Author Topic: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School  (Read 1205 times)

soccerluvof4

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3201
  • Location: Artic Midwest
  • Retired at 50
    • My Journal
What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« on: January 05, 2018, 06:29:49 AM »
So we are a family of 6. I am 53 and my DW 49. We are fire'd mostly as my wife just works for Health Insurance a good gig but can do anywhere.  We recently have 2 kids that left for college but have 2 more. One is in 8th and one is in 6th. The problem is I really really want to move and my DW would go along with me on doing it BUT she is not as assertive or actually I am not sure what the right adjective is. When we travel to NC we talk about how we don't want to go back to the frigid Midwest and why do we live there.

Right now I would be practically 60 when my youngest graduates High School but he would be fine. Its my 8th grader. He is so into school, on the student council has so many good friends and both kids like my oldest are so in bedded in the soccer around here I cant help feeling/thinking that I would feel guilty packing them up and moving.. For one Soccer is even better than here and I feel they would be fine. But they are now and if something went wrong I would blame myself. I don't want my 8th grader to be angry with me but on the same note he knows I am strict but I also do always whats best for them. I just want a change and yes I made the decision with my DW to have kids later in life but I would like sometime to get established somewhere else.

I know this might seem stupid to some and some will just say just do it and others maybe not so much.  Not sure if it will even matter but I am searching.......there is no magic pill.  I try to find ways to just not think about it and accept I am here so make the best of it but it always creeps in my mind.

So i am looking for advice, real life situations etc...
" In life you don't get what you deserve you get what you negotiate"

Knapptyme

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 182
  • Age: 36
  • Location: Orange Park, FL
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2018, 06:47:11 AM »
My parents moved with me after my 8th grade year. I disliked the first week of school (didn't know a whole lot of people), but after going back to visit my old town, I am glad we left. We all know high school changes kids. Friend groups change. And, looking back on it, I value having to adapt to a new place. It builds character, as they say. The only thing that moving really cost me is a sure spot on the basketball team on history of middle school success. I had to earn it when we moved.

Now, my sister was entering her senior year. The move was much harder on her, and I still feel bad that she didn't get to finish high school with her friends in the old town. Therefore, if you're going to make the move, do it sooner rather than later.

Plus, soccer is better when it's not snowing for both playing and spectating. I grew up playing in Michigan, and I've both played and coached in heavy snowfall.

shawndoggy

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 251
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2018, 07:02:51 AM »
I was gonna say oh don't do it, hard on the kids.

Then I remembered that my daughter, by her choice -- but with our support and encouragement, went to a magnet HS not her zoned school.  She knew 3 or 4 people there, but basically it was like starting at a new school... albeit with a bunch of other kids in the same boat.  She did spectacularly well there.

On the flipside, my son just graduated from our zoned HS (the one my daughter didn't attend) and he also did fine.  Two of his good friends parents moved away right after graduation.  I kinda feel bad for those kids because here they are now in their freshman years of college and they don't really have a "home" to come home to over the holidays, at least in the sense of seeing old friends and whatnot. 

So upon reflection, if you're gonna do it, do it now, BEFORE the kids start HS.  Starting HS is a reset for a lot of kids so it's not a bad time for a move.  Totally agree with the above post that you don't want to do it when your kid is a senior.

reeshau

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 18
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2018, 09:20:44 AM »
It's a hard call, for sure, and I empathize.

I am 46, my wife is 45.  Our son is 3.  We just decided on a career transition with my company to take us from Michigan to Ireland.  Our committed minimum time there is 2 years; our financial planning is for 5.  As we are planning this move, we are simultaneously planning our move back; we don't know when it will be, but we do know where:  Houston.  It's there for a) warmer weather, b) no income tax while we are in Ireland (or ever) c) my in-laws are there, just turned 75, and have no family nearby.  This would have us plunked down in Houston in a sandwich situation (though not unwillingly) until his graduation.  We also are considering the impact of a school move on our son, though he will be early in his elementary career.  I moved after first grade; although I can say I made new, great friends and did fine, there are friends I miss from those early days.  (maybe miss is too strong: wonder how / where they are today?)  In terms of the nuances already mentioned, I attended a parochial grade school after we moved, then went to public high school.  Just as the examples of a magnet school, I might as well have moved--lots of new kids, although there were a lot I knew, too.

So, I have this on my mind, but earlier in our son's life--I sympathize with your predicament.  But since you did not mention it:  have you asked your kids their opinion?  If you love NC, do they also love it?  Thinking of the example of playing sports in the snow, maybe there are positives they would already see, or people they have already met.  I think they are old enough to have a voice in the making of the decision, even if not a vote.

Another path:  would you be able to afford a vacation home of some kind in your target destination?  Spending some amount of time there may also give the kids a chance to like the place too, or even to meet people.  Although waiting into high school is all the more difficult, maybe taking some steps there over time would also balance the change with some positives, if not overcome all the resistance.

Lichen

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 110
  • Location: PNW
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2018, 11:32:19 AM »
I would say this is the optimum time to move with older kids. In most areas, high school is a dumping ground for multiple middle school streams -- two or more middle schools and a slew of k-8 private schools tend to transfer into the same high school. This is even true in some rural areas, with a central high school serving the needs of several rural primary school districts. Unfamiliar faces are common during freshman year because of this, which is part of the reason why peer groups tend to break up and reform over the first semester of high school.

Lucky Girl

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 172
  • Location: Boston area
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2018, 11:33:15 AM »
My parents moved us several times as kids, including once between 8th and 9th grades.  I then stayed in the same place through high school.  I still keep in touch with my high school friends, more so than any other of the friends that I made.  That being said, it was very hard.  The friends I made were mostly "transplant" kids like me, not local kids who had lived in the area all their lives.  Those kids didn't need new friends.  I'm also an introvert, which didn't help.

I also hate cold weather and appreciate your desire to move.  Tough decision.  I think if you really are going to move anyway, then maybe the sooner the better?  I've decided we won't move, even though we will hit FI when my kids are in middle school.  I will save extra to take extended vacations to warm places when they are in school, and to go away for several months in the winter once they are out of the house.

Kapiira

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 117
  • Age: 41
  • Location: Albuquerque, NM
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2018, 12:33:51 PM »
Have you talked about this idea with your kids?  We have a family friend that just relocated with his family.  I was surprised to find out that the middle schooler was actually excited about the move. 

ixtap

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 884
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2018, 12:37:12 PM »
Entering high school is a good time to move. They are making transitions and new friends either way. I do recommend that you move between school years, rather than mid year, so that they are part of the "Everything's new!" mentality, rather than coming in just as everyone else gets settled.


Mongoose

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1483
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2018, 12:59:32 PM »
I moved right as I entered 8th grade and my brother entered 10th. We both were very happy with the move. FWIW, we did move into a high school of substantial size (260ish per grade) near a large, active military base. There were lots of kids coming and going so it was easy not being the only new kid in the area.

We're trying to decide when and where to move with our kids...right now we live in a bad school district and have pulled our elementary school kids to homeschool until we can get to a better situation. The when and where is already a hot topic for discussion even though they are still young.

IMO, moving kids as they transition to high school is much better than later in high school. We had one friend who's dad got a transfer and who spent her 12th grade year in a new school. That was kind of rough for her.

hoping2retire35

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1211
  • Location: UPCOUNTRY CAROLINA
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2018, 01:10:57 PM »
Get on Zillow.

Same as above. HS will be new for a lot of people. A lot of their friends now will change in HS and not be very good friends.

If you move right as they go to college then they won't have much of a home base to go back to, better for them to have some roots in the place you want to stay so they can come home for the holidays, to see old friend etc. They will also get the benefit of very low cost in state southern research universities.

Soccer will also be better when there isn't snow all the time.

I would just start looking and maybe tell them you are definately moving near the end of the school year. Offer to give them a big party at the end of the year and spend a lot the summer with their friends etc.

soccerluvof4

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3201
  • Location: Artic Midwest
  • Retired at 50
    • My Journal
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #10 on: January 06, 2018, 02:08:59 AM »
Thanks all!

To answer a few questions one of their older Siblings Plays College Soccer in NC and plans on staying there so we would have "family" there. My Daughter is playing College Soccer half way between where we are now and NC so for her it would be easier to drive south and she if comes home after College would prefer NC then where we currently live.

The one that says no , yes I talk to all the time about it and maybe I made the problem. As I mentioned he is only in 8th grade and already being followed as he plays with a National League U16 team and is already being watched by colleges.  He knows soccer is better in NC and all but good/bad he is so into school and loves his friends and is in so many advanced classed. My older ones were not like that at all. I always tell my kids I have no favorites I like the one that is behaving the most at the time but its usually him..
Like I said I know he would handle it and all but its tough. I just feel like all i do is chase the country for these kids I just want one thing for myself.  I appreciate all your thoughts and Ideas if nothing else it helps to just talk about it. As i mentioned too my younger one could care less so its all about one kid which also seems week on my part but again just want them all to be happy.
" In life you don't get what you deserve you get what you negotiate"

davisgang90

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1076
  • Location: NoVa
    • Chart prepping
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #11 on: January 06, 2018, 05:29:04 AM »
Kids are resilient.  I attended 4 elementary schools and 3 high schools, including moving the end of my junior year.  Worked out great!

We are retiring and moving as my youngest completes 8th grade, so he'll start at a new high school.  I think that is a great time to move. 
Check out my blog.  Early retirement from a military perspective.

http://chartprepping.com




kenner

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 23
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #12 on: January 06, 2018, 08:32:32 AM »
I think a lot of it is going to depend on the kid.

I'm another one that moved/got moved a lot growing up (including both at the beginning and in the middle of high school) and for me it very much meant that while I was friendly with plenty of people, I didn't have any really close friends at the school I graduated from.  Not always easy for a teenager.  But my choice of sport was much more solitary, and then I decided to go to a school 1000 miles away from anywhere I'd ever lived so obviously I didn't find starting over in a completely new place knowing no one a particularly serious concern.

On the other side, a sibling's age meant moving shortly after the beginning of high school, and she's still close with a few friends she made there 10 years after graduation.  I think it just depends on the person.

lizzzi

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1853
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #13 on: January 06, 2018, 08:48:30 AM »
My parents moved when I was just going into 12th grade--had spent K--11 in the same school system. I liked the new high school much better--made friends with pleasant, down-to-earth kids, was put into Majorettes immediately (OK, silly. But baton twirling was very important to me at that time.) Was able to walk to a really good part-time job that led the way into what I eventually chose as my lifetime career. (Hospital work.) So for me it was a good thing. It wasn't out-of-state though--I could still occasionally see friends from my old school.

Last week I was in the grocery and ran into a former co-worker. We are in NY, which of course is very HCOL. She and her husband are from Michigan, and plan to move back there in three years. They are going to a beautiful, LCOL area, buy a big piece of land, and basically live the good life.  The reason they are waiting is that their daughter has said she is in favor of the move...but could they please wait until she finishes high school. So they are waiting. Sounds like a good compromise--all seem happy with the plan.

soccerluvof4

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3201
  • Location: Artic Midwest
  • Retired at 50
    • My Journal
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2018, 03:03:00 AM »
I agree 8th grade is the perfect age. My DW and I talked about it for about 8 hours yesterday as we dropped my DD off at college. She was thinking after his freshman year and I was like WHAT? to me that made no sense. I told her I shared it on here not to support my thoughts or? but for guidance. The more we talked and I told her my concerns she was like we really do need to get on looking so thats a big step. So like converting to the MMM way ,, I am going to slowly feed her information. I will say she was really involved last week I believe when we were looking at school systems AND I have reached out to a few people on the forums that live in NC now about there area so moving ever so slowly....but I have a plan I am going to start working.
" In life you don't get what you deserve you get what you negotiate"

MaybeBabyMustache

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 416
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #15 on: January 08, 2018, 02:41:45 PM »
We moved from Seattle to the Bay Area when our kids were much younger (entering 1st & 2nd grade). It was really hard on the kid entering 2nd grade. He had a bigger network of friends, and for whatever reason, struggled a bit more making new friends after the move. The younger one has never had any challenges.

Objectively, I think they love the weather in the Bay Area. They too play a lot of soccer (although, at a way more junior level :-)) & the weather is great for lots of outdoor activities. However, we moved away from all of my family, and they definitely miss that aspect of the move. We committed to traveling back & forth a lot, and do.

Given our experience, I wouldn't move again until the kids are out of high school. This necessitated selling our much more affordable Seattle house, and buying a house here. It wasn't my ideal, and I would prefer to be back in Seattle. There were years worth of debates & tears, but this is what we ended up with.

On the other hand, I ended up switching schools for my freshman year & all of high school. I don't have any regrets. My freshman year was hard, and made for some interesting friend challenges. But, it was worth it in the end (better college options, more challenging curriculum, etc).

MerryMcQ

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 132
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #16 on: January 08, 2018, 08:48:16 PM »
We moved from San Diego to the Seattle area when my daughter was entering 8th grade and my son was entering 6th. My daughter still maintains her friendship with her best friend... we’re super fortunate that both girls can spend the winter break and summers together. Otherwise the schools here are so much better and both kids have flourished. Neither kid was in sports. My son is pretty active in Scouting and we found a good troop that he loves.

Now if only my husband could adapt to the rain!!! He talks about moving back south when our youngest graduates high school. 5 years... but we’re committed to letting them both go thru high school in one place.


EricEng

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 62
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2018, 10:25:16 AM »
My parents moved several times in my school life and it decimated my social life which eventually hurt my self confidence and led to issues with depression.  I had lots of friends the first time, some the second, and less onward.  It just became harder and harder to make new friends at that age while focusing on class work.  If your kid doesn't want to go, give that some serious though. I didn't get my social life and self confidence back until mid 20s as a result of those moves.

soccerluvof4

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3201
  • Location: Artic Midwest
  • Retired at 50
    • My Journal
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #18 on: January 09, 2018, 02:35:51 PM »
My parents moved several times in my school life and it decimated my social life which eventually hurt my self confidence and led to issues with depression.  I had lots of friends the first time, some the second, and less onward.  It just became harder and harder to make new friends at that age while focusing on class work.  If your kid doesn't want to go, give that some serious though. I didn't get my social life and self confidence back until mid 20s as a result of those moves.


This was my major concern because he is so active and confident right now. I hope things are well for you now
" In life you don't get what you deserve you get what you negotiate"

MaybeBabyMustache

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 416
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #19 on: January 09, 2018, 02:47:07 PM »
My parents moved several times in my school life and it decimated my social life which eventually hurt my self confidence and led to issues with depression.  I had lots of friends the first time, some the second, and less onward.  It just became harder and harder to make new friends at that age while focusing on class work.  If your kid doesn't want to go, give that some serious though. I didn't get my social life and self confidence back until mid 20s as a result of those moves.


This was my major concern because he is so active and confident right now. I hope things are well for you now

Just want to chime in that (in my limited experience), this is so kid & situation specific. I had one kid that really didn't respond well to the move, and I think overall would have had a stronger friend circle throughout his elementary/middle school years had we not moved. I had another child who just started over & made things work. I don't think it would be terribly difficult to predict the style & personality of your child & how he would adjust to this kind of change, but I may be oversimplifying it a bit.

EricEng

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 62
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #20 on: January 09, 2018, 04:42:50 PM »
My parents moved several times in my school life and it decimated my social life which eventually hurt my self confidence and led to issues with depression.  I had lots of friends the first time, some the second, and less onward.  It just became harder and harder to make new friends at that age while focusing on class work.  If your kid doesn't want to go, give that some serious though. I didn't get my social life and self confidence back until mid 20s as a result of those moves.


This was my major concern because he is so active and confident right now. I hope things are well for you now

Just want to chime in that (in my limited experience), this is so kid & situation specific. I had one kid that really didn't respond well to the move, and I think overall would have had a stronger friend circle throughout his elementary/middle school years had we not moved. I had another child who just started over & made things work. I don't think it would be terribly difficult to predict the style & personality of your child & how he would adjust to this kind of change, but I may be oversimplifying it a bit.
You are correct and I should have included that.  It is kid specific and everyone will react differently.  I never made anywhere near as good, close friends that I had grown up with from the beginning until I reached mid twenties after drastically changing myself and views.  To this day though I can still back fall into moments of self doubt for social interactions that all stems to losing my whole social support network (had no siblings or cousins either).

With my own kids I'm striving to pick a spot and stay there from the time the oldest reaches first grade until the last graduates high school unless they support moving.  No idea if I can actually manage that, but we will see.  I do not want to subject my child to what I experienced.

shawndoggy

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 251
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #21 on: January 09, 2018, 05:45:34 PM »
With my own kids I'm striving to pick a spot and stay there from the time the oldest reaches first grade until the last graduates high school unless they support moving.  No idea if I can actually manage that, but we will see.  I do not want to subject my child to what I experienced.

We did exactly this with our kids.  My oldest nonetheless bailed on her zoned HS to go to a magnet and was wildly successful there and made many friends.

Which isn't to say that you are right or you are wrong.... but only that try as you might to avoid the parenting missteps of your parents, you'll screw your own kids up in new and interesting ways that won't really manifest themselves until it's too late anyway.  Luckily for parents, kids are pretty durable and usually manage to turn out OK despite our screwups.

soccerluvof4

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3201
  • Location: Artic Midwest
  • Retired at 50
    • My Journal
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #22 on: January 10, 2018, 12:33:12 PM »
My parents moved several times in my school life and it decimated my social life which eventually hurt my self confidence and led to issues with depression.  I had lots of friends the first time, some the second, and less onward.  It just became harder and harder to make new friends at that age while focusing on class work.  If your kid doesn't want to go, give that some serious though. I didn't get my social life and self confidence back until mid 20s as a result of those moves.


This was my major concern because he is so active and confident right now. I hope things are well for you now

Just want to chime in that (in my limited experience), this is so kid & situation specific. I had one kid that really didn't respond well to the move, and I think overall would have had a stronger friend circle throughout his elementary/middle school years had we not moved. I had another child who just started over & made things work. I don't think it would be terribly difficult to predict the style & personality of your child & how he would adjust to this kind of change, but I may be oversimplifying it a bit.
You are correct and I should have included that.  It is kid specific and everyone will react differently.  I never made anywhere near as good, close friends that I had grown up with from the beginning until I reached mid twenties after drastically changing myself and views.  To this day though I can still back fall into moments of self doubt for social interactions that all stems to losing my whole social support network (had no siblings or cousins either).

With my own kids I'm striving to pick a spot and stay there from the time the oldest reaches first grade until the last graduates high school unless they support moving.  No idea if I can actually manage that, but we will see.  I do not want to subject my child to what I experienced.



I think that is most peoples intent , no? but things change for many. Job change, Health etc..  I thought I would live where I do for life and maybe still will but not by choice. I just would like a change. I hear what your saying though as it makes sense BUT as I said I cant help that things inside me changes to want this. I have made sacrifices because I chose to have kids and would do it all over again and again.  This is why it kills me because I want to do this but my kids happiness is priceless.  Hence the thread.

I am listening and taking in what everybody is saying and appreciate the thought.  I think its true its really a case by case, child by child basis and there are no guarantees. Its really going to come down I can tell already what wins out by weighing on me more.  Dont know if one can even be rational about it. For everyone that says go for it there is someone that says dont. But it still helps getting it out there.
" In life you don't get what you deserve you get what you negotiate"

EmFrugal

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 92
  • Age: 35
  • Location: DC Metro
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #23 on: January 10, 2018, 02:25:50 PM »
I grew up in NC and went to college there. I also went from one school where I attended 3rd-8th grade to a brand new high school with brand new people. Those first few months were hard but manageable. And by sophomore year I was so happy to be at a new school with fresh faces and perspectives.

Given that your kids are heavily involved in sports, they will have a built-in network of friends. They should find their tribe quickly.

I often think about returning to NC. It is beautiful. The climate is milder. You have the mountains and the beach. ACC sports are so fun there. And the cost of living makes me want to cry compared to what we spend now in the DC area.

Oh, and bonus, if one of your kiddos gets accepted to UNC Chapel Hill you will have in-state tuition and amazing soccer! Go Heels!!

soccerluvof4

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3201
  • Location: Artic Midwest
  • Retired at 50
    • My Journal
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #24 on: January 13, 2018, 07:25:46 AM »
I grew up in NC and went to college there. I also went from one school where I attended 3rd-8th grade to a brand new high school with brand new people. Those first few months were hard but manageable. And by sophomore year I was so happy to be at a new school with fresh faces and perspectives.

Given that your kids are heavily involved in sports, they will have a built-in network of friends. They should find their tribe quickly.

I often think about returning to NC. It is beautiful. The climate is milder. You have the mountains and the beach. ACC sports are so fun there. And the cost of living makes me want to cry compared to what we spend now in the DC area.

Oh, and bonus, if one of your kiddos gets accepted to UNC Chapel Hill you will have in-state tuition and amazing soccer! Go Heels!!



I agree the sport gives you an advantage to make friends depending on when they have the season. Where I live now its a fall sport so the kids get to know each other a month before school starts. That points out a good thing I need to look into ! And yea....Living there compared to where I am now  weather wise, financially , beauty no comparison. I do have on playin D1 in the state now.
" In life you don't get what you deserve you get what you negotiate"

GizmoTX

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1179
Re: What is your feelings on Moving with kids entering High School
« Reply #25 on: January 13, 2018, 12:54:39 PM »
It's best to do it now, before HS. Even in the same town, HS has a new larger set of people & the classes are very different, so it shouldn't matter the way it might partway through. And, they will be changing schools anyway if they go on to college or trade school.

Otherwise, you will be waiting 6 years for the youngest to graduate HS.