Author Topic: What do you teach your kids about food?  (Read 7411 times)

KisKis

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What do you teach your kids about food?
« on: May 11, 2016, 07:56:54 AM »
Just came from the Intermittent Fasting Thread http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/throw-down-the-gauntlet/intermittent-fasting-for-fun-and-badassity/, and it made me wonder how other Mustachians (who seem to have more self-control and healthier lifestyles than average) approach teaching their children about food and healthy eating habits.

I am of the "listen to your body" philosophy.  DH and I were raised in the "clean your plate" days, but we both have difficulty with portion size now so we are trying not to push the "finish this giant meal so you can grow" ideology.  We still despise people who waste food, so we have trained our 7 & 4 YO to take reasonable portions and get more if needed in multiple additional small portions, and that it is okay to stop when they are full.  7YO DD does not like breakfast, so I don't force her to eat it, like my mother did to me.  She is naturally tall and thin and doesn't like sweets (lucky girl!), so we are happy to be supportive of whatever she is inclined to eat.  4YO DS takes after me.  He loves bread and has a monstrous sweet tooth.  With him, we do have to be stricter with snacks and we make him eat "real food" before any dessert.

DH and I also have a strange interpretation of vegetables, which is in no way supported by science.  Wondering how others feel.  Kids universally seem to veer away from large quantities of vegetables.  My kids like broccoli, peas and beans, but that's about it, so we try to make those always available.  We always strongly encourage them to participate in the "two bite club," but if they still insist they don't like it, we don't force them to eat any more.  DH postulates that kids are growing so fast that they actually benefit from more protein.  I can't deny that taste preferences clearly change with age.  I hated most vegetables as a child myself, and while I can't say I have vegetarian leanings now, I do find myself craving vegetables from time to time, and usually have a reasonable portion with every meal.  DH was the same way as a kid, and he eats a ton of vegetables now.  His diet is pretty much just vegetables and fish, which is about as healthy as it gets.  I still like carbs, meat, and fruit, but I try to eat smaller portions with more vegetables.

GuitarStv

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2016, 08:08:43 AM »
We cook generally healthy food.  Lots of plant material, whole grain starches, healthy fats, and small portions of meat several times a week.  Dessert is usually some fruit, but a couple times a week we'll have some junk food after dinner.

We have a policy that our son (two and a half) has to try a small amount of every food served before he can get more of any one food.  If he tries it and doesn't like it, he doesn't have to eat any more of the food.  If we run out of the food that he wants to eat, we don't make him any other food.  This seems to be working reasonably well.  Every couple weeks he might choose not to eat dinner because he doesn't want to try all the foods, but by and large he is very open to quite a large variety of stuff now.  He loves to eat things that other kids often turn up their noses at . . . radishes, beets, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, lamb, hummus, black and kidney beans, jerk chicken, spicy curry, etc.

It was really hard following this plan at first.  Sometimes our son just didn't eat very much, so we had to really fight the instinct to give him something different that we know he likes/wants or push food at him so that he wouldn't be hungry later.  There were also many screaming fits when he decided that he didn't want to try the food on his plate because it was new.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2016, 08:13:07 AM by GuitarStv »

little_brown_dog

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #2 on: May 11, 2016, 08:41:49 AM »
I do intermittent fasting…it’s really good for maintaining or improving insulin sensitivity. We are really trying to move away from flour products (pasta, breads, etc) after I learned that whole wheat flour is still pretty horrible for blood sugar and insulin spikes (it’s better than white flour, but not much better). So I’m trying to replace those with veggies or sweet potatoes with the skin on.

I can’t speak to parenting and food – my little one just started tasting solids a couple months ago. But I try to give her a variety, and my only food rules right now are no sugar (except what is found in fruit), focus on veggies, and whole foods. We will introduce her to refined sugar probably on her first birthday where she will be allowed to smash a cupcake or something.

I hope to feed my kids the way I was fed – adult foods. No special kid stuff like nuggets and mac and cheese when everyone else is eating healthful balanced meals. But I hear this is pretty tough to implement unless you are willing to let the kids go hungry every now and then. From a theoretical standpoint, I have 0 problem with letting an older kid (not a toddler or baby) go hungry because they refuse to eat what is served, but I’m sure that’s probably considered child abuse now or something.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2016, 08:44:28 AM by little_brown_dog »

GuitarStv

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2016, 08:52:46 AM »
You just need to keep reminding yourself that no kid will actually starve him/her self when food is put in front of him/her.  If they can afford to be picky, they're not really hungry.  They also do really weird things when hitting growth spurts.  Like one week your kid might eat like a horse, and then the next week eat very very little . . . just because they stopped growing.

sheepstache

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2016, 10:06:37 AM »
I don't have kids yet but I always thought the attitudes I grew up with helped me have healthy habits and a healthy relationship towards food. It sounds similar to what GuitarStv is saying but here's how the Sheep family spells it out:

1. Big food before little food.
Basically, savory healthy food* before dessert/junk food. This is great because it avoids the idea of "bad for you" food. Food is calories and you need calories to live, so all food is good for you. However, some food doesn't have many nutrients**, and since there's a limit to how much you can eat in a day, you need to make sure you get the necessary nutrients before filling up on empty calories. If you eat your fill of big food first, you'll naturally moderate your intake of little food. This made a lot of sense to me as a kid.

2. You don't have to eat this but I'm not making you anything else.
Often accompanied by the guideline that you should try a bit of everything, but that wasn't enforced. It takes the power struggle out of meal times because the kid has absolute say over whether they eat something or not, they just don't get any choices beyond that. Also goes along with the Sheep family saying, "If you don't like it then you're not really hungry." And it is very true in my experience that foods you would normally consider boring or weird are really tasty when you're starving. I did eat the same food as everybody else but my parents took my preferences into account like they would have with any other member of the family so it's not like there were brussel sprouts on the table every night (when I tried brussel sprouts and didn't like them, I was told that was normal for little kids, which, to my mind, framed it as a challenge to try them every few years to see if I had grown-up tastes yet.)

It also goes without saying that food is for biological needs and, secondarily, enjoyment; food is NOT an emotional reward. (No spoonful of sugar when you scrape your knee, etc.)

When I got old enough to be involved in cooking and grocery shopping I was taught about less-processed food being healthier.  My parents cooked pretty simple cheap stuff so that there was always plenty for second helpings.


*edited to expand on this: My family didn't eat at restaurants or fast food much because of cost but sometimes when work was scarce we did have ramen noodles as a side dish. There was no discussion of "big foods" like trans fat or pasta or whatever being "bad for you." It was a really simple distinction that "little food" was the stuff clearly packaged as junk food. If you eat big food that's not ideal once in awhile that's fine because you're doing it in moderation.
My partner is overweight so you'd think I could get him on board with eating like I do, but he'll scoff at my dinner of steak and greens because "red meat is bad for you." And it's like, I'm really sure this is healthier and lower calorie than whatever "salad" you ate at a restaurant for lunch or the frozen pizza you want for dinner instead, but it's like his intuition is thrown off because of the scare tactics that certain foods are bad for you. Foods like red meat and refined sugar might be problematic eaten without moderation, but there's a big difference between that and treating them like they're poisonous. Some people talk about them like they're cigarettes and each serving is playing russian roulette with your health twenty years down the line. </rant>

**True story: I didn't much care for milk or cheese, so even though it was still "little food" there was a pretty much unlimited supply of ice cream in the house to make sure I got enough calcium in my teenage years.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2016, 10:40:29 AM by sheepstache »

Ceridwen

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2016, 10:59:11 AM »
My now 4 YO son went through an incredibly picky eating phase from ages 1-2, so we have developed a strategy that I'm not overly proud of, but it works for us.  We also have a 1.5 YO daughter.  My son loves carbs, dairy and vegetables.  My daughter loves fruits and meat.  I always joke that if you put them together, they'd be a nutritionally well balanced human.

- Small portions so as not to overwhelm anyone or encourage overeating
- No "clean your plate" rule but you must try a bite of everything
- If you don't try a bite of everything, you don't get to watch your pre-bedtime TV show (it's the only TV he gets to watch all day, so this is powerful currency)
- If you don't eat a good amount of the food (usually about half), you don't get dessert
- Snacks are only fruits, veggies or plain rice cakes (this does not apply at daycare though, unfortunately)

KisKis

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2016, 11:21:01 AM »
I always joke that if you put them together, they'd be a nutritionally well balanced human.

Haha.  I've said the same thing about my kids. :)

You just need to keep reminding yourself that no kid will actually starve him/her self when food is put in front of him/her.  If they can afford to be picky, they're not really hungry.  They also do really weird things when hitting growth spurts.  Like one week your kid might eat like a horse, and then the next week eat very very little . . . just because they stopped growing.

Oh yes.  We called this "anaconda eating" and it was a good thing MIL told us it was normal otherwise I would have been really worried during the low eating periods when the kids were still babies/toddlers. 

Jesstache

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2016, 12:23:07 PM »
We have a 2.5 year old and a 5 year old.  Rules in our house:

1. You must have a "thank you bite" of everything.  You don't have to eat more than that if you don't want to.
2. If you leave a large amount of food on your plate then... no snacks within 2 hours of a meal.** 
3. The best spice is hunger. (Not really a rule but a saying I enjoy telling my kids when they complain about not getting to have a snack 30 minutes before dinner).
4. Snacks are always fruit or a vegetable must be consumed first, if still hungry and want another snack, kid can pick (usually string cheese or yogurt or crackers).

**This rule we did not initially need but came about because my daughter, 4 at the time, would not eat her dinner then immediately tell me she wanted a snack/was hungry while I was still washing the dirty dinner dishes (and my blood would boil). I assume this is where the trap is set for parents to insist that their kids clear their plates, knowing they will be hungry later if they don't (and my kids are ALWAYS hungry, it's rare for either one to not eat a meal).  So, as to not force clearing of plates when they really are not hungry, we save the plate full of uneaten dinner and if she's hungry she can eat from that or have nothing until the 2 hours has passed.  Now, if she ate every thing on her plate and is hungry within the 2 hour limit, then mom gets to pick a snack for her to eat (see #5).


GuitarStv

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2016, 12:51:16 PM »
Do kids need a snack between dinner and breakfast?  Ours hasn't had one so far.

KisKis

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2016, 12:58:18 PM »
Do kids need a snack between dinner and breakfast?  Ours hasn't had one so far.

Our 4YO often pulls the "I'm hungry!!" ruse when it's bedtime.  Depending on how dinner went, we either say no and make him go to bed or he eats dinner leftovers, a banana, or yogurt.  No junk food allowed. 

**This rule we did not initially need but came about because my daughter, 4 at the time, would not eat her dinner then immediately tell me she wanted a snack/was hungry while I was still washing the dirty dinner dishes (and my blood would boil).

Yes!  Oh, the blood boiling.  I think we have successfully curbed the behavior, but there was definitely a period where DS (also age 4) would pull this stunt at bedtime at least a few times a week.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2016, 01:02:02 PM by KisKis »

acroy

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2016, 01:09:24 PM »
You just need to keep reminding yourself that no kid will actually starve him/her self when food is put in front of him/her.  If they can afford to be picky, they're not really hungry.  They also do really weird things when hitting growth spurts.  Like one week your kid might eat like a horse, and then the next week eat very very little . . . just because they stopped growing.

^^ for sure
We eat healthy. start the meal with small portions, and they can always have 2nd, 3rds etc.
Waste is not allowed.
They eat what we give them, or nothing at all, and are on a reasonable time limit.
They are healthy :)

Ceridwen

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2016, 01:30:10 PM »
Do kids need a snack between dinner and breakfast?  Ours hasn't had one so far.

Our kids don't, but they also go to bed quite early (dinner at 5 or 5:30, bed at 6:30 and 7:00pm).

abhe8

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2016, 02:05:39 PM »
I use a lot of the French ideas about food ( book French kids  eat anything, fit example)

1. No snacks (unless dinner will be late, like at 7 or 8, then I do a 400 snack).
2. healthy, adult foods
3. Sweets only once a week or less, on a special occasion, like a birthday
4. Food is first and foremost fuel, not entertainment or enjoyment. The enjoyment comes from eating together and enjoying conversation.
5. Eat what is served, no special meals, or wait for the next meal.
6. we eat a salad or raw veggie plate or cooked veggie or veggie soup first, then the rest of our dinner. It's amazing how that initial hunger adds flavor to the veggies. :)
7. Small serving of everything to start with. No servings unless you eat all the firsts. But I never make or force them to eat anything.

As far as what we eat, it's meats, veggies, fruits, dairy, nuts, eggs, and a few whole grains. My kids are great eaters and rarely complain. No crackers, chips, cereal, and very little processed food s. ( Lara bars. Trail mix with nuts and fruit, home made popcorn, fruits and veggies, hard boiled eggs, cheese, pickles and olives are our snack and travel food s. )

We also go with eat until full, then stop. If we are having a sweet or dessert, it's usually after lunch or for an afternoon snack. I never want them to over eat a meal in order to get a sweet. Ice cream for dinner once a month us waaay healthier then having a candy or cookie after every meal.

No bedtime snacks. They can finish any leftover dinner or have water. But, we usually eat on the later side, 7 or 8, which prevents much of the snack requests. They have small breakfast, big cooked lunch, small snack and big cooked dinner.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2016, 08:06:36 PM by abhe8 »

sheepstache

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2016, 02:19:38 PM »
**This rule we did not initially need but came about because my daughter, 4 at the time, would not eat her dinner then immediately tell me she wanted a snack/was hungry while I was still washing the dirty dinner dishes (and my blood would boil). I assume this is where the trap is set for parents to insist that their kids clear their plates, knowing they will be hungry later if they don't (and my kids are ALWAYS hungry, it's rare for either one to not eat a meal).  So, as to not force clearing of plates when they really are not hungry, we save the plate full of uneaten dinner and if she's hungry she can eat from that or have nothing until the 2 hours has passed.  Now, if she ate every thing on her plate and is hungry within the 2 hour limit, then mom gets to pick a snack for her to eat (see #5).

Seems like a good plan, I'll have to remember that!

mtn

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2016, 02:31:43 PM »
I'm not a parent yet, but my wife is a Dietitian, and she has in the past and will be shortly starting again dealing primarily with obese children.

Some things:
  • If a kid doesn't like something, don't force them to eat it. It could even be that they're allergic to it.
  • Put their food on their plate. All of it, including the dessert if you have one. That is what they get. If they don't want to eat it all, that is fine--if they want to eat the leftovers for later, that is fine too. But the "clean your plate" thing is one of the worst things there has ever been for childhood (and life-long) obesity.
  • Snacks should be available, but they should be fruits and veggies.
  • Do not keep chips or twinkies or candy at the house. It should be for a special occasion.
  • Each kid is different. Some kids do need more than others.
  • Eliminate processed foods as much as you can. They're unnaturally salty and sugary, and condition people to want things sweeter and saltier. This includes deli meat.
  • Make sure the kid knows what hungry feels like. Eating should be for sustenance, not entertainment.
  • If they only eat apples with peanut butter, feed them apples and peanut butter every meal. Don't freak out that they're not getting necessary nutrients. They'll be fine. Humans have survived on this earth for a long time, and often had limited food sources. Supplement with vitamins if you want

ketchup

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Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2016, 04:01:22 PM »
    • If they only eat apples with peanut butter, feed them apples and peanut butter every meal. Don't freak out that they're not getting necessary nutrients. They'll be fine. Humans have survived on this earth for a long time, and often had limited food sources. Supplement with vitamins if you want
    Ugh, this train of thought was me as a kid.

    From as early as I can remember until about age 21-22, literally 95% of my caloric intake was Cheerios, Wheat Chex, peanut butter, bread, pasta, ketchup, or skim milk.  The other 5% was maybe a little fruit here and there, or hot dogs and french fries at a baseball game.  "Picky" doesn't begin to describe it.  I simply wouldn't eat anything else, including at restaurants (which I basically didn't go to ever). Around 21-22 I started giving a damn about my health and cooking, and since Septemberish of 2013, I've had none of those things more than once or twice a year (except cereal and skim milk which I've never touched again), and now I'll try basically anything (which is the extreme opposite from before).

    I'm not sure what the real root cause of this was.  I was a stubborn kid (am now a stubborn adult).  My parents taught me to prepare my food myself, and I made all my peanut butter sandwiches and ketchup noodles myself.  My parents are also really bad at cooking vegetables (I'll eat them if I'm over there for dinner, but they suck) so maybe that played a part?  Vegetables are fucking delicious when cooked right.

    galliver

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #16 on: May 11, 2016, 07:12:57 PM »
    My friend (who as of just recently has two kids now) shared this the other day, possibly again, and it made me go "yes! that's what my mom did!" http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-mid/6-words-that-will-end-picky-eating_b_7139710.html

    For snacks, we were always allowed to have some sort of fruit or vegetable. We almost always had tomatoes, cucumbers, and apples and some subset of bananas, oranges/citrus, plums, apricots, peaches, and nectarines depending on what was in season. Other fruit, especially berries or watermelon, was in such high demand we usually had it all together as a family. Some, like grapefruits, was technically available but we were never motivated enough to peel them until mom or grandma did it (didn't like grapefruit much anyway, but now I do!)

    I fully intend to approach food similarly when I have my own kids. Certainly the standby recipes will be different; between being exposed to new and different foods (sweet potatoes, butternut squash, kale) and cuisines (curry, fajitas) and my bf having very different tastes than my parents, my cooking habits have changed a lot. But psychologically, same approach :)

    StarBright

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #17 on: May 13, 2016, 02:58:45 PM »
    I use a lot of the French ideas about food ( book French kids  eat anything, fit example)


    abhe8 - I'm a big fan of that book. One of my favorite concepts from it was the idea that dessert comes after a meal as opposed to "you have to eat your meal if you want dessert.", that there is a natural order to things that must be followed instead of framing dessert as a reward for suffering through veggies. I also loved how she described teaching nutritional variety through every day modeling - "I ate a banana yesterday so today I'll have orange."

    I'm pretty sure that I also picked up the tip of veggies/soups as an appetizer from that book. It doesn't always work but I'd say I can get them to augment their veggie intake by about 30-40% by offering it in soup format as a first course.

    Like others here we follow the try at least one bite rule and I don't make substitutes. I also try to always include at least one healthy thing with the meal that I know my kids will eat which helps cut down on negativity at the table. This means we eat certain things more than I'd like: quiche, sweet potatoes, cherry tomatoes, broccoli, pasta and we eat less of foods we loved pre-kids: grilled fish, lentils, and greens- but overall I tihnk our nutrition is pretty solid.


    sjc0816

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #18 on: May 14, 2016, 03:21:59 PM »
    I have one extremely adventurous eater (any veggie, fish, ethnic foods, sushi, etc) and one that is very picky. Basically, we provide healthy meals. They can eat it or not. If they don't eat much dinner, we put foil over their plate and it goes into the refrigerator so when they come down an hour later hungry, that's what they get. If they eat a good dinner, then they can have a snack before bed (if hungry). HOWEVER, if I make something that I know my younger (picky) son will not touch, I will allow him to eat a peanut butter sandwich instead....but this doesn't happen often. I typically have at least something in the meal that he likes enough to eat. Every year, he gets a little better with his eating...so hopefully it will continue on this path.

    I have two boys that in general aren't big "portion" eaters...but do eat rather frequently. So we do allow snacks (or after school snacks during the school year) that are moderately healthy (fruit, string cheese, granola bar, yogurt, etc).

    mm1970

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #19 on: May 14, 2016, 03:31:27 PM »
    You just need to keep reminding yourself that no kid will actually starve him/her self when food is put in front of him/her.  If they can afford to be picky, they're not really hungry.  They also do really weird things when hitting growth spurts.  Like one week your kid might eat like a horse, and then the next week eat very very little . . . just because they stopped growing.
    Yes, both my boys do this, at 10 and 3.

    We cook healthy foods.  They are required to eat their vegetables.  If they are "full" and don't want to finish dinner, they don't have to.

    But I put it in the fridge, and if they are hungry an hour later, guess what they get?  (And I'm not above giving to to them for breakfast, if I think they are testing me.  My older child tested me for 3 days once, on some cooked red cabbage.)

    Generally they eat everything.  They like veggies.  10 year old will eat almost any veggie in soup form.  Little one tries to say "I don't like it" when he's never tried it.  That doesn't work.

    Lest you think we are tyrants, we do allow our 10 year old (since age of 4 or 5) to have 4 foods he never has to eat because he hates them. Mushrooms, raisins, pineapple, red peppers.

    Of course I sneak them in his foods sometimes.  One of his favorite soups is a roasted pepper and sweet potato soup.  He just thinks it's sweet potato soup.  He also doesn't care for salmon, but I still make him eat a bite or two.

    I'm sure I'll do the same for the little one.  But I'm not a short order cook.  This is dinner.  Take it or leave it.

    mm1970

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #20 on: May 14, 2016, 03:34:46 PM »
    Do kids need a snack between dinner and breakfast?  Ours hasn't had one so far.
    I think my kids load up before bed.  There are days my 10 year old eats from when he gets home until he passes out. Snack from school at 5, dinner at 6, then yogurt, and a banana, and carrots, and...

    Frugal Lizard

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #21 on: May 14, 2016, 06:32:04 PM »
    Galliver:  I read the book referred to in the article when it came out and my baby was months old.  It was great and would recommend it to anyone with young children. 

    I was ultra-picky as a child but eat most everything a celiac can eat now.  My mom just asked that we try new foods about once every year to see if we had matured our tasters.
    My kids are pretty picky but they eat a lot more variety than many of their friends.  They are still adding to their food repertoire and have gone through lots of changes of taste and eating patterns such as massive snack before bed, no snack and now 15 year old son has a massive snack before bed and pretty much whenever he is still.  They like some foods for a while and then go off them. 
    My guys both went through a phase at 13-19 months where they stopped gaining weight.  Off to the pediatrician we went each month for weighing and worrying (on my part).  So I put yogurt and ice cream and pie on the table. They started gaining weight again at about 20 months. 
    Somehow along the way,  my guys developed impulse control.  All I remember doing is telling them to stop before you feel sick.  If you eat too much and feel sick, it is too late. We will throw out candy because the next holiday haul is upon us.    My son played castle building with boxes of Halloween smarties, never opened them.  We have a bowl of chocolate sitting on the buffet in the dining room from Easter uneaten. Now if they are having friend over they put all the sweets out of sight because their friends just can`t stand it.   I don`t know how both of them turned out this way. They won`t even bother to eat lousy chocolate or not real ice cream.  They don`t like carbonated drinks, thick icing or store bought cake.
    I just want dinner to be relaxed and happy and them to have a healthy relationship to food. 

    abiteveryday

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #22 on: May 26, 2016, 11:10:54 AM »
    You just need to keep reminding yourself that no kid will actually starve him/her self when food is put in front of him/her.  If they can afford to be picky, they're not really hungry.
    I want to believe this so badly, but when my now five year old was three he didn't eat dinner for 9 months, because I said he could have what I had or nothing.    He chose nothing.  For nine months.   As a three year old!    Kid can be crazy stubborn.

    gluskap

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #23 on: May 26, 2016, 01:18:30 PM »
    Before I had kids I would hear friends talk about making multiple meals for their kids and think to myself..."no way am I doing that.  They're going to eat what I eat".  But of course I have a picky toddler too and that's a lot harder to do when they won't eat anything and you're worried they'll starve or not have enough nutrients.

    But I've learned to set some boundaries.  I'll start off by giving them a small plate of what we're eating.  If she won't eat it them I'll make something easy that I know she'll like such as mac n' cheese or nuggets or sometimes I'll just let her snack on fruits, cheese, and crackers if that's all she will eat.  It's been hard because she's not gaining as much weight as she used to but she's still in the normal range for weight so I just let it go. I like the idea from the book of "You don't have to eat it." 

    galliver

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #24 on: May 26, 2016, 01:41:31 PM »
    When I first saw this thread, I kept thinking "wasn't there something I read about why kids do this?" and then the other day it came to me. There was an article/study that proposed that kids become picky eaters around that age, sticking to the most bland and familiar flavors, because for most of history that's the age when they started to be a lot more mobile and independent...and the more adventurous eaters presumably ate poison berries when they got away from parental/tribe supervision, and died. No idea how well that's actually accepted by the archeologist or anthropologist communities but it seems to make sense?

    La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #25 on: May 26, 2016, 02:38:30 PM »
    You just need to keep reminding yourself that no kid will actually starve him/her self when food is put in front of him/her.  If they can afford to be picky, they're not really hungry.
    I want to believe this so badly, but when my now five year old was three he didn't eat dinner for 9 months, because I said he could have what I had or nothing.    He chose nothing.  For nine months.   As a three year old!    Kid can be crazy stubborn.

    My just-turned-four-year-old often does not eat dinner. Generally, for lunch they can have "kid" foods like peanut butter sandwiches or chicken nuggets, and for dinner we have real food. They can eat it or not. Sometimes I make a very kid-friendly side, like cheesy toast, and sometimes I don't. If they don't eat dinner, I just figure they will make up the calories some other time. (Like at breakfast, when I cut them off after the THIRD bowl of Cheerios.)

    Kitsune

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #26 on: May 27, 2016, 12:46:13 PM »
    There's a nutritionist who wrote some books on food and children that I highly recommend - see if your local library has anything by Ellyn Satter.

    We loosely follow that method: I figure that it's my job to put nutritious and tasty food on the table at reliable intervals, and it's her job to eat (or not). 100% removed conflict at the dinner table, which is nice, because I seriously don't have the temperament to argue over bites of food.

    In practice, this means that I'll serve food (say, tofu curry on rice), and she'll eat what she wants (the rice and the tofu) and leave the rest, and leave the vegetables. The next day, it'll be steak and green beans, and she'll stuff her face on the green beans. I can guarantee: there isn't a single meal where she eats from every food group, but by the end of the average day, she's eaten a relatively balanced diet. Personally, I'm ok with that. And there are weeks when she eats adult-sized portions, and weeks when she has 3 bites. Mostly I figure that she knows how hungry she is, and leave it alone... but if she ate 3 bites, then no, she is NOT hungry for ice cream 20 minutes later.

    Also: what's for dinner is what's for dinner. Period. I make an effort to cook meals that everyone likes, and, failing that, that's in enough parts that someone can chose not to have what they don't want (my kid only really likes beef if it's smothered in chilli spices. I still make steak. She doesn't have to eat it; she can make a meal of rice and vegetables if needed, especially if she stuffed herself on beans or eggs earlier in the day.) Only exception is if it's something she CAN'T eat (lettuce is a chewing issue, so I'll heat up some frozen peas, for example).

    Honestly, I think removing any conflict around food has made her geneally more willing to try things, because it's not a source of parental resistance. :)

    (Disclaimer: if you've had continual worries with your kid dropping weight or something, probably not the path for you).

    mtn

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #27 on: May 27, 2016, 12:57:38 PM »
    There's a Dietitian who wrote some books on food and children that I highly recommend - see if your local library has anything by Ellyn Satter.


    Fixed that for you. Nutritionist means nothing--it is similar to calling a brain surgeon a healthcare worker. Yes, that is true, but there are no qualifications for a "Nutritionist" the same as there are none for a "healthcare worker". If someone is labeling themselves as a Nutritionist, look into their background and make sure they're a Registered Dietitian, or else MD with a background in gastroenterology.

    (Says the person with an uncle who is a Gastroenterology, aunt a Dietitian, and wife a Dietitian)

    merula

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #28 on: May 27, 2016, 01:18:23 PM »
    I'd like to second the recommendation of Ellyn Satter. My pediatrician gave us a handout from something she wrote and we kept it on the fridge for years. (After the first few months, it became mostly to remind Grandma of our food philosophy.)

    I do disagree with the "if your kid only likes two foods, feed them those two foods" idea, though. Someone earlier brought up not forcing kids to eat a particular food because it might be an allergy or intolerance or something, and I get that, but no one is allergic or intolerant to all but two foods. And if they're filling up on their favorite foods at breakfast and lunch, they can go without  "real" food at dinner.

    As an example, I had an elementary school friend who would eat a variety of snacks at school because everyone else was doing it, but at home, she refused to eat anything but buttered pasta, bread and bananas. If she refused to eat at school, she would be ostracizing herself from the rest of us, but when she refused to eat at home, she got what she wanted which was her favorite foods.

    Kitsune

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #29 on: May 27, 2016, 01:19:09 PM »
    There's a Dietitian who wrote some books on food and children that I highly recommend - see if your local library has anything by Ellyn Satter.


    Fixed that for you. Nutritionist means nothing--it is similar to calling a brain surgeon a healthcare worker. Yes, that is true, but there are no qualifications for a "Nutritionist" the same as there are none for a "healthcare worker". If someone is labeling themselves as a Nutritionist, look into their background and make sure they're a Registered Dietitian, or else MD with a background in gastroenterology.

    (Says the person with an uncle who is a Gastroenterology, aunt a Dietitian, and wife a Dietitian)

    Ah - see, the website identifies her as 'Registered Dietitian Nutritionist', and I didn't know there was a difference. Thanks! :)

    mtn

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #30 on: May 31, 2016, 09:18:28 AM »
    There's a Dietitian who wrote some books on food and children that I highly recommend - see if your local library has anything by Ellyn Satter.


    Fixed that for you. Nutritionist means nothing--it is similar to calling a brain surgeon a healthcare worker. Yes, that is true, but there are no qualifications for a "Nutritionist" the same as there are none for a "healthcare worker". If someone is labeling themselves as a Nutritionist, look into their background and make sure they're a Registered Dietitian, or else MD with a background in gastroenterology.

    (Says the person with an uncle who is a Gastroenterology, aunt a Dietitian, and wife a Dietitian)

    Ah - see, the website identifies her as 'Registered Dietitian Nutritionist', and I didn't know there was a difference. Thanks! :)

    For the record, we have at least one book by Ellyn Satter, and I think my wife has her handouts for her childhood obesity clinics--so I'm not ragging on her. The "nutritionist" thing is just a pet peeve of my wife's that became one of mine.

    mm1970

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #31 on: May 31, 2016, 09:31:53 AM »
    Before I had kids I would hear friends talk about making multiple meals for their kids and think to myself..."no way am I doing that.  They're going to eat what I eat".  But of course I have a picky toddler too and that's a lot harder to do when they won't eat anything and you're worried they'll starve or not have enough nutrients.

    But I've learned to set some boundaries.  I'll start off by giving them a small plate of what we're eating.  If she won't eat it them I'll make something easy that I know she'll like such as mac n' cheese or nuggets or sometimes I'll just let her snack on fruits, cheese, and crackers if that's all she will eat.  It's been hard because she's not gaining as much weight as she used to but she's still in the normal range for weight so I just let it go. I like the idea from the book of "You don't have to eat it."
    I have a friend whose 3 year old twins are not really eating right now...for a month now.  One of them is too small (has only gained 2 lbs in a year).  She's worried and the doc has referred her to a nutritionist.

    So...*most* kids won't starve.  But some are pretty stubborn.

    La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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    Re: What do you teach your kids about food?
    « Reply #32 on: June 16, 2016, 04:47:25 PM »
    Thanks for the folks who recommended Ellyn Satter! I've been implementing some of the ideas from Secrets of Feeding a Health Family and enjoying it so far. Liked (a) having all the allowable food on the table, which meant putting out a wider variety than I used to but not jumping up to meet special requests and (b) not negotiating! Mr. FP was a little taken aback that I let the kids have so much bread and then dessert, but she made a good case that it will even out eventually :-).

    I do require that the playroom be clean before dessert. Not so much as a reward thing, as procedural. "You'll be ready for dessert when the playroom's clean." Sometimes they do it before dinner, sometimes they do it between dinner and dessert.

    We'll see how well I can keep it up!