the horizon, but this is going to be a long dark winter for sure!


Car Jack

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #20 on: November 19, 2020, 09:36:40 AM »

Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?

Really?  That's a real question?  Of course not.  (and my kids are 20 and 24 and could drive themselves to the party)

Hula Hoop

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #21 on: November 19, 2020, 11:30:37 AM »
Our daughter is turning 9 next week.  We've invited a few girls who are all in her class (in person schooling) to the park after school to roller skate and play.  Kids will be in masks.  I'm making individually wrapped cupcakes for each kid and handing out individual snacks and juice boxes. We plan to be very vigilant about social distancing and mask wearing but the kids here in Italy know the drill.  I should point out that the situation here isn't good but not as bad as many parts of the US or other parts of Italy.

ixtap

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #22 on: November 19, 2020, 11:54:53 AM »
Our daughter is turning 9 next week.  We've invited a few girls who are all in her class (in person schooling) to the park after school to roller skate and play.  Kids will be in masks.  I'm making individually wrapped cupcakes for each kid and handing out individual snacks and juice boxes. We plan to be very vigilant about social distancing and mask wearing but the kids here in Italy know the drill.  I should point out that the situation here isn't good but not as bad as many parts of the US or other parts of Italy.

This seems eminently sensible.

Blue Skies

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #23 on: November 19, 2020, 06:30:12 PM »
We really ramped up the outdoor activities with friends in the late summer/early fall because cases were low here and it was still warm enough to hang out outside all day.  I wanted to give the kids a chance to get a bit of normalcy back before we went into hiding again this winter.  We did a couple of small outdoor birthday parties during that time.
Now, cases are going way up again, and it is COLD!  Indoor visits are not looking good to me.  The kids aren't feeling too secluded yet though.  They are getting much better about facetime/google meeting with their friends too, so that even if they can't get together in person they are still hanging out with friends multiple times a week.
If your child is feeling lonely, find a friend that will do facetime visits.  My youngest plays with dolls and other toys virtually with her friends, and it seems to work fine for them.  Honestly, I think the parents like it too because no one has to drive to drop off/pick up the kids and it keeps them occupied.

Hula Hoop

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Re: Would you allow your kid to go to a birthday party during COVID?
« Reply #24 on: November 20, 2020, 02:36:55 AM »
My almost 9 year old was doing this with some kids from her class when we were completely locked down during spring.  It was too many kids and too much shouting and often ended up degenerating into chaos.  It worked much better when it was just her and her best friend although, since it was on my phone, they ended up just sending stickers back and forth a lot of the time.